Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 54

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Okay I admit. You no longer love me like you used to and it’s all because I’ve been posting late. I’ve been apologising but there has not been a significant change in my posting habit.

I totally hate posting late too because in most cases, I also forget some of the details and it’s usually takes a while trying to remember them. I’ll try and take us through as thoroughly as possible without leaving out the important happenings.

In other news, please be sure to check out the podcasts (Episode1 and Episode2) of YourRadioHitShow powered by 360NoBS. They can be listened to or downloaded to your mp3 players.

And like I said in week 53, we are really grateful for the love and support that you’ve shown and more importantly for nominating us. May God continue to bless you and yours. Please click to vote us in the different categories that we have been nominated.

Moving you on…


Friday May 20,2011.

Many of you here do not know the importance of our Lord’s prayer but believe me it works wonders. I did not know what to expect from Biola considering what happened between us the last time she came to my house. I know some of you may be thinking,  “Karma has finally caught up with him” but believe me, I know Karma and I’ve seen her a lot at De Marquee. She goes around with different men and still comes around.

Biola: Yes, I know him just like every other girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was it. Biola killed whatever I had left as pride and I was lost on how to make a come back. I was not really bothered with Amala or Iti, I was worried about the impression such a statement would leave in Zoba’s mind.

Chidi: Oh really. And I was thinking that no one knows his music.

Biola: Nobs, do you sing now?

I looked at Zoba who was just staring at me and then I took a quick look at Amala. For a second I noticed Amala’s Baseball cap. The way he positioned the baseball cap made him look like a plate of Amala with unequal piece of Pomo and soup on the same plate. I know I’m not fine but I don’t think parents should let kids see Amala at night before bedtime.

Nobs: Am I supposed to answer that too? I guess you can ask every other girl.

Chidi: Come on son, don’t take it personal. The lady was just asking a question. Besides I don’t see anything wrong with being friends with the ladies.

That was it. I thought about all the happenings of the day and how Iti had been rude to me all day. We had only just met but then for some reason he found it cute to talk to me anyhow.

Biola: Nobs, I ‘m just kidding na.

Nobs: I hope it’s okay if I excuse you lot.

Zoba: Nna, biko

I looked at Zoba and she winked at me. The wink from Zoba did things to me and for a moment Biola’s boobs looked different. I mean, seated opposite me were different women with amazing boobs and for a minute, I realized that there are boobs and there are boobs. Both boobs are like bouncing castles in two different children’s parks. While Zoba’s are like the ones located in a private park with very little use, Biola’s looked like they needed some lifting. I agree, I might have been a lil pissed but there was nothing friendly about the remark.

Nobs: Zoba, can I see you in private?

Zoba: Sure

Chidi: Noble please don’t be a party pooper

Nobs; I have a studio session and have to run.

Biola: Nobs, I’m really sorry about what I said and I know you know why I had to say that.

Nobs: I really don’t understand but I’ll just pretend that I do.

Biola: Nobs, don’t be like this

Nobs: I just want to talk to Zoba for a minute.

When we got outside, I thought about asking Zoba to tell me what’s up between her and Iti but that would’ve made me appear desperate. So I played it cool.

Zoba : What’s wrong with you and who is she?

Nobs: Who?

Zoba: The Biola girl

Nobs : Someone I know

Zoba : and what was the remark about girls all about?

Nobs : Okay! Here’s the truth – We had something and it didn’t go well. I guess she’s still unhappy about that even with her food beside her.

Zoba: Gi n’ onye? Ofe nmanu?

Nobs: is there anything wrong with that?

Zoba: knowing your mum I don’t think she would have approved.

Nobs : I see that you both gisted well. I saw her last during Amara’s wedding.

Zoba: Yes, I heard she’s married now. What about Chisom?

Nobs: She’s in Lagos. She works in a bank.

Zoba: Buzor, please stay now so that we can catch up on the happenings.

I thought about going back in but then, that would have made me look “planless”, so I decided to hurt my feelings and desire to stay back.

Nobs: I have a meeting with a client

Zoba: Will you come back after your meeting?

Nobs: Sure. Let me know when you are less busy.

Zoba: I’ll always be less busy for you

I watched her walk back to the restaurant and the song “Ele ukwu egbuo ewu” came to mind. I’m not really an ASS man even though I support Arsenal but Zoba has got Ukwu Nwanyi Owerri.

Talking about Ass, I’ve realised that the bigger the ass, the bolder the stretch marks. A big ass with stretch marks is like a Range Rover with an Ugly spoiler.

Apologies to ESMU– Extra Large Stretch Marks Union

While walking out of 4Points, I saw an old boss and his receptionist holding hands sitting in a corner at the reception. I’ve said this again and I’ll say it now, don’t allow a married man to take you to 4points reception. They will catch you both. That place is like mammy market and the beating will not be easy.

I don’t know if you’ve been in that situation where you consider deleting someone’s number just because you don’t want to ring them? I considered deleting Zoba’s number so that I wouldn’t have to call her. I called….

Nobs: Hey

Man’s voice: (in a very low tone) Is the session over, Noble?

Nobs: Please who’s this?

Man’s voice: Chidi

Nobs: Oh. It’s over.

Chidi: Whom did you record with today?

Nobs: Goldie & African China

Chidi: He still sings

Nobs: Please can I speak with Chizoba?

Chidi: She’s still sleeping

Nobs: Please tell her I called

Chidi: I can wake her for you

Nobs: Please don’t

I hung up and different thoughts went through my mind. I imagined that they just had sex and Zoba was just resting. It made me feel like I didn’t try hard enough. Like maybe I should have stayed back for lunch. Maybe if I had stayed back I would have been able to make an impact on Zoba and give her reasons to leave this married man. I hated Iti more and regretted meeting him.

I called Shirls

Nobs: Hey you

Shirls: What’s up?

Nobs: I’m good. Where are you?

Shirls: Yaba.

Nobs: What are you doing tonight?

Shirls: Nothing. Why?

Nobs; I was thinking you may want to come say hi

Shirls: I’ll try but I’m having cramps.

Nobs: Oh. Sorry. You need to rest then.

Shirls: Maybe tomorrow

Nobs: Okay

I know you may be judging me but the truth is, I did not ask her to stay back because she was “on”, I asked her to fashy because I didn’t want her to go through the pain of coming all the way to Lekki from Yaba.

The phone rang and it was Zoba.

Zoba : Where are you ?

Nobs : I’m at home

Zoba : And I’ve been here waiting for you

Nobs : I called you

Zoba : No, you did not

Nobs : Zoba, I called you. Hang up and check

Zoba : Okay.

She hung up, checked and called back.

Zoba : You actually called.

Nobs : Your boyfriend said you were sleeping.

Zoba : Who?

Nobs: Chidi

Zoba: Are you silly? Chidi is my cousin.

Nobs: Really?

Zoba: I’m so pissed at him right now. I was meant to stay at his place but his girlfriend does not like me so I had to do with this hotel.

Nobs: Ok. I’ll see you in a bit.

I went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of White wine and a pack of cookies. I thought about putting condoms in my pocket just in case but decided against it because I didn’t plan to have sex with her on the first date.

On getting downstairs, I saw Biola parking, so I waited for her to get down.

Biola: Are you going out?

Nobs: Yes

Biola: I wanted us to talk

Nobs: Talk about what?

Biola: Talk about us

Nobs: Are you tired of eating solid food?

Biola: Nobs, be serious

Nobs: I’m serious

Biola: I’m so sorry about what I said today.

Nobs: It’s all good.

Biola: I’m ready to do anything to make it right.

Believe me, I thought about asking for a blowjob right there in my car but that  would have been wicked of me, so I passed.

Nobs: Let’s talk tomorrow

Biola: Are you going to De Marquee?

Nobs: No, 4points

Biola: To see her?

Nobs: Zoba? Yes

Biola: Oh really.

Nobs: Bee, we will talk later

Biola: Wow. Guess whatever you are rushing for can’t wait

Nobs: I like it hot but from the look of things, you like your Amala cold and very black.

Biola: I’m in your dog’s house today.

Nobs: By the way, he needs to lose that cap

Biola: I’ll call you later.

On getting to 4points I was confused on what to do or how to go about my feelings for Zoba. So I decided to play it safe.

She opened the door in a short dress showing off all the details of her mad body. We called the reception for a wine opener and glasses.

Zoba: So you were jealous of Chidi?

Nobs: Yes and he didn’t make it easy for me.

Zoba: He’s always protective of me and wants the best for me.

Nobs: He hates me

Zoba: Maybe because I told him that I like you and have always liked you.

We spoke about everything from growing up to the people we grew up with. What they were doing presently and at some point I laid down facing the ceiling while we were still talking.

Within a short period, her head was resting on my chest, parts of her going up and down with my breathing

We were still talking when she asked the question?

Zoba; Will you spend the night?

At that point, I wanted my Tomb stone to read “HE LIVED & DIED A VERY HAPPY MAN

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. LMAO @ “The way he positioned the baseball cap made him look like a plate of Amala with unequal piece of Pomo and soup on the same plate”. SUB toh badt!
    @nobs now that all ur fears are gone better act fast before someone else steps into the scene… Ashana 🙂

  2. Bia Chibuzor stop this rough play of posting late o. I don tire to hound you sef.

    I totally didn’t see the cousin part playing out like that.

  3. Hahaha…nwanne….*lived and died a happy man”…..
    U forgot ur condoms ohh..better wake up and smell the d mai’shai…

    Nice one..pls we expect wk 55 on Monday!

  4. Iamsamsie’ αяэ u surprised dt u αяэ seeing yourself in ϑ 3rd position???? Buhahahahaha………Nobs, if u like, fuck up for Zoba’s side…..opportunity comes but once but u done get many opportunities now….

  5. Well something told me chidi was nt zoba’s bf. But dis long tin of me waiting 4 next memoirs 2 know wat went down.well as per d tomb part,nothing do you

  6. Finally Oga nobs, God likes u gaan, all ur women like u, good 4u..u don’t have condom dere oh, don’t dull except u are done wiv games…big ups and pls post wk 55 early

  7. LMAO… were so so so intimidated by chidi,you read meanings to every fullstop in his sentences….i’m sure there’s more to a woman than just boobs and ass in motion…don’t you see anything else?
    ROTFLMAO @ I did not ask her to stay back because she was “on”, I asked her to fashy because I didn’t want her to go through the pain of coming all the way to Lekki from Yaba….story for tortoise.

  8. Chai Nobs! Which planet did you come from? This is good, you just made my day. The Amala break down is just wicked 🙂 I’m relieved on your behalf concerning Iti though I don’t want him to lose the name though. I’m looking forward to next week,more power to your joints…

  9. Nobs well done this time! This was fairly long and quite interesting!!

    You got me laughing out loud in class! Big up nwanne! ***nice one with the amala line***

  10. i kinda guessed u were fretting for nothing over iti…i dont like Biola silly gurl pls leave her as for the person that feels memiors has gotten boring se its cos the sex scenes have reduced abi?…go write ur own!….pls post 55 on time o Nobs…weldone…u totally dissed Shrils cos u knew there’ll be no show not cos u care:-p

  11. Nna, biko-guy abeg.
    Gi n’ onye? Ofe nmanu?- you and who? The yoruba girl?
    “Ele ukwu egbuo ewu”-looking at nyash killed the goat.
    Ukwu Nwanyi Owerri.-d famous waist of an owerri woman.

  12. Choi…… Nobs U̶̲̥̅̊ crack me up errytime, So zoba finally came tru, as for Biola jes let her go nd continue wiv her “Amala” LWKMD…. It was worth the wait, buh pls wk55 shld b on mondai ooo!

  13. At that point, I wanted my Tomb stone to read “HE LIVED & DIED A VERY HAPPY MAN”…LMAO…Nobs U don kolo

  14. Foolish Nobs,
    this is the most hilarious post in a long while. my imaginations were running wild right from the EMSU to ur hurried conversation with Biola n “HE LIVED & DIED A VERY HAPPY MAN”. very crazy n nice post. pls end this one n give us new jist jor.

  15. @ diddie: if I hear, noble fit say No.lmao.
    On the real though, Nobz is this jst ‘another used to be’ get serious nw, plZzzzzzz, nd Biola what xcytly is her ish, shez kinda gettn weird!! Cnt w8 4 next week, nd u are ryt I love u alil less wen u dnt upd8 intym nd then u put up all ths juicyness nd I remember why I love u still!!

  16. This is truly one of the most Hilarious post in a loooong while. You got me cracking from “I know Karma and I’ve seen her a lot at De Marquee. She goes around with different men and still comes around” to “he lived & died a very happy man”
    Mhen! Nobs I love your sense of humour.
    Great post,worth the wait.

  17. I love memoirs but you are such a brat, with your big ass head. Why are you such a cock blocker; calling the poor boy amala. Hater oshi. Lol. I’ve been praying for you: may your dick not fall off. Amen.

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