Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 52

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It’s 11.01 and I just pulled out aMACa to write, with the plan of finishing before 3am. Some days are like this. I guess most of you are already tired of my erratic posting and I totally understand. I’ve been busy trying to push my events and had to travel out of Lagos for SLU…shh.

Abuja was LIVE and we totally rocked. I developed a new level of respect for the Abuja people but I also hated them for constant power supply. On a serious note, please join me in praising God. God has been awesome to me and I’m totally grateful.

Here I am working and listening to “ Fall for your type”. You know this thing about falling in love with a song because of a situation. I played the song in Abuja and for some reason; I’ve come to like it even more.

Here’s my best verse:

Cause who am I to judge you on the past, girl
I bet there’s a reason for it all
You say that you’re nothing like the last girl
I just pray that you don’t let me down right now
But it’s too late ’cause I’m already yours
You just gotta promise me hearts won’t break
And end up like before

You know something about relationships is that, we all have a type and it’s always difficult trying not to fall for your type. Slim & I have a song that I made her like. There was this time I was in Maiduguri while she was in Lagos that we had the song to keep us company. I do miss Slim. I hope you’ve updated yourself on the happenings between us. Get a copy of WOW Magazine today.


Thursday May 19,2011.

When I got off the phone different thoughts flashed through my mind. I got thinking ‘So is Momsie trying to hook me up with Zoba” Not that I would mind because from the little I could remember of Zoba, she was mega hawt and was way out of my league.

So I decided to do a lil probing by calling my mum.

Mum: Hello,Nna.

Nobs: Good Afternoon, Ma.

Mum: Kedu. Chiso kwan? Aru odikwa unu?

Nobs: We are fine,Ma. Guess who called?

Mum: Uzo’m you know I don’t play these games.

Nobs: Chizoba called.

Mum: Okwa omaka kita?

Nobs: I said she called ooo. I have not seen her.

Mum: Oh okay but I’m the one telling you that she’s fine. I saw her and luckily for you, she’s not dating anyone. I asked her.

Nobs: You asked her for whom?

Mum: I was just having a conversation with her or is there anything wrong with that.

Nobs: There’s nothing wrong, Ma.

Mum: Chigozie Igbo came to the house on Sunday. He brought his wedding invitation. I remember he was your classmate in secondary school.

Nobs: Good for him.

Mum: We are almost tired of attending other people’s weddings.

Nobs: I thought we just had Amara’s?

Mum: Chibuzor, ima ife m meaniru.

Nobs: Mumsie, I’ve heard but if you push me, I’ll just marry the nearest girl on my street.

Mum: Biko kwa

Nobs: Mumsie, I will call you later.

My Mum is a legendary fixer. You know the type that will go to a wedding and come home with phone numbers of what she describes as “marriage materials”. She’s always on the lookout for that young lady helping out with the food even though she’s dressed in a micro mini skirt.

She is the expert that my cousins bring their wives to-be to for some practical tests.

My call confirmed my fears, she had set me up with Zoba and would be monitoring.


I just ended a meeting at De Marquee when my phone rang and it was Shirls.

Nobs: Smallie

Shirls: Hey Nobs, where are you?

Nobs: De Marquee

Shirls: Alone?

Nobs; Yup.what’s up? Are you okay?

Shirls: I just got to the island and was wondering if we could see.

Nobs: Oh cool. I can wait for you to come through.

Shirls: I’ll come over in a few.

I was a bit worried because of the way she sounded but I had to wait to find out what was wrong with her. It took her about 15 minutes to come get there and I was totally glad to see her.

There’s a certain calmness around Shirls that I enjoy. With her, life seems easy and you won’t feel like you are trying too hard.

Nobs: What’s wrong with you?

Shirls: You have to promise me that you won’t be mad at me.

Nobs: I won’t be mad at you, Hun.

Shirls: I’ve not been totally honest with you and after what happened the last time, I got thinking and decided that I may need to come straight with you.

Nobs; I don’t understand.

Shirls: You know that we’ve not been too serious but after last weekend, the way you spoke to me and opened up about certain things changed the way I used to look at you and now, it would be bad if I don’t come out clean.

Nobs: You really don’t have to if you don’t want to

Shirls: Just let me talk. All these while with memoirs and things, I didn’t know what you wanted from me and at some point I started seeing my ex but it was nothing serious. Your truthfulness made me change my mind about you but also my ex wants me back. The thing is, I don’t know how serious you want to go with me.

Nobs: Wow

Shirls: I’m not trying to force you to date me but I’m just confused on what to do. Like Should I give my ex a second chance?

Nobs: What do you want to do?

Shirls: I don’t know

Nobs: Let’s think this through but I do care about you.

Shirls: Should I end it with him? Are you serious?

Nobs: Think it through and I’ll do same

Shirls: Okay.

Nobs: Let go and see a movie?

Shirls: Where and which one?

Nobs: Let’s go to the Palms, we will find out.

She locked my left hand in her right hand throughout the movie.

Friday May 20,2011.


I was driving when the call came through.

Nobs: Hey

Zoba: I just landed. Where are you?

Nobs: I’m on the Island. Just leaving my estate.

Zoba: Can you wait for me at 4Points? That should be close to your house.

Nobs: Ok.

I didn’t go straight to 4Points, I turned the car and went back to the house to change. I wasn’t too sure if I had the right shirt on and I was just wearing leather slippers. You know what they say about first impressions; I didn’t want to appear like someone who’s suffering in Lagos.

I sprayed perfume almost everywhere, I was expecting anything to happen but as a scout, I didn’t want to be caught unprepared.

It must have been the longest 40mins of my life at 4points’ reception. She finally came through and believe me, immediately I saw her, something told me to ask her to marry me but before I could ask her, he said hi to me. Dude was taller than me and the air around him was screaming “This Lagos wey you dey see so, na our own”. Before then, I think I had seen him once or twice at Auto Lounge.

His next words tore me apart

Please assist me in getting Zoba’s thing out of the car

I wanted to ask him, “Do I look like ‘any work’ to you?” but I didn’t want to appear immature so I kept shouting in my mind ‘Nne gi, Nna gi

Zoba: Won’t you give me a hug?

I moved in for the hug and immediately I felt her boobs on my chest, I knew why they call boobs “bobby”. They “bobbied” my chest and I felt a lil awakening in-between my legs.

Iti boribo was still standing waiting for me to assist with the bag. Zoba went to the counter to sort out her room and I went out with Iti to get her things. When we got to the car, I lost any hope of getting Zoba, Iti came in a Range Rover Vogue.

At that point, I wanted to enter my small Honda civic and drive home. Let me ask you, how do you compete with a guy that drives a Vogue?


Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Awwwww. I feel sorry for shrils. But then who knows. Love no be by Range Rover o. But if u’re sure about Shrils, allow Zoba to enjoy Iti.

  2. Awwwww. I feel sorry for shrils. But then who knows. Love no be by Range Rover o. But if u’re sure about Shrils, allow Zoba to enjoy Iti. I feel so bad that I couldn’t make it to the all black party even though I almost did.

  3. To compete with a guy that Drives a Vogue is CONFIDENCE,u have to b very confident with urself in such a way that he feels INFERIOR!…nice story

  4. LMAO @ “Do I look like ‘any work’ to you?”Just reminded me of my school days..”Onwe onye aga agbara mmiri?” Exactly @chy chy.. Love no be by range rover ooo… If the girl like u #shikena..

  5. Hahahahahahaa LOeffingL @ “The air around him was screaming ‘This Lagos wey you dey see so, na our own’”.

  6. Hehehe @iti boribo. Hilarious you. Sometimes it’s not about who has or drives what. If you keep it real,someone who loves and wants you for who you’re will come along and all these stuff won’t matter. I wish you the best.

  7. Dear Noble,

    It appears to me that you are over-worked(literally). Why not delegate some responsibilities? Memoirs seems to be hurriedly written i.e. you dont want to disappoint your plenty fans so you just write something. Hope you wont take this as a critique but just a friendly suggestion. Your writing seems to be losing its unique wittiness and verbiage. If you are reading this, you are on a long tin.

    1. @Noble,

      Nothing works better than CONFIDENCE and Self-Assurance. SO if you drive a beat-up Volks but have the confidence of a Maserati owner, it will always work for thee. Remember this, its the same confidence and determination which you carried that beard around for what seemed like forever that you will deploy in wooing Zoba(if that’s what you really want).

  8. “Let me ask you, how do you compete with a guy that drives a Vogue?”

    Noble I can’t believe you asked that question. I burozi nwa aba? Oso ya buru G6 bia, ogaghi emeli anyi intimidate.

  9. Question: Let me ask you, how do you compete with a guy that drives a Vogue? Answer: You don’t! LOL
    But on the real,anything can happen,forget Range Rover Vogue,the guy fit be indomie-man! LOL

  10. thanks 4 d all black party in abj. Dude,ur humility awed me. 4m takin pics 2 runnin around 2 make sure dt things ran smoothly. If u missd d party,u missed. D high point 4 me was at 4 a.m, people who were tired of dancin in d club came outside and startd a diff kind of fellowship after fellowship. Nobs,d vogue dosen’t mean shit.if d girl lyk u,u’d watch her turn him in2 an ‘anywork’ 4 u. Yeah,i went 2 unec and i remember ‘anywork’.

  11. How do u compete with a guy dat drives a RR vogue? U dont! U crawl into ur civic & crawl back to ur house! Bt serzly,it doesnt mata o! U’v gotta bring ur best A game! Intimidate the iti guy & get ur gal if dats what u want! Bt then again,isnt it nobs? U’r always on d move! U gotta check urself man, u knw wot dey say abt a rolling stone?

  12. lol!!!!…really laffing my head off….nne gi nna gi..iti…..but Nobs really…..i ve been checking ur site since yesterday for this update and all you post is a 5 line story…..well was funny so i guess u are pardoned and whats this gist with lost pages and Wow….abeg I (we) prefer ur site its bad enuf sneeking into ur page on monday mornings amid work to add roaming the streets of lagos looking for Wow nwanu….wont work…o…cheers!

  13. Hmmmm….. Bet y nah, after waitin so long, U̶̲̥̅̊ giv us dis short writeup! Wyz great tins com in small packages, I’m sure U̶̲̥̅̊ knw ЪŦ *wink* All U̶̲̥̅̊ nid z U̶̲̥̅̊Я̲̅ confidence #shikena!

  14. Hw do u compete? Hahahahahahahahaha wetin us we dey trek with leg go do nah..5nt worry zoba ga a likey gi… Mana d guy no do u anytin,kedu ihe mere iji akpo d guy ur defence mechanism say d guy pass u? Tsw

  15. Hi Noble,
    i love memoirs but i think im missing some stuff since i dont understand igbo, abeg translate in bracket for me biko!

  16. Nice write up as always but pls reduce d igbo language or tranlate so that we non – igbo readers can follow up properly

  17. Nobs, you keep breaking my heart with this IGBO,i feel like i missed half the gist,so not fair.
    as per the vogue guy,omo forget o,nothing do u,car na car to move from one place to the other except when its a Range Rover Vogue.

  18. Lmao!!!By the way,what is “iti boribo”?Nobs,u’ll be fine.whoever the Mrs Right is,only time will tell.I also doubt if Mr Iti is Zoba’s man.can’t wait till next week!

  19. Buahaha…as usual many funny lines…bad thing am readn ds post around 10pm and dsturbn ever1 wv lafta…

    Zoba sounds like “drama”…ur tormentor…can’t wait…
    Fashi d range jooh…use ur honda n driver her away…*if cha doesn’t ask for d car lmao*

    Tnx for today too…got ur msg..God bless!

  20. Dear God,
    Pls provide Noble with his very own RR.
    He has longed for this since his previous birthday.
    We reject every spirit of oppression IJN.

  21. Lwkmq….noble u will never change….imagine calling the dude iti boribo….any work brought memories…’bout vogue thing remember its always better to cry in Mercedes than on a bicycle soooo compete u shall…no worry u must jump & pass d high jump set by iti boribo…lol….

  22. Errrm @Anvill, so hasty to conclude? We dnt evn knw if d dude is her cousins cousin hehehe.Eya poor Nobs,a lot seems to be happening to u o! LMAO @” the air around him was screaming “This Lagos wey you dey see so, na our own”. Ull be fine! Hehe

  23. omg…..nobs ur humor is mind violating, cant stop laffn @”dis lagos where we dey our own’ and itiboribo….like really, who remembers stuff like dat…lmao

    dis just made my day.

  24. A range is a car any1 wld love to own but then again its nt all bout d flashy cars and looks…so a guys gotta do wat a guys gotta do if he really needs sumtin. Nice story…keep d good work up.

  25. Mr Noble Igwe,pls d memoirs r getting shorter by d week!!!
    I need 2 get a proper dose so biko,try n lengthen d piece a bit or update more often.
    I jst luv Shirls sha….
    Btw,Zoba’s intro sounds interesting…
    Auntie Kim nko??

  26. Dis ur memoirs r gettin really dry and short and stop asking us for our opinions wen U????? already kno wat U????? wanna do

  27. U don’t seem to me as a guy dat wud feel intimidated, RR doesn’t mean anytin oh, Zoba seems to be into u, put away askin her 4 marriage and see aw tinz goes, as for shirls, wot u guyz enjoy naw mite be d best u can get, takin tinz to d next level mite not be IT, juss think it thru , biola, zoba, slim , u gat pple in ur live and shirls is juss one too…..nice one Nobs, keep up d good work,wish for a time I won’t miss any of ur events..@sosamoluseyi

  28. Nobs! Nobs! Biko is it true that “k’ambanye rose” is coming to Nigeria? Where is this “music meets runway” holding? Biko have you been able to sleep at night since you heard about it? Nobs I sure say you don plan your baffs for that day! And you are here worrying about the driver/owner (let’s face facts, there’s no way to identify the real and final owner of a car until you see the papers and receipt of purchase) of a range, when you will have to contend with teh owner of a platinum hit?

  29. iti has an RRV , i bet he is paying for 4points too and the reason he said come and assist me bring out Zobas stuff is cos she said u re just her VILLAGE BOY … cos if i am correct theres concierge @ 4points !

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