COCO’S CHRONICLES: WORST KISS EVER

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I love kisses, I mean they are a huge turn on for me and I do kiss
well. So I believe if I can kiss well then whoever I’m kissing has to
be really good. But then I haven’t been all that lucky in my kissing
life, I’ve had terrible kisses. This particular kisser stands out in
my worst kisser department;

His name is Dele. Dele and I were in the same secondary school and he
was a year ahead of me. I knew him in secondary school as the fine,
cool, rich kid but then I never talked to him and neither was he
anything more. When I gained admission into the university, I met Dele
again. He was two years ahead of me and still very fine. He walked up
to me one day and introduced himself asking if I remembered him. of
course I do!!! I wanted o scream but then I just said “er… I think
so”. We became friends right after that time and I started liking him
and crushing on him seriously. I didn’t bother to flirt or chase sha,
I had a boyfriend. So it was just a harmless crush. Anyway, two years
later, my boyfriend and I broke up and Dele and I got talking
and…intimate. We started hanging out and started going almost
everywhere together. I was ecstatic! Here was my two year crush
crushing on me. Too good to be true. Just because I liked him, I told
myself I would be ready to kiss him whenever it was he asked and maybe
even go further. Well, the big day came. We were at a friend’s place
and he gently asked me with the sweetest smile in the world playing on
his lips “can I kiss you?” I nodded and he pulled me closer and
covered my mouth with his mouth, sorry tongue. Yeah, the guy kept
licking my mouth like it was lollypop or ice cream. I responded at
first hoping it’ll get better but then it got worse. I tried to move
away and he pinned me closer to himself, tongue and saliva all over my
mouth and nose. To make this worse, he kept going on and on with the
kiss and didn’t seem to notice I wasn’t responding or enjoying it.
Finally, I pushed him away and hurriedly left the building. What
happened to my crush? That was a huge turn off for me, we never really
got it off from there

GISELLE came home one night with swollen lips, she hardly said a thing
to anybody, rushed into the room and went to bed. The next day, we
asked what the problem was and she begged us not to laugh. Then she
sat and narrated her ordeal. She’d been secretly seeing this guy she
refused to tell us about because according to her she wanted to
surprise us(well she did eventually with the swollen lips). They had
been on few dates together and so they finally got to the kissing
stage the night before. Giselle had closed her eyes for the most
magical kiss in her life, smiling and expecting the softest lips in
the world to merge with hers. Well, she got shocked. The guy’s lips
were as harsh as the harmattan weather on the skin and he believed she
was enjoying it and so kept pulling her lips and soon moved on to the
next stage; biting the lips. He didn’t mind the fact that she was
wincing, he just kept biting and biting until he tasted blood. You’ll
expect guy to apologize or feel sorry at this point right? Well here
is what he said, Giselle said and I quote “wow…I can see you aren’t
used to the sweetest part of kissing. Don’t worry, with time, your
lips would get used to it and the bleeding would stop” actually, she
had to tell me this later because I was laughing my boobs off at this
point. Please don’t ask me if they hooked up after then, because you
sure know the answer.

ENITAN likes to be kissed, she doesn’t go further than that but she
really likes to kiss. In fact, the girls believe she gets more kisses
than any of us. According to her, “it’s safer to explore the lips than
the dick”. So she met Dare at a show, a television producer like her
and a good screenwriter, they kinda hit it off from the moment they
set eyes on each other. Enitan came home and all she talked about was
Dare and his body and how much she wanted to explore his lips. She
showed us pictures and went on and on about how good the lips looked
and how better she knew they’ll taste. Well, don’t ever judge a book
by its cover. Enitan went over to Dare’s to see him weeks after the
hangout and all, she was ready for the kiss that’ll happen and had
told us to wait for the hot gist. When she got to his place, he hugged
her and planted a kiss on her forehead. Then he told her how much he
wanted her and asked for a kiss. She agreed and both of them closed
their eyes for this magical moment. I know you are waiting for what
landed this kiss in this category. Here it is, once he moved closer to
our girl and covered her mouth with his, she perceived a very strong
odour. Instantly, she opened her eyes and pulled away, it was
embarrassing and he asked what the problem was, she asked if he had
brushed and he nodded. She shook her head and ran out of the flat.
Then she sent us a message in our group chat; “don’t ever judge a book
by its cover…PS: even lips aren’t safe to explore anymore”

ELLA’s worst kiss was right in front of us, which makes it not only
worse kiss for her but one of the most embarrassing moments in her
life. We were all at a friend’s beach party and so all of us were
looking as sexy as we could. We had on our best bikini wears and
thanks to E! BEST BEACH BODIES, we were looking as sexy as hell. Ella
was the only one who came with her boyfriend, he drove us there in
fact and was supposed to drive us back. When we got to the beach, Ella
sat with us and her boyfriend stayed with the guys. Somewhere along
the line, Ella’s boyfriend’s friends started asking her to come stop
her boyfriend from downing more alcohol. She didn’t pay any attention,
not even after three other calls. If only she knew. Her boyfriend got
really drunk and ran to where we were, he pulled her up, pinned her
really hard to himself, grabbed her bum and asked for a kiss. Ella
told him to come back when he wasn’t drunk but then he insisted on the
kiss and parted her lips forcefully with his tongue. Now because of
the resistance, people started staring, both the party people and the
non party people. Ella suddenly slapped her boyfriend and moved
towards us, “he spat in my mouth!” she shouted angrily and headed for
the car, and we all followed and held her as she started crying. Yeah,
really bad kiss day

REANNE keeps insisting this kiss wasn’t that bad and shouldn’t be in
this category but then we decided it should be. Let me describe what
the kiss was like, her ex Mayowa, while he was asking her out had told
her he was a good cook, could kiss really well and was very good in
bed. He was good in bed actually and could also cook good meals but he
wasn’t good in the kissing department. All he did was stick in his
tongue, for a few minutes and pull it out without really doing
anything. Gradually, it went from this to just planting tiny kisses on
her lips. He said he didn’t want to hurt her tender lips. Actually, we
think the kissing must have stopped at a point sef because she stopped
telling us about it. Reason why it’s in this category; the fact that
she had to cope with it for the period of time they were together,
which was a year. Reanne didn’t like the kiss but then was too good a
girlfriend to get it somewhere else

That’s it. Our worst kisses!


Coco

Coco

I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco

11 comments

  1. Coco,I luv ur stories they are really tite and am proud to a friend of urs,keep it up cutie cos d sky ain’t ur limit,I sure knw dat u’r goin far beyond d sky.

  2. Hahahaha… I am stil laughing ooo. Bad kissers indeed… Coco, you no go kill us with scintillatin xperience of coco nd her friends… I am proud of you God save ur life *winks*.

  3. Chai, gisele had it worse off than anyone on d planet. Hers shd hav come first.
    Not all of them seem credible tho.
    Good job all d same

  4. Imagine seeing some cute,sexy lips and it turns out this way. I’m looking forward to the best kisses ever. Nice 1,Coco.

  5. Rotfl…gosh!we’ve had our bad kissers o.hw abt wen d magical kiss on way n than…gbagaun,teeth hits.

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