Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 53

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Looking back to when I used to have enough time to write on Sunday and now, I miss the old me. Now I post late and you people don’t like it. Guess what? I’m going on Vacation soon and maybe I will have enough time to post in time. Talking about enough time, nothing beats a night of Ofe Azundu and Akpu.

Yes I said it.

On a more serious note, we are really grateful for the love and support that you’ve shown and more importantly for nominating us. May God continue to bless you and yours. Please click here http://nigerianblogawards.com/vote.php to vote us in the different categories that we have been nominated.

So my boys and I are planking everyday. I’ll be sharing pics on memoirs

 

Here’s Ebuka Planking

 

Olamide

 

And Nobs

For more detailed information on Planking click http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lying_down_game

 

Friday May 20,2011.

So there I was standing beside a TALLER man, who drives a RANGE ROVER and who was probably in love with the babe I was thinking of making the mother of my children. There was no way I was going to let Iti steal her from me, well not without putting up a fight. I tried to convince myself that Zoba did not seem like a materialistic person. I mean she’s from a rich home and would likely go with the man with a bright future – ME. But then, there are no very few women out there who are willing to pitch their tent with a “starter”. You may not admit it but the days of “We can start life in your BQ apartment” are far-gone and are now replaced with “It’s better to cry in a RANGE ROVER than on a bike”. I know some of you may be thinking that I’m preaching modest beginnings because of Iti’s RR, you are wrong… but not totally wrong.

He popped the trunk and neatly packed on the right side were two clean LV travel bags.

Iti: Chidi

Nobs: Noble

I hate when people find it difficult to read body language. I was not in the mood for small talk and especially not with him. We were there to get Zoba’s things and not for any heart to heart.

Chidi: Zoba said you guys were childhood sweethearts

Nobs: We grew up in the same neighbourhood

Chidi; Oh in Aba?

Nobs: Yes

Chidi: She said too many good things about you

I was tempted to ask him “such as” but that would have prolonged the discussion and I was in no mood to discuss anything long with Iti. I know his type and what they can do. He may want to start treating me like Zoba’s younger brother and that may include suggestions such as paying for my drinks and so on. I remembered once that some girl I was smashing introduced me to her Sugar daddy as her class rep. Dude drove us to the Galleria, gave us money for the movie and also gave me some money for transport with the following last words. “ I’m really pleased to meet you. She told me good things about you and how you’ve been helping her with her class work” I was so pissed that I almost shouted “Oga, I do not know the colour of any of her text books unless “class work” is the new name for ‘panties’” . The sugar daddy left us but his body odour did not. His body odour smelt like a dirty towel that has been soaked for 6 days under a bed.

So I was not in the mood for such a speech.

His phone rang.

Chidi: Aunty, we just got to her hotel. Eh? She’s inside now. I’m getting her things from the car.

I could not wait to listen to the rest of the conversation because it was obvious he was speaking to Zoba’s mum and that means that whatever they were having was official. There I was thinking that I was not only going to burn his cable but the factory that manufactures his cable. I was already planning to tell her that I once saw a woman threatening to throw the girl sleeping with her husband off the 4Points balcony but such a story would be unnecessary because there was no way Zoba’s mum was going to let her date a married man.

So Chidi was not only tall and richer, going by the phone call, he had also been approved by Zoba’s mum.

I know this may come off somehow but at that point I was no longer interested in playing “I could be a better man’, so I gave in and allowed Chidi to play his role as boyfriend and he played it well.

At the reception, Zoba tried introducing us

Zoba: Buzor,meet  chidi my…

And he cuts in

Chidi: We have already done introductions.

Iti wouldn’t just shut up and it was obvious he wouldn’t let me enjoy even a minute’s attention and I was no longer finding it funny

Immediately we got to her room. He put the bags inside the wardrobe, opened the bathrooms to check what he did not put there. Trust me, I was not beefing but dude was over doing the boyfriend stuff. And as if that was not enough, he then asked what we would like to have for lunch?

Zoba: Buzor, what do you suggest?

Nobs: It depends. I don’t know how much African food that you’ve had but if you need something Nigerian, I’ll suggest Jevenik.

Chidi: I don’t think she will like Jevenik. It’s usually for people who eat a lot and I think they cook with White maggi. You have to be careful with the food you eat here in Lagos because of food poisoning. I will suggest we order the plantain and snail here. It’s really good and filling.

Zoba: Buzor, is that any good?

Nobs: That’s good too.

Zoba: Chidi, I’m suspecting you ooo. You have not even stayed that long in Nigeria since you moved back and you already know all the restaurants and the type of seasoning they use.

Chidi: Biko, afom dim nkpa but none of them can even compare to your cooking.

That was it. I couldn’t handle it anymore and Iti was out for me but then I was wondering why he was putting Zoba up in a hotel when he was supposed to be one of the “I just got back” peeps but then Zoba paid. It was an evening of total confusion with Iti having the upper hand.

Zoba: Do we order to the room and should we go down to the restaurant, Nobs?

Chidi: Restaurant will be better. I don’t like the smell of food in rooms.

Zoba : I’m really tired, Nna. Let’s order room service

Nobs: I’m okay with any suggestion.

Zoba : Okay, let’s go down and eat then.

We went down to the restaurant

Zoba: Nobs, your mum said you play in entertainment, what area?

Chidi: Ah I don’t know any of your songs.

Nobs: It’s because they only play my songs at Jevenik restaurant.

Zoba: Really? You sing? She didn’t mention

Nobs: I don’t, actually. I only play in that field.

Chidi: What area? I have friends in the entertainment. Do you know Goldie?

Nobs: No, Is she new?

Chidi: No, she’s been there for a while. What exactly do you do?

By that time, I’d had it and was about to go all rude on him when she walked in.

Biola walked into the restaurant with Amala following her behind as if I was not having a bad day already.

Chidi: Oh boy, nna. You just dey enjoy this town alone with your madam.

Amala: It’s not like that

Biola: Hey Nobs

Chidi: Oh you know each other.

That was it.

Iti, Amala and Biola on the same table? I don’t go to church every Sunday but I prayed and asked God to deliver me.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

48 comments

  1. What a bad one for u, Nobs..anoda explanation to Biola despite “amala”..can’t wait till next week..
    Nice one wiv “Oga, I do not know the colour of any of her test books unless “class work” is the new name for ‘panties’” lmao….Nobs no go kill me oh

  2. After reading this I can’t seem to stop laughing. You and Biola on the same table with Zobo, Iti & Amala. O boy I can’t imagine what you went through. It must have being fun. Can’t wait for the next memoirs…..

  3. Ok.. This looks too imagined to be real. And why so short? Not feeling the memoirs this week. And they’re TEXT BOOKS! (Just thought I’d point that out and annoy u the way u’ve annoyed me with this week’s edition)

  4. ROTFLMAO! Too many funny lines… “Sugar daddy/Galleria story cracked me up! And “Amala..”. Nobs, thanks so much! I love reading 360nobs.com.

  5. “Iti, Amala and Biola on the same table??” Lmao Nobs you’re done for!
    Errr, I really don’t like Zoba. What game is she playing? And Chidi obviously doesn’t get sarcasm! Hehehehe “It’s because they only play my songs at Jevenik restaurant”
    Omg! Can’t believe we have to wait another week! *sigh* *sobs*

  6. And oh, about planking……..that’s some crazy ish o! Lol shouldn’t there be a “don’t try this at home” disclaimer! 🙂

  7. Oh,the names of these people-Iti and Amala. You’re one unique person with crazy and uncommon thoughts. I love the Slu…shh kid!

  8. Seems like u’ve been soaking dirty towels under ur bed, this one that u know d smell so well.Nasty boi!!!lmao

  9. Hahahahahahahahahaha……Nobs you won’t kill me!!! Sarcasm and things, onpoint mehn…..but, it must have been the longest lunch you’ve ever had..NO?

  10. I hope my vote counts! It sucks that 360nobs is not in the category of the best designed blog!

    Then you nobs! This memoirs don dey short oh! Which level? Didn’t wait a full week to read this!!

    Cheers!

  11. nobs planking can also be defined as ” a means of showing gay men that ur available” writeup was on point as always but its getting shorter every week.

  12. Okay, now have had enough of your short memoirs. Do something about it, its getting shorter and shorter >:O.

  13. U said u are a trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind, meaning you have loads of money. Why’s iti oppressing you with his car then?

  14. Damn! Noble is still my dude even though this article is short. Nice one there @ “My music is played only at Jevinik”

  15. u used 2compensate us wit a double memoirs wen u post late…dis getting way too short Nobs bt am so luving all dem drama….nice one Nobs

  16. forget tht gist , Zoba told iti dat u re her village boy thats why he is treating u like a retarded stepchild.. lol !

  17. “The sugar daddy left us but his body odor did not. His body odour smelt like a dirty towel that has been soaked for 6 days under a bed”….

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    this was the itch

  18. OMG!I smell Carma….. Choi, cnt stp laffin! ЪŦ lunch must av bin d lngst uve eva had! BTW d writeups gt shorter evrywik…. Y nah? Wyz cnt wait for nxt wik!

  19. Eya Nna, it is alright. I know you will come out winning in the end, that is probably why you keep dragging this daggone story on and on.
    You and your guys ma sef, you had better also copy the worthwhile fads (if there are any). Una fall my hand as you dey plank. Even for yankee here, bigz boyz no get time to dey plank. How won’t Iti be using you to do little brother eh Nna, leave the planking to the college kids that think they are invincible and can not get hurt planking in dangerous positions.

  20. erm…Nobs…funny nice and witty write up…as usual but why is sudden small doses na….even if you finished the restaurant scene we’ll still be back her on monday drooling…kilode?…….but laffing my head off!!!..so sticking my tongue out karma is evil!..cant wait to see how you explain to Zoba and Iti how u know Biola that evil girl she ignores you when its convenient now that its time to pretend she doesn’t know you she says “hi Nobs….hiss!..better introduce her as a friends friend!

  21. ROTMFAO…Haaaaaa nobssss I loveeee youuuu for maakingg me laugh. Ehehhhn!!!! This is the Noble I have a huge crush on..lol …lol@ iti…I will start using the name!…this is. One of my best episodes of memoirs.

  22. Planking is kinda stupid,but then again it’s just my own opinion and you didn’t make it easy Nobs,you looked very ridiculous (no offense).I can only imagine how you survived that meal.Did you eat at all?

  23. Lmaooo!!this is soo funny!Some people just don’t get sarcasm most times and its just annoying..”Do you know Goldie”?,”No,is she new”?hehehehe

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