Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 48

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It’s Monday again and you are on

For some reason, I went through memoirs on and realised that I have been writing since May 16,2010. Today is not the anniversary but somehow I’ve come to realise that we’ve been on this for over a year now. You’ve shared the good, the bad and the not so good moments of my life.

We didn’t have to do so much marketing for You people sold it through word of mouth and we are totally grateful. I thank every single one of you for the support, we wouldn’t have gone this far without you. Go out there, grab a bottle of Sprite and a pack of HOB NOBS, the official biscuit of the memoirs of a SLU…shhkid, and send the bill to me. I totally adore every one of you.

In other news, from June 2011,you can read Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid- The missing Pages on WOW Magazine. The Missing pages will cover the articles that did not make it here but there would be a co-relation between both.

The first episode is on my meeting with Slim and the plans we’ve made on moving our friendship to the new level. Don’t miss it

Saturday May 14,2011.

The condom tore..

I was confused and didn’t know if I should continue for what it’s worth. I know some of us will claim that we are Teamcondom all the time but at that moment all that I wanted to do was thrust KIM and pump away.

Here are my reasons;

*She’s got a good job

*She’s got no smell down there

*Even though she’s got a man, it was obvious that she wasn’t a serial cheat.

*I’ve never had sex on a balcony overseeing Lagos and because I wasn’t sure when I would get such an opportunity, I decided to talk myself into it.

Nobs: Babe, have you got another?

Kim: Nope

Nobs: Do you trust me?

Kim: Yup

Nobs: I mean like can we go ahead unprotected?

Kim: I trust you well enough. When was the last time you had unprotected sex?

Nobs: It’s been a while. You?

Kim: Well, I go skin with the boyfie.

Nobs: Hmmmm

Kim : Hmmm what, babes?

Nobs: boo, I don’t know who your boyfie may be dicking without protection, before mmadu ebute something.

Kim: Olodo, why are you speaking language for me. You should have come with condoms.

Nobs: I don’t sell condoms jor

Kim: So what do we do?

Nobs: maybe you should go down to the reception and get some but I can’t promise you this hard on will be waiting sha.

Kim: Nobs, I even think my mouth can wake up the dead. Leave that part for me.

Jenny was still on the phone and she had her legs crossed. I thought hard on her offer of a second session the following day.

She got off the phone.

Jenny: Where’s Kim?

Nobs: she went to the reception

Jenny: Why?

Nobs: We ran out of condoms.

Jenny: Wow. So are we still on tomorrow?

Nobs: I‘ve got loads of things to do but I can make out time for you.

Jenny; Me? Alone?

I was about to say yes but I didn’t want to make it obvious that I was interested in her. Secondly, Kim comes to read this and I wouldn’t want her to find out anything stupid here (Kim, I wasn’t going to do anything behind your back that was why I asked you later)

Nobs: I really don’t want it to get nasty so I will ask Kim if I’m allowed to see you alone.

Jenny: Fair enough. Here’s my pin tho. (She passes her phone across to me)

Then there was a knock on the door. Jenny got the door, Kim walks in followed by Chioma.

Kim: Nobs, meet my friend, Chioma

Chioma: We know each other

Kim: It’s a small world

Nobs: It is. Hey Chioma, how’s J girl?

Chioma: She’s fine ooo. We should all hook up soon.

Kim : Hook up for what?

Chioma: I go way back with Nobs.

Like she said,we go way back. If you’ve been following memoirs, you will remember Chioma in week 3. Here’s the link for a flash back.

Nobs : Kim,can I see you for a min

Kim : Sure hun

We walked back to the balcony

Nobs : I feel used.

Kim : How?

Nobs : you can’t pretend that  Chioma didn’t tell you that we know each other.

Kim : No she didn’t

Nobs : I thought we agreed to tell each other only the truth no matter the consequences .

Kim : Yup

Nobs: Did she tell you about herself & I?

Kim: Yes but that was when I showed her your DP this evening.

Nobs: So she was the person that suggested the threesome?

Kim : We were talking about it, then your name came up and then we decided that she should leave and join us at some point so that it will appear like she didn’t know you were coming.

Nobs : I have to go now

Kim : Are you mad at me?

Nobs: I feel like a homeless dog in a close feeding off from all the kitchens in my neighbourhood and that’s not a good feeling.

Kim : I’m so sorry .

Nobs : it’s fine.

Kim : Are we still seeing tomorrow like you promised Jenny

Nobs : I didn’t promise anything but I won’t mind hanging out with Jenny

Kim : Alone?

Nobs : Yup

Kim : That won’t happen . You left me hanging and now you are talking about hanging out with Jen alone.

Nobs: You know what? Have a good night.

I walked out and straight to the elevator. For the first time in a long time, I felt used. I got into my car and decided that someone have to pay for the blue balls. I picked up my phone and called someone that I’ve not called in a while.

Male voice : Hello

Nobs : Good Evening, please I’ll like to speak with Biola

Male voice : hold on, please what’s the name?

Nobs : Noble

I overheard him saying “ baby, there’s a certain Noble on the phone for you” and guess her response “Baby,tell him that I am sleeping

I didn’t wait for his response, I hung up. When it rains, it pours Maybe I need to change my ways


Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Mehn,this is a rather sad post.It’s one of those days though bro,shrug it off and do your thing.However,i don’t see why you felt the way you did,you were using the gurls so it’s not a bad thing if you were used in turn…i mean,you sef for gain na,abi?

  2. Lol…LMAO…I love it wen a guy like nobs feels used…sowee deary,it time a hot bath should calm the blues *wink*

  3. Awww Nna (hugs), chei. This was a sad one. Ok, as per your long time reader, I think I have earned the right to do this:

    Cause I feel like you are my cousin or something, I will say this. Kudos for thinking sharp and not going in on Kim. All the reasons you gave are rubbish. No one can sniff out all the diseases. You are naive to think she is not a cheat when she is clearly cheating on her man…the chic is a thrill seeker and you are not the only person she is getting her thrills from. Asking someone do you trust me…what in the world, man?? You fit gamble with your life like that? Anyway, I still say good job on not going through with it.

    Wow @ running into a past bed warmer man. These chics are on some serious something.

    Mehn, you can’t blame Biola she found her square root. Did you expect her to be your bed warmer forever?

    I know this is not the popular vote because everyone wants to read about your tales with women but at some point, you do need to slow down with these girls, I am sure the feeling you had wasn’t a great one. (All this coming from a place of support and not judgement before person go chop my head off)

  4. What goes around comes around..don’t worry Nobs,it will go around again..i’d bang Jen alone in Kim’s back just to get back @ thinkin out loud

  5. Trolololo
    Hobnobs being used?the world had really come to an end. Perhaps rapture took place and we don’t even know it.

  6. =)) =)) =)) OhmiGodº°˚ ˚° laffinº°˚ ˚°º≈andº°˚ ˚°º≈tumblingº°˚ ˚°º≈soteyº°˚I wan˚°º≈injureº°˚ ˚myself°º≈=)) =)) =)) @ I don’t sell condoms. What a boring post neeways mayb u shd gv u memiors on hw u go out to socialize in the bid of getting a real girlfriend. Do ur friends live ds same life u do? Just me thinking

  7. Me I did not find this boring oh, in fact I liked it a lot ’cause I intensely dislike Kim. (And so what if I no sabi her?) It’s not obvious kankan that she’s not a serious cheat; you just might not recognize her game.

    As for the ‘homeless dog feeding on chickens in its neighborhood bit’, ngwa, what is that? A homeless dog is just that–homeless. It’s got no neighborhood so it can feed off anywhere; I’m just sayin’…if you’re gon’ be a hoe, balls to the wall & do it, man. All these village metaphors & similes are unnecessary.
    But if you wanna change your ways, I have advice. Amber Rose is dating Wiz Khalifa. Have you seen him? He’s not cute, his hair is effed up, & he looks like he’s 2 blunts away from crack-head status. Start making major moves, Nobs.

  8. One day bushmeat go catch the hunter *soundsultan’s voice* lmao. Nobs pele, don’t worry about, playerz get played too sometimes. Like you rightly said, you need a 360 degree change from your adventurous life. It’s well with your soul.

  9. Buhahahahahahahahaahhaaaaaa OMG. Can’t stop laffing. So Noble u can feel ‘used’ ? Choi, I bet it was d rapture-scare that caused dat…..all the same sorry, biola wasn’t gonna be there forever……again sorry

  10. Biola finally woke up. Tho she was ‘asleep’! Hehehe. My dear I strongly believe ur memiors are filled with loads of fiction based on some true stuff. Just my belief o. But if its all true, then its about time u started to feel this way. Haba! Na only u?????! U chook here chook there chook everything! Slow down man. So many beautiful women out there. Pick one and rest inu? Good boy.

  11. …there comes when a time even when you are driving on the highway when you need to apply brake…. and you keep applying it again and again. I think you have reached that time Mr. Noble; but then again, who am I to say, I am a new follower here.
    In as much as people like to read the gists you bring every week, maybe it is time for you to slow down and take stock and settle down * sorry i dont want to sound like your mom*. I am sure you’ve sown enough wild oats#just saying.

  12. Nobs!
    Do you know how many of my friends I have told about 360 nobs!… Guess we all have our days… It will pass…
    Luv ya!

  13. Its really about time u changed, m glad u can see this urself, buh i won’t be suprised if i read nxt week, with plenrry escapades *sigh* GoodLuck with changing tho’

  14. As a human being,I totally agree wit @ijustcant!i mean,much as we all lyk 2 read abt ur sexcapades,the sensible thn to do is slow down & take stock!Biola has probably left u & moved on with lyf!u nid to thnk deeply abt wia u’r goin wit all dese!there comes a tym wen in a man’s lyf wen he must put away childish things & face manhood!mayb u’r at dat point! Bt as an interestd reader of the memoirs I’ll say WTH? Evry1 feels/gets used @ one point or d other in his/her lyf;d gist is move on!Bang as many of em as u can & keep living ur lyf joor!kim is jst d female version of u so dere shldnt rily b any hard feelings!its rily no biggie!u just got paid back in ur own coin!deal with it man!

  15. This made me sad for reasons i can’t comprehend 🙁
    Anyways, really looking forward to reading about ur next move wiv Slim!

  16. I do like slim Nobs…plus she’s a size 8 n prolly fits to d letter S what u want in a wife(bet she does not use wrapper n hairnet too). Y don’t u just start sumfin serious wit her- assuming she’ll want U after digesting all this stories laced with bourbon n fiction from here? As much as I read memoirs n comment under many aliases, I tink u need to just chill- with d truckload of sex n all forms of other excesses. Memoirs go still make sense wt silly stories abt U 2, Ur babies and the place u call home- like a reality series, The slushh house☺.

  17. Nobs, I’m totali in ♥ wiv U̶̲̥̅̊Я̲̅ memoirs nd i fink U̶̲̥̅̊ я̩̥̊‎​ one helluva guy, buh U̶̲̥̅̊ serzli nid to slow dwn. Gettin one gurl nd settling dwn z nt ЪŦ hard, I’m sure U̶̲̥̅̊’ve had sexcapades ЪŦ wuld lst U̶̲̥̅̊ a life time. So jes slow down!

  18. Nobs, U̶̲̥̅̊ rili nid to slow dwn, findin a gurl nd sticking to only ha isn’t ЪŦ hard! Totali ♥ U̶̲̥̅̊Я̲̅ memoirs nd i tink U̶̲̥̅̊ 1 helluva guy. U̶̲̥̅̊ jes nid to quit dis fins or else d feelin of bin “used” wuld neva go awai!

  19. This was funny. LMAO! But I guess we all have our days. It just wasn’t your’s. At least its not everytime u get to have all the excitement.

  20. Jux like i guessed last week,sum old peepz frm hiz past.still nobs,life goes on,u jux got to look bfore leaping.fair reAd

  21. laffing @ “before mmadu eje bute something…lol!!..amazing how despite all the thrill u stilluse ur senses…anyway hope u will post the slim gist on nobs cos i dont know whre to find WOW magazine o!!…i can not shout!

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