Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 47

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Dear All,

Let’s agree on something; please make sure you read the rules before going further.

There’s a reason why we have the rules to go by and if you’ve been following The Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid, you’ll agree that people have been commenting with no regards to the rules. I know some people after reading my article titled ‘The Twitter Artist‘ will come here to leave comments in relation to that. Please don’t, leave memoirs for its lovers and non lovers.

In other news, I hope you are looking forward to The davidbowler Exposure party on the 11th of June 2011 at De Marquee.  Make sure that you get your name on the guest list.

Monday April 25,2011.

I was totally confused and didn’t know what to do but then, did you expect me to pack condoms to a family function? I hadn’t planned on doing anything but it was my travel box so I hoped to see one from sometime ago.

I looked over at Queen, she had pulled up her dress and all I could see behind her full ‘tomato-Jos‘ body was a pink thong. Lawd have mercy, I may be wrong but I think Queen’s body could be referred to as “His temple“. I walked back to her and then she said;

Queen: We don’t have time

Nobs: Erm I couldn’t find any condoms

Queen: And we’ve been apart for too long to trust each other.

Nobs: I’ve been good

Queen: common shut up you little big-headed slut. I read your diary on your site.

Nobs: No way.

Queen: I’m not mad at you for making me this wet.

Nobs: What are you smoking? Can’t you see that I’m not thinking with my head? Well, at least not with the head connected to my neck. Queen, be nice, Prove to me that you can still blow like back in the days.

Queen : No one is getting a free pass on this. I’m so turned on too.

Nobs : So now, you are going P square on me?

Queen: How ?

Nobs: Do me, I do you.

Queen: I miss us though. I still remember us back in the days. Heard you guys broke up.

Nobs: Yup

Queen: I know you still love her.

Nobs: Now & always

Queen: what are you doing later tonight?

Nobs: I don’t know yet but I can be your late hour plan.

Queen: We need to go down before your mum starts looking for you.

Nobs: I see you’ve been famzing with her.

Queen: Na you know.

Damn! I was this close to smashing Queen and I couldn’t even risk going skin on her. Few years back at some point, we stopped using condoms because we believed we could trust each other, but so much had happened in between. Believe me, if I had seen a glove (you know the type they use in hospitals), I would have cut out a piece for use.

Back to the reception, I tried to take my mind off Queen but I was too busy to make another escape to the room.


The other side of dancing so hard at a wedding is the waist pain that accompanies it. I was resting when my phone rang

Queen: Hey Nobs

Nobs: Hey Queen. What’s up?

Queen: Nobs, I got talking with Amara and I also did some serious thinking. I suggest that we forget about hooking up tonight. I really think we got carried away earlier today. If we are ever going to come back together, I want something serious. We made a lot of mistakes but we can correct them as adults.

Nobs: I’m so sorry if you think I tried taking advantage of you earlier today. I guess I still have feelings for you. I do want a relationship too but I want it to be right and not close to what we had in the past.

Queen: I’m off to my sister’s place tonight. I will text you my pin after this call.

Nobs: No good night kiss?

Queen: Nobs, we will talk.

I was not really sad, I guess we are both at that age where we should be looking for something serious but I know that Okafor would be very disappointed in me. Maybe I should have gone ‘nigga raw‘  but maybe I did the right thing.

That night I went to bed with the naked image of Queen on my mind.

Tuesday April 26,2011.

Wedding done and no movement due to the election, we spent all most the whole day in the pool.

Later in the day, I got some BBMs from Queen

Queen : Nobs,how are you?

Nobs : I’m fine oooo

Queen : What are you up to?

Nobs : I’m by the pool. What’s up?

Queen: Nothing much. I was just wondering if we could see tonight after the elections.

Nobs: Sure. Will you come to the hotel?

Queen: Yes but no sex

Nobs : Won’t force you unless you ask for it.

Queen: I won’t ask for it.

I didn’t plan on jumping Queen but just so that I wouldn’t look unprepared, I asked one of the security men to help me buy condoms.


The “no movement” was called off in other cities but we were informed that the Rivers State Government extended theirs. Queen & I had to cancel our date and the following day she left for Abuja.

Wednesday April 27,2011.

We ate breakfast as a family, my special & wonderful friend raced us to the airport

and in about 50 minutes, we were back in Lagos.

Cos we missed Segs while we were in PH,we went straight to Evergreen for lunch with Segz.

Saturday May 14,2011.

The night before was very messy and all I wanted to do was rest. I had so much to drink the night before and decided to place my self a water diet.


I woke tired and craving popcorn from the Galleria, so I decided to go get some. On my way back I got a call from Kim

Kim : Nobs, why are you going PPS on  me?

Nobs : PPS kwa? What’s PPS?

Kim : Proud Pe*** syndrome.

Nobs : Me kwa?

Kim : Yes na. Anyways where are you?

Nobs : At the Galleria.why?

Kim : I want to see you.

Nobs : Where are you?

Kim : 4 Points

Nobs : What’s happening there?

Kim : Two  of my girlfriends are in town and we are having fun with  the boys.

Nobs: Nice

Kim : can you come? I told them about you and they want to meet you

Nobs: I have a meeting  but I can ex it for you

Kim : What do you want me to do?

Nobs : I don’t know

Kim : Give me a few minutes

I got into my car and was heading home when I got a new message from kim

Kim : This is my friend,Joy and she wants to meet you.

Nobs : who is she?

Kim ; Someone you will like .

Nobs : Seen

Kim : How would like being in the company of 3 naked girls?

Nobs : I like the idea but maybe 3 girls that I can trust sounds better.

Kim : They are my friends.

Nobs : Room number?

Kim : ****

Kim : Btw, I need London Menthol.

Nobs: cool.

I was excited and scared at the same time. I’ve never been with 3 chics but I wasn’t sure if they would have a camera planted. I thought about it for a while but decided to go regardless considering my relationship with Kim.

I got to the room and met only two people, Kim and another lady in her underwear.

Kim : Nobs, meet  Jennifer, Jennifer meet nobs.

Jenny: Nice to finally meet you.

Nobs: Nice to meet you.

Nobs : Where’s your second friend.

Kim: She‘ll be bad soon

Kim: You come here, so you’ve not missed me,abi?

Nobs; I’ve missed you

Kim: Show it

Nobs: Believe me, boo

Kim : come let me show you how much of you that I have missed.

Kim grabbed me and started kissing me, then one after the other she took off every piece of clothing on me. I didn’t try to stop her but I was also looking behind to make sure that Jenny wasn’t pointing her phone at us. Kim went on her knees and put me in her mouth. It was bliss and when I thought I had seen it all, Kim said

Kim : Jenny, come and assist me with the balls.

At that moment, everything I thought I knew about Kim changed. She was not just another girl; she was the girl ready to up her action. Jenny joined her and within minutes, I had my two hands holding two different heads both taking turns on me.

Then Jenny Spoke

Jenny : Kim,you know that I have not asked you for anything?

Kim : What do you want?

Jenny : Will you let him take me?

Kim : Not tonight

Jenny; Not just tonight? why?

Kim : maybe tomorrow

Jenny : Are we all hooking up tomorrow?

Kim ; Nobs?

Nobs : We can decide all that later.

They went back to the *ahem* and in no time we had exchanged saliva and counted 69 and triangle.

Jenny’s phone rang. She picked it and that was when Kim suggested that we should take it to the balcony. She got a condom,slipped it on me and just as she was to guide it in,the unexpected happened ……

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. U shd jus b a writer for hints magazine na. Ebuka is fiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

  2. The funniest part of this post is the 2nd picture…’and in about 50 minutes, we were back in Lagos…’ Looll

  3. Puuuhlease! @honeysucklebelle Haven’t you seen a guy who’s finer than this “Ebuka” *no biffs* Or do people confuse “fine” for “stardom”? Nobs bobo, I love, love, lav this article! But a threesome…hmm. Omor u go wound o! Awoof dey seriously run belle. Take it easy on all these “slack” toto.

    1. Aunty,
      We are not talking The 4 Ways by The Rotary Club or 4 Points RoundAbout in Nsukka.
      We are talking about the hotel.


  4. 3some…….niceee!Well I think Ebuka is a clean guy,don’t think “fine” shld b stressed on him though

  5. Nobs….are you related to Ebuka or something?or he’s just a friend?
    And you know all we your readers have your best interests at heart so I’d advice you to get a full STD test!you can never be tooo sure about the people you’re intimate with
    <3Love Sexy S<3

  6. i just started reading this ‘memoirs’ and ermm… i find it to be a bit larger than life. really??
    putting the pic kim sent u isnt fair… some boobs are quite recognisable.

  7. @Claire Negbenebor, I meant “beefs”, E.g “dat” for “that”.I was only trying not to sound like I was in an English class. And look closely, it has a blend of pidgin english to it. Thanks

  8. @ufedo,look closely the pic kim sent aren’t boobs.
    Quite impressed you didn’t go ‘nigga raw’ on Queen.
    Not so excited about this threesome with kim,mayb I just don’t like kim. I miss Abiola,shirls,slim,Ada dem dem 🙁

  9. Nobs….are you related to Ebuka or something?or he’s just a friend?
    And you know all your readers have your best interests at heart so It won’t hurt to get a full STD test!you can never be tooo sure about the people you’re intimate with

  10. @ expensive, am sure u vnt been to 4points cos they ve rooms wiv balconies facing oriental hotel. Do u research well

  11. @ expensive, am sure u vnt been to 4points cos if u ve, u wud knw they ve rooms wiv balconies facing oriental hotel. Do u research well.

  12. Hmmmm,i don’t seem to trust kim,she got sumfin up her sleeves,nd d third person,m guessin its sumone frm ur past.its jux too smooth for it to be real,i.e kim callin u up for a 3sum.really anxious abt nxtwk!

  13. “Believe me, if I had seen a glove (you know the type they use in hospitals), I would have cut out a piece for use.”

    And yet u wan us to believe you are endowed #nohomo….cam’on those gloves are tiny

    1. u wld be surprised wat can fit in them gloves and why r u bothered if uncle Nobs is endowed ….??? i suspect u !!!! besides he is d dude wit the 3sum live with it ……**evil smile***

  14. OMG???? I can’t wait till monday. This is crazyyyy. I love your writing skills tho.

    Were your friends sleeping on that flight? Meanwhile are you allowed to use electrical appliances mid air?

    Remember soul plane??? mmmmmm

  15. Nobs!!! I see u got ur mojo back.
    Got a feeling the 3rd person’s frm ur past too n she walked in on u n kim gettn down yh? 😉
    I miss Ada, Slim n co too…wuddup wiv em sef? Me wud luv to know!!!

    1. I wanted to but i was scared a bit.
      It’s still on my phone sha.
      You are one naughty girl.
      My regards to Jenny

  16. “I know some people after reading my article titled ‘The Twitter Artist‘ will come here to leave comments in relation to that”… sef tire ooo!

  17. Hmmm. Umu nwanyi of these days have gone mad!! Ehn ehn kwa? A threesome just like that? Our ancestors paid with tubers and tubers of yam. And Kim. Kim Kim.. My favourite ‘easy’ woman. Easy o. Abeg next week should get here already jor. Never thought there’d be a point in my life when I’d wish for the week to have 2 mondays.

  18. Am I the only one that thinks Kim is a bit of a loser for coming here to comment…she did this last week aswell…haha

    1. I agree…stop looking for 15 seconds of fame or whatever it is you’re after, ‘Kim’. I’m ready for Nobs to move on…her own is extra. I was pissed about the Ada thing, but this Kim who keeps coming here like a 2 cent hooker when she has a man is just pathetic. On to the next one, jare.

  19. that kim na ashewo jor…take it see the breast sef…and mr nobs has anyone old you you look like one of them aki and pawpaw,your head is really big,how did you manage such a fine sis? take it easy with the whores man,you might have something already

  20. Are we moderating on 360nobs now? ‘Cause I have prayers for Kim. May her man now, and others in the future do unto her as she is doing unto the guy who calls himself her boyfriend.

  21. yeah, intresting!, i suspect biola is the 3rd person or even queen……………monday will tell, pls can we have memoirs up nxt week the same time we did y-day.
    &am expecting news from ada, u said she called. really liked her and slim.

  22. Nobs i read your blog…(this is my first time of ever commenting)…against my moral justification…one thing only i ask…whatever u want to write…enjoy urself but please dont blaspheme in any way….making reference to ur sex object and God at same time, calling her His temple isn’t fair…have some respect man!

  23. *scrolls back up to check if I’m on the right page*…seems like ppl finally got around to reading d rules…either that or “the twitter artiste” tired them out…good to see memoirs out on time like d old days, keep it up. meanwhile its getting harder to post comments on mobile…page never seems to load, wsup wit dat?

  24. Mr Nobs, you are a very good writer. Maybe, you should start thinking about writing your own book. Back to the subject, in as much as I find your lifestyle conflicting with my personal values, I’m not here to play ‘God’ over your life with this comment. However, there are some basic rules you need to follow. As one person stated above, you can write whatever you like, but please keep away from including God in it. What you are doing is bad enough in his sight, don’t add mockery and blasphemy to it.
    Number two, you should only get yourself involved with single women. You should realise that you are helping someone cheat on their partner..Just imagine if reverse was the case (Kim was your girlfriend, cheating on you with another man…WITHOUT your knowledge) How does that make you feel? And you would expect a woman to be faithful to you in the future???Whatever a man soweth….you know the rest! I’m not here to insult or judge you. But in everything we do, it’s very important that we do in moderation.

  25. I agree with ‘Sexy S’!you should get yourself tested!one of these girls out of spite would want to give you an STD to make you pay for your actions!I’m suspecting this kim oh!she might have gonorrhea or something!lol

  26. @expensive…..of course thrz balcony @ four points (sheraton)…its obvious u haven’t been thr…so until then shut up and just enjoy d read… other comment….nice read Nobs..

  27. Hmmm! Nobs, biko stop d made-up stories..a short akpu, bigheaded guy lyk u arranging (not even arranging; being CALLED to come nd hav) a 3some just lyk dat wit no cash involved…4 dis nigeria?! Even if u b Boris Kodjoe (and ur far from it), u gas drop somtin…u ke??! I die!!! I reali wish I cud see wat dese babes luk lyk o (If at all ur telln d truth)..prob ras as fuck..shebi Kim is ur new groupie now? Post her pic lets see..she wont mind..*winks*

  28. Nobs igwe….dis is quite entertaining…nd after seeing dat pic…I knw who kim is….hey kim!!!….vry small world..

  29. D story actually seems too good to be true. Let’s see nextweek’s memoirs. Besides. Kim is too slutty. Apparently “by their breasts u shall know them”.Cc Ba ni ki di .
    I agree with d comment from Le blanc sha.lolo @ “I die!!!”

  30. Ebuka is so damn fine! and he’s also successful so that increases his sex appeal. if you don’t think Ebuka is hot, just remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. P.S i have been dreaming of the day i’ll marry Ebuka and i have planned the names of our 3 kids. Nobs pls help me tell Ebuka (my nwannem, nkem mo)

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