FRANQUE’S relationSHEEP: Triple G (Go Get’em Girls)

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My outlook on relationship matters have always been basic.

So we live in a society where it is not considered cool for a girl to step up to a guy and tell him what and how she feels about him, but if the fancied guy steps up to the girl, why give him a hard time?

This does not mean the times we live in play by my rules, no. Times have changed, and so too people; and by the same dint, what is considered socially acceptable and what is considered deviance.

I was at a colleague’s wedding three years ago, and as we do at these functions, my other colleagues and I ‘colonised’ a couple of tables, pulled them together to make a single longer table so we could all sit together. I was sitting at one end of the table with a slightly obscured view of the dance floor where the couple were dancing. I had to crane my neck at a slightly awkward angle for a better view and what I saw made me throw my head back to laugh at the groom’s antics.

I cannot dance my way out of a paper bag, so really, I have no business talking about dancing. Music moves me, it just moves me ugly so I am what I call an armchair dancer; I am fine bobbing my head and tapping my feet to the rhythm, but the moment the seat is gone my dancing skills end too.

The groom, however, gave me hope. He did a jig that I cannot even describe, then he stood still next to his wife and I was thinking he had run out of ideas, when his body seemed to jerk and convulse like a high volt of electricity had been passed through him. For a second I thought he was having an epileptic fit, but the smile on his face reassured me. It was a cross between what Muma Gee does with her behind and what I grew up calling the papa lolo dance. A SoulTrain type dance that involved opening and closing the legs with the knees slightly bent, and doing it really fast. In a word it was effinghillariouslyuncool!

I was just recovering from the bout of laughter when I saw her looking at me. Her smokey eyes where fixed in my direction and her look was so intense, I stopped and looked over my shoulder at the recipient of all that. Nobody. I looked back to find her eyes still trained on me.

I bobbed my head at her and mouthed the word “Hi”. She nodded back at me then at the door.

“Wow!” I thought to myself, “I am getting picked up, and at a wedding no less. Cool!” I pushed back my chair, got up and had only taken my first step when I remembered why I had picked that place to sit in the first place. I had had a wardrobe emergency earlier.

I arrived at the church that morning wearing a cream coloured blazer over lilac shirt neatly tucked into dark grey pants. To complete this ensemble I had chosen a pair of ankle length black shoes, a birthday present from my then ex. I am not particularly crazy about what I am wearing, just as long as I am comfortable in them. For this wedding though, I even cut my hair – I pulled out all stops.

After church I hitched a ride with a colleague to the reception and was about stepping out of the car when my foot caught on something. I pulled my foot loose with a little more force than I intended, and when I made to walk, my right shoe had become a slipper. The sole had separated from the upper!

Is this the end of the wedding for me? Do I go home? Or just drag one foot behind me when I walked, like Boris in Count Draculla? We rummaged in the trunk of the car and found a pair of leather slippers which I decided to wear instead. I must have cut a funny sight dressed in a jacket over slippers, but I did not care. I had taken the day off work to attend this wedding, and attend I must.

So when she signalled the door, I hesitated and was going to return to my sit when I saw her pass through the door on her way out. She was shaped like a coke bottle and that’s no joke. I judged her to stand about 5′ 8″ or 9″, and she had her hair down, cascading in tresses down her neck and over her shoulder; hair that framed her face with the dark eyes.

“I tried to get your attention in church,” were the words she opened with, “But you were too self absorbed to look at me. And then you almost knocked me over when you were taking photos of the couple.”

All I could say was “Oh”. A few seconds passed before I added “That was you? Once again, I am very very sorry. I didn’t see you…” I stopped myself a few words too late. How do you not see a female who had just told you she had been trying to get your attention all day? Given, I was not used to such forthrightness from ladies, but allowing it to throw my game? That was so not on.

“You must really think yourself some hot stuff to trade your shoes for these slippers. You managed to pull it off though.”

“No o, my shoes gave up on…” Again I shut my mouth hard. She had just paid me a compliment and I was explaining away my predicament. “Thank you. You are quite a vision yourself.” I told her hoping I recovered quickly enough. She smiled a dimpled smile, exposing well formed and arranged teeth. The smile completely transformed her face and I felt the sun was shining down on only me. So bright was her smile.

We walked slowly in circles and I learnt she worked in construction, just got out of a nasty relationship and had just about given up on men but then she saw me. The more she talked, the more intrigued I was and by the time we left the wedding, we had fixed a date for later on that week.

She called me as soon as I got home to check up on me, then called me a few minutes later to find out what I was up to. At night she called me to bid me good night. The next day I was on my way to church for first Mass when my phone rang, she was calling to find out how my night went and what my plans were for the rest of the day.

Evening could not come soon enough so I could skip town for a few days. When I returned three days later, as soon as I turned on my phone it rang. She had missed me!

When we met for our movie date the next day, I raised my concerns with her and she apologised before kissing me to show she really meant it. A kiss I eagerly returned.

Over the next few days, true to her words, she slowed her roll and we were cool again. Then one evening she called me to find out where I was. “On my way home,” came my reply.

“Where from?” She asked.

Without thinking I said “From a movie date. I saw..”

I have only ever heard such foul language on Scarface. She cursed and shrieked and yelled and threatened. After two tries of trying to get a word in sideways, and failing, I just hung up on her.

Thirty minutes later she called me back. “I guess I over reacted,” she said by way of apology. “You think?!”

“I was just jealous. I don’t know what came over me, but you don’t expect to tell me you were out on a date with another girl and I will be fine with it.” She tried sounding coy.

“See,” I told her as calmly as I could, “You are not even my girlfriend and you threw that kinda tantrum. Did you even hear yourself? Let’s leave things as they are. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder. Chances are someday you’ll poison me, or worse, feed me ground glass. So abeg, let’s leave well alone.”

After her, I have met a few other girls I like to call go get ’em girls: there was the daughter of my gym class instructor whom I had told I could never get with because she was in school and was not a tax payer yet. Well she graduated, got a job and remembered to call me to assure me she was going to shag my brains out when next she was in Lagos as she was now a tax paying citizen; and the passenger who got my number from one of my colleagues and proceeded to hound my life with calls at all hours – especially the unholy hours; and then there was the Deputy Minister from Ghana who assured me she just wanted to be my big sister until we were seated in her office and, looking at her looking at me all I could think of was piranha!

My outlook on relationship matters have always been basic.

So we live in a society where it is not considered cool for a girl to step up to a guy and tell him what and how she feels about him, but if the fancied guy steps up to the girl, why give him a hard time?

One of my exes once said to me “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I know women and how they can get. If they want you, you are ensnared already.” I used to think it was contradictory because if you trust me to be faithful, how can you then think me to weak for a woman to make me unfaithful?

My outlook on life has shifted a little and thanks for this go to ladies I would like to call ‘go get ’em girls’. You have taught me an invaluable lesson.

PS: Even the most beautiful women do not know what they want until they see it, and sometimes not even if they were smacked in the face with it. So I have developed serious respect for those who see, recognise and go for what they want.

Franque

Franque

“Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn’t. Scratch that. He didn’t.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn’t in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!” Follow @franque_521 on twitter.

23 comments

  1. First???
    Lmao @ franque and d Ghanaian Minister…if u can see d pic in my head ehn!Shout out to the ladies that get men and have them thinking they were d ones that did all d work…Team subtle is way cooler jor! Gooood morning 🙂

    Ps:I laughed so hard I missed my BRT stop…eish! Smh @ myself

  2. Lol. I can so totally relate to the armchair dancing. Am so good that ppl can swear i know how to dance.and the girl poisoning you out of spite?stranger things has happened. Yet another nice relationsheep week. isaw, iread, iliked

  3. O wow, you really do have all the fun. Now if only the first chic had been sane. So maybe the go get ems, have issues? Lol, ikid ikid.

    I am not that bold really, and I have great respect for women who are. I’m one of them even if it was smacked in my face, if you don’t tell me I don’t know. Plus I LOVE the ‘chase’. But, who doesn’t? 🙂

  4. So family, it’s another Friday. iLeave for DKR in a few. Hope y’all have fun sha.
    @ Kay: 1st, yes! She’s a deputy minister and not of the ordained variety;
    @ Uk: Glad u like(d). As long as iDon’t become a statistic, strange(r) things can carry on happenin o;
    @ Neefemi: Me sef iCan lyk to chase o, not sittin there with a shocked/puzzled look on my face lyk a rabbit caught in the glare of someone’s headlights;
    @ Everyone_else: Next week iStart a new series, “SHAFT”. iHope it turns out as well as iSee it in my mind’s eye.

  5. nothing is exhilarating and dangerous as a woman chasing a man! Its quite fun and interesting…d idea of chasing a girl for 1 year and yet she go d form…when she clearly likes you.bafflement!

  6. I was almst gonna sit dis one out nd nt say a word buh I’ve come back to read dis again for lyk d 4th tym dis morn. Bn havin a rily crappy morn buh thanx to dis article, I’ve had a few laffs.
    I won’t pursue a guy, yes I too lyk to b chased buh I also dnt see d need for an unnecessarily long chase. It’s either I lyk u or I don’t. Nd I’d most lykly let u knw which it is, sooner rather dan later.
    Lovely work Franque *hugs*

  7. Lmao!!!! really funny post. This is an ongoing expose tho, you never know what will work. Some men like to do the chase, no scratch that most men love to do the chase while others like the bolder ladies. I think Men who like Ladies being bold want the work cut short and easier for them or love the thrill of an ‘easy lay’. I think Ladies react to rejection worse than Men therefore, the more possessive they become if they do the chasing especially once they want a serious relationship.

    In my school days, giving the green light is the subtle way to show your interest and if he takes the bait, dont give him too hard a time. Times have really changed.

  8. @ Mike: yes o!
    @ Qhaycee: Bafflement lyk no other o!
    @ Miz_P: iAm glad u didn’t sit it out. As my people say “When dog fall for dog, play dey sweet.”

  9. Your Life is really eventful o franque!! Nice read as usual…

    Well iHave a “FWB” nd iDid most of d chasing(iThink)…. Ddnt fink it ws cool 4 a lady 2 do d chasing until iProposed the whole “FWB” fingy… Nd ts been good so far.. Though sometimes, iFeel fings wldda been a lil diff if it ws d oda way!!

  10. Lol franque, this was fanf***tastic! Lol. I have been a go get’em girl in the past. In fact that’s all I ever was. Recent events have made me tone it down. Exciting read, lol how unfortunate. She could have been the next Mrs Franque, oh well God knew best 🙂 Umm how far with the daughter of your gym instructor?

  11. I so like the wording on this one! This got me cracking…..”Music moves me, it just moves me ugly so I am what I call an armchair dancer; I am fine bobbing my head and tapping my feet to the rhythm, but the moment the seat is gone my dancing skills end too.”….lol

  12. @ Chicasa: Sometyms iPrefer these kinda gehs o cos when it comes to signs n “green lights”, iCan be colour blind;
    @ Lorlah: Good luck with ur FWB things o;
    @ Miss_N: The geh is formin “iNO go gree”, n me sef iAm formin Ninja in the killin field. Avoidance is the way forward o;
    @ B: Glad u like it;
    @ T: There’s a reason iDon’t go clubbin;
    @ Nena: U have a great weekend too dearie.
    @ Everyone_else: iFeel a DUEt comin soon…

  13. I also dance best when seated.
    Ground Glass tho? Waoh!
    I believe a gal should be subtle when she likes a guy cos men love the thrill of the chase except being a FWB is alright by them.
    Interesting post from franque the hunk!

  14. Shag your brains out because she was now a tax paying citizen? Wow bro. You sure can meet ’em. Sorry I read this late, busy week, busier weekend but entertaining and well-written as usual.

  15. Nice play on words. Nothing wrong with a girl going for it but subtle should be the Key. No man wants to feel undermined else he’l be turned off!!

  16. I’m all for girls who go for what they want…..its kind of a turn on……I can never deem em sluts…dats just wrong ҈w̶̲̥̅̊@̤̥̣̈̊̇t̶̲̥̅̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ wrong in chasing a guy…guys do the vice all the time….and Y̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ɑ̤̥̈̊h̶̲̥̅̊ franq U̶̲̥̅̊ wer®∙̣̇∙̣̣̣̇̇̇∙̣̣̇̇∙̣̇∙ kinda mean to the 1st gal…yhu cud hav bin subtle abt Ȋ̝̊̅†̥ …she apologized…I tend to trust Girlz hu shw emotion…Dan cold ice queens…@raphael9x

  17. @ Iphie: thanx for ur comment, it means much to me;
    @ M.E.: iAm beginin to suspect that soap. Yes, dat one;
    @ Teeonair: Osé boss! Well said;
    @ frank Ralph: na as iSabi na im iDo. #NoVex.

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