Memoirs Of A SLU…shhkid: Wk 41

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So I‘ve got the flu and it’s doing my head in badly. Like I don’t even know what to take because everybody (and their mother) has something to say like they went to the Flu Med School.

As if I didn’t have enough to deal with, a certain someone suggested going down on a lady to make the flu go away; I have not tried it yet at the point of writing this, but I cannot assure you that I will not consider it afterwards; if I can get a volunteer here that is.

This is the part of being a bachelor that I do not like. I believe, emphasis on ‘Believe’ that a married man down with the flu will get some special treatment from the wife. Like a feet rub and the likes with no fuss or nagging.

Talking about nagging – Is nagging accepted in a court of law as a basis for seeking divorce? I mean how can a man go to work, spend the whole day thinking about ideas that will improve sales and on getting home, the first thing you hear is “Where are you coming from?” and no, “the office” is never an expected answer.

I think some men go to ‘recreation’ clubs after work not because they are interested in any game but because it provides them with a “waiting area” so that when they get home, their wives would be asleep.

God will protect us from bad men and women.

Sunday March 20, 2011.

So standing in front of me was a woman and the girl I used to know as Ada.  She was wearing a short dress revealing enough cleavage to make a man want to sell his entire village.

I wasn’t sure of what to say with the invite in my hand and the sudden reaction in my boxers.

It was not late but it would have been unfair if I had told her that she wouldn’t be able to spend the night .We had something and there was no way I was going to throw her out just like that without considering what we had.

Ada: Buzor, You are not going to say something to me?

Nobs: Something like?

Ada: Anyi aga ano ebe all night.

Nobs: Maybe.

Ada: Biko zianu

Nobs: Please come in.

Ada: So do we stay in your living room because I guess things are no longer the same?

Nobs: No, You’ll stay with Chisom.

Ada: I’ll like to ask for something, Can we talk?

Nobs: When you are ready, I’ll be in my room.

Ada: Okay. Ana’m abia.

I went back to my room with the image of the new Ada making me restless. She was about to become someone’s wife and I had the opportunity of being her first. I’m really not a huge fan of being someone’s first but maybe sleeping with Ada will teach Iyke a bitter lesson.

8: 20pm.

I must have drifted off to sleep because when she tapped me, I thought it was a dream.

Ada : Nna ngwa kuni te

Nobs : Kedu ife na aku?

Ada: Past 8

Nobs: have you eaten?

Ada: Yes, Chaa gave me food.

Nobs: Are you okay?

Ada: You are still like this, always asking, “Are you okay?”

She sat down on the bed and from the angle she was sitting I could see her panties and I liked it. There’s something about seeing a lil bit of a chic’s panties. It’s not a crime; it’s just a hobby.

Nobs: Only married people change

Ada: Ibia kwa

Nobs: Oya, sorry.

Ada: I missed you

Nobs: No, you didn’t. How’s your husband?

Ada: He’s fine but that’s not why I’m here.

Nobs: Well, I have to ask about him

Ada: Tell me, are you going to come for my wedding?

Nobs: At this moment, I’m still thinking about it.

Ada: Buzor, this is so wrong to say but I still think I’m about to get married to the wrong man because my heart belongs to you and you alone. I may regret all these tomorrow but right now all I want to do is sleep beside you.

I was moved and all I wanted to do there and then was take her clothes off and hold her close to me. I just wanted to stop her from saying more with my mouth.

I witnessed the whole ‘spirit being strong and body being weak’ philosophy; though I, frankly do not belong to that school of thought.

Nobs: Ada, you belong to another now and you have to let go

Ada: I know. I’m trying

She then started to cry; I couldn’t watch her cry without doing anything. So I moved to hold her. I held her close to my chest. She smelt so nice. I could tell she only just had her bath. She turned and her lips met mine. That was it

We kissed like we’ve not kissed before. I was only wearing my boxers and a tee shirt.

It was obvious that I was hugely turned on and when my hands grabbed her boobs, I quickly moved my hands to unzip her dress. She was wearing no bra and she stood up to take off the dress.

There she was standing with no dress on, her hair covered with a hair wrap and nothing more. I was confused and I couldn’t think straight.

Ada: Buzor, make me a woman.

Nobs: Ada, it’s not that simple but

She placed her finger on my lips to stop me from talking

Ada: biko zie. I’ve always dreamt of this moment and how special it would be.

Nobs: Ada

Ada: Buzor, If I call it off with Iyke will you marry me?

At that point, all the comments on memoirs flashed through my mind and I lost my erection and the drive to continue.

Nobs: Ada, we have to stop now. We can’t do this. You will bring shame to your family and your mother will never forgive me.

Ada: Buzor, don’t break my heart.

Nobs: Ada, we just have to stop.

Ada: So are you asking me to dress up?

Nobs: Yes, please

She dressed up, left the room without saying anything to me.

The following day when I woke up for work, my sister told me that Ada left at about 6am and that she cried all night

I didn’t have any answer for her and still don’t.

This was very emotional for me and maybe we are really meant for each other.

It’s about 2 weeks to her wedding and I can make her stop now, what do you think?

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Nobs,LWKMD…don’t eat the forbidden fruit bro.there’s no turnin bak after the deed is done. The fact is that it will be wrong for you to distrupt her wedding but Love works in mysterious ways.
    You have to do wat’s right and if u had the chance to sleep wit her and u let it pass then u no wat’s right.

  2. Nobs,LWKMD…don’t eat the forbidden fruit bro.there’s no turnin bak after the deed is done. The fact is that it will be wrong for you to distrupt her wedding but Love works in mysterious ways.
    You have to do wat’s right and if u had the chance to sleep wit her and u let it pass then u know wat’s right.

  3. “God will protect us from bad men and women”,I say amen 2 dat o!…but Cδ♍ε̲ 2 think of it,I’m impressed dat ў☺ΰ dint “make Ada a woman” like she requested,dats very manly of u Nobz,Kudos. Atleast ў☺ΰ saved us an episode with brutal beating from Iyke!lol….about being right for each oda,only you can answer dat for yurself..L♥ve is 70% heart,how much do ў☺ΰ feel in yur heart for her?

  4. Am impressed! U̶̲̥̅̊ had enough self control
    to turn down ada’s offer. Don’t do it, U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t love dat babe enough else U̶̲̥̅̊ would av made up ur mind since. Thinkin U̶̲̥̅̊ mistakin ur fascination wit d babe plus d fact dat she will soon elude U̶̲̥̅̊ for love.
    Let her be and move on abeg.

  5. Let it go Nobs, it will be totally unfair to disvirgin D̶̲̥̅̊a̶̲̥̅̊t poor girl. U̶̲̥̅̊ don’t and will never be with, having sex with her is just Чσυя own way of wanting to get back @ her. #NotNeccessary

  6. LMAO….the mere thot of her putting pressure on u to marry her after she must have left iyke made u lose ur stiffy so don’t bother. u know u may not be ready for marriage in the next ten lives(if there is anything like that)so let her go before God starts punishing you for nothing…nice write-up.

  7. nobs make a decision fast,you have been dragging dis for too long. whatever makes u both happy is cool by me. nice one tho..suspense filled..happy ending too.


    1. Yes in some cultures it is an acceptable phrase!
      @Nobs:Am proud of you..Look at the bright side you made it to First and Even Second base I think! hehehehehehehehe

  8. Dude Nice 1 letting her go it takes a major degree of discipline to let a willing kele slide but u did least let her husband have the priviledge of “making her a woman” but dude if she ever comes back after he wedding nite..dude …BLAZE DAT SHIT!!!! #NooffensebutucantdullforverNa.#
    @dude..y u no dey reply ur tweets sef?

  9. Dude Nice 1 letting her go it takes a major degree of discipline to let a willing kele slide but u did good at least let her husband have the priviledge of “making her a woman” so don’t stop her wedding but dude if she ever comes back after her wedding nite..dude …BLAZE DAT SHIT!!!! #NooffensebutucantdullforverNa.#
    @dude..y u no dey reply ur tweets sef?

  10. @ms sassy eyes….Ldkmd
    Since, u asked Nobs, I’l add my 2cents. For a while now, I’ve seen u on twitter loving some ‘faceless’ girl whom u’ve also refused to name…and I am certain, that she aint Ada – so just pls move on and allow iyke nwanem to do the break-and-entry. Most times I tink dis aint even ur real life, like most of it is scripted.
    Anyways, the means justifies the end….it makes for a gud read and that’s one point for U.

  11. Allah eehn…..I can’t even say I feel an ounce o ur pain but bruv d wisdom of a man is gotten from the choices he’s made..u dig!!!Its certain that Ada likes you a whole lot..d question iz,can u reciprocate that!!cos d shit with we guys iz that what we can’t get,we think we want n wwhen we do get to hit it..erything aint d way we felt twas gonna be!!Truue story…Be easy mehn!

  12. Its a good thing u let her go,cos you would have hated her afterwards,nd she definitely did nt want to marry you,she jst wanted to sex with someone she’s comfortable with!!nd she cried cos she was disappointed,her trick didn’t work.

  13. What’s with all the igbo,are we none igbo speakers supposed to get language translators?
    Am impressed though,you didn’t sleep with her cos you love and respect her,tho not enough to marry her. You acted a ‘gentleman’.

  14. awwwwww… to tink i am all set to attend ADAS WEDDING … i tink i will send iyke dis link n let him know what he is gettn into … i have loved tht guy 4 years n he is mumuing for dt stupid village “virgin” ADA !

    1. Nsogbu!!! u dont need to send Iyke this link to stir up any trouble. it doesnt matter how long uve lusted over him. just be patient n ur God sent would come strolling by. Dont b the one to put assunder

  15. Nobs biko u should have screwed the daylights out of her after all u both wanted it and shes not married yet so what the hell? where u suppose show urself u go dey do anyhow na im make Ejiro carry u do “óne chance”

    1. Poor Ada ke? Someone that is going around distributing wedding cards in one hand, and unzipping dress with the other?

      biko Nobs nwanne jump and pass! Have you people forgotten how the girl’s mother nearly racked Noble “bash ali style”? Nobility! If you try anything ehn? Mama Ada fit light candle for you for midnight. Next time Ada shows up, Chaa should tell her you have travelled to Ivory Coast.

  16. Awwwn that wasso emotional don’t iu think its time to settle down I mean a potential nne and wife is there free of charge offering her self and u think kkeles are better?

  17. mehn, nobs o fuck up biiiiiiig time.u should have plunked her real good, panel beaten her vaginal os, breached the hull, watered her flower, bitten from her apple,i could go on and on.YOU ALL MIGHT BE WONDERING Y NOBS IS SUCH A BIIIG PUSSY ARSED FUCK UP??
    reason: for 3 weeks you whined and moaned about her, gave us dry gist and kept asking if she was the one. In a bid to forget about ada, u wanted to pansh a super razz warri chick(not saying that warri babes are razz but…). The point is that u love that chick so stop being a pussy and go for her…u all noe what i am saying is right but hey….

  18. ooh and for the morons that say what is yours will come back no matter what ehn, dey there dey dull ya sef……eyin oloshi..

  19. Well for me… u prolly did a gud one in a way nobs. bur i hope u wont regret later sha…
    Come to fink of it, how many guys would rily do wat Nobs did? i bet mst wud av tapped d booty real gud before dey remember her marriage.

  20. Awwwwwwwww…..I really think u luv Ada…u r just 2 scared 2 realise how much…..I really dnt think its about d sex…..u feel u might mess up if u commit 2 her….she luves u…..u really can’t know onless u try…..u ve got 2 know wat u want nd go for it….cos d oppurtunity is now nobs…..dnt say u wrn’t warned….xoxo

  21. *Slow clap* (tears streaming down my face #realemotionaltoday)

    Noblechukwu, Nwannem. You have impressed me!!!! I have always known you are not as 1 track minded as your posts let on. Yes, folks will say you have fallen their hand, or you are a mugu…eh so be it. It will go down in history that YOU did not mess with that girl before her wedding. I know the heart wants what the heart wants but I would be wary of a woman that agrees to marry another and then comes to your door with the pretense of sharing IV, knowing fully well that she is trying to use her snatch to hook you. She was not very fair to you at all. If she really wanted to call off this wedding, it would be a done deal before coming to your house. You want a strong woman, who knows how to make decisions no matter how tough they might be.

    Biko, she will go on and marry Iyke and you will be just fine. You will meet a woman that you are willing and ready to be with in love and marriage. It is obvious that you are a good guy with a heart, a good woman is out there for you. God ma sef saw the restraint you exercised in this situation, so He will bless you with a nice girl ok.

    You are really growing up. You have made me proud today, honestly.

  22. Nobs Nobs….u ave dulled ds one shud ave just torn d asshole…at least u’ll knw u put ur kini somewhere in d girl’s can leave d main thing for Iyke

  23. Nice one Nobs. I enjoyed the post,the way you intertwined ibo and english in the writing gave it an original feell and made it also real. I actually thought it was fiction till I started reading the comments and saw this one is your life.Very interesting one. I will quickly go and update myself with your other posts.
    I think you did the right thing by not sleeping with her even though your dick felt otherwise at first.

  24. “Make me a woman Nobs”…. How demanding!itz obvious Ʋ’r in ♥ wiv her dude!”Make me a woman” ‎​=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=))

  25. wow am really impressed u didnt get down with Ada so uinlike u.if u had done anything ehn ur entire village wud come 2 lagos 2 beat u up and then banish u afterwards lol.well i guess u ve true feelings 4 her and respect her emotions if u continue this way u might get the ‘one’ soon.

  26. hahahahhaha…. my first time of reading ur memoir. i’m literally laughing so hard. it sounds like a typical nigerian movie script. They are very few guys that would have turned ADA down. i’m impressed.

  27. missy, there’s nothing typical about his writing…by all standards, this was very good. i guess writting aboiut ur life kinda gives u an edge, sooo i’ll wait till i read ur fiction

  28. Hmmmmmm! Nobs leave ada alone ooo! Allow her marry d Iyke ooo! Dont do wat u wil end up regretting k! She wil want to tie u down n i knw ur nt ready 4 dat!

  29. Nobs.. biko tell me that last line was a joke.. nna e choro gwa m that Ada was NAked and all you could think about was respect for her family…after all the Bullsht they put you through..

    Then i dust my red cap off for you..


  30. Ok I’m sure in another memoir you wrote that Ada was to be married to ‘Okey’. How then did his name become ‘Iyke’???

  31. Lol @ lare…I just hope u won’t regret it…bin in ur shoes b4…I loss one kele and me still dey pay for am till now wey b like 3 years after…anyway u did good!

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