Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 46

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I know you hate it when I post late but believe me, I’ve gotten so busy it scares me. Recently, I have been busy organizing one of the biggest fashion events of 2011. Some of you may have gotten your notification letters to the event and some of you will get theirs later today, which ever way it goes, don’t fail to get yours.

I’m taking about The davidbowler Exposure party at De Marquee in June 2011 for 200 guests only. It’s strictly for people who are fashion forward, experts and industry decision makers.

We have the best venue; we will provide you with drinks, just bring your fashionable self.

Get yours today by contacting nobs@360nobs.com or lucy@360nobs.com

Let’s say I’m uber excited.

So there we were, seated in the car and I was about to start the car

Kim: I had a really good time at yours, how do I say “Thank you”

Nobs: Saying “Thank you” would be enough

Kim: I want to say a “Thank you” you’ll always remember.

Nobs; So what do we do?

Kim: Can you drive while I mouth-ride you?

Nobs: Wow. All the way to Ikoyi?

Kim: If you can hold it, why not?

Nobs: This must be an interesting “Thank you”

Kim instructed me to drive and just when I got to the gate, she undid my fly and slipped in her hand. She kept her hands in and few minutes to the toll, she brought it out and lowered her head.

The lady at the toll didn’t lift the bar and my brain wasn’t connecting at that moment. It took the honking from the car behind to bring me back to reality.

I didn’t want to get involved in an accident so I begged Kim to chill a bit.

We got to her house and trust her to remind me that we paused something.

Kim : Nobs, park few blocks away from the gate

With the car parked meters away from her gate, she finished what she started and as HEAD girl Teamswallow, it was a nice Thank You.

I drove home with different images of KIM on my mind and at some point; I toyed with the idea of stealing her from her boyfriend.

I mean she fancies me and I won’t even lie it was a big night for us.

 

Last week, some people were pissed that kim is in a relationship and is having an affair with me.

Look at it like The WHO

If there’s a crisis in any region, we step in to assist and not with the intention to occupy. Such services are rare to come by especially in this part of the world and you think I’m not being helpful? Do you know how many women who go to bed everyday with only the imagination of how “Orgasm” feels like?

Anyway, I will not break the relationship; I’ll only fill in the gap.

 

Saturday April 23,2011.

Erm I talk a lot about my sisters but then I love them. We’ve been planning the trip since 2010 and when Amara and Ned finally chose a date, we knew it was time.

We went out the night before and got home at about 5am, our flight was scheduled for 9am the next day.

Olams, claimed he was going to wake us all up but guess what, it took a bucket of water to wake him up.

We got to the airport, ate food at some joint and out we flew to PH city.

On getting PH, Ned came to get us and without wasting time, we went to Jevinik for some Ofe Onugbu and Nri Ji.

The trip to Jevinik was not just for food, we went to Jevinik to officially give Olams an Igbo name. We named him “Arinze”.

So I present to you, Olamide Arinze Adedeji & Chaaa.

We didn’t spend so much time in PH before hooking up with my momsie and together we all travelled to Aba.

On getting to Aba, Arinze shocked us

Arinze: erm I can’t find my suit

Nobs : Where did you leave it?

Bubus : Yes,where did you leave it?

Arinze : I think I left at that resturant in Lagos

Nobs : No,you are kidding right?

Arinze : I’m not

Bubus : Wow. So what do we do now?

Arinze : We will check it when we get back to Lagos.

Momsie : o gini?

Nobs : Olamide forgot his suit in Lagos

Momsie : Olamide,O eziokwu

Arinze : Ma?

Bubus : common say yes

Momsie: Olamide, you know I won’t be speaking English to you

Arinze: Yes,Ma

Nobs: well, lets enjoy Aba and when we get back to Lagos, we will look for the jacket.

We had fun in Aba and Arinze grew a potbelly in one night. Having Eba for lunch and rice for dessert.

Sunday April 24,2011.

We woke up in the morning forming Lagos boys until Popsie informed us that we all have to go to church for Easter.

We didn’t go for the Igbo service because we thought that would be a little difficult for Arinze, so we attended the English service where we got Arinze dedicated.

I could have sworn my friends were “tush” until offering time. Who dances “Alanta” to worship songs? Yes, Bubus  & Arinze.

While the choir were giving us some ‘ Aka Nchawa” songs, we boogied like there was no tomorrow.

Church over, we went visiting and after visiting we went back to PH with Momsie.

We got into PH at night and we went straight to my sister’s room. Immediately we entered I knew that I was in trouble. Queen was sitting on my sister’s bed.

Queen and I dated years back and for some reason she stopped talking to me after we broke up.

I was not expecting her to be there but it was my sister’s wedding and I cannot really determine who should be invited and who shouldn’t be.

Anyway, I knew I planned to have fun and there was no way the now-looking-all-hawt-queen was going to spoil things for me.

 

Monday April 25,2011

Finally the day came and we all went to the church, Amara got married and we all moved to the reception. I have been attending weddings for some time now and I have noticed that you get more “When is your own’ during family weddings.

So uncles and aunties had a field day trying to find out if I was dating. I avoided some, lied to some but one person surprised me… Queen.

I was going to the room to get my phone charger when I ran into her on the staircase.

The original plan was to walk on by but her statement stopped me.

Queen : I heard you guys broke up

Nobs : She finally spoke.

Queen : Meaning?

Nobs : When was the last time you spoke to me?

Queen : last night.

Nobs : How ?

Queen: I said welcome

Nobs : You are funny

Queen : Anyways,you look good.

Nobs ; You look hawter.

Queen : *Tapping her ass* and this is what you are missing

Nobs : Respect Okafor

Queen : Who’s that ?

Nobs : My lawyer

Queen : What’s my business with him?

Nobs ; Nothing

Queen : So where are you going to?

Nobs : My room

Queen ; You will never change. Who’s there?

Nobs : Let me introduce you as Senior wife

Queen : let’s go. You think I’ll be jealous?

Nobs : Let’s find out

With her in front, her massive backside was just in my eye level. She had put on weight but in the right places.

I thought about the consequences of what I was about to do and our people that may require my assistance at the reception. My decision, all dies na die

Immediately we got into my room, Queen asked

Queen : So where’s she ?

Nobs : Here * pointing at her and I then pushed her to the wall*

Queen tried to stop me but when I started kissing her,her hands went round my neck. We kissed with so much rush and when I heard her say “Nobs,please come in”, I went to my box to look for a condom and there was none, so I did the first thing that came to my mind…..

I’m sorry peeps

 

 

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind.
He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys.
Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS.

Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid

Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

70 comments

  1. Ok. First off, Congratulations to ur sister. Oh and Chaa is really pretty. Oh and Ebuka is still the hottest piece of meat! *swoons*… Oh and this piece was pretty boring *yawn*… Not to mention late! Oh and Arinze getting Iborised was pretty funny. Oh and I hope u didn’t ‘skin’ it with the big booty ex? Can’t wait for next week jor. Why do u do this all the time? 🙁

  2. Badt guy!!Don’t tell me u did Tuface style n went ROYCO(Raw)!!!Let’s be on the lookout for lil Nobs in like 9mths and besides how cud u travel 2 PH..aka Sin city without at least 1 “carton” of Condoms!! Chei Nobs u fall my hand U’r hereby expelled from Teamraincoat and Dammmmn ur sis Chaa is smoking hot!!please say hi..can’t wait for next week

  3. Now this is not nice,cliff hanging is nobodys favourite thing! I’m rotfmho @ Bubu & Arinze dancing alanta to Akanchawa. Good one though,Nobs.

  4. Nobs, wit d way u gng, ud soon lose readership. Just let us kno u can’t provide these memoirs rather than posting them late n very boring.
    BTW, I also dint kno who “Bubus” was until I saw Ebuka. Biko!! Leave that pet name fo his girlfriend cus it sounds rather gay when u call him that. Tnx fo taking me away from my books fo ds dry piece. Reading was rather interesting than ds.
    Ciao

  5. Forgot to ask! R u sure u n Chaa share d same bloodline? I think u shd ask questions. She’s so pretty n to think una b siblings

      1. your friends are temptingly cute and u and your sister really look alike….and sorry about the stressfull work nowadays, b

  6. Buzor, I was thinking Chaas nickname is Bubus. Biko, call that grown man by his real name (lol jk) Y’all are like brothers so its all good (tempted to side-eye you). Aww Queen pulled a tapback on you, women eh. Have a great week sir and thanks for taking the time to post.

  7. This nobs too lie jor,as ugly as you are all the girls want to screw you.I am sure you have bad breath from all the cheap pussies you suck.

  8. Hayman ur papa….go and write ur own blog and tell d truth let’s see how many people dat will read it talkless comment. Ewu hausa

  9. Congrats to your sister. Noble, I think u need to slowdown with all these women. PS: That’s Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, ba? He’s really handsome.

  10. @annie not to sound pompous or anitin, I tink Chaa n Nobs kina look alike…only she’s light skinned n nicely packaged.
    Did I mention Ebuka is cute?

  11. chaaa is awesomely packaged o!! Nobs dont tell me you busted the sex galore o,cos i look forward to it o!!!!!! Nobs i fink ur next on ma list……

  12. Bubu love!(that’s wat my frend used 2 cal Ebuka when he was in BBN house)Chaa is really pretty & Nobs stop runnin late wit those ur memoirs!

  13. Heyman,u’re so so stupid 2 say dat,try write ur own blog make we see…chicken like u,nobs abeg go take im babe,cos dis guy is a slacker.

  14. Nobs Nobs….Okafor is our mutual friend but make sure he favoured you ds time Oh….ds one dat you’ve left us in suspense

    1. You know what?
      It must be really sad being you.
      You read memoirs,leave comments and you are not even bold enough to use your real name.
      ” but nobs, you are UGLY? It defies logic no?” <——- You are not only stupid,you also have problems with English.
      Stop calling me " Nobs', we don't even know each other. Stop famzing already .

      N

      1. Lol, Mr Nobs (seeing as I can’t call you nobs) wants feedback, not insults. Mr Nobs have you read your own memoirs? Your English is appalling, please understand that I’m not the one parading myself as a writer. I assume you make a bit of money from this and yet you cant be bothered to correct your spelling mistakes or punctuation.’You are not only stupid,you also have problems with English’. Mr Nobs shouldn’t there be a space between the comma and the word you? Before you criticize someone else’s English you should proof read yours. I should also point out, since we are nit-picking, that ‘famzing’ isn’t a real word. To be honest, my mates and I were just having a laugh, I mean look at you, you’re a joke!Because you write absolute rubbish doesn’t mean we shouldn’t read it. Please keep your Napoleon complex in check.

        1. …okey,@ LOL,am sure you had your dictionary while you wrote this because from your record so far, your english sucks…

          am happy to see that nobs comment to you blew you head that why you had to reply with rage and worst of all, you sound pathetic defending yourself and trying to be insultive hoping to get an applaud…you are a dolt.

  15. Dear Noble,

    Feedback is good, even if it is negative. Dont let that get to you. All the people who come up to your page, spend their at least 15 minutes to read your post and about 60-something comments, then decide to do “beef” just seek their own 5 seconds of fame. Allow them, cos come next week they will still come to read again.

    You are good at what you do, post your memoirs when due so as not to lose follower-ship.

    1. Dear Okeoghene,
      Thank you for the feedback.
      Believe me,if someone leaves a feedback, I’ll consider it but you also have to agree that there’s ” feedback’ and `” insult”.
      I started with ruls to read by.
      That was no feedback from ” Lol”

      N

  16. Ok now i see this!!wow your sis is somfin to whistle about!!guess bubus’s in red shirt!!long woooow!!wondering why peeps aren’t commenting
    About kim,,guess that means her time is almost up!!btw am i the only one who thinks Queen’s praly your village champ??#nooffence!!trust you not to av gone all the way with her without no protection though,,cos i know you won’t want to compare an hospital with a club#JOR Ohhh!!*nobs pls come in!!!eyes rolling*Mmmschew

  17. *ghen ghen*
    Noble nwa nnem frm anoda village..hapu LoL. He’s flexing his right na.
    True there’s a thin line between feedback n insult n IMO, he’s simply messing wit u.
    Just calm down..I tinks its ok if he calls u Nobs. That’s what u describe urself as….

  18. Btw I love love d comments on memoirs…they shd be complied as a memoirs special.
    Arinze is fine o…wat is his twitter handle? The guys@ my back r hooting @ Chaaaa’s pic. Babe toh quality they say…L☺l

  19. Wow,dis place is quite interesting.D story is nice though buh d comments re wat i njoy reading.am eager to knw wat hapnd nxt,dis is d first memoir am readin,hope it gets beha.thumbs up Nobs

  20. LMFAO, why is Nobs so angry o? Lol is right now. U r ugly and short as well. When did any1 calling you Nobs on a comment page become famzing? They probably wld ignore u if they see u in public. If Nigerians can ignore worthwhile celebs who r u 2 be famzed with? U r d chief famzer sha, u shld know about it. I’m sure u r deluded & must think u av haters as well. No1 hates u, they (or shld I say, I) think ur supposed lifestyle is incredulous. Every girl u meet is ready to drop her panties 1ce u say hi. Na u biko.
    Pls, where is chinasa o? Come & spill d beans on Noble Igwe’s small dick and any other gist. Lol

    1. @ Mystique or should i say stupid…because that one word to describe..and am sure someone has definately described you as one…if am lying reply to this…

  21. Na wa oo! Too much venom in this place! We are all here for fun so be easy on noble joor! I doubt if anyone was forced to come to this site so y all the insult? Oya everybody *drop gun* ℓoℓ!! Can’t wait 2 read what happens next! People just dey vex. Calm down guys!!

  22. Dear LOL,u wiarnt forced 2 read memoirs..y kill urself tryna luk 4 words 2 insult Noble.U n ur friendz r havin a laff…isn’t dt jobless.Mr handsome or miss beautiful open ur blog,write bou urself n tel us hw cute u are n.
    My beloved mystique,get a life n stop lukin 4 hu 2 spill d beans on hw small a guy’s dick is or hw slacked a gielz pussy is.

  23. 🙁 why??All these insults r uncalled for nw. He writes his memoirs didn’t beg,ask or force u to read yet u come read and possibly can’t wait for his nxt post..just to insult him?? Its his memoirs he decided to post weekly if he’s too busy and can’t post as at wen due he still apologizes,dis man has a day job,like he mentioned somtym, and oda commitments so allow him pls.I miss d gud old memoirs whr d rules were followed and comments were just as interesting nt wat it is nw dt ppl think dy can just come and say watever! Mr. Igwe I will advice u ignore d insults,it comes w d package u knw wat entertainers(dnt wanna tag names..)in dis country n abroad go thru,they’ve been thru worse nt just from peeps from d media too, and they r still standing tall even better dan before. So just do u best learn from life and mistakes and move on #meet/seeU@dtop

  24. You write, its a problem, u dnt write its another problem! Smh. some peeps can never be pleased #thatisall

  25. It’s so hilarious when pro-Nobs ass lickers comment & say anti-Nobs ppl shld get a life. R we both not reading d same blog? Which technically means u don’t av a life too. Think my dear “hey” b4 u go casting aspersions. When he started this thing, he chose to wash his dirty linen in public. He shld be able to handle d comments as well. Considering that most of them r near impossible to believe. I wld not deny it, I like listening to gossip. This is even better cos it’s d subject matter talking for and about himself.

  26. Dearest Mystique tz nt bou ass lickin ..tz bou knowin wen 2 say sm tnz n wen nt 2.d whole idea of calln ur friend 2 come n say wteva she noes bou Noble isn’t neccessary.Y are u takin it p like dis…iziturpussy dt is being fucked..ah ah.

  27. Jeeeez why so much senseless hate? Its not fair that people should come on here and take Noble apart like this. He writes to entertain us. He doesn’t force u to come on here and read. U come here of ur free will. Why don’t u stop reading if it bothers u so much? Isn’t it insanity to keep doing something that obviously irritates u to ur core? And Nobs please stop replying these people. Stop giving them any attention. Lol and mystique, u both should start ur own blogs. Or go get jobs. Or go clean ur houses. Or go eat some grass. Just do anything. Anything at all to keep u occupied so u can stop reading the memiors that obviously make ur lives so miserable. Jeeeeeez!

  28. Is dis a Memiors Fight???
    Bur seriously…. Mystique and Lol are Jokers, Gues u two are from Unilag also? lol

    Nobs, Keep the work goin and dont get distracted.

    1. I don’t know about Mystique, but we aren’t ‘also’ from unilag,(how insulting). Erm yeah, seeing as were jobless, I’m sure you guys can provide jobs for us? Truth of the matter is we find memoirs entertaining especially the pictures of Mr Nobs’ big head. I mean Mr Nobs is a symbol of hope. His memoirs show that you can be ugly and still get all the gutter girls and village rats in Nigeria.
      Truth be told, we will continue to read memoirs-it is funny- and we only set out to see if Mr Nobs had Napoleon complex and delusions of grandeur (he does). We really don’t understand why you guys are ‘famzing’ Mr Nobs, he doesn’t like it! Before we retire, I would like to ask Mr Nobs (in all seriousness) what his mother would say if she read his memoirs? I assume she can speak and read english as well as Mr Nobs does. Good luck with your life Mr Nobs.

      1. *opens fridge and hands very ssshilled coke to “lol”* *obviously, Steph’s ice water didn’t do much*

  29. Nobs, you are one brave soul!

    e-hating seems to be the norm on most Nigerian blogs these days – I dont just understand random people popping out of no-where to spew their vitriolic nonsense online.

    I strongly believe you should delete insulting comments asap. I’m all for freedom of speech but some of these crappy comments are disturbing to readers like myself who just wanna read for fun and really couldn’t be bothered whether your memoirs are real or not (personally, I think its half fiction/half truth). We dont need to also read bile online.

  30. Nobs, I must confess u are doing a good job here, entertaining us week in week out, even with a schedule as tight as yours, honestly speaking u deserve Kudos!!

    But brov u must undertand that in life u cannot please everybody, a typical analogy of d situation we have here now is in the “Father, son and donkey story” let’s not go into details cos I assume u know every. People will always be who they are, some will like u, some will hate u, some will say all sorts of rubbish… Brov that’s life for u. Its left for u to choose what u wanna listen to and DROP d rest… I personally do not think u shud give a f*#k about what one jobless person who is jus havin a laugh wif an also jobless friend, or what dat bitch “whateveryamacallit” has to say… Brov just do u…that’s y we’ve been followin memoirs and that’s why we will still stay… So jus keep ur head up and keep blazin d trail… We love u Nobs… One love…Guys feel free to check these guys out http://www.facebook.com/drukonline and if u like em, spread da word…peace

  31. Lol u just had to insult his mom too huh? Do u see just how pathetic u are? U would do just about anything to get a reply from Nobs. A guy whose guts u “detest” so much. Just sit back for a minute and read all ur comments. Do u see a pattern? I see it if u don’t. Its called desperation. Please give it up ok? U’ve made ur point. U don’t like the guy. The price of kpanla fish at Utako market remains the same. The memoirs would still come up next week. And u would still shamelessly crawl here to read. So u see that ur senseless beef changes absolutely nothing? Rest inugo? Drink that cold water and rest.

  32. LORD OF LOSERS…….Its His Life, Ur Entertainment,Sit down dey look,U and Ur Committee of Goats,hateful-dumb-ass-no-good-ugly-as-hell-piece-of-shit na by force to copy american lingua…..?pschew,isiewu like U,U sef wan correct grammar, no lie,U carry Brighter Grammar,wen did lack of punctuation become appalling….,olodo rabata,U dare say famzing aint a word,ever heard of SLANGS,Fucktard?!?No lie His replying U made Ur Day,trust me dats all u’ll ever get, U, pathetic sorry ass excuse of a man,u talk of chinesa wit the Epic tale of a small dick,#yUdeyvexisitYaDick,………, Mr Mystical,U sha know wot happened to Mystical…….U r gon live in oblivion where U belong,nameless worthless and ha!!!!!so cluless…….there is a thin line btw constructive criticism n malicious criticism………am sorry for the gals that will follow U……….kai Tufai…………To think U dumbos just made the blog /memoirs even more popular,no such thing as bad press,press na press,Haters!!!! Gess wot no body knows U…….e dey pain talk true…..

  33. “Before we retire, I would like to ask Mr Nobs (in all seriousness) what his mother would say if she read his memoirs? <<———- Eeermm LOL, Are u a victim???? u seem hurt…

  34. You guys are soo funny. Noble Igwe. I like your Memoirs very intreasting, if u keep it up and make some adjustments u can turn it into a book and publish it….i bet it will sell consdering the number of people who read it and the number of followers you have.
    Dont worry about the critics, i bet they are just having fun, if they dont like your Memoirs they wont spend 10 mins of their time to comment on it. Good luck Bro

    twitter: @benzinoh

  35. Na wa o…seems like ice water and chilled coke no gree work again o…sensitive internet thugs…they need hugs…i’m assuming the only reason Mystique keeps coming back is cos she/he/it has social feeds on her bb and whenever there’s a refresh, their phone beeps uncontrollably…if not ehn…

    1. Nobs caused all this insult himself…he slept with “LOL” and “MYSTIC” (what ever) and did not pay them..now they are hurnting him….
      Guyz please wait for pay day okey

      @LOL, what will your mother thing if she finds out what you actually do for a living…

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