I write this with a heavy heart: Love is Pain. When it comes to love and its complexities I’m a cynic. I’m never cajoled by the feeling or the thumping of my heart, I keep a clear head and make rational decisions; with this, I’ve been able to prevent the Tsunami of love in my heart and I’ve been the better for it up until now. I weakened my resolve and now my heart has been cracked * Thank God it wasn’t smashed to pieces*.
Unlike the general notion people have that love creeps up on an individual, I saw this coming. I had installed a tight security around my heart and emotions ‘cos allowing these two things roam free can be disastrous but then, she came along. Fate is a cunning force of nature, it just has a way of playing with us mere mortals.
I bumped into this babe at the NYSC orientation camp lecture and that was it. Now I wonder why I didn’t arrive earlier to that lecture as that was the beginning of the end.
After the lecture, I bumped into her again at mammy market later in the evening- fate still using me to play 1010- and so we started talking. We shared the same interests and liked the same things, she was me in a feminine framework. Let me mention that at this point I was willing to give love or whatever the feeling is called a try, generally my friends refer to me as cold-hearted *shrugs*. I spent a total of 21 days in the NYSC camp and 384 hours of those was with her. Following my record, this was mega – apparently ‘love’ can melt the coldest of hearts.
Then along the way reality set in. Heart to heart discussions can only have two results either it furthers your cause or it hinders it. In my case, it destabilized what I had going with this nice chic. I’m a realist so I know what to expect, except my heart wasn’t in tune with my brain at the time. I have been told the brain secretes certain hormones that induce the feeling of love. At that time, my body was saturated with these hormones. She didn’t say No, neither did she say Yes, but I know what that means.
These talks (‘cos I had more than one) cracked my heart, if not for the defence mechanisms I had in place earlier I would have been a ‘sorry case’. The fact is these things rarely happen to me but it happened last month. If you’re reading this and you believe certain things can’t happen to you think again. To people resisting love and fleeing from it, don’t run just try to savour what the emotion has to offer. To those that have been burnt by love or had their hearts devoured by its fiery flame don’t give up on love.
*This was written with a very heavy heart.*