I am not a Lover. I have never been and I will never be one. Love is for sissies, cowards and idiots. What the heck do people mean when they say I fell in love? Are you blind or did you never learn to walk right? All my girlfriends have at some point or the other been inflicted by this cursed emotion known as Love. I am resistant to that silly virus, I know better than to surrender myself to a toddler in a diaper. Whenever I say I do not believe in Love people always give me that annoying pity filled look. As if I care!
The thing that really irks my friends is for one so uninterested in love I always snag the best guys. Trust me I never go looking for love struck males they for some reason find me irresistible. Yes, I am drop dead gorgeous, blame fate. I get into arguments with folks who say I must have been in love with one of my past flings. They say it is impossible to have never been in Love. I call my past relationships flings even though they were all monogamous and the shortest one lasted 18months. I call them flings because I recognize them for what they were “passing fancies”.
Did I ever sabotage any fling? No, I am always the perfect girlfriend I never nag, I’m never demanding and I come correct in the bedroom. I also cook and clean thanks to my mum who insisted I learn to “make a home”. I see that look in your eyes; grabbing your box of tissues because you imagine I’m about to tell you of the numerous heartbreaks I’ve suffered. I suggest you relegate your box of tissues to the bathroom. The only things those babies will wipe today will be your behind.
I have never suffered from a broken heart. I really don’t care if you believe me or not that is my story and I’m sticking to it. The last time I checked deaf people never say “stop yelling” I’ve never loved therefore I’ve never hurt. All my flings always end the same way it’s like I’m stuck in this never ending vortex. One day they wake up and play the L-card. I love you they say; my response, always a blank look. There goes their Egos. They yell and call me a cold hearted bitch. I politely say please leave my house or quietly pick up my things and leave theirs.
I guess I was meant to play the dewy-eyed female and say I love you too. It’s such a pity, blame it on my faulty wiring. I want to have kids someday and no I don’t plan to love them. Please save your shocked look for the neighborhood Nun. I do not need to love my kids to bring them up right, life isn’t a Disney movie and their mum isn’t a fairy. The only hitch in this plan might be hooking that random unsuspecting sperm donor. I am not too worried about that little problem; after all I am the daughter of Eve. I was born to deceive.
Funny thing is my parents always said how much they loved me, in the beginning I said it right back. In my naïve mind I assumed loving was a prerequisite for living. I don’t mean to sound like the grim reaper but it’s a good thing they are dead. I am not a monster and it was getting a tad bit difficult to bear the heart wrenching looks they gave me when I replied “No you don’t” to their declarations of love. Please do not play the God is love card with me, I’ve heard them all. My Pastor gave up on me years ago.
I’ve been termed a sadist, narcissist or just plain old crazy. The world didn’t end who cares. Would I walk past a dying man on the street? Honestly, I probably would for starters I am not a doctor and I do not know CPR. What the hell am I supposed to do, write him a poem? Call me all the names known to man it will change nothing. This heart was made to pump blood and it is doing that extremely well.
I do not believe in love because I know we were all built to be selfish beings and it is impossible to “Love” anyone other than you. I say today to the high heavens, anyone that utters the words “I Love you” to another being is a dirty little liar. I am JAZZ and I will never LOVE YOU. Till my dying day I will always say; I am not a Lover. I have never been and I will never be one. That is all.
Yours Truly; Jazz
*Morbid stuff if I might say so myself. Dear readers a few days ago someone accused me of being frivolous with my writing. Yes I am frivolous and playful but everyone has a dark side including Jazz.* Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment.