COCO’S CHRONICLES: WORST DATES EVER

share on:

Recently, my girls and I were hanging out, we really enjoyed it and told each other hanging out was almost better than going on dates with the opposite sex. And then the topic of worst dates ever came up.

Enitan thinks her worst date ever was with a boy she had always admired from a distance. She liked him from the very first day he walked into her office and always drooled over him but never told him anything. However, he walked up to her one day and asked her on a date. Enitan was in cloud nine, here was man of her dreams walking up to her and asking her out. She said yes and they fixed a Saturday for their date.  Now the said Saturday night comes and Enitan gets home cranky because after the nice dinner by the poolside, her date asked her for a kiss.  She declined and he tried to force her saying, “Come on, I know you want it”.  After the poolside episode, Enitan then tries getting down from the car and in the goodnight and thanks hug phase ‘sex starved’ date pins her harder to himself.  She had to give him a slap to let go. ‘Agro na bastard’ is my say on that.

Reanne’s worst date ever was with a guy ten years older. During the date, Reanne’s only words were “Thank you” and after, “Good night” – literally. Her date spoke enough for both of them all night and even imposed his orders on her. He told her that since he loved the food, she had to love it too as he said in Yoruba “Food that the husband doesn’t eat, the wife doesn’t cook” not minding that my girl isn’t Yoruba. After she begged him to translate, he told her to get used to her husband’s language and told her after laughing at his own joke. On their way home, he sang all the songs on his playlist loudly saying he was sure Reanne enjoyed the date and was looking forward to another. By the time Reanne got home, she knew virtually everything about her date and he didn’t know a thing apart from her name.  Immediately she was dropped off by ‘Older guy talk -a-lot’ she deleted his contact and never spoke to him again.

Giselle’s worst date was with a young man who was rude, ill mannered and very loud. When they walked into the restaurant he took her to, he started smoking and greeting everyone in sight in the loudest he could. He introduced her to everybody as his wife and when the waitress came to get their orders, he hit her playfully on the bum. When my friend asked why he did that he laughed and said “She is used to me…she knows how I joke”. Giselle sat down counting the seconds as they moved by slowly. And when she got home, swore never to go out with ‘loudmouth’ again.

Ella’s worst date ever was with a younger guy. He had liked her since he could remember and asked her severally to go on a date with him. After a lot of plea from him, Ella decided to go out with him. While on the date, Ella’s then boyfriend who was very paranoid and extremely jealous spotted them and walked up to them. He demanded to know why Ella was out with a boy that wasn’t him and started raining curses on Ella’s date. He called Ella a bitch and poured the drink she was having on her. This was drawing a lot of attention and so, Ella tried getting out. Her boyfriend pulled her back and tore her dress in the process. Then he pushed her around. The younger guy who was obviously more matured gave Ella his shirt and left with her wearing just his inner shirt. Yeah, it could have been a perfect date but crazed boyfriend turned up to ruin it. She broke up with him immediately after and even though he  bought her the best perfumes ever, she collected them and never went back to him.

My worst date was a few weeks back. The guy collected, my number from a friend and called me. He spoke with an American accent and asked me to add him on my BB. While we were chatting on BB, he told me about his job and the recent completion of his studies in Manchester. I wasn’t thrilled (stuff like that don’t buy me over) but I decided to give him a chance. I was bored and never stopped thinking of my ex (don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him – DIFFERENT STORY).  He told me his parents were wealthy blah, blah, blah.  Anyway, he fixed a day for us to hangout and I agreed. He told me he had a lot of surprises planned out for us and I was going to be thrilled.

He fixed the date for 2pm. When it was 2pm on the day of our date, he pinged and told me something came up and he’ll call me in a few hours. Well, my date called me around 6pm and told me to come out. Though, I was angry and tired – I thought it was best to be polite, so I still accepted the date and I went out.  He was there smiling, I tried to smile back and then he told me he had looked around my neighbourhood and thinks we should hangout in one of the spots.  I was still wondering if that was the surprise that was supposed to thrill me, until Mr Showoff flagged down a bike. “Where’s your car?” I asked wondering what in the world was going on. “Let’s just take a bike” he said and climbed in behind me – same bike not a separate bike. Of course, my temperature was already rising. I was furious.

When we got to the hangout spot, during the placing of the order, i realized the accent had changed to something a bit more local. He ordered for a plate of fish and chips and started eating with me. I was stunned when he ate everything before I could finish. I just sat down, watching and praying how I would stick to all this till the end. By the last bite of chips,  I told him I had to leave plus his boring talks didn’t seem to be ending.  He stood up and we were walking out when someone walked up to us and asked us for money. I was embarrassed as my date started searching his pockets for money. I walked out and was flagging down a cab when he caught up with me “Sorry about that, I…” “NO SORRY” I cut in. He was watching me in shock. I got into the cab and added “Thanks for the surprise though. It was a surprising night”. Once I got home,  I sent him a message and told him to stay away from him and I deleted his contact details.

I have decided to rest on dates and my girls? Well, they have decided to rest it too. Enitan especially.

Coco

Coco

I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco

17 comments

  1. You actually got on the bike : O!!!!!!!!! You are a nice girl! lol! I wont even get in a cab mehn, eye don tear.

  2. Cant make up my mind who had the worst date,between Ella and Coco. Am laughing so hard my tummy hurts. The things that women go through with men,eish. Will love to read about the best dates ever too.

  3. Hahahahaa, omo this would make good comedic material for a show, I love it!! Some men are not trying at allllllll.

    But to be honest though, 3 of you asked for it sha…
    Why was Ella going on a date when she was with someone. The boyfriend’s reaction toh serious but he had a right to be mad sha.
    Why did ol’girl agree to date her Uncle (lol)…I bet the guy had money. My gfs and I almost called the police on one old geezer like that, lol @ I am sure you had a good time.
    And you…the guy had American accent, went to school in Manchester and then bragged about family wealth, and finally postponed the date with the flimsy…”something came up”. You had to know he was full of nothingness.

    Jokes apart, the guy that went out with Enitan is one of the scariest types. Some are not as “gentlemanly” as he was. God protect us single ladies abeg.

  4. @kalista: I kuku did. A surprising night it really was, lol
    @maanadee: yeah we’l def have best dates ever. I’m glad ̷ u love this. Cheers!

  5. I think Ella had the worst date amongst the girls. But generally, u guys av got some crazy dates all in different forms. Cool.
    Coco’s chronicles- Thumbs up.

  6. lmaooooo….really nice material!!!!wah were you even thinking of wen u took the bike???u should have told him to GO HOME!!! i think Ella’s bf is just an insecure dude…like really!!! he obviously didnt have any feelings for Ella for him to have actually done that to her….in PUBLIC!! Enitan’s case is just hillarious…she shuld have slapped him the minute he said “i know you want it” and leave. Anyway hanging out wiv gurlfriends is very cool and lots of fun! Nicely done dear….

  7. ..and my cocolicious coco delivers yet another entertaining piece.
    D worst date is def coco’s..fake yankee/britist acsent is alwais a classic..u were really nice tho,stil followin him on d bike when u clda ended it der n den like mst pple wld, since u wr stil in front of ur ouse..infact u wr extra nice..
    As for Enitan, emmmm…dnt blame d dude too mch, aggro cn mk pple do unusual fngs..#justsaying
    Keep it up dear!

  8. Jeez…Some dudes have just lost it.. why would a home boi beat a lady up or shove her aroud, or even force her for a kiss or even lie… *SMH*

    Mehnn ladies here’s hoping you find that Gentlemean u all seek…

  9. oh dear enitan, have experienced dis stuff from this dude that leaves in the same neighbourhood back then in PH & took it upon himself to be dropping me off 4rm work, dis particular evening he insists i must give him a kiss & stop treating him like dirt ………*btw he has a combination of bad breath and bad dentition*. we spent almost 30 mins in his car insisting i give him the kiss i didnt budge 1 bit cldnt bring myself to -at a point he suggested he brushes still no way. thank God he didnt get physical(though i was mighty scared) but that was the end of going home 2geda cldnt buy my t-fare with a kiss puleez 4 how long

  10. U actually got on d bike??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did u get that calm and gentle??!!!!! D guy f-ed up sha…haba…he ought to have made his financial stance known instead of forming manchester……nawah o

  11. some idiots think they are ”testing” babes by pulling bike tricks and not being able to pay for dinner and stuff . As for the girl that was manhandled by her boo, the bf is crazy and immature, while ella was not smart in choosing her venue for the date. its unfortunate

Leave a Reply