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This is more of an appeal than it is a read.  You might consider them miscreants,”area boys”, an eye sore to society, vagabonds, or just simply TOUTS.  I call them “The un Official Union of Taxators for unwarranted Services. I’m not here to talk about the guys you see at the bus park colouring buses with markers, but instead I’m here for their colleagues, the ones you encounter on your trips to the cinema, public functions, clubhouses, weddings and all events hosted in public places. If you still don’t comprehend, let me paint you a picture (geez,some of you are really slow sha). If you have ever been to the Galleria to watch a movie and decided to park anywhere aside the management provided parking spaces, then you have probably encountered one of the so called “TAXTORS’’. Some are even well known in certain localities. If you happen to bootleg all your movies and watch them all on your home screen (I know some badt guyz) then I’m simply talking about the men that come up to you when you’re out at a public function, or at at any club and say to you “Oga parking na 2hun’’. Yeah those TOUTS.

I am really curious about the birth of this service I am sometimes threatened and forced to pay for, the last time I checked, the highways and inner roads belonged to the State or Federal government paid for by tax payers and being a tax payer, I am entitled to sit my car on any part of the road and should only be fined or taxed by government officials not hoodlums that make an excuse ‘protecting’ my car. I am not a SLUUSH kid (tongue in cheek) and wasn’t left with a sizeable trust fund, I am in between jobs (the politically correct way to say I’m jobless)and my income isn’t  meant to be shared with people that would rob me blind if the opportunity arose. I know some of you would say well it keeps them from robbing you but I beg to differ. I have been robbed by this same people meant to protect my belonging(and it happened where my belonging was meant to be protected).

I know some of you are saying I’m making all this hullabaloo because I’m a stingy ass boy, but really let’s look at it from my point of view, I believe in tipping, I don’t know who invented it, but it does make a lot of sense, and I do tip, concierges, waiters, bouncers and anyone who renders adequate, reliable service and does it with some decorum. I do not however believe that bullying me out of my Naira is adjudged to be tipping, it most definitely isn’t.

I know some of you are saying I should sit my bum at home since it’s too hot in the kitchen, but I beg to differ, back in the days it wasn’t this rampant and commonplace, it’s now a full time occupation which is untaxed (FIRS una dey hear).  I would like you all to please desist from encouraging this new trend which I most definitely can say is just profiting the illegal drug, tobacco and “alomo” industries.

Thank you for your time!



Who am I? Simply put I’m N.O.T or simpler still NUTS. I love life - the ups, the downs, the merry go rounds, but most of all I love that babe that carried me for nine months ... She’s my inspiration, my role model. I can kill for music & I’ve seen enough movies to tell u the end; I love women & hanging out especially with my peoples. On that note enjoy my articles; sometimes it’ll be funny, sometimes long & annoying but most times it’ll just be nutty.


  1. Well said, author and I daresay this is not a new trend. They have been there for a while now and if the government will not do something about it, taking them off these places will not be easy. Just getting people to stop patronizing them may also not be easy cos of the Niaja factor. Some people think just giving N100 or even N200 for this dis-service is nothing. I remember once i went to Galleria to see a movie and you know how parking is. I packed in front of one those banks there. On my way out, they came rushing that i was supposed to pay something for parking there. An argument ensued. I insisted i wasnt going to pay cos i work at the bank. One guy just passing by ,also looking for where to pack said “madam, just give them the money, afterall it is just N100”. I was shocked . I didnt pay them anything at the end but they called me all sorts of names as I drove off. I dont blame them they are taking advantage of people’s ignorance and the general fear for confrontation. Sorry I have gone off again.

  2. I think there are two sides to the coin. These are unemployed men who have to find a means of sustainable living! In all fairness to a lot of them touts,they do help to make certain things easier since the govt has not placed adequate measures to ensure that anyway. While,I do not agree with the way they sometimes harass people,its all a reflection of the rot in the system and an urgent need for a true transformative process of the ideals and needs of the general population. Unfortunately, we live in a society where,while you can easily part with that N1500 to see a movie of your choice, a lot of guys out there with families to feed barely have anything to eat!

  3. I sure hate it wen pple expect me to tip dem sha… Nobody tips me afta I offer dem my professional services 😉
    As for those touts, sometimes I wish I were I very hefty guy so I cud slap dem at will. One time dey threatened to remove my wiper bcos I didn’t wanna pay for parking, I had to pay, I was burnt!

  4. @okeoghene….its so annoying nd d fact som1 says u shld part wit ur hard earned cash is even more,I’ve had countless encounters nd I must say its becoming irritating.
    @fash…. the govn will not do nather, I jus pray som1 doesn’t do somfin stupid one day
    @deevagal…I feel u, I for like punch all of dem, but skinny old me.
    @oma…so true, more annoying
    @esh…FIRS no go c dat one…

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