Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 45

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Sunday April 17,2011.

So here’s the thing, I get turned on by a woman who knows what she wants and not by the green light bullshit. If you stay on the Island, you will agree with me that you see loads of green lights driving and wouldn’t want to get any other from a woman.

I think one of the cheapest ‘Green lights’ line has to be “I hope nobody will break my head when I visit you?” and the usually expected answer is “There’s no woman/man in my life”.  And then you go a bit further by adding, “I hope no one will break my head or pour me hot water because of you”. Kim did not even ask me if I was dating or not. To me, that gave her some points because it was obvious that she was not looking for a relationship or something close to that.

Most women should learn from Kim and decide from get-go what you want in a ‘relationship’ and No, not every relationship /fuckbodiship/justhepingeachothership/one night stand requires a definition sometimes you may just need to get into it and regret later. I have not seen any obituary stating that the late so and so died After a few regrets”, Mbanu!



I was chilling at De Marquee getting ready for The Deco show when it started raining. The rain was heavy and in a short period, the environment became cold.

The idea of what I could do to Kim crossed my mind so I BBMed her.

Nobs: Hey cute boobs

Kim: Hey Hob Nobs

Nobs: The candy special?

Kim: What? I don’t get it

Nobs: I meant, “Hob Nobs candy special” you can’t eat it, but you can suck on it.

Kim: You are such a spoilt child.

Nobs: And I can do things to you

Kim: like?

Nobs: Like if you can come to the De marquee, I can show you in the car park.

Kim: Seems some people are in the mood for some action.

Nobs: I’m holding things down with my hands.

Kim: Nobs, you are getting me wet. Stop already.

Nobs: In a circle of 80 years and above women, such a statement can get you a slap.

Kim: Olodo

Nobs: Babe, I’m hard and my hardness is like a Christmas ticket to Nigeria

Kim: Mogbe….. How?

Nobs: It goes up and never come down until after a certain long period.

Kim: You are just a cute silly boy

Nobs: Are you coming?

Kim: We agreed to see later at night, so keep the ticket up

Nobs: Would do

Kim: Btw, please leave your event on time cos I need to spend some time with you.

Nobs: What time is early?

Kim: 8pm.

Nobs: And what should I keep?

Kim: Wine and chocolate

Nobs: Just that?

Kim; And a ticket from Nigeria to Australia

Nobs: That’s like 17 hours long

Kim: You are smart.

Nobs:I try sometimes.

Kim : 08055***********. My number just in case

Nobs: Plot 98 Tunde ****************** & 0803**************. My house address and number, just in case too



I went to The Deco Event and from there ended up at Maddy’s house for DR’s birthday.


I kept looking at my phone and switching ‘Mobile network options’ just to see if Kim’s “I’m on my way” message was ‘hanging‘.

I did not want to come across as jumping the gun so I chilled for her message to come through if at all it was going to come through.

It finally came through at 8.20pm

Kim: I know you will hate me now

Nobs: Why hun?

Kim: I’m about to ask for a rain check

Nobs: really? You changed your mind?

Kim: Not that

Nobs: So what?

Kim: The boyfriend just came into town and wants to see me.

Nobs: seen

Kim; Nobs, are you mad at me?

Nobs: Not really but then you shouldn’t have made me leave where I was

Kim: I didn’t know he was coming back today.

Nobs: Well, have fun with him. Buzz me when you have my time.

Kim: We can move our date to tomorrow after work.

Nobs: And maybe sugar daddy will come back from his own trip and then you will also leave me hanging.

Kim: I promise, it won’t repeat tomorrow.

Nobs: Have fun and buzz me later

Kim: I’m so sorry, Nobs.

I was a bit pissed off but on the other hand, I was happy that she was truthful about the whole thing. That increased her points. It also drove home the idea that she wasn’t looking to start a relationship with me in the first place.

So I stayed back to enjoy my birthday party and also got an opportunity to hang with LYB.



LYB dropped me off at home and just as I was about to sleep, her BBM came through.

Kim: Hey Nobs, are you awake?

Nobs: erm yes, is everything okay?

Kim : I need you to work me through. He’s done and asleep

Nobs: I don’t get ?

Kim: He left me hanging as usual so I’m in the bathroom to take care of me.

Nobs: Pele. Anything for you but if only you had come, we won’t be going having this sort of conversation.

Kim: I’m used to it jor. Moreover, all men claim to be a hunk in bed at the very beginning.

Nobs: I don’t claim to be one but I also know that it is wrong to leave a woman hanging. Put him on some Alomo + Koko Garri diet.

Kim: Will that help?

Nobs: It should

Kim: Anyways, just call and let’s bring me down.


So I called and we were able to make her cum.

I know think that many women go through the same thing but I think it’s totally wrong for any man to leave a woman hanging and not even bother to help her in a any way. If only PWAN has a known track record, I would have recommended them.


Monday April 18,2011


MTN has been acting the fool with my BIS, so I didn’t get the opportunity to BBM Kim all day   but we did speak on the phone to confirm that she would like for me to come get her at 8pm from her house.

Done with my meeting which didn’t really go well, I headed over to her house to get her.

She came out wearing a long free dress with no over night bag, so it was obvious that I was meant to take her home afterwards.

We discussed about the days work and she made some work related calls so we didn’t get to talk much during the drive to mine.

We finally got to mine

Kim: Nice place.

Nobs : Thanks hun. What do I offer you?

Kim; Before the ticket or after ?

Nobs: be serious na

Kim; have you got my wine and chocolate?

Nobs: let me get em

I got the wine and chocolate. Poured some into her glass and then asked her to take off her dress.

Kim: Now?

Nobs: Do it slowly standing at the centre of the room.

She undressed slowly and was left with only her panties and bra. She bent towards me to get her drink, putting the huge boobs in my direction.

I let her sip some wine, dropped the glass and then I pushed her up against the wall with her back to me.

I asked her not to look back and I picked a cube of ice from the ice bucket, dipped it in wine and used it on her nipples. I could tell she liked it because she tilted her head backwards and kept moaning in small tones.

I moved the ice from her nipples, through her back, down to her thighs and legs leaving a trace of water with my movement.

I went back to retrace the line with my tongue with one hand working her right nipple.

I then gently put her on the bed, dipped a chocolate bar in wine and gave her to eat but as soon as she took a bite, I covered her lips with mine.

Chocolate+exchange of saliva+fingers running through her body= bliss

With every piece of clothing off, I compensated her for all the things that she missed.

It was a night of 4th mainland bridge.

I wished she didn’t have to go because I was too tired to drive but immediately we got into the car, she did what I never expected of her..

Let’s see same time, same site on Monday



Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. My Gawd dis is ******…..mehn…..I haven’t even finished reading and I’m already laughing my ass off…..noble I bu ….nwa ojor..badt badt boi

  2. Choi! I bow for u oo!! If u had done these things to our village belle Ada she wld have left her husband to be on the altar to elope with you!! Oluwanoble fun ara e! Na u biko

  3. Choi! I bow for u oo!! If u had done these things to our village belle Ada she wld have left her husband-to-be on the altar to elope with you!! Oluwanoble fun ara e! Na u biko

  4. Since kim seems to know what she wants and she fits your description for a wife,why don’t you wife her?

    Please,what’s the meaning of PwAN?

    And we can all guess what she did to you in the car…

  5. Nobs u don’t how many ladies u have helped with this memoir, reading this alone makes one special. I dig kims way very well dats a lady who knows wat she wants! Loving d romance

  6. And this Kim is someone’s girlfriend. Someone who’s probably singing her ‘faithful girlfriend’ praises to the highest heavens. Uwa di egwu! Nobs I hope one day when u finally get into a serious relationship and ur girl ‘knows what she wants’ and gives it to any guy who catches her fancy, u’ll still like her. After all, u like a woman who knows what she wants. I’m not judging o. Before I get eaten raw with pepper sauce. I’m just saying. Love always.

  7. @igho lol….men and double standards. Neways this was an entertaining read, that’s all I will say.

  8. nobs lol
    rubbish bastard guy
    in his mind he is a bad goiz
    tfk my ass
    its funny hw these groupies be on your **** tho
    fuking guy

  9. @Igho, i really doubt that nobs’ girl would cheat on him o! hmmm…..he’s one in a million! if the bf doesnt know what to do with this hot sexy bod of mine, then he should definitely expect to get some assistance no?

  10. PWAN means Pata(p*ssy) Warshers Association of Nigeria. They are supposed to be experts in the art of ‘pata-ing’ #okbyee

  11. Oh its so nice to hear from the horse’s mouth. So boyfy’s gotta get some assistance cos he doesn’t know what to do? How about hubby? Some assistance too if he’s clueless?? And I’m pretty sure some other girl would think ur boyfy is one in a million. But are u cheating? Ur guess is as good as mine. Like I said, I’m not holding a gavel o. I no be judge. Just an innocent commentator. Love always.

  12. Ok,these memoirs just hav a way of lifting my spirits. Was havin a ruff day @ work. But I feel better already. Nobs u no go kill me sha oh!

  13. Nobs,u are one crazy dude,av been been laughing,crying,screaming nd laughing so hard dat I now hav a headache…wait oh Nobs all these SEXCAPADES of urs,u havnt mentioned using a condom oh!!

  14. I envy u bro, if only i could get meself half the a** the get i will be a king. Talking about helping out when the owner is a dundee united player in bed, i have done it and it hurts no one as long as everyone knows what to expect. @ Kim, i believe u , @ Igho needs a Nobs in her life to cure of her accumulated conji

  15. First of all I’m dissapointed,,Nobs,sure your feeling like a some big badt boy cuz of all the hypes on your sexcapade but you don’t realise your being used!..”4th mainland bridge my posterior”…this is a wake up call”’sure the amount of s****m wasted here’s magmanimous!!!checked your picture @ your sister’s wedding,your getting bald!!#Gettomakingbabies with somone who actually “knows what she’s doing”!! ? @ the end of the day??I Jealous you!but as they say..jealousy no dey kill!!a thumb up!!

  16. Egbon can u kindly save sum energy 4 ur future wife,cos it luks like u’ll be worn @ very soon…if truly u do dis tins,plz try&protect urself,i know u wanna ave children so save sum sperm.

  17. Ur article is so raw! U didn’t have to explain how u thrust ur kulikuli-sized manhood into her. Yet, u need a wife, and u keep saying all of these, I can imagine who ur future wife will be. Well some girls don’t have standards, yet they settle for anything (less). I can’t imagine reading stuffs like this about a guy, and anticipate marriage wit him. Pls take it easy on putting up comments on “nipples,thighs etc”.*angry face*. .

  18. *clears throat and grabs mic* PWAN has track records my brother…..i am a honorary member and all patas washed are Okafor’s Law compliant *drops mic*

  19. @ ceb, its not a must you read. If by chance you do and you don’t like, don’t go as far as calling him really,its his life ma’am…thanks!

  20. hahahahahaha… loving all d comments.. @CEB how do u knw he has a kulikuli-sized manhood.. Have u been there b4..
    Jst Wondering no beef….

  21. all I manage to say is nobs is good at fiction cos this didn’t happen.
    Pls I want rss feeds to my email.thanks

  22. Y so angry @ceb?? One man’s meat is another man’s kpomo… If they choose to read this and continue, so be it… Get off your high horse…
    But really tho, I smell beef btw nobs and PWAN… Wats the gist?
    This is like Mills and Boons… Interesting read to pass time… Nice one nobs… Looking forward to monday… If u like, be late again…

  23. nobs na liar jo
    na him be the only pwan guy bo
    see him big head, person go assume say he get sense but that no bed the case,
    i kno beef am, d guy jst seem like aimless guy.
    all these by-force bad guys!? get me?

    1. hmnnnn,.,@ lol
      na so hin parolz pain u reach?even after steph opened frige nd gave u cold water!u stil never calm down??ur palava na real waaaa oh!
      on d realz,.,.noble hahaha,.,.ur memoirz give me life i swear!!

  24. Re u sure ur dt good in bed? Anywz u wuld end up faln so hard for a chick we wuld end up rebranding slush….can’t wait

  25. Re u sure ur dt good in bed?I need strong confirmation. Guyz lk u end up faln hard we mite need t rebrand slush:

  26. Laff wan tear ma belle!
    @Steph, ur such a funny gal!
    Nobs, ur rily dramatic, u shud fink of writing scripts. No? Funny hw I find dis memoirs f*cking entertaining n hilarious so much so dat I alwyz look forward to reading em. Buh d only part I eva believed wz Ada’s.
    Anywyz, I’m impatiently waiting for d next post…

  27. Nobszy toh bad! U dey lie 4 state. Kike said ur dick is tiny and all u do is stick ur tongue in and out of her pussy (just incase ur wondering why she deleted u on bb, and yea dat number too was temp)… Yea we actually thot u had skills oh,that’s why she ff u on twitter,commented here then u sent her an email(bet he does dat 2 many oda babes on here..hehehehehe). Sha stop lying oh, u can’t do,ur penis is small(yes I said it) and u don’t get that much ass. Lily(fake name) is on ur case sha, she’s gonna release ur video soon… Should be fun to watch dat shit, esp ur fans on here as u sabi form badt guy so. Liar oshi. We see u.

    1. @ groupie 1,
      for someone with this much time to leave such a lengthy comment,you should have made sense .
      Kike kwa? Send email? To who? for what ?
      Can we get an exclusive on the video?

      1. @ groupie…you must be delighted with you long speech since you are the Nigerian town crier who just won world war 5.

        honestly, i think you should read your comment all over again because you sound pathetic. what sorth of groupie are you? i bet you are the leader of asswhole groupie or you are simply a dolt..

        listen, you having “biff” with the dude, tell him personally. Dont come here to write shit hoping to get applauded because, guess what, no applaud for imbecile that dont take their pills and shit everywhere.

        FYI, am not a sucker, am just a fan who acknowledge a good fiction writer.

        1. hahahahaha ! its a fact tho .. nobz has a real small dick .. he sent me a pic once ! hahaha ! he doesnt get tht much pussy either n wat were u doing with ice ?? hope not chilling d bottle of red wine ! and FYI dt gurl doesnt know wat she wants .. she reads ur memoirs n knows u re a free bitch .. Love U still !

          1. Ewo,
            They finally caught me.
            Chai,Chinasa I’m so sorry and I ;ll stop writing memoirs oooooo
            Wow, I’m so scared and I’m shaking typing this.
            So this is the end of Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid just because i sent my picture to an ODE. Ara gbagbu o gi
            * Takes pill for penis enlargement *

  28. @ Groupie 1,I have just a few questions for us,r u always this stupid? Coz I really don’t see any reason y u left such a comment coz its really nobody’s bizness…it was a good read so wotz d hate for?? I’d like 2 think u r under 20 coz I don’t see y an adult shld be dis useless to humanity or probably the old woman who cursed you in ur village is dead..I do hope ur foolish n childish ways wears off coz a fool @ ur age is definitely a fool forver…btw,good write up Nobs..

  29. Kai! Pissed meself laughing….d comments r d best part of dis memoirs…smh at groupie oh,we all know sexual prowess can b abit overrated n it takes two to tango,y did ur friend jus lie dre n not liven thngs up?…its not all about d size unoooo! Too much venom! *yikes*

  30. Everybody clap for TJ o! My nigga just turned 21! Haha nigga allow groupie 1 to say what he/she wants, what happened to free speech and that. Because Nobs chats shit and has the biggest head I’ve ever seen doesn’t mean he is a god…KMT All these guys with Napoleon Syndrome.

  31. Ah finally I must talk and this is what I have to say —hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhaha
    See issues
    See beef

  32. Lmao….. These comments wee not kee me…. Hian… So many haters!! Smh..*Common People* Nobs dear, nice one… Can’t wait 4 d next one!! Much Love!

  33. Jeeeeeezzzzz!! Y so much fried beef for Nobs? Honestly I can’t understand y y’all would hate on someone so much and so much and still ‘Of ur own free will’ read his memoirs every week. The solution to y’alls problem is clear to even the blindest and most retarded soul. STOP READING THE MEMOIRS!!! Ahn ahn! Tufiakwa!!!

  34. Lmao! I’m neutral about Nobs, but why do y’all act like you can’t understand why people dislike him & still read his stuff? Don’t you listen to gist about people you dislike?
    But some girls sha a la groupie1 & Chinasa…e no easy. I’ll be back next week for the comments & I most def will be looking out for that video. It’s shaping up to be a great summer!

  35. Hey Ready, Ow r U?? ddnt get a chance 2 say thank U 4 votin me 4 d 360date wiv Banky, ddnt win but I stil got 2 meet him… Thanks!!!

  36. @ Lol,Is ur father a bastard? Serzly wot r u chatting?? “Nigga jst turned 21” wtf is dt? U shld grow up u God forsaken child! Hate d game nt d player..if u dnt like nobs dtz ur bizness,d write up is good n if u dnt like dt either,well sorry o,u can go n lay down on a brt lane coz ur existence is obviously worthless seeing u dnt av any sign of positivity in life..get a life u oak.

  37. @ Lol,btw u r obviously more stupid than groupie 1.. Do u av stupidity syndrome in ur family? Does ur father hv it? Well he obviously does since u av it coz stupidity begets stupidity..Wow I feel like I know u already,even Mr Beans wuld tag u as d most senseless person he has ever met.

    1. Aren’t you a bit jobless, insulting someone’s father at 1246am? It’s not very mature and doesn’t speak well of your father. Nobs your posts are so funny but I think you need to tone it down.

  38. @Tj, why so angry? Why wld u now start insulting someone’s parents? Insult d person if you want to but seriously take a chill pill. For all Nobs supporters leave d others alone. Not every1 likes Nobs or believes his stories. We read them because we want to see what lies he has come up with again. I do not think he is attractive enough to av so many girls around him. Even if he did from his memoirs, it is obvious they don’t av that much taste. Most girls can sleep with a man that has a gf or wife but they wld never allow u rub sex with other “unattached” girls in their faces. Pls, most of this BS. Now, this is my opinion. If u try to think a little harder, u wld know that all the ice cubes, handcuffs & what not are what he uses to feed his short man ego.

  39. By d way, Nobs if Kim was facing d wall and her back was to u, how did u use d ice cubes on her nipples? Had she stopped leaning on d wall then? Or her boobs hanging so damn low, ui can flip them over her shoulder? Lmfao.
    But this TJ’s supporters club is not easy o. U sef wey dey read & comment on Memoirs, u don’t av a life. Abi r u not commenting too? It’s not like he is linda ikeji that brings proper gossip. This 1 just likes to psych himself.

  40. I asked her not to look back and I picked a cube of ice from the ice bucket, dipped it in wine and used it on her nipples. I could tell she liked it because she tilted her head backwards and kept moaning in small tones.have u gt rubber neck…from d back to d nipples?? *confused*

  41. I asked her not to look back and I picked a cube of ice from the ice bucket, dipped it in wine and used it on her nipples. I could tell she liked it because she tilted her head backwards and kept moaning in small tones.have u gt rubber neck…from d back to d nipples?? *confused*hehehehe its all gd tho. Nice read

  42. @Nobs, great memoir! Felt bad that i found out about memoirs of a SLU..shhkid soooo late but I’m glad i dnt have to wait desperately for the next episode(s). Thumbs up!

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