So, the whole of last week I was ill and couldn’t write. I hate Malaria but somehow it finds me once every year.
Thanks to everybody that tweeted at me, called or left me a message. God bless you real good.
Do you know that YOU are the best ever? YOU made all of us at 360nobs.com proud! YOU nominated us in 3 categories for the annual Nigerian Blog awards, voted for us and we won two massive awards – “Best Collaborative or Group Blog” and “Best Entertainment Blog”. May God almighty continue to bless and protect you.
We are totally grateful for your love and support. We say Thank you very much.
Friday May 20, 2011.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding silly or under the influence of a prolonged erection. (Talking about functioning under the influence of an erection, did you know that some women are car/house owners today because they requested for such when their victims were under the influence?)
I didn’t plan to spend the night at 4points but at that point I was confused on what to answer. Before I got there, I had a plan; I had planned to take Zoba out to have a good night. You know the normal “soaring” with my boys but when she asked, I was confused for a bit but because I didn’t want to rush her, I answered:
Nobs: I didn’t plan to stay over but if you want me to, I will.
Zoba: You are so sweet and yes, I want you to stay over.
Nobs: Ok but you know I’ve got a hairy chest. I don’t want to scare you.
Zoba: Not to worry Hun, I won’t get scared. I’ll just run my fingers through. There’s nothing like a hairy chest.
That statement did things to me. I looked at her and imagined her well-manicured fingers running down my chest and making me speak languages I didn’t learn.
I tried to speak but my brain couldn’t form the right words or any word for that matter. When I was finally able to speak, I said
Nobs: Thank you for the kind words.
Zoba: You are still as cute
Nobs: and the head got bigger
Zoba: I love it just like that
There and then, my love for her grew a lot bigger and I finally started feeling something deeper. So I decided to pull my mother’s trick
Nobs: Nne, if you were to choose between having a walk-in closet and a bigger kitchen which one would you go for?
Zoba: Gini bu walk-in closet? Is that the one that is “reigning “ here for your Lagos girls?
Why would I choose a closet over a bigger kitchen?
Nobs: No, I was just asking because I’ve met and seen all sorts.
On a serious note, I’ve seen and met all sorts of women. There are “cooking wives”, “Indomie wives” and “Jevenik wives”.
The “cooking wives” are what most men desire. They are those that go to the market (not just Shoprite o) they go to the likes of SURA, IDDO, OTTO, NEW MARKET and all. They have mortar and pestle. She can prepare different types of soup, not just the ones associated with her hometown but soups as prepared by different tribes in Nigeria.
Some of them can even prepare dinner in heels and are not even tired to make dinner after a hard day at work. The bad news is, there are loads of them out there but men are too busy searching for artificial things to notice them
The “Indomie wives” are the ones that only know how to prepare noodles. They will serve you noodles without meat or anything for breakfast, Noodles and fried egg for lunch and noodles, boiled egg and plantain for dinner. To create a balanced diet, they may start you with plantain for breakfast and serve you “without” for dinner.
There are loads of them out there and sometimes you see them watching the food channel without taking notes. While some of them work hard to improve, some will tell you “ I’ve tried and it’s not happening “
While the “Indomie wife” can cook, the “Jevenik wife’ also known as “fast food wife” cannot cook to save her marriage. She buys everything from Jevenik and goes home to remix it. She buys White rice and stew from Javenik and on getting home; she will boil extra rice so that she can eat the stew for days.
There are a few pointers to recognizing “Jevenik wives”. They love food associated with countries or people like “Thailand”, “China”, “Japan” and so on. They love clothes and in most cases are not even bothered about the food channel.
I was so happy that Zoba presented herself as more interested in having a proper kitchen with little interest in a walk-in closet.
She got off the bed and opened her suitcase
I watched her arrange her toiletries on a table and I thought about asking her to move to mine but on a second thought, that would have made me look desperate.
Zoba: So tell me, why were you so jealous of Chidi?
Nobs: I didn’t like that he was picking on me and I still believe that he does not like me one bit.
Zoba: He was just protecting me. He always does
Nobs: Then the lunch sef. I hope you guys had fun after I left.
Zoba: Not really. The Biola lady felt it was her fault that you left and she wouldn’t stop blaming herself. I think she likes you, it was really obvious.
Nobs: Well, I hope her Amala enjoyed the lunch too.
Zoba: Your mouth needs to be washed. You seem to have names for everybody. So what’s your name for me?
Zoba: Are you lying to me or just saying the right thing just to get me into bed.
That was the moment I had been waiting for and looking at her boobs I wanted to say “ I wasn’t lying but at the same time I wouldn’t mind having you in my bed” I couldn’t say it out. There was something different about the moment and there she was, waiting for my answer.
Nobs: Zoba, this may sound new to you or too soon but as a kid, I loved you. I have always wanted to have you for me and me alone. I didn’t know I was ever going to see you again and when I got that call from my mum telling me that you were in Naij, I was surprised and happy. Right now, being in this room alone is good enough and I wouldn’t ask for anything more.
Zoba : Buzor stop
Nobs : I should stop talking or stop loving you ?
Zoba : You are going to make me cry
Nobs : I can stop talking but I can’t stop me from loving you.
Zoba : Give me a sec to join you.
She went ahead to change into her nightgown right there in my presence. I loved what I saw but figured there would be no need to rush.
She joined me under the duvet and it was a very sexy moment
Zoba: Your body is warm
Nobs: You’ve been exposed to the AC but in a bit, you’ll get warm in a bit or are you asking me to warm you up?
Zoba: Do you want to warm me up?
Nobs: Not really. I don’t want to rush you and if not having sex with you is my way of proving how much you mean to me, them I’m ready to do it.
Zoba: Hmmm. Are you serious?
Nobs: Yes and I also want to learn to love you without sex.
Zoba: Are you messing with my head?
Zoba :I’ve always wanted to ask you. How come you are not married yet?
Nobs: In Lagos, it’s very difficult to get a good woman especially for those of us that are associated with the entertainment industry.
Zoba: So you’ve not seen anybody that you like?
Nobs: I have seen some though, but most of them are still competing with the urinary at The Galleria.
Zoba: You are just silly
Nobs: I once met this girl that I really liked but when I heard that she finds it hard to say no.
Zoba: So she can’t say no to sex?
Nobs: Not just that. Her legs stay “open” longer than Prime Chinese.
Zoba: How long does the Prime Chinese stay open?
Nobs: 24 hours
My phone started ringing and when I checked, it was Biola so I didn’t answer.
The phone kept ringing but I ignored it.
Zoba: Buzor, are you sure you don’t want to take the call?
Nobs: It’s late jor
Zoba: So what’s your plan for us?
Nobs: I want us to date.
Zoba: What about the distance?
Nobs: It’s just flight time and if we put our minds to it, we can do it.
Zoba: Are you sure you really want to do this?
Nobs: Very sure
Zoba: With no sex?
Nobs: Your call but I’m willing to go with no sex
Zoba: Let’s do it
I pulled her in for a kiss and the phone rang again
Zoba: Take the call
I answered the phone
Biola: Are you still at 4Points?
Biola: Please come to the lobby. We need to talk