Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 43

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Memoirs

So I had written memoirs and just as the Editor was going through, news came in that houses were being burnt and people were being killed in the Northern part of Nigeria.

Believe me, each time something like this happens, I usually ask myself “why do we think killing one another will solve the issue at hand? Problems won’t get solved by any amount of bloodshed.

Each time people die, we always go back to dialogue to solve these issues; Why can’t we just start with dialogue? I mean “DIALOGUE first, before resorting to VIOLENCE” …actually “DIALOGUE first, second, third … DIALOGUE always, never resort to VIOLENCE

If we sit across a table to discuss these issues, our differences and all things we don’t collectively agree on, we will always find ways to avoid the destruction of lives and properties.

May we have the ability to tell one another that violence does not solve anything. Love is all we need! Love is all the world needs!

Speaking of love, here’s a little snippet of a super collaboration between Black Label’s Oyinkansola and Choc Boiz’ BrymO called “Love Wan Tintin to lift your spirits up! The full version drops here soon!

[audio:https://www.360nobs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Oyinkansola-ft-Brymo-Love-Wan-Tintinsnippet_tags.mp3]

  Oyinkansola and Brymo - Love Wan Tintin(snippet) (841.2 KiB, 567 hits)

May God almighty continue to guide, protect and keep our families and friends.

God bless us all.

So last week I was in the studio with MI & Waje working on Waje’s project. Waje’s album is an album you should look forward to. The first song produced by MI is titled “Falling” and for some unexplainable reasons, the song made me think about getting married and I decided to write a letter to my future wife. You should read it but then while the letter made some people happy, it created more issues between Biola and I.

Biola wants to know why I don’t think she fits the role of being my wife. She’s of the opinion that she should be given the opportunity to prove herself. I guess I’ll have to let you read our conversation in my next memoirs and help me decide.

Friday April 1, 2011.

10:06pm

There I was bewildered with no idea of how I got myself into this situation. I had not seen Shirls in a long time and her anger wasn’t helping matters because her boobs kept moving up and down with her breathing.

Shirls: So who’s that?

Nobs: I can explain Shirls

Shirls: Explain? Hell yeah you have to explain.

Nobs: It’s not what you think

Shirls: Truthfully I don’t think anything. You know what? Maybe I should just go home because this is entirely my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten myself into this mess. Why did you bring me home when you knew you left another babe in your house?

Nobs : It’s not like that

Shirls : What the fuck is it like?

Nobs : Just let me explain. Calm down

Shirls : Don’t tell me to calm down. Come and take me home.

Nobs : Is that what you want to do?

Shirls : fuck yes

Nobs : Shirls, I did not know she will be here

Shirls : Really? Are you a joker?

Nobs : I’m so sorry

Shirls : Who the fuck is she?

Now this was the moment I’ve been avoiding. I mean Shirls reads this diary and has an idea of who is who and all that. I figured that the truth would cause more problems and she might drag Ada out of my bed. I hate drama and I was not about to provide my neighbours with any kind of entertainment. So I lied.

Shirls, I know you may be reading this and may never talk to me again but I lied for the sake of peace. I would have come out clean but I was not prepared for your actions because you once stopped seeing me because of Slim. I’m so sorry for lying but I did it for the greater good.

Nobs : She’s my sister’s friend

Shirls: Are you kidding me? Your sister’s friend in your room?

Nobs : She stays there sometimes and maybe she was just resting.

Shirls : Ok. Let’s go in and find out.

Nobs : Please give me 10mins to talk to her, alone.

Shirls: Why alone? Please come and drop me

Nobs: We can’t go to Yaba now with the no movement and all.

Shirls: I want a hotel

Nobs: In the estate?

Shirls: It’s your call, Hun

Nobs: I’ll meet you in the car.

Shirls: please hurry up, (long hissss!)

Shirls went back to the car to wait for me and I went in to talk to Ada.

Can I be truthful for a bit? If Ada was single, maybe I would have gone with the idea of putting Shirls up in a hotel and leaving Ada at mine. That way I can jog between my house and the hotel just to experience what polygamous men experience.

Ada was on the bed only in her pink nightgown with the duvet slightly covering the lower part of her body. I (and my prisoner behind the restraining zipper) stood there for more 2 minutes just staring at her body and trying to convince myself that not making any moves on her will do me more good than harm.

I shook her slightly while calling her name softly.

Nobs : Ada

Nobs : Ada, Nne kunie

Ada : Buzor, ibata go?

Nobs: Yes love

Ada: How was your day? Have you eaten?

Nobs: I’m fine, Ada

Ada : Should I get Mmiri iji asa aru

Nobs: Ada I’m fine.

I was confused and didn’t know how to break the news to her. Ada has been nice to me and she’s everything anyone will want in a wife.

I had no intention of taking her away from her husband but you will agree with me that it’s not really that easy. How would I tell her to leave the room for another woman?

Nobs: Nne, there’s a problem

Ada: Ke ifobu?

Nobs: I didn’t plan for it to happen this way but I’m hoping you will understand

Ada: You are getting me scared. What is the problem?

Nobs: Please don’t be offended. I forgot that you said you’ll be coming today and a friend of mine just came into the country. She called me to come and pick her, now she’s here.

Ada: She can’t stay in your visitor’s room?

Nobs: Ada, we used to have something and asking her to stay in the visitor’s room will be a little rude.

Ada: So are you asking me to leave your room?

Nobs: I didn’t plan it this way but we can still have our talk.

Ada: I’ll leave your room but just know that I’ll never ever talk to you in my life again. I will leave your house and I’ll never come back. You don’t even need to come for my wedding.

Nobs : Ada, I really don’t know why you are getting mad like this.

Ada : Leave me alone.

Nobs : We will talk tomorrow

Ada: Gin a onye?

She stood up from the bed and went straight to my sister’s room.

I went down to the car, used my ancestors to plead with Shirls to come back up.

After much begging, we came up, I settled her into my room and when to check up on Ada. I was just about to knock on my sister’s door when I overheard her pleading with Ada to stop crying. I tiptoed quietly back to my room.

I tried everything to get some all through the night but Shirls wouldn’t give me any. As luck would have it, an early morning visit from Ada triggered some.

Saturday April 1, 2011.

7:56am

I heard a knock on the door, stood up and there was Ada in short shorts (?) and tank top.

Ada: Buzor, good morning

Shirls: Hey, good morning

Ada: Buzor, kini ka iga eri?

Nobs: My friend said good morning to you.

Ada: Are you eating or not?

Nobs: Ada, please give me a minute, I’ll come and meet you.

As I shut the door, Shirls who had a feeling she was still there waiting, immediately took advantage of it; got undressed and pulled me back to bed. Just one touch and she started moaning.

She was moaning so loud that I felt embarrassed because I knew my sister and the entire house could hear her.

Work done, I was ready to go talk with Ada. On opening the door, Ada was by the door leading to the stairway with her bag and my sister trying to make her stay.

I thought the night was drama but I was wrong.

It was a few minutes to 9am,with no movement still and all my neighbours at home.

I was confused and I did the first thing that came to my mind…

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

47 comments

  1. you kissed Ada and every thought of leaving vanished from her mind.

    As for Biola, well,you said when you see your future wife you will know she is the one and you have seen everything there is about biola but she just aint the one. Moreso,I know she is not a size 10.

    God bless Nigeria!

  2. Noble Igwe! I read somewhere that most men had low sperm counts later on in life because of stunts like this: ‘dashing’ away all your viable sperm cells. Shebi u want 3healthy kids? Bros biko take am easy o…we really don’t want to hold night vigil for u wen d time comes.

  3. Why so short?? Been waiting forever and this is all u give me??? :'( Anyway why won’t u just stop breaking Ada’s heart? That girl has really tried for u ‘Buzor’.

  4. hahhahahhahahaha….i love this!
    well, its either u feigned fainting, or proposed to ada, or told shirls that u didnt want again and threw her bags out, or started a fire or began a cycle of slaps…lol

  5. Biko Buzor,

    the memoirs are late *apology accepted though*, then its terribly short and the suspense is killing.

    nice write up & the polygamous men experience really cracked me up.

  6. Please make up your mind, i thought you said you want to to get married? *longhiss* BTW this memoirs is way too short and lacks details 🙁

  7. “Ada, shirls and Biola” hmmm you have a lot on your plate Nobs. lol errm im speechless.

    @kike, good point but funny. I concur

  8. if tht ur shrils is a human being she wont be back in ur bed after reading ur silly memoirs .. isnt she scared dt she is kissing d mouth tht eats every gutter rat out ?? #justsaying

    1. @ chinasa or whatever….

      Obviously you are miserable…

      You should pour you fustration else where…okey!!!!!

    2. ugh!!!!!! biatch! nobody forced you to come here and read this.puhleeease do not insult a talented and gifted writer,

  9. Nobs the bad goiz
    ‘Caught in the middle’
    Can Ada just fade,knowing fully well she has her wedding invite printed already?
    Let’s know those who are left…lol

    1. o.m.d u need to sit yourself down and tell u that nothing should, can and will happen with Ada. Following that u should sit Ada down and tell her the same thing. It was cute et al in the beginning but now its just……..
      haba are you her husband that she’s coming to misbehave in your house biko please caution the babe.

  10. u kissed Ada abi? u shud let her go u knw!! nd Ada shud do same as well.. Ў☺ΰ’ve nt really found ya missing rib cos wen Ў☺ΰ do oda chicz wnt giv u goose bumps..

  11. Am in love with shirls, menh, the girl handled it like a PRO, she reminds me of “Samatha” from “”Sex and the City””

    Ada or whatever, should please go rot or somthing. i mean, if a man ask you to leave his bed for another woman, and you still wake up the next morning like “Jehovah Witness” to ask him what he wants for breakfast…… how deranged are you????? like seriously!!!
    thats just nasty!!!

  12. Buzor u won’t kill me with this ur story! I love Samatha she took charge of her MAN,as for Ada am sure u kissed her & she calmed down…Buchi giri kwa wayo na yupu “sperm”

  13. Ada is so unfaithful! Which kain gal b dis? So dis is how she wuda cheated on u if u decided to get serious wit her? Hian…!

  14. Wow, so much drama…and he says dis aint drama yet, can’t wait for next week’s
    And d comments LMAO! So fxxking hilarious
    And yea @obi d polygamous men thingy cracked me up too!

  15. Chinasa but why so nasty? Please some of us are ready to claw out ur eyes for speaking to ‘Buzor’ like that o. Be warned.

  16. I neeed to know d end of this, just 9am n all this is goin on, may d house not blow up b4 4pm.
    Whatever it is u did sha, 2 babes is not beans. I agre with every1 dat says Ada is selfish, she is not a saint @ all

  17. Nobs oooo pls I think it time for u to free Ada totally she shdnt b caught up in all this.as for shirls and biola u are on your own.but seriously nobs mayb u shd take a break from everyone (bin the girls) for a while so u can make up ur mind on who u really want and what u really want to do with urslf.else just sign up for celibacy 😐

  18. Lemme take wild guesses at what u did…
    U kissed Ada?
    U dragged Ada to a hidden basement in ur house and locked her there?
    U dropped ur boxers and showed her ur ‘shlong’ in the hopes of making her stay?
    U told her u were preggers and its hers???
    WTF did u do Noble? *Hissing @ the suspense*

    BTW, I didn’t see u mention no darned CONDOM when u had ur ‘ROMP’ wiv Shirls. SMH.

  19. wow…this memoirs was too short for my liking, albeit entertaining…why are people getting bent out of shape over Chinasa’s commentary…ndi iberibe **hiss** she’s entitled to her opinion, unpopular or not. On a sidenote…let us remember SATC is NOT real life and Samantha is 50 and SINGLE, KMFT!

  20. The polygamy experience bit made me laff hard.
    As for u and Ada,errrmmmm….doing an engaged lady won’t be the worst thing uve done nau! How abt u give her some so she can rest

  21. ada should stick to her husband and you should be man enough to let her go. you have so many girls you are knacking so just free ada, biko. bet erm, do guys really prefer the village breed of girls to the sophisticated ones? just asking

  22. Nobs when are you going to post memoirs for week 44?I’ve been waiting abeg don’t fall my hand plus your posts have become extremely short so please please please don’t end them abruptly!thanks:)

  23. Are these memoirs even any real? I dont understand y the world needs these stories. TMI if u ask me. Like, what value does this create really?
    BITE ME!!!

  24. @Anonymous….intrigue,suspense…i guess? We all need drama in our lives from time to time.
    Its kinda hard to believe sum of these fings buh i’m luving it! Can’t wait for d next!!! 😀

  25. YO NOBS!! GREAT AND VERY ENTERTAINING READ,I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE ITS ALL TRUE.I THINK YOU’RE LYING ABOUT MOST OF THE HAPPENINGS IN YOUR LIFE.STILL I LOOK FFWD TO READING MORE.ADA NEEDS A LOBOTOMY,OR A GOOD BEATING FROM HER FATHER.

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