Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid : Wk 42

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I hate posting Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid late. It hurts me because I feel like we are in some sort of a relationship and I’m cheating on you.

I’m so sorry. I have been busy working with Waje and MI on Waje’s album.

So here’s the thing, I know some of you came here to get the list of the ‘used and approved’ locations where you can have car sex in Lagos. Before we go any further, I’ll like to state that I would not like to be judged for this list because I am making it public at no cost.

While some of you will come here to confirm if their favourite spot is on the list, some of you will be jotting down the locations for future use. Whatever the case, don’t forget to say “Thank you” in the comment box below.

I don’t know who discovered car sex but I totally respect the person for thinking outside the bedroom box. The person proved that sex could be referred to as an adult outdoor game. Unlike other locations for sex, the car has played a huge role in the development of one-night stands as a hobby.

Moving on, I don’t know what is on your bucket list but it will be really painful to have a bucket list without Ménage-a-trois and car sex on it.

Here are the some rules guiding car sex:

  • Turn on the car and AC (possibly to full blast) and face the AC vents to the windows and sit in the car for 15 minutes talking. The AC should create a mist-like effect on the window which makes visibility from the outside next to impossible.
  • Since you will need the engine on, use a jacket or any thick material to cover the light from the radio set or the dashboard. This will make the inside of the car dark.
  • Slide the passenger seat backwards and make it rest on the seat behind to create room for your partner or push the driver and passenger’s seats forward to use create enough room for two at the back.
  • Avoid rough movement or styles so that you don’t attract attention to the car.
  • For easy and stress-less car sex, the reverse cowgirl is advised.

Here are some of the trusted locations in Lagos:

  • The City mall:
    This is one of the most coded places on Lagos Island. Make sure the car is parked at the centre behind the building. Use this location on Thursdays or days with heavy traffic at the MUSON centre. With loads of cars everywhere, nobody really bothers if your car is moving up and down.
  • The Mega Plaza car park:
    The car park at Mega plaza is a very busy place but not the topmost floor. Most of the cars parked on that floor are mostly office cars or overnight parking so there is very limited movement of people up there. Make sure your car is parked at the back towards the left end.
    This space should be avoided during the weekend, as there is so much traffic of people in and out. Mondays are the best days.
  • The Green Garden:
    The green garden is located on Isaac John GRA Ikeja with parking spaces in front and behind. The space behind is the most suitable and make sure you park towards the generator set. Use this space between 8pm -10pm as the premises is locked at 10pm.
  • The Palms:
    The Palms boasts of a very large parking area but the most suitable area is behind the building close to the delivery entrance. The noise from the generator comes in handy in this location.
  • Beside First Bank Lekki Phase 1:
    This location is most suitable for people leaving in Lekki Phase 1. It’s located at the end of a close but must be used before 9pm to avoid disturbance from an over zealous OPC personnel.

    I guess we’ve tried for one day and if you still want us to go further, please say so and we’ll update it next week.

Monday March 21, 2011.

9.00am

Work was too random for me and the fact that I couldn’t get Ada off my mind was not helping issues. I felt I didn’t really treat her well and I wouldn’t want her to travel with the notion that I disliked her when in the real sense I thought what I did was for our own good.

3:00pm

I tried not to call her but I guess my body was stronger than my mind and I gave in.

Ada: Hello

Nobs: Ada, I’m sorry

Ada: Buzor, biko hapu’m aka

Nobs: Ada, it is not what you think. I did what I did for us.

Ada: I just know that I am not your type and that is what this is all about.

Nobs: I have warned you about that statement.

Ada: O eziokwu. It’s all because my family is not rich enough.

Nobs: Ada, you are married

Ada: Buzor, you knew me when I was single and still didn’t agree to date me.

Nobs: Ada, we need to be truthful to ourselves. You are no longer available and I wouldn’t want us to do something that I’ll regret.

Ada: Oge obuna. It’s always about you.

Nobs: Ngwa, biko forgive me for last night.

Ada: I won’t Buzor. I cried all night.

Nobs : Okay. Let’s meet for lunch tomorrow.

Ada : I’m leaving Lagos tomorrow but I’ll be back na Friday, April 1st.

Nobs : Let’s leave it for that weekend then

Ada : I’ll think about it

Nobs : Ngwanu Ijeoma

Ada : Daalu so

I was very happy that I made the call.

Just as I was about to enter my office I overheard my colleague telling another that she would break up with the boyfriend over “going soft during action”.  I pretended that I was engrossed with what I was doing on my phone so I could confirm if I heard right. She said “It was the first round and just in the middle of action, he went soft and couldn’t make it stand again”. “We tried all night and it wouldn’t get up”.

Please people, is that enough to break up a new relationship? I mean, calls drop during important calls and wouldn’t connect. I have not witnessed such but I think bad sex can even make someone go soft as well as stress. Why break up a whole relationship because of a “call drop”! So can someone also break up a relationship because someone got dry?

Anyways, I’ll like to know what you feel about it because since she wasn’t talking to me, I minded my business and never bothered her with my opinion.

Friday April 1, 2011.

6.00am

I woke up early to Thank God for 360nobs.com and his blessings towards Team360nobs and I. One year of pushing an idea and the achievements. Special S/O to all of you who visit and share/RT our articles.

Work was okay but my mind was all on taking the bold step. We took it.

9:00pm

So I twitted that I was driving to De Marquee to celebrate alone and someone promised me a blind date via twitter DM.

I got to the bar, waited and waited but nobody turned up. Since I didn’t go out with my boys I decided to go home early and that was when she showed up…

It was my Shirls looking all pretty and things

Shirls : hey boo

Nobs : Wow

Shirls : You are an ashewo. So you sha came for this date

Nobs : I only came here because I wanted to hang out and not because of any stupid blind date.

Shirls : So do you still want to stay?

Nobs : Let’s go or are you going home?

Shirls : I’m your anniversary present

Nobs : Hmmmmmm

We drove home and immediately Obinna opened the door he said

Obinna : Nobs, can I see you?

Nobs : Obinna tomorrow

Obinna: It’s very important

I opened my room and there was Ada lying down on my bed.

Shirls: Nobs, We need to talk now. What sort of embarrassment is this?

Obinna was standing by the door with Pryse‘s “Oleku freestyle” (Check out her 360Fresh) playing from his phone.

[audio:https://www.360nobs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Iceprince-ft-Pryse-Brymo-Olekufreestyle.mp3|titles=Iceprince ft Pryse & Brymo – Oleku(freestyle)]

  Iceprince ft Pryse & Brymo - Oleku(freestyle) (4.9 MiB, 394 hits)

Two women in my room, no movement until 4:00pm

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

43 comments

  1. Noble, so u made me stay up till 3a.m for this?
    Bia nwoke orumba, take your time o!
    Please allow that homely girl move on with her life. Break her heart n her head, if that will push d message tru.
    #justsaying

  2. OMG….I haff died of lafta….this is hilarious..anyway by next week,if derez no memoir from u,then I’ll know the ground opened and swallowed you…about the girl on the phone,first you don’t know if that’s the first 2nd or third time the guy is getting a flat tyre .sex may be very important in her relationship so if she can’t cope with a guy who can’t go more than once,don’t blame her.aftrall u guys will call her a slut when she eventually starts cheating.

  3. well its high time u get caught in such dilenma……lmao.but wait oohh wat deos Ada want?………and as for the list hhhmm u na bad igbo boi for sure i confirm the city mall*cant watch*i look forward to reading ur blog every week so stop being late its really like u re cheating in this our relationship.haha

  4. Somehow, I had a funny feeling this would happen! I just knew it…
    Thanks for the car sex location list bn waiting for it for long(my babe sef don dey ask me how far for d list kos I told her).
    So how u wan handle d matta now bros?

  5. hell yes!!!, “call drop” can make a new relationship go sour. what the hell would u b dng with a guy that cant satisfy u esp when hes well endowed?
    nice write up Nobs bt u hv ti choose bw this memoirs n other stuff. i live, breathe this memoirs

  6. Wow the car sex rules and locations re fascinating! Buh i’ll pass lol.
    Then the “Two women in my room, no movement until 4:00pm” part is mind blowing O_O i cant wait to read the end of this story soon.

    Thumbs up Noble nice memoir!

  7. Btw…for those of us in okokomaiko, mushin and ajegunle…where can we do d freaky na? Abi na only island and ikeja?
    Pls o…complete that list

  8. The question is not y did nobs call Ada …The question is y did Ada come? … She is about to wed for JISOS sake
    That babe dey find sumthin … Bros noble “point and kill” joh ….ℓoℓ

  9. Finally!! Nd nw I’m gona hav 2 wait till nxt wk 4 d rest… Arrrrggggh! I swear dis waitin will drive me mad!!! :'(
    Ps: u really shld let ada go.. Poor girl is clearly love sick.. She just might run out of d church on her weddin day tell d entire church nd her husband she is in love wiv u nd cme 2 u if u keep her stringin on like dis…

  10. hmmm dis Ada girl is beginign to have double personalty. i mean she was sposed to be d good girl so why is she lusting afta anoda man? i can only say thank ur starts she wasnt the one u chose. she most def wulda changed

  11. LMFAO..please bring on the list of other locations. i get my nails done at greenville village but i never thot of using it for something else. anyway….did u forget u had a date wiv Ada? next tym listen to obinna when he says “its important”..hahahaha…but Nobs please always post memoirs early, see how i was using twitter to stay awake yesterdae nite thinking memoirs would come up..

  12. I like the guiding rules to car sex…how to create a mist.
    I feel sorry for you cos u had a promising night with shirls but it seems you won’t be getting any.
    As for your colleague breaking up with her boyfriend,I believe good and healthy sex life is a very important factor to relationships!!

  13. Confirmed car sex locations!! Nobs,aw many flat tyres av u had?! Lol…
    Btw,I like shirls….Ada shld jst go n sit in her husband’s aws biko.

  14. so u will leave your house in lekki to the back of First Bank because you want to have sex?? i mean, if you really want to have sex in your car, park in front of your house and do it. why drive all the way?
    but that Mega Plaza car park sounds very on point 🙂

  15. Regarding ‘call drop’, what if it is not a regular occurance. It happened just this one time, even if it doesn’t end the relationship, is it enough reason for a girl to be upset and start crying. Not really judging the guys performance, but rather thinking that maybe he is not into her enough to keep going for a long time. Please people’s opinion, especially female, will be greatly appreciated

  16. Location 1 is the real deal,crazy excitement watching people walk/drive by…..
    Shirls is so cool but i’v always liked Ada,the whole marriage thingy is complicating tho’…You BTPU and u’r in for a lifelong tryst.

  17. GHEN GHEN!!!!!!!!….lwkmd
    I hrd if u hv sex in a car, eventually u wud hv an accident…may not b immediately, but dat car must jam…true or false?

    Good job!

  18. Finally,I got to read Memoirs! It feels like I’ve known Ʋ for so long. I’m wondering what you did about the two babes in Ūя̲̅ place,what with no movement till 4pm!

  19. Nice locations for the car sex and the ac hitting the windows to create a mist is genius, will tell my hubby about that. ~winks~
    About the “call drop”, if it isnt regular and is just a one off thing, i see no reason for breaking the relationship for that cos as you rightly said, should you break off the relationship cos the woman is dry? If “call drop” happens again, sex enhancement drugs such as viagra should be considered or even a dildo will do a good job

  20. Gosh….This Ada girl is ridding on my last nerve….how cant a girl be so desperate that she cant see the

    “i dont want to F##k you sign”

    No offence Nobs, what is in you, that she wants or should i say…what is in her that she want to give?????
    or maybe she never goes dry…..

    1. Dear Gbagaun Popo,
      This is not twitter so if you are expecting some kind of retweet,you are not getting any here.
      Go read the “Rules to read by”.
      Get off my memoirs and go help your mother in her shop.
      Best,

      N

  21. But Mr Igwe …. iremember Ada promising to hook up on april 1st….I just cant wait till wk43… i’m going to the archives to get it… you wan use suspense kill person..

  22. Love ur Memoirs bruv,u rili r livin life n things.Minwyl,u proved u’re noble man by not sleepin wif Ada,pls dn’t eff it up.Rili,dn’t sleep wif her,if she likes let her commit suicide on d mata.U’d feel lyk shit if u do,trust me!

  23. buhahahhahaahahha……really funny specially 2wards d end…….+ common guyz…..true love never dies…even when u er married…nobs i am a believer of Adah…..she loves u…..mayb u shudnt pass up dis chance…nywayz nice write up again

  24. Can’t believe what I’ve been missing on the internet. My whole internet experience seems nothing but a huge joke right now. I’m hooked! I’ve gone thru everything in one day. My eyes hurt from staring at my bb all day long. I love Ada. She’s a dream come true. How could u let urself miss out on that?? Can’t wait for week 43!

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHA @ Gbagaun popo!!

    but dude! u r falling my hand o! these late memoirs with all the memoir-converts i’ve brought here including those that never liked u!

    REPENT O!

  26. “I don’t know who discovered car sex but I totally respect the person for thinking outside the bedroom box. The person proved that sex could be referred to as an adult outdoor game.”

    you can thank clumsily horny teenagers around the world just discovering their sexuality.

  27. Bwahahahaha!!!!!! Call drop!!!!!!! #DEAD #DEAD #DEAD…. as for Ada.. nigga, slap that bitch and throw her out!!!

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