We have all heard this statement several times before …“I don’t drink Pure Water” most times from some self conscious, pompous brat that’s just trying to prove a point… please, biko, Ejoor E ma bi nu …I am not knocking the hustle of all you honest, real life, Authentic Ajebotas. I’m talking about all these impostor-ajebotas that are crawling out of the wood-work everyday.
NOW TO THE GIST PROPER
I had a visitor the other day, a Pretty young female ex-lover of mine (note I didn’t say Girlfriend o! #JustForClarification). She BBD me and said she was having a boring day and could I please come pick her up? I replied that my day wasn’t going any better either; but female company is always welcome so I went to pick her up. I’ve kinda known shawty from wayyyyyyyyyyy back so we don’t put up any false pretenses for each other.
But lately I noticed that she has been on this shakara, “Aristo Babe” kinda swag, I’m not exactly saying that I know her #KpanshingPrice but I have seen her with certain things like phones, jewelery, expensive handbags and shoes that I know her Parents …DAMN SURE… can’t afford and didn’t buy for her (not saying anything negative about her parents but…). Plus, I’ve seen her in the club on several occasions with some really old looking guys that she introduced to me as her “Uncles” ….YEAH RIGHT! ….. Lets go on sha! The Gal don tear eye, wetin consine me? (#NotIntrestedSmiley). All her discussions na carry me here or I was at that new place with Mister Soso and So, you get me?
With all this, I was now very skeptical on hanging out with her on this day, since I am not in the Financial League of Men that now interests her. So, I made sure I tried my very best to keep her comfortable (make I no fall my hand).
a.) I left her inside Folashade (my car just in case u’re a newbie to my write ups), everytime we made a stop with the AC blowing on highest as I was on my hustle,
b.) I bought any and everything she wanted, from the pirated cd collections being sold in traffic to credit for her mobile phone, you name it and I got it.
***E reach where my eye come dey clear small small that, maybe dis babe no get any activity for the day… na make she just run-me-down.. a young trying omo-boy like myself..NEVER!!!***
TIME FOR LUNCH
This was where I lost my patience and decided to teach shawty a lesson.. we had just gotten back to my recording studio in Lekki when she told me that she was thirsty and needed some water to drink. I told her that on the real we only had “Pure water” (several bags of it actually), the Fridge was full of it cold, chilly bags of delicious Pure Water… but this babe told me that she “DOESN’T DRINK PURE WATER”……. **BLASPHEMY, ANATHEMA, TREASON, LIES ALL LIES**…. But I maintained my cool and told her there was a Water dispenser inside the main house so, I’ll go get her some water.. but she should bear in mind that since it was from a dispenser I was going to bring her the water in a glass cup and she agreed.
I went into the house and poured the water from the “Pure Water” sachet into the glass… then I filled up a jug with more “Pure Water”… very CHILLED “Pure Water” please remember o! Then I gave it to her to drink….. Did she drink?…YES NAUUUUU!!!… gulped the water down like tomorrow no dey and even had the guts to tell me that even if I drank the water I could tell the difference between “Pure Water” from a sachet and water from a dispenser. So, babe your now a Water connoisseur abi? NA WA O!
Next up, shawty said she wanted to eat? But she also chipped in that she does not want to eat from that “RAZZZ” tantalizers in phase1… haba, babe do I look like a chef? I’m very busy now darling, would you prefer I go and tell the chef to at least make you “Indomie with swag” that’s when he actually garnishes the indomie with enough mede-mede… trust me you will LOVE it? The babe told me Nooooo oo! Please, cant we send him to go and buy food from somewhere else at least in VI…that’s not far too babeyy?!. Oh, so I’m now your babey abi?
I just remembered that I had one JEVINIK take away container and nylon bag in my car from the day before so I sent the chef to go and buy food from one bukka nearby, he chartered rice, plantain and moi-moi with tons of meat, so baby gal ate her absolute fill of Jeviniks Lunch deluxe ….bwahahahahahahahahhaa… pardon me if I’m laughing my head off! But you should have seen her wolf that food down, it was HILARIOUS constantly complimenting Jeviniks food in relation to Tantalizers nonsense meals…little did she know! Lwkmdfh!!! I remember when Chefo told me that let him delay the gals food small so that she will think he went ALLL that distance to Victoria Island and back. #CryingInLaughter
I am not a naughty fellow maybe slightly mischievous but it wasn’t really my fault, we are all guys and sometime we go out of our way to impress the ladies, then there are other times when the ladies might be a tad bit Over-Demanding and then we are forced to improvise as men. I hope you guys understand my predicament? Babes like Kaylah and Alero Eghagha say that I was lucky supposing the girl fell ill or probably purged? My reply is that “What you don’t know wont hurt you” plus water from a dispenser and food from bukka ‘Jevinik’ can never make you fall ill or purge. *Allegedly*….. #trustMe
***ITS REALLY NOT THE PURE WATER, IT’S HOW IT’S PACKAGED AND PRESENTED TO THE UNSUSPECTING EYE, ITS REALLY NOT THE PLACE WHERE THE FOOD IS BOUGHT ITS ……PROBABLY ……..BOTH THE PLACE AND THE WAY THE FOOD IS PRESENTED THAT SUCKS***
With this few points of mine I’m sure I have further confused you and not convinced you guys as I always do.
SO, PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T TELL THIS BABE THAT THE WATER WAS FROM SEVERAL “PURE WATER SACHETS” AND THAT THE FOOD WASN’T BOUGHT FROM JEVINIK PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS.
LADIES DON’T FEAR. I DON’T PLAY THIS KINDA PRANKS OFTEN…feel free to visit me as often as you like….. wink! lol
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