Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Week 50

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It’s 02:32am Monday June 6, 2011 and I just pulled out aMACa to write memoirs of a SLU…shhkid. I went out with the boys for a bit and only just got home. Sometimes, when I get really tired and feeling very lazy to write, to gain motivation, I think about all of you that come here every Monday to read, leave comments and still introduce some other people to 360nobs.com.

You are my inspiration and I feel blessed sharing the events of my life with you all.

First off, I’m glad that most of you love like the new site. Thank you for the kind words. We really appreciate the feedback and will continue to improve on 360nobs to serve you better. Please share your comments and feedback with us at http://www.facebook.com/360nobs (don’t forget to like us too)

On a more serious note, I hope you all are getting ready for one of the biggest weekends in 2011:

8:00pm, Saturday, June 11, 2011 – The only fashion exposure party – The Davidbowler Exposure at De Marquee, Lagos. Email nobs@360nobs.com to RSVP

7:00pm, Sunday, June 12, 2011 – The launch of one of the most anticipated 2011 albums, come holla@yourbwoi – Wizkid, The Superst*r at the Expo Hall, Eko Hotel & Suites, Lagos

Ticket Prices:  Regular -N 5,000.00;  VIP – N 25,000.00; Tables – N 350,000.00. Tickets Sold at: Koko Lounge, Eko Hotel, Ozone Cinemas, Images and Prints.

I also hope you’ve all seen the pictures from the DE MARQUEE LIVE WITH WAJE & TIWA SAVAGE, no? Click here

Remember you can always get updates on everything happening on 360nobs by adding 220B8ECC and you may be lucky to chat with your favourite contributors.

Back to the reason why we are here.

Sunday May 15,2011.

On sighting Biola, I wanted to totally ignore her and move on, but on the other hand I didn’t want her to go home feeling like she could go on treating me like shit. I took Shirls to the table, sat her down with her back to Biola because I didn’t want her to see who it was and that would destroy everything I’m trying to code here.

I looked around for someone that I knew that would be able to pull me out just in case Biola and her MAN friend decide to beat me up. I know some of you may be wondering why look around for someone you know. Please why not look around?

This is how it’s done (even though I’m a lover not a fighter). If you really want to win a fight, plan with a friend and make the first move. Slap or hit someone and then the person will step in to separate the fight but by then you would have achieved the result of “first to throw blow” therefore positioning you as “ready to fight” .

When I didn’t see anybody, I decided to measure up the dude first. Without trying to hate, I think the guy looks like a badly prepared Amala wearing baggy jeans and spotting a beard unevenly distributed on his chin. I didn’t know Biola was into big boys or maybe I was just her plaything and not her spec. Anyway, dude could beat me without asking God for help and at that moment I ruled out anything that had to do with a fight. I know women love to see guys fight for them but in some cases, I think it’s advisable not to put someone in such a position.

So I excused myself and walked up to them

Nobs: Hey Biola

Biola: Hey

Nobs: (Extending my hands to her man) Hey my name is Chibuzor. (Trust me, I decided to introduce myself as Chibuzor just in case he was the same person that picked the call the night before)

Man: David.

Nobs: Nice to meet you.

David: Same here

Nobs: Biola can I talk to you for a minute?

Biola: We are already on our way out.

David: Biola, I can wait.

There I was thinking, “Biola thinks a minute with me is now a biggie?” I’m not trying to evaluate what I had done for her or what we had been through but I was totally disappointed that after what she did the night before she was not even trying to use her brain, the one in her head.

On some occasions, I have ‘fashied’ Shirls just to spend some time with Biola and now because of her Amala in baggy jeans, she wouldn’t give me the time of day.

I was so belittled and was unsure if there was any need for me to push for a private time with her. At that point, I hated the month MAY and even romanced the idea that Ada may be behind it considering the fact that I didn’t really treat her well in her mind. So there I was thinking maybe Ada had her bath naked and prayed for me not to have luck with any of my Lagos girls.

Biola: Ok Dave, I’ll be out in a bit.

We moved away

Nobs: I called you last night.

Biola: I saw your missed call this morning and I didn’t have credit to call back.

Nobs: You can represent Nigeria.

Biola: How?

Nobs: for lying at the Olympics.

Biola: How did I lie to you?

I really wanted to be mad at her but her boobs kept distracting me. She had a transparent top on and I could see the whole nine yards of her baby’s food.

Nobs: I heard you last night asking some man to tell me that you were asleep.

Biola: Nobs, cut the bullshit. I don’t f*cking owe you anything! Yes, I was with Dave and I didn’t want him suspecting anything. I have known you for how long now? Ask yourself, what is Biola to me? Am I just another character to grace the pages of your memoirs while you go about singing praises about how much love you have for your Slim?

Nobs: I thought we were trying to get a bit serious?

Biola: Serious? Do you get serious? I have been with you. I have even tried to play iyawo just to make you happy but what do I get in return – horrible lines in your online diary.

Nobs: So David is the man?

Biola: Well, at least he does not have any diary and not interested in a slim lawyer.

Nobs: Slim is just a friend

Biola: And you are always go on and on about her? Look at you, you walked in with a lady not expecting to see me here, yet you accuse me of ignoring your call.

Nobs: She’s just a friend

Biola: Oh shattap!

Lord have mercy! It then dawned on me, Biola was really over me and didn’t give a shit about my feelings anymore but then instead of feeling bad, I was getting more attracted to her. That got me thinking of that time that she cooked for me. Could it be that she did put something in it but if she did, there was no way I could be suspecting her. I mean, judging by Nollywood standard, you are not meant to know who jazzed you under the influence of jazz.

Nobs: We are keeping David waiting, can you come later tonight?

Biola: So you can have something to post tomorrow!

Nobs: Why so rude though?

Biola: Nobs, what do you really want?

Nobs: A future with you

That did it. She kept quiet for a while and then

Biola: I will call you later.

Nobs: Will you come?

Biola: No, Nobs. Dav is in the country for two weeks and wants to spend the entire two weeks with me.

Nobs: Please call

Biola: I will call you. Where did you pick the thing with you?

Nobs: In the same shop you bought your Amala.

Biola: I don’t get

I walked back to my table and for a moment, I appreciated the beauty that is Shirls.

Shirls: You took a while.

Nobs: Biz, hun.

We placed our order and while we were waiting I overheard the conversation going on at a table close by.

2 ladies were discussing the issue of a vibrator.

Lady 1: “I think I have a problem, I can never come with a d**k inside of me. It just has to be a vibrator and I think my new boyfriend feels cheated”

Lady 2: Really ? Why? He does not last long?

Lady 1: No, he does, I think it’s just my body

Nobs: O_O

On a serious note tho, are there people out there who find it difficult to come with a d**k inside of them?

Anyways, our food came, we settled down to eat the food and then we went onto discuss the ways that I have wronged her in the past and what I could have done better. I apologised and promised to be a better person.

On our way out, I ordered for a cup of ice cream take away.

Shirls: I thought you are off Ice cream

Nobs: Yes having just ice cream but not eating off your body.

Shirls: You will never change.

Nobs: Not with you on the menu

Shirls: So what next?

Nobs: Ice cream, my house and then whatever you want .

We got to the house and Chaa was on her way out .

Chaa: Thank God you are back

Nobs: Why?

Chaa: I need your car.

Nobs: Ok but I may need it later tho

I think Chaa thinks we both own my car and it’s her right to use it anytime.

Back in the room, I begged Shirls to play my best bedroom game.

Shirls undressed and was just wearing her black bra and panties with her heels.

Rude Boy was playing and she was doing all that seductive moves. She kept dancing while I sat on the bed watching. She stood in front of me backing me and then bent over. The sight made my heart miss several beats. Believe me, you may be eating one type of dish everyday but if presented in a different way, the dish will appear totally different and new.

She went down on all fours and spoke for the first time.

Shirls: Go ahead, eat me with 3 drops of ice cream.

I moved on with my teeth to remove the panties, being careful not to tear it but at the same time eager to take if off.

Turned her over and lifting her legs high and parting them, I went all in for the panties, took it off and dropped it on the floor.

I grabbed my phone, took a pic….

and just as I was about to drop the phone back, it rang…

Nobs: Hello

Biola: I hope you are home, I’m almost at yours.

I went blank and so did my erection…

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

55 comments

  1. First tym i’m dropping a comment, frst to comment. Nobs, I think ure just being a baby, u can’t commit to a lady, yet u don’t want her to move on… Seriously

  2. “Biola: I will call you. Where did you pick the thing with you?
    Nobs: In the same shop you bought ur Amala” ….OMG…dis is so hilarious..Pls can we have a wednesday memoirs…

  3. hohohohoho, serious gbese!! But seriously, how could you tell Biola to come when you know you are taking Shirls home

  4. Dude I can just imagine …… Am so certain u wished U could rewind time…….. Sticky or should I say steamy situation

  5. Jexois!,wat next?..she wud definately catch u nd dats d end,cos hw do u wanna dispose shirls @dat moment?,or u Lie?,cos ur car aint home.

  6. Nobs,but U̶̲̥̅̊ no U̶̲̥̅̊ can’t change,but U̶̲̥̅̊ re a meanie oh,aw can U̶̲̥̅̊ call a grown up man Amala.LWkmd

  7. Now this is Memoirs the way I know it! I’ve got tears streaming down my face. Nobs pls keep it coming. Amala…I’m not gonna forget this one.Hehehehe

  8. Buahahahahaahahaha….this is got to be my most funniest memior in recent time….nobs is back!

    “I went blank and so did my erection…” ….

    Lmaooooo…ds is jus “nuts”

  9. You are not home jo,at least your car no dey der. Where did she drop her ‘amala’ anyway?

    Biola still likes you tho but she’s trying to do the wise thing and move on without you;you on the other hand,hates being ignored.

  10. LMAO the most hilarious memoir of the year so funny amala i should use that on some guy next time ahhhh and your erection i imagined the look on your face when biola called guy get serious ni stick to biola or just forget her oh and let her be if your not ready to chill with her only well nice memoir i can’t stop laughing been rolling on my floor this should be every time so i can laugh biko

  11. NOBS!!!! i h8 u 4 always stopping at the right places!! dammit!! nw i hav 2 w8 till monday again 🙁 ur soo funny, u always put a smile on my face 🙂
    Ok so left to me i alwaaayz liked slim..shes dere 4 u weneva u need her and u have known her for a long tym..No offence at tyms it seems lyk half of ur oda relationships (besides the one u hav with slim) is based on sex… U havnt done nything wif slim, yet u hav that kind of relationship with her..PLS GET SERIOUS WITH HER BEFORE YOU LOSE HER COMPLETELY!!! lov u! <3

  12. off d hook d amala tin waz juz d shizzle wit d stuff u put u shuld do a soap bt shit biola is gonna get ur ass wish i waz u kuz dis is certainly sum 9ce shit2get in put Shirls on hold4a marle kal n block beeola downstair wit sum 4eva wit her gist say no sex so she u r4real n go tink on it bye4d 9t

  13. Ol’boy!!now dat was some freakn hilarious sh*t!!hehehee!badly cooked amala wearin baggy jeans…so wetin u con do last last na??…d amala probably got cold,hence her stil comin ovr 2 urs….pls kip it comin Nobs…rotflmfao!

  14. nice one bt could u stop the suspense already? u weekly memoirs are meant to end n not have sequences. r u running out of swag for ur babes or whats the issue? pls no more suspense end each memoir every monday n begin anew with smthg else

  15. See nobs u need to stop putting urself in the position of being caught man. U need to try nd b more stealthy with the way u operate. Nd my GOD nobs, hw onn earth did u come up with that amala line, still cracking me up.really nw I dunno wat u r gonnaa do, cuz u can not free shrilz, cuz its shrils she is super hot, nd u hav to get it in like omarion. Nd u also can’t tell biola u r at home. Best thing is to lie nd say u aren’t. At least ur car aint outside.

  16. Heheheheheheheheheeee..i went blank so did ‎​​my erection..LWKMD nice 1 mr Noble..wk 50!so worth it..keep the good stuff coming!

  17. Nna Mehnnnnnn…. NOBS isi gini?????? osemeeeeeeee

    If i were u i would konsult My dibia.. cos ur going to need more than a MIRACLE…

    Chinekeeeee

  18. and ladies and gentlemen, that’s how Nobs got his groove back………..on the real though, your car not being at home is a perfect alibi to get out of this.

    Thanks for Saturday (#swebarthingy), imma holla @ ya soon.

  19. “judging by Nollywood standard, you are not meant to know who jazzed you under the influence of jazz”…….she fit no pay the babalawo complete money …..hence d jazz failing to work 100%

  20. The line about gurls not having an orgasm during sex?its rea
    Lly true ? very common,especially with an insensitive guy….then you didn’t memoirs we might have missed,its usually in the
    Recent posts column!!

  21. this is the ish

    “I think the guy looks like a badly prepared Amala wearing baggy jeans and spotting a beard unevenly distributed on his chin.”

    laughed so hard the librarian chased me out the library…good one dude!!

  22. mehnnnnnn u such a goat (ewu)…..haha.u went out wiv a cool chic and u still had d guts to go chike anoda? na wa ooo. r yu sure u knw wat u rily want???

  23. Forget slim. She’ll be extremely stupid to have anything to do with you. How old are you again? Such a baby.
    P.s. I know this is fiction so this is directed at the character.

  24. Nobs, u rily need ‎​†☺ make a decisoin concerning biola…its obvious she wants more that you can offer.
    I don’t want to read about you getting heart broken becos biola is getting married.
    So guy abeg decide let biola go.U know u cant get serious wit ®…u only love the thing btw ® legs

  25. *yawn* Shit people believe, Nobs the old man go get a real life and stop building fantasies you wished your life was like. Now you’re a lover and not a fighter, LMAO. Lies old men tell! I’m not surprised at your gullible fanbase, people would believe whatever. But looking at it you’re a very interesting liar so carry on.

  26. CHIBUZOR! Y r Ʋ so self-centered? Maybe Ada may have bath naked for Ʋ, buh Ʋ sure dont knw wah Ʋ want! Does dis *caught in the act* scene have to replay all d tym?….. SMH!!!

  27. erm…pls the yellow highlights for them texts aint kinda working…..this is monday pls post quickly lets see what Biola does to ur wandering………….

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