I hate posting Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid late. It hurts me because I feel like we are in some sort of a relationship and I’m cheating on you.
I’m so sorry. I have been busy working with Waje and MI on Waje’s album.
So here’s the thing, I know some of you came here to get the list of the ‘used and approved’ locations where you can have car sex in Lagos. Before we go any further, I’ll like to state that I would not like to be judged for this list because I am making it public at no cost.
While some of you will come here to confirm if their favourite spot is on the list, some of you will be jotting down the locations for future use. Whatever the case, don’t forget to say “Thank you” in the comment box below.
I don’t know who discovered car sex but I totally respect the person for thinking outside the bedroom box. The person proved that sex could be referred to as an adult outdoor game. Unlike other locations for sex, the car has played a huge role in the development of one-night stands as a hobby.
Moving on, I don’t know what is on your bucket list but it will be really painful to have a bucket list without Ménage-a-trois and car sex on it.
Here are the some rules guiding car sex:
- Turn on the car and AC (possibly to full blast) and face the AC vents to the windows and sit in the car for 15 minutes talking. The AC should create a mist-like effect on the window which makes visibility from the outside next to impossible.
- Since you will need the engine on, use a jacket or any thick material to cover the light from the radio set or the dashboard. This will make the inside of the car dark.
- Slide the passenger seat backwards and make it rest on the seat behind to create room for your partner or push the driver and passenger’s seats forward to use create enough room for two at the back.
- Avoid rough movement or styles so that you don’t attract attention to the car.
- For easy and stress-less car sex, the reverse cowgirl is advised.
Here are some of the trusted locations in Lagos:
- The City mall:
This is one of the most coded places on Lagos Island. Make sure the car is parked at the centre behind the building. Use this location on Thursdays or days with heavy traffic at the MUSON centre. With loads of cars everywhere, nobody really bothers if your car is moving up and down.
- The Mega Plaza car park:
The car park at Mega plaza is a very busy place but not the topmost floor. Most of the cars parked on that floor are mostly office cars or overnight parking so there is very limited movement of people up there. Make sure your car is parked at the back towards the left end.
This space should be avoided during the weekend, as there is so much traffic of people in and out. Mondays are the best days.
- The Green Garden:
The green garden is located on Isaac John GRA Ikeja with parking spaces in front and behind. The space behind is the most suitable and make sure you park towards the generator set. Use this space between 8pm -10pm as the premises is locked at 10pm.
- The Palms:
The Palms boasts of a very large parking area but the most suitable area is behind the building close to the delivery entrance. The noise from the generator comes in handy in this location.
- Beside First Bank Lekki Phase 1:
This location is most suitable for people leaving in Lekki Phase 1. It’s located at the end of a close but must be used before 9pm to avoid disturbance from an over zealous OPC personnel.
I guess we’ve tried for one day and if you still want us to go further, please say so and we’ll update it next week.
Monday March 21, 2011.
Work was too random for me and the fact that I couldn’t get Ada off my mind was not helping issues. I felt I didn’t really treat her well and I wouldn’t want her to travel with the notion that I disliked her when in the real sense I thought what I did was for our own good.
I tried not to call her but I guess my body was stronger than my mind and I gave in.
Nobs: Ada, I’m sorry
Ada: Buzor, biko hapu’m aka
Nobs: Ada, it is not what you think. I did what I did for us.
Ada: I just know that I am not your type and that is what this is all about.
Nobs: I have warned you about that statement.
Ada: O eziokwu. It’s all because my family is not rich enough.
Nobs: Ada, you are married
Ada: Buzor, you knew me when I was single and still didn’t agree to date me.
Nobs: Ada, we need to be truthful to ourselves. You are no longer available and I wouldn’t want us to do something that I’ll regret.
Ada: Oge obuna. It’s always about you.
Nobs: Ngwa, biko forgive me for last night.
Ada: I won’t Buzor. I cried all night.
Nobs : Okay. Let’s meet for lunch tomorrow.
Ada : I’m leaving Lagos tomorrow but I’ll be back na Friday, April 1st.
Nobs : Let’s leave it for that weekend then
Ada : I’ll think about it
Nobs : Ngwanu Ijeoma
Ada : Daalu so
I was very happy that I made the call.
Just as I was about to enter my office I overheard my colleague telling another that she would break up with the boyfriend over “going soft during action”. I pretended that I was engrossed with what I was doing on my phone so I could confirm if I heard right. She said “It was the first round and just in the middle of action, he went soft and couldn’t make it stand again”. “We tried all night and it wouldn’t get up”.
Please people, is that enough to break up a new relationship? I mean, calls drop during important calls and wouldn’t connect. I have not witnessed such but I think bad sex can even make someone go soft as well as stress. Why break up a whole relationship because of a “call drop”! So can someone also break up a relationship because someone got dry?
Anyways, I’ll like to know what you feel about it because since she wasn’t talking to me, I minded my business and never bothered her with my opinion.
Friday April 1, 2011.
I woke up early to Thank God for 360nobs.com and his blessings towards Team360nobs and I. One year of pushing an idea and the achievements. Special S/O to all of you who visit and share/RT our articles.
Work was okay but my mind was all on taking the bold step. We took it.
So I twitted that I was driving to De Marquee to celebrate alone and someone promised me a blind date via twitter DM.
I got to the bar, waited and waited but nobody turned up. Since I didn’t go out with my boys I decided to go home early and that was when she showed up…
It was my Shirls looking all pretty and things
Shirls : hey boo
Nobs : Wow
Shirls : You are an ashewo. So you sha came for this date
Nobs : I only came here because I wanted to hang out and not because of any stupid blind date.
Shirls : So do you still want to stay?
Nobs : Let’s go or are you going home?
Shirls : I’m your anniversary present
Nobs : Hmmmmmm
We drove home and immediately Obinna opened the door he said
Obinna : Nobs, can I see you?
Nobs : Obinna tomorrow
Obinna: It’s very important
I opened my room and there was Ada lying down on my bed.
Shirls: Nobs, We need to talk now. What sort of embarrassment is this?
Obinna was standing by the door with Pryse‘s “Oleku freestyle” (Check out her 360Fresh) playing from his phone.[audio:http://www.360nobs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Iceprince-ft-Pryse-Brymo-Olekufreestyle.mp3|titles=Iceprince ft Pryse & Brymo – Oleku(freestyle)]
Iceprince ft Pryse & Brymo - Oleku(freestyle) (4.9 MiB, 436 hits)
Two women in my room, no movement until 4:00pm