ABIDO’S CATHOLIC: BREAK UP

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Everything that has beginning must have an end – it’s inevitable. However, how we deal with the inevitable is a crucial matter. Approximately, 90% of romantic relationships end up with partners going their separate ways while the lucky 10% metamorphose into marriage. The people who constitute the 90% prefer to ‘test the waters’ to find the right person and they eventually end up in the marriage circle. Carrying out ‘operation break-up’ is a sensitive action and must be handled carefully so the one carrying out the operation doesn’t regret it.

The break-up mode should be as cool as the ‘wooing mode’ to ensure peace after the termination of the relationship. However, both guys and ladies discharge their partners, most times, in a somewhat cruel and hostile manner. This can only end in two ways either the broken partner accepts the hostility and the abrupt end of their relationship or the broken partner goes bunkers and tries to make the ‘breakee’s’ life a living hell.

The fact is we can’t escape the inevitable (breaking-up) but we can make the process of breaking up the relationship bearable. In the past people have utilized what I call the ‘mercy killing’ approach in ending relationships. In this case, the partner seeking the break-up frustrates the other partner till that partner breaks up with him/her. This process isn’t quick especially if the individual’s partner is all lovey-dovey and forgives all wrong but eventually the partner will get his/her wish.

Once this approach succeeds, your partner will believe he/she broke up with you whereas you had broken up with him/her way back it just materialized later. In this case, anyone hardly throws tantrums ‘cos the one meant to feel hurt actually carried out ‘operation break-up’. But this line of action is so yesterday, you need to be honest with yourself before you can break-up with your partner. If you could be so nice, loving and creative in getting your partner why can’t you apply such methods to end the relationship?

There are certain ways you mustn’t break-up with your partner if you ever wanna avoid the wrath and hail stone of an angry ex. Don’t break-up with your partner over the phone or via a letter. It’s totally wrong and cowardly. When you asked him/her out you did it in person, so why break-up from a distance? Besides, ending a relationship this way belittles your partner and proves they mean/meant nothing to you.

So to avoid messy break-ups (believe me it can be messy):

You must understand and know the personality of your lover. Is he/she short-tempered, quiet, patient, vengeful, understanding (but in this case, no one is) or crazy (like those chicks portrayed in Black American movies). With this in consideration, you’ll know how to go about presenting your claim (break-up) to your partner in the best possible way to achieve the desired result.

Secondly, you must have a genuine reason not some cock-and-bull story. This isn’t the time to start with opening lines like ‘we are not/no longer compatible’ (it BS) ‘this relationship isn’t really working’ or ‘let’s start seeing other people’ (this isn’t a movie). Many times, these lines are used when there are no real reasons to end the relationship. Either you’re just tired of the relationship or you wanna hook up with someone else. For example, if you catch your lover in bed with someone else that’s probable cause for ending a relationship anywhere. But if you forgave him/her and then decide to use it as an excuse a year or two years later- believe me he/she’ll make your life a living hell. So when you have probable causes use it while they are still effective.

Thirdly, timing is very crucial to a ‘break-up operation’. It’s only a heartless partner that will break up with his/her lover at his/her most vulnerable period. Young adults in the university, don’t break-up with your partner before or during his/her semester exams it can be dangerous. After the exams will be the most appropriate time. Bid your time before you drop the ‘break-up bomb’ in other words factor in the effect of your actions on your partner’s life.

Fourthly, consider the promises you made to your partner. Don’t promise what you can’t give. It’s not wise to paint a picture of the future with your partner especially since you don’t know what tomorrow holds. Don’t get the hopes of your partner up with promises of marriage etc ‘cos if you do and you leave them hanging these promises will fuel their hatred and plan of revenge. Knowing what you have promised will help you treat your partner well even when you’re about to break up with him/her

Finally, consider what you’ve been through and the sacrifices your partner has made. This will help you tailor the message of disappointment you intend to deliver to him/her. Let’s consider the Nollywood scenario: you’ve been with a babe for 3-4 years and she has undergone four abortions. When leaving such a lady it would be a costly mistake to treat her like trash. Considering what she has been through will help you choose your words wisely. But if you believe it doesn’t matter you’re playing with fire.

At times, the fact is there’s no other way to save yourself in a relationship only if you break-up with your partner but in doing this try to make your partner see reason with you. At first, they’ll feel dejected and angry but with time and the way you deliver the blow they’ll consider it a favour later ‘cos they might have been involved in worse break-up scenarios.

PS: Always remember an EX on the mission to make your life a living hell will most times succeed. Try not to have too many angry exes.

Abido

Abido

Regular guy with countless thots going thru his mind. Simple, jovial, easy-going always wondering why things are what they are. I’m different things 2 a lot of people -a son 2 few, a brother to sum, a friend 2 many n enemy 2 none(frm my angle). Believes in God. A realist always trying 2b objective*a difficult human trait*, however I’m simply just ME (no definition 4 that).

3 comments

  1. Abido, nice article, but i read less than three paragraphs. U should try to keep it short and simple next time. I guess a lot of people couldnt read all; just as i couldnt. Looking forward to reading from you, a short article.

    Thanks

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