A TALE OF SEX, DRUGS AND ALCOHOL…..literally!
We have all heard the stories about the effects of performance enhancing drugs and this time, I don’t mean the ones athletes get into trouble for; I’m talking… ‘Boorantashi’ and all other forms of ‘Koboko’ enhancing supplements. We have all heard the old wives tales of the ‘Stiffies’ that didn’t come down for days, either because the omoboy guck’d himself and the babe didn’t show up or maybe he miscalculated and the shawty was on her monthly?
Anyway, moving along swiftly…
So on one fine Saturday morning, I was given this “Sachet”, (pronounced with the KONKEST ibo accent possible, also pardon d vulgar pic) and from then on I knew the weekend was going to be one very complicated one.
I had a business meeting with the Vice-President of the ‘Benelynist Union’ (I’ve said more than enough already…go figure) and he was itching for a “Cock-Tail” – (No Long Islands or Sex-On-The-Beach intended). Due to his ban from all pharmacies, from Bonny Camp to Epe, my favorite junkie called up a guy, we will refer to for now as ‘Mai-Chemist’ who came through with a prime cocktail of Trams, Refs and Roaches (No Ice-Cubes, lol).
After Mai-Chemist’s special, my VP and I started chatting randomly and this is bearing in mind that having a chat with ma favorite junkie after one of his cocktails can be very difficult as it generally includes a truck loads of ‘Remind-Me-What-We-Were-Talking-Abouts’, ‘U see what I mean!’, and Ehhs, all with tinted eyes, but, since I’m his “Last Friend on Earth”, I have to make an attempt to be with him once in a while. One thing led to another and the gist entered everyone’s favorite topic — SEX. Which started with ‘When last did you get some?’, Where, When, How…etc.
Suddenly the erstwhile silent Mai-Chemist offers us some advice, pulling out this little packet which he hands to myself and the never dulling Vice-President, promising that sexually this “Melecine” could do it all and could ensure that even a scapegoat stays well endowed (you dey get me now abi??)
The Vice-President buys 2 packs then throws me one…(I’m Innocent, I didn’t have a choice in this matter, I swear to you with fingers crossed behind my back.)
The prospect of being extra SuperMan-ish and winning a Carl Lewis amount of Gold Medals in the Mattress/Bedroom Olympics was too exciting to subdue, so I started to BB, Text and Call Prospective Female Lab Mice to conduct this experiment, sadly without their permission.
After enough long tins, missed calls and sounding desperate shag-wise…I even got through to one who blurted “N6 I know you, you’re just horny and you want to nack, Msschew! ..Goodbye! …and drops phone.
Luckily for me FRESH was in town from Uni, so we set a time and I picked her up at the agreed location but sadly she was with a friend (when will women understand that guys detest that sorta thing?).
Note: Please always keep your hungry, less finer friend at home/school, you might have known her since JSS2 boarding house, but she is and would always be a liability when you have to visit awon bois for a shagfest.
FRESH shocks me anytime she is around because most times she has picked up a brand new vice …this time I found out that she has started smoking…(and that’s everything smoke-able I mean)…I leave that part of the gist here. Anyway we went to Mega-Plaza and we both had medium Shawarmas and a Guinness each (another new vice FRESH has picked up, in a bid to impress me) and her friend ordered the extra large chicken and chips meal which she couldn’t finish midway and they had to wrap it up as takeaway…sigh!…smh!
We all crashed in my room on the same bed, because “The Friend” couldn’t use her church mind and excuse guys and crash elsewhere..now its pitch dark, just the AC purring and ma hands were feeling like young Christopher Columbus, searching and exploring in a bid to find and colonise new lands lol.
I loooove the way “FRESH” purrs and moans, she should be a Bentley engine! #justsaying.
At that point, I remembered the advice of Mai-Chemist and the VP of the Benylinists Union and reached for my Koboko Performance enhancer, ran into the bathroom, pop’d it, pulled Condoleeza (Condy..wink! lol) out of ma wallet and went back to “FRESH”….
Let’s just say 2 people in that room didn’t sleep that nite, and there was one very unhappy spectator…Lol…Yes, “Miss Friend”, I caught you peeping!
Was My Koboko’s performance enhanced?
I don’t really think so.
Will I try it again?
Maybe, if it had turned me to Lexington Steele that nite, I might have said YES, but since it didn’t…I’m done………for now!
Bizness B4 Pleasure babey!