No BS: Love & Just Friends

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A few minutes ago, I tweeted if spraying perfume before making a call matters because I was about to make a special call.

Guess what? It does not because I ended the call heart broken.

It’s a lot more painful because that was one call I really looked forward to. You know the sort of call that you book the time, hours before, you charge your phone and just sit and wait for the agreed time. In my case, the agreed time was 12noon.

I waited for 12noon from 08:31am and it was a VERY long wait. If you’ve ever been in such a situation you’ll understand how slow time moves and no matter how much you try to ignore the it, you will always find yourself looking at your wristwatch, phone or even your shadow in the sun to determine the time.

Here’s my story.

I’ve tried at different times to understand the particular feelings that prove that one is in love.

I may have claimed to be in love at some point and then I met someone else and the feeling changes but just because I didn’t measure the initial feelings in order to compare it to the new feelings, it begins to feel like the new feelings are better than the old one. I sincerely hope the above made sense to you because it made a bit of sense in my head (tiny things make sense in a big head).

I’ve tried to measure the racing heartbeats to the sweaty palms and all that jazz. I’ve also tried the idea of how much time you spend with the person without thinking of sex or giving her the “Blue Ball Face” (Thanks to Exschoolnerd). With different persons, the feelings are always different. With some, my heart raced, while some gave that feeling of “I’ll always be here for you” but all in all, every special relationship that I’ve been in has had its own special feeling.

However, as regards feelings, I believe there’s always this ex with the “You can’t live without me” spirit. The spirit makes you compare everyone to them and this makes it difficult to you to move on conveniently. Each time you meet someone new, you unconsciously find yourself comparing them to her. In my case, her spirit lives in a room in my house and goes about with wrapper and hair net.

So back to the call.

I met her in 2010 in Abuja when I went for an event and the moment I set my eyes on her, I knew I wanted her. I didn’t want her in bed; I wanted something more than that so I informed her friend. “I like her & I won’t mind making her my wife”. She laughed so hard and said she was going to tell her.

As the night progressed, I asked her for a dance and got one, I asked her for her number and I got it, I ended up doing more talking than dancing. Talking to her felt a lot different and in one night I told her almost everything about my life. I even told how I almost got gonorrhoea from one Chioma girl on my street in 1997.

I suggested breakfast the following day to which she accepted but couldn’t make because she woke up at midday and by that time I was already onboard my flight back to Lagos.

We continued talking and from phone calls we moved to being BB friends and that was where it all started going south. Not Isialangwa South but down south. It started with late replies and then the usual “D” to “R” and the no reply or the reply coming too late. I tried to tell her that I wanted something more than “Just friends” but the hints from her were saying “There’s someone talking to me”. I tried to convince her to pay more attention to me but she was in Abuja and I felt that I didn’t stand a chance so I gave up. It did hurt me but I kept myself from messaging her or calling. I occupied my mind with the thought “ Maybe she’s not really the one for me” I struggled to push her out of my mind but the more I tried the more she got in with “Recent updates”. I tried to ignore them but most times I found myself enlarging them to view. Her smile does something to me. To describe the effect of her smile on me, I may need to write another article. She had me but I held back from keeping in touch with her.

One day, she had a pretty picture up on her BBM and I didn’t know when I suggested a dinner date in Abuja. I wanted to travel just to sit with her and eat. I wanted to be beside her and tell her how much she means to me. I wanted her to sound interested but she treated it like it didn’t matter and so, I lost interest again. I flogged myself before making contact again and stayed away.

SLU…shh All Black Everything.

I recently visited Abuja for SLU…shh but I refused to let her know I was in town.I went for the event and came back without running into her even though I saw her recent updates once or twice.

Yesterday.

I was going for a meeting when the phone rang. It was her and she called to register her unhappiness on how I came to Abuja without telling her. I was surprised and I kept asking her if she called because she wanted me to do “something for her”. She said no, that she expected me to call her while I was in Abuja but I didn’t. That was it, I took that opportunity and I rolled out my feelings for her. I told her that I was ready to give her my last name but would not mind starting as friends. She was surprised and asked me to call her after my meeting so we could talk more as the things I was saying were coming to her as a surprise. I called her back but she was driving, she sent me a message saying she would call when she got home. I waited from 7pm to 10pm but her call didn’t come through. I opened our chat with no intention of sending her a message but I ended up sending one. She didn’t read it, she didn’t reply and I woke up this morning at 8am, checked my phone and there was no missed call from her.

With my pride playing with the dogs, I called her and we agreed to talk at noon. I was happy and to show it, I had my bath, dressed up and sprayed perfume for the call.

The call lasted for about 10minutes and in that 10munites,she told me that she ‘s now dating someone else but I should try and stay friends.

I’m confused. How do you stay friends with someone you care about and not involve emotions? How do you watch someone you care about date someone while you pretend to be “Just friends”. I need to understand the idea of ‘Just friends” because being “ Just friends” is not what I want from her.

This is me broken and wondering how to break her relationship.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind.
He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys.
Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS.

Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid

Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

30 comments

  1. Nobs, first I’mma tell u that you are an ashy…but seriously, u need to realize that all that glitters aint gold my mehn.If I could count all the people my heart has taken a hit simply cuz i fell prematurely in love with, oh boy u go fear. Take heart and step over the shit.

  2. I don’t think you can ever be just friends with someone you have deeper feelings for. Let her go since she’s already in a relationship and if she’s really “the one”, she’ll come back.

  3. Just read this and I must say this is a good piece. I say so because it just puts on paper exactly what i am going through right now…and the babe sef dey Abuja. Are all of them in Abuja like that? #justsaying

  4. Awww nobz u did wryt it like u promised..well at least u’v put it dwn on paper, bt d feeling wnt go. I agree just friends shld be banned..electroicution is easier than that, bt hey it’s ur call.we’ve watched u spur d women, maybe u shld try again, it doesn’t hurt!!

  5. Truth is, u can’t! No matter how brave u try to be, it won’t work. Been there, done that; its no use trying to stay friends. Hopefully u’ll meet someone else or she might come back to u.

    P.S. @ozolua, not all of us are like that jor.

  6. @Chychy, so I take it it’s a coincidence abi? And to make matters worse, she tells me she doesn’t see me as a boyfriend, that “let’s just be friends”…and here I am hitting my head on the well to make it work regardless of the distance! Aaaaah! Am sounding like a love-puppy. Oh well! No wahala LIFE GOES ON!

  7. Life must go on. Take a walk cos you’ll end up hurting and breaking your spirit more by staying where you’re now. Time heals all wounds,you know. Someone meant for you’ll come to you and every pain shall be erased. Be strong.

  8. lmao,.,.,awwwwwwwww!noble darling!pele oh!errr i think i can relate,.,with her at least,.lol.,,bin there, done that!met dis dude last year,.he wanted more than i cud give nd i really just told him all i cud offer was us being friends!like play, like play,.,he cut off all communication from me,.,no calls, no texts, no nothing!i cudnt understand y he did that nd i wont even front,.,i was a bit hurt because in my mind i’m lyk seriously,,.,we either hav 2 b lovers or nothing more???i complained 2 my brother 2 get a bit more perspective on how d male brain works. nd he told me yea,.,sometimes,.,.wen u love some one soooo much like that nd d person just doesnt understand it,.,or cant see her/himself with u like that,.,U JUST HAVE 2 LET IT GO!nd in cases like these platonic relationships cant work between you two ,even if thats wat u want.why? because its not wat he wants. i got where dude was coming from after my brother explained to me. i met him last month at a friends barbaque, he was with his girlfriend and i was with my hubby,.,we were very chatty and warm towards eachother. !just no bbpin or phone number exchanging this time around!it just complicates things. bet it sucks 4 u right naw{cant get bees song offa my head}lol!,.,.but trust me letting her go is d best!if indeed u r meant 2 b together, u will {as cliche as it sounds}…its still true!

  9. Awwww, mr Noble, as much as I feel 4u, I don’t feel like showin it, neva knew u cud get so burnt and emotional abt bein minor…juss get it off ur mind and let Good times roll in, stil keep her contact, maybe luck will shine on u somday..I have an ex like dat too, we juss wasssup each oda and once in a blue moon,we pour out “had I known(s)” juss to staisfy some underneath tinnzz, buh determined not to go further..

  10. nobs pls reply oh
    does this refer to a memoirs character?
    and if not i recently had someone give me the just friends yans but the truth is pessimistically the “just friends” thing never works and most likely u”ll end up being sex buddies one day when she is feeling bad one rainy night like that that her boyfriend pissed her off. then consoling will turn to sex to make-her-feel-better. then she would now tell u it was a mistake when ur heart and third leg are now syncing with feelings for her. u’d feel bad, she might do walk of shame and never call u again, but if she is selfish like me.lol. and she has feelings for u and her boyfriend,she would hang out wiv u gain one night and play wiv ur heart, head and third leg this tym.(u see ure gradually loosing everything). well(d’banj’s scapegoat voice) i know ure smart enuf to know how this all continues and ends in the “i think we should just stay apart and i will always love u yans”. optimistically she could have had feelings for u and call u to tell u how she had wanted to tell you but didn’t know if you would feel the same. and realistically she is ALL THE WAY in abuja.
    NB: i thought u didnt like wrapper and net

  11. Lovely piece! This is so emotional and i think you should give her time… She will definitely get back to you and if she still insists on being ‘Just Friends’, you have to let be! One thing is sure, if you are meant to be… It will work out somehow!

  12. Someday, the heart break, time keeping, paying extra attention to recent updates, wanting to travel to Abuja just for dinner……..are things you’ll laugh about, shaking your head and imagining how silly they were. It might sound impossible now, tell me the moment you’re over it

  13. Nobs,it will kill u jst being friends with her o.
    Btw,she’s jst dating the dude its nt like they r getting married nw so….they myt jst break up 2moro.
    Hang in there….bt dnt go fuelling their breakup!
    These things jst work out sumtyms when u rily want them 2…

  14. Interesting! This is u on a different note. It good ur experiencing it now so u wud know how biola feels. On a lighter note try & 4get her cos u can never be friends NEVER if wat u feel for her is real u wil end up hurting ursef

  15. well i dont know how people just turn on emotions and then turn it off when it doesnt work for them. i say this cos am in a situation like urs . I find mysef liking a guy who doesnt return the feeling, i am still his friend and i now i only think about him every five seconds. it hurts less now when he doesnt reply the messages or doesnt pick the calls i have accepted it as his nature and i lwill sit back and keep loving him from the backyard till someone else comes and claims my heart. Time really heals all wounds.

  16. totally agree wit tee tee n neesha… try 2 ignore d recent updates n pretend nut 2 hv her numba n b4 long u’ll b embarrassed jst tinkin abt her.. nyc ryt up nobs..as always#hugs

  17. I’m luving dis side of u Nobs *hugs*…
    Atleast she cares about u enough to complain about your not telling her u were in Abuja and maybe she’s scared cos she likes u too but is already involved with another guy where she is while u are all the way in Lagos.
    I can relate to this….*sigh* sadly, my feelings are mutual with this guy who really likes me but I’m so scared cos he seems too good to be true and I’m already involved with someone else.I can’t stay friends with him, I can’t date him and he wouldn’t stay away either….mine’s a constant battle withholding my feelings and trying to ignore them updates. I just tell myself daily that time would tell……be strong!

  18. Remain friends (be careful not to cross into the “friendship zone”). Keep sending subtle hints about your interest. Ask her again in three months, and every three months thereafter

  19. Wow this is actually my first time of reading your write up…yeah yeah…where have i been right? I am deeply touched that this is a true story… but sincerely speaking writing this won’t take your feelings away…and besides you guys didnt even date at all…you weren’t friends….you don’t know her that well…..she didnt do anything spectacular for you-like love you……so move on bro.

  20. I can relate to this. I thought I was the only one ‘recent updates’ been recently updating my mood. Well, I’m facing this kinda situation ATM and what I did was get girls to shift my focus on to help me think less about her. Although I end up comparing her to the girls, it still helps. I’ll shaa hang on and see how much time can heal, first hand (brand new experience like Nesta *in M.I.’s voice*.
    *N/B DO NOT PLAY ‘MARVINS ROOM’ *drops mic*

  21. i guess most of us have that inner demon..in my case,im seriously thinking of deleting the dude from my BBM to avoid seeing those ‘updates’.what do you guys think?

  22. broken hearts do not kill.
    there is no ‘one’ for anyone. you will always find another.
    Just friends work but not in this kind of case.
    Just delete her from your BBM.

  23. ok.quick question…if being ‘suicidal’ is somefin u struggle with, why keep a bottle of poison in the drug cabinet? its the same thing with u trying to ‘stay friends’ u keep alive that ray of hope not meant t be there. u tend t keep in touch subtly till ur unconsciously frequent pings & messages piss her boyfriend off…the she’d have to do the obvious…cut u off!

    …so as hard as it might be..cut off all communications n save urself the daily heartaches caused by ‘recent updates’ n the likes…its goin to be hard mehn…but u’ll survive it!!

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