Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 51

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I admit. I messed up big time. It’s 2:40pm on Monday and I’m just starting the memoirs of a SLU..shh Kid.

I had a very busy weekend; I won’t even lie to you. I have been planning loads of events, some 360nobs productions, some famz but all in all, I got home last night abi this morning at 4am. As in 4am Monday Morning? What’s up.son?

Here is some good news:

1. You may just have to grab the new WOW Magazine hitting the streets today. In it is everything you need to know about + more.  Also in this edition of WOW magazine is the Memoirs of the SLU…shhkid – The Missing Pages, exclusive to WOW Magazine.

2. On the cover of TW Magazine is the Lagos State Governor; Babatunde Fashola on the inside is yours truly. Get the TW Magazine and read “ If I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD” by Noble Igwe. Let me know what you think.

3. We are all moving to Abuja this Saturday for SLU…shh, ALL Black Everything at PLAY. Trust me, this is the only party that shuts Abuja down and you wouldn’t want to miss it. I’ll be arriving Abuja on Friday with my friends and family.

Enough of the non-memoirs related issues. Now back to the reason why you are here.

Sunday May 15, 2011.

I have been in all sorts of situation but I can’t remember anything close to this. For some of you reading this that have been caught with other people’s husband or wife, I know you can relate to this. For me, it was a different experience all together. Come to think of it, let’s say you are cheating on your wife with her best friend and one day she walks in on you two, what will your first reaction be? Something like ‘”Please it was the devil” and then as usual, the lady will use her hands to cover her boobs while saying “Titi, is not what you think”. Like really? It’s not what I think? What makes you think you know what she’s thinking or that she could even think in such a state?

Moving on, there I was sitting on the bed speechless and my third leg hopeless. Shirls was still doing her thing but the havoc that was about to take over my house did not let me appreciate the one before me.

Here’s the thing that “ a bird in hand” means nothing until you are in a situation .I thought about it a bit and decided on the following;

There’s no way I can get Shirls into such a flood and then ask her to dress up because someone was coming to say hi.

I have been trying to work things out between us and any negative action may totally spoil all the effort.

Even though I was trying to work things out between Biola and I too, there was no way I was going to act the fool with Shirls

Nobs: Hold on.

(I excused my self and went into my bathroom)

Biola: On your street. Come down

Nobs: I’m not home at the moment.

(Bee, I know you will be mad while reading this but I did it to save my face. I was scared that you might start a fight or walk out on me so I had to lie. If you read this, I hope you understand)

Biola: Where are you? I’m in front of your house.

Nobs: You didn’t say you were coming, boo

Biola: Ok. Let me know when you are back.

Nobs: Ok, my regards to him.

Biola: Ok

I flushed the toilet to form activity but as soon as I was done with that, my phone rang again.

Nobs: Boo

Biola: don’t boo me anything, you liar.

Nobs: What did I do now?

Biola: Just as I was about to turn your gateman informed me that you are in?

Nobs: He must high on Cossy Orjiako breast milk. I left about 30mins ago.

Biola: Nobs, tell me the truth, are you upstairs fucking that girl I saw you with at ICF?

Nobs: No (I didn’t lie because at that point I was in the toilet and not on top of her)

Biola: You know what? I will wait for you downstairs until you get back.

Believe me, even though I just finished urinating, I literary felt my bladder get full again. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to provide my neighbours entertainment for the evening.

Nobs: Ok.

So I did a wise thing, I walked back into the room and ofcos Shirls was fully dressed. She was looking at me without saying anything.

Nobs: Hey, I have messed up a lot and I just need to be straight forward with you. The lady I saw at ICF is someone I’ve been seeing but we had a bit of an issue and she was calling so that we can sort it out. I’m so sorry I put you through this and if you want to go, I totally understand.

Shirls: Nobs, being truthful is all that matters. Sort yourself out and I’ll be waiting.

That moment, Shirls won my heart and I regretted the moments that I had lied to her. I walked to the living room to handle my issue.

I looked through the window and true to her words; she was there in her car with my stupid security guard standing close to her car. I considered calling Mohammed but he would have gone “ Oga, you get visitor for gate

I called Chaa

Chaa: What?

Nobs: I need your help. Biola is here

Chaa: So I should park on the road and dance atilogu for her?

Nobs: Chaa, I’m serious na

Chaa: What do you want me to do?

Nobs: Please come home and then tell her that you dropped me at Dolphin.

Chaa: And I can use your car all day?

Nobs: You can even take it to work tomorrow.

Chaa: Deal.

To cut the long story short. Chaa came back to the house and was able to convince Biola that she dropped me off. Biola apologised for not believing me but I guess a lot of things will change after reading today’s post.

When I got back to the room, we were no longer in the mood for sex and we ended up going to the galleria for a movie.

To be frank, it was a totally new experience and I began to appreciate Shirls for the pretty lady that she is.

I dropped her off and on my way home I passed through Adetokunbo Ademola.

You know after what I went through and the blue balls that followed, I considered picking up a sister for chatting purposes ONLY but what my headlamp caught was different. She was wearing the shortest skirt showing a huge part of her panties and her boobs were supporting her neck. There was no way she could see her feet as her boobs would have blocked her view.

I thought about stopping but decided that phone sex would pay me more. So I did just that.

Thursday May, 19,2011.

There are certain things you lose with posting late and it’s totally my fault but there are also certain things that you can never forget. Our first long conversation.

I was in a meeting when the call came in

Nobs: Hello

Her: It’s Zoba

Nobs: Same Zoba?

Zoba: How many do you know?

Nobs: I know one that was so cute and didn’t like my big head years back even though I used to dream about her boobs.

Zoba: You used to dream about my boobs?

Nobs: Not really.

Zoba: It’s been a while. Got your number off your mum. I ‘m coming to Lagos tomorrow. I hope you will have time to for me. Where do you stay?

Nobs: Lekki

Zoba: Married?

Nobs: Yes, to Jesus.

Zoba: You’ve not changed.

Nobs: Have you? Are they the same size?

Zoba: Bigger

Nobs: Where will you be staying in Lagos?

Zoba: 4Points or The Blu. I hear they are the new ones in Naija.

Nobs: Cool

Zoba: Keep your Friday open for me.

Nobs: Bring it on

There are few things in life more interesting than big boobs, I can’t even remember any.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. But Nobs..u too dey lie…exccept u hv more than one car which I doubt..which ccar did u use to drop shirls???I thot chacha carried ur car..liar ..:hisss..b

  2. Nobs Nobs, you got out this time… Wat about the next time something like this happens!!? just settle with Shirls

  3. @cici didn’t u read the part where chaa came back to convince biola he wasn’t around?
    Nobs, nice one buh u like boobs sha!!

  4. OMG, I get to post first..on the real though why in heavens name do u try 2 keep all these women happy..d shuffling no dey tire you and my roomm8 thnks ur lifez 2 dramatic 2 be tru, I think itz soooo true it can’t help but be this I miss Ada, do u hveher pin nw’

  5. Biola: Nobs, tell me the truth, are you upstairs fucking that girl I saw you with at ICF?

    Nobs: No (I didn’t lie because at that point I was in the toilet and not on top of her)

    There was no way she could see her feet as her boobs would have blocked her view.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Nobs seriously?!
    Women will be the death of you.
    I’m sure there is one very angry lady boiling hot water for you right now.
    This one was a close call but one day your luck will run out o!
    Can’t wait to read how you will explain your way out of this post to Biola
    As usual your memoirs are always fun…

  6. @clci, I’m sure u read that Chaa came back to the house. If u think he’s lying & u don’t enjoy it, stop reading. Meanwhile Nobs, that was a close shave. I can’t wait for next week’s.

  7. lol……na God save u and Biola….but u are a good writer….Chaa going out with ur car and then having to come tell Biola she took u out….nice flow.

  8. I like girls like shirls,very understandin…dou, if I gat a babe like biola, I wudnt dare mess it her…big ups on ya writing skills..

  9. @chic, who no like boobs? Any guy that says so is lying oh… Mad writing skillz Nobs, but u’re still dulling on the new series I told u to startup (HTGL for novices, if u haven’t forgotten). I trust it’ll have a good followership as well, that’s if u keep things this spicy. Nice one!!

  10. Nice read!keep it coming..So,Shirls is a lady,no drama.1tin for sure tho..‎​na God save ur head..lolz

    1. If you have more than one gurlfriends who like what you can give,trust me your life would be just as dramatic.Couple that with events planning as a job…get my point?

  11. Chaa: So I should park on the road and dance atilogu for her?

    Nobs: No (I didn’t lie because at that point I was in the toilet and not on top of her)

    Buahahahaha….oga noble…e ya gbuom!

  12. LOL… Seriously I thought Tobi Williams was exaggerating on his blog oh… He was right about you. Like WOW, and pple dey chop sha. Smh.

  13. About the all black everything.I can atleast wear coloured shoes. I don’t own a black pair.
    Noble pls answer. I liked the article if I could change the world.

    1. Dear Tinu,
      Yes,you can wear coloured shoes.
      Thanks for taking out time to read the article.
      See you at Play on Friday.


  14. Oga Noble please is that all black everything party free? Abi what? Is it a show? Pls reply me. I am very interested
    I want to know how to go about it.

  15. Nobs,i really don’t know what to say but like you have rightly seen,Shirls is a great gurl and deserves a chance.I’m sure she won’t mind you having your escapade just as far as you treat her with respect.

  16. “So i shld park on d road nd dance atilogu for her” ROTFLMAO…… Chaa z so on point! Nobz U̶̲̥̅̊ rili nid too tak it easy wiv women oOo! Nice writeup sha!

  17. Oh my Nobs! D situations u get urself into ehn! You still havent answered d Questions i asked U in Marquee . And pls don’t refer me to d rules and regs! Lol
    Lovely piece as usual!

  18. Ok so i really do love ur memoirs, but seriouslyyyyy, i thot u said u were going to abuja on fri, yet ur gonna hook up wit zoba, mhmmmmmm

  19. Lol…..So i introduced my canadian Nigerian buddies to this blog and all of them are in a state of shock, they are like OB ,when we get to nij we have to look for Nobs…So dude if you”re at the club and three guys suddenly accost you for hook ups, its us..LMAO..

  20. I wonder why Mr Noble has NOT posted Memoirs for t’day? *shrugs* I know he is busy nd all buh hey…We want t’read:(…. Work is extremely boring t’day *yawns*

  21. I cant blv m hooked on this shit now..been at my computer for d past hour readn previos nd present memoirs! Now im waitn for d next one x_x

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