CoCo’S “WRONGEST” PICK UP LINES (EVER)

share on:

I’ve been scoped/toasted/asked out in different ways and so have my girls but there are some toastings/scopings that always stand out. And I don’t mean that in a good way. Toastings that are so bad, they become memorable/legendary and almost need their own personal awards show.

 Let’s start with Enitan’s most memorable toasting;

Enitan on a beautiful Monday morning boarded a BRT hoping for a wonderful day/week at the office. While on the queue waiting for her bus, she broke into singing a lovely worship song to at least bless her day and the week ahead. After boarding the bus, a young man passed a paper across to her. Enitan who hadn’t seen the young man before looked at the paper curiously; and found out that the show on the paper had been performed already. She looked quizzically at the man who passed her the paper and he told her to check behind it. With the greatest shock of her life at that moment she read “You sing like a bird. You should come and head the choir in my church and we could kick it off from there”.  Enitan opened her mouth in shock (at least that’s the gist she gave us) and quickly jumped down from the bus when she got to her bus stop. She glanced behind her and spotted Mr. Choir following her. She said she ran as fast as she could not minding her four inch sandals so she could lose Mr. Choir. 

 Here is Reanne’s most memorable scoping;
Cute Reanne was in her third year when this funny looking man walked up to her and admired her dressing. Reanne replied with a “Thank you” and kept walking. Well, funny looking man wasn’t done apparently, so he pulled our friend back (yeah, pulled her back literally as she demostrated to us) and told her he wasn’t finished with her. While Reanne was still very shocked by the rude awakening, funny looking man added that he loved her from the first instant he saw her and knew she was going to be his wife. Then he followed with she had better not say No because God wouldn’t forgive her. Are you laughing yet? It’s still very funny after two years. 🙂

Giselle got her most memorable toasting in the UK. Her memorable toaster walked up to her and said she looked very familiar and he was sure they knew each other. She insisted they didn’t and Mr. Toaster admits a case of mistaken identity – (you would have expected a walk away from Mr. Toaster at this point but he had to join the wack toaster/scopers hall of fame) then he drops the line like very frozen chicken legs in the oddest British/Nigerian accent possible “There is always a first time, so what’s your name, beautiful?” Very lame, right? Wonder why some guys won’t just be…erm… what’s that word now….
 
Ella claims she hasn’t really had a terrible toaster, so right now; I’m on the lookout for her. I’ll surely put it down when I find a ridiculous toaster to bless her with.
 
Let’s get to my most memorable toaster. Hmm…it’s between a guy who toasted me in my fourth year in university and a man I met in the BRT  bus recently. I’ll gist you about both and you can decide who gets an accolade. 🙂
 
Guy in my fourth year in university walked up and said “Hey princess, you look similar” I went “WHAT?” and then he repeated the offending word again “I said you look similar”. Then I looked at him trying hard not to burst into roaring laughter and said calmly “But, you don’t look similar to me” he smiled and said “People know themselves one day princess, give me your number and we can get more acquainted”.  At this point, I just walked away before I got arrested for manslaughter with bare words. I still shudder when I retell this story.   
 
Here is my other memorable toaster: Man in the BRT. I had just finished my class at the screenwriting school and got on the bus like everyone else  – on my way home, tired and hungry, I leaned back in my seat and hoped the bus would move faster than it was moving.

Somewhere along the way, this man came in and sat by my side. And the conversation went this way;

MAN: My name is Mike
ME: Okay!!!
MAN: Can I know you?
ME: No!!!
MAN: Can I have your number?
ME: No!!!
Hands over a complimentary card
MAN: That’s my number behind it. Call me.
ME: I return the card and say “I just told you I’m not interested in knowing you”
MAN: Ok, then.
After a few minutes
MAN: Take.
ME: Egbami o… I said I don’t want!
MAN: For the last time… take.
ME: *Straightest face possible*
I became speechless till man reached his bus stop and got down.  

Now you please decide which one is most memorable out of  my personal toasting/scoping experience. Wish I can read yours though.

Again, my name is CoCo and there is a lot more from  my friends and my very happy self .

Coco

Coco

I’m a totally simple, sweet, funny down to earth girl. Extremely fun and nothing of an introvert. I’m so much into writing, I don’t have enough space left in my heart to love something else. I’m addictive and you’re not likely to let go once you know me. Twitter handle, @tomilola_coco

11 comments

  1. lol! coco ur BRT toaster is just a pant…..lol……
    i look forward to ur blogs joor….keep it up girl….

  2. Lol @ “for the last time…take”. You should’ve said “or what?” And what is it with “you sing like a bird”? I hear birds sing all the time & it takes a lot of discipline not to throw stones at them…all they do is make noise in my opinion. Or maybe I don’t live around flyy Mariah Carey-like birds.

  3. *Flat-lined* I can’t breathe. Please MR BRT is the winner, although Mr you look similar is an original man. I have heard you look familiar but similar. Please ladies, keep your posts coming.

    “For the last time..take” We are using intimidation now to get dates. Naija men!!!

  4. “God will not forgive u”. What? *faints*. Ok I’m awake now. “For the last time, take”. Enh! #iDied. “U look similar”, this is sure to gimme a heart attack. If u can’t use great pick up lines, don’t pick a woman up. Naija dudes sha. LMFAO! *checks to be sure the ass is still there*

  5. @v3nom4eva: I tire o. Lol
    @babynobs: thanks. I do appreciate it
    @ready: like really. But then some men just are just ridiculously funny

  6. @thanks4dmemories: na so o. Naija men and the different styles o
    @chychy: lmao! I think some of them try too hard&that’s what lands them in this category

  7. Looollll. Mr ‘God will not forgive u’ reminds me of a man on my case who had the effontery to tell me “I know you’re my wife & if u don’t end up with me, I’ll curse u” 😮 I was beyond shocked.

Leave a Reply