A few minutes ago, I tweeted if spraying perfume before making a call matters because I was about to make a special call.
Guess what? It does not because I ended the call heart broken.
It’s a lot more painful because that was one call I really looked forward to. You know the sort of call that you book the time, hours before, you charge your phone and just sit and wait for the agreed time. In my case, the agreed time was 12noon.
I waited for 12noon from 08:31am and it was a VERY long wait. If you’ve ever been in such a situation you’ll understand how slow time moves and no matter how much you try to ignore the it, you will always find yourself looking at your wristwatch, phone or even your shadow in the sun to determine the time.
Here’s my story.
I’ve tried at different times to understand the particular feelings that prove that one is in love.
I may have claimed to be in love at some point and then I met someone else and the feeling changes but just because I didn’t measure the initial feelings in order to compare it to the new feelings, it begins to feel like the new feelings are better than the old one. I sincerely hope the above made sense to you because it made a bit of sense in my head (tiny things make sense in a big head).
I’ve tried to measure the racing heartbeats to the sweaty palms and all that jazz. I’ve also tried the idea of how much time you spend with the person without thinking of sex or giving her the “Blue Ball Face” (Thanks to Exschoolnerd). With different persons, the feelings are always different. With some, my heart raced, while some gave that feeling of “I’ll always be here for you” but all in all, every special relationship that I’ve been in has had its own special feeling.
However, as regards feelings, I believe there’s always this ex with the “You can’t live without me” spirit. The spirit makes you compare everyone to them and this makes it difficult to you to move on conveniently. Each time you meet someone new, you unconsciously find yourself comparing them to her. In my case, her spirit lives in a room in my house and goes about with wrapper and hair net.
So back to the call.
I met her in 2010 in Abuja when I went for an event and the moment I set my eyes on her, I knew I wanted her. I didn’t want her in bed; I wanted something more than that so I informed her friend. “I like her & I won’t mind making her my wife”. She laughed so hard and said she was going to tell her.
As the night progressed, I asked her for a dance and got one, I asked her for her number and I got it, I ended up doing more talking than dancing. Talking to her felt a lot different and in one night I told her almost everything about my life. I even told how I almost got gonorrhoea from one Chioma girl on my street in 1997.
I suggested breakfast the following day to which she accepted but couldn’t make because she woke up at midday and by that time I was already onboard my flight back to Lagos.
We continued talking and from phone calls we moved to being BB friends and that was where it all started going south. Not Isialangwa South but down south. It started with late replies and then the usual “D” to “R” and the no reply or the reply coming too late. I tried to tell her that I wanted something more than “Just friends” but the hints from her were saying “There’s someone talking to me”. I tried to convince her to pay more attention to me but she was in Abuja and I felt that I didn’t stand a chance so I gave up. It did hurt me but I kept myself from messaging her or calling. I occupied my mind with the thought “ Maybe she’s not really the one for me” I struggled to push her out of my mind but the more I tried the more she got in with “Recent updates”. I tried to ignore them but most times I found myself enlarging them to view. Her smile does something to me. To describe the effect of her smile on me, I may need to write another article. She had me but I held back from keeping in touch with her.
One day, she had a pretty picture up on her BBM and I didn’t know when I suggested a dinner date in Abuja. I wanted to travel just to sit with her and eat. I wanted to be beside her and tell her how much she means to me. I wanted her to sound interested but she treated it like it didn’t matter and so, I lost interest again. I flogged myself before making contact again and stayed away.
SLU…shh All Black Everything.
I recently visited Abuja for SLU…shh but I refused to let her know I was in town.I went for the event and came back without running into her even though I saw her recent updates once or twice.
I was going for a meeting when the phone rang. It was her and she called to register her unhappiness on how I came to Abuja without telling her. I was surprised and I kept asking her if she called because she wanted me to do “something for her”. She said no, that she expected me to call her while I was in Abuja but I didn’t. That was it, I took that opportunity and I rolled out my feelings for her. I told her that I was ready to give her my last name but would not mind starting as friends. She was surprised and asked me to call her after my meeting so we could talk more as the things I was saying were coming to her as a surprise. I called her back but she was driving, she sent me a message saying she would call when she got home. I waited from 7pm to 10pm but her call didn’t come through. I opened our chat with no intention of sending her a message but I ended up sending one. She didn’t read it, she didn’t reply and I woke up this morning at 8am, checked my phone and there was no missed call from her.
With my pride playing with the dogs, I called her and we agreed to talk at noon. I was happy and to show it, I had my bath, dressed up and sprayed perfume for the call.
The call lasted for about 10minutes and in that 10munites,she told me that she ‘s now dating someone else but I should try and stay friends.
I’m confused. How do you stay friends with someone you care about and not involve emotions? How do you watch someone you care about date someone while you pretend to be “Just friends”. I need to understand the idea of ‘Just friends” because being “ Just friends” is not what I want from her.
This is me broken and wondering how to break her relationship.