Okay, I don’t really believe in miracles (not this soon anyway) but the dude wasn’t so bad, so I decided to give him a listening ear. He smiled, exposing his perfect dentition and started with “the spirit told me that you are my wife” (okaaay really!!!) I have heard that pick up line in gists, but to be used on me? NEVER thought it(lol). (ladies, do share your worst pick-up lines with us)
He invited me to sit down, so I decided to indulge him. He started with his name, which I didn’t bother to store in my memory after that pick up line (rolling eyes) and he spoke of how he had seen me dancing and praising the Lord. My dancing and praising of the Lord apparently quickened him to PRAY and this is when the SPIRIT told him I was his WIFE and the MOTHER of his unborn babies (my reaction: a very raised single eyebrow).
All this he said in the best possible way he could, because his diction kinda reminded me of Rihanna’s umblerra. When he was done, I looked, smiled sweetly at him and said, “I understand and I have heard you, but I will need to pray as well, let the Holy Spirit direct and guide me”. He nodded in agreement.
I stood up to leave when he requested for my number and I told him “Give me some time, the Holy Spirit has to be my guiding light in all that I do, I don’t want a situation where I have made a move before the Holy Spirit’s direction and guidance”. He continued to nod in agreement and I left him pretty quickly after that was said. As I stepped out of the church, walking towards the street for a taxi, I was approached by another man (in my mind, I thought Babydee, you are really on a roll bah, Omoge toh bad!).
Chike was this dude’s name; he kept on laughing at me. He had heard the whole conversation between me and the other dude and couldn’t help but laugh. “You are feeling cool right” he said looking at me with a sarcastic grin.
“I don’t know what you are talking about” I retorted.
He said “the Spirit told him something”.
“And, I wanted an avenue to be spoken to by the Spirit, is there anything wrong with that” I asked.
He just smiled and joined me as I walked down the street. He offered to drop me where I was going so I gave in, as he had been cracking me up with his jokes and all. Chike – witty and sarcastic (smart ass sarcasm), just like I like them. We spoke on a variety of things and shared a laugh or two. A business man, running his own Bureau De Change office and a cosmetics company on the Island. Worked hard like he played hard, he loved all genres of music, movies, excellent appetite for a great meal and didn’t mind going the lengths to get good food; hence he loved cooking and he was a cocktail mixer as well.
Chike loves talking as he loves listening, so we spoke and exchanged thoughts, ideas, dreams and all. By the time he dropped me off, we had a date for the evening at the Ojeez restaurant in Surulere. We exchanged numbers and still continued to talk before the date; it was like we had a lot to gist about or I had a lot to gist him about (hmmm). I still had my reservations but I didn’t let that hold me back. I told him everything about me except the column, (don’t want anyone going loco on me or so I thought).
At Ojeez we had their famous fish and chips, a little chit chat and all. When we were done, instead of heading home, we decided to stroll around the stadium for a bit. Chike, a big PDA person, pecking my hand, my cheeks, holding my waist, and breathing on me. I didn’t want to start off like that so I kept pulling away from his grip. Instead of putting a halt to it, he continued and I became a bit rigid only for him to say “Ahan wetin nah, don’t you like what am doing”.
I replied, “I don’t, I just met you, and I am getting to know you better, so let’s ease up on the touching.” He grew silent, started walking quickly in the direction of his car and just tensed up. I didn’t say anything, I got into the vehicle. As we rode back, I tried to make small talk, but he just kept mute. When I got home, I opened the door about to get out when he murmured something about me being a party pooper. I slammed the door and just went in.
Late at night, he called me and sent text messages apologizing but I didn’t respond; better to end it now than carry on to something worse. I had to put my telephone on silent just to be able to sleep as the calls won’t stop and didn’t stop.
The next day, the calls and text messages poured in (what am I nah!!!) I gave in and picked the call. He apologised for his behaviour, saying he didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable he just cares about me a great deal and he is really an affectionate person. I accepted his apology and decided to give him another try(sigh).
Later that day, we went for a movie and we had unlimited FUN. This time, instead of the all out PDA, he just gently nudged me here and there. He fed me popcorn, subtly sniffed and pecked my cheeks and whispered sweet lyrics and jokes into my ear. We were totally oblivious of the people in the cinema, as they gave us evil glares and tried to shush us, but I was past caring and just generally having fun – Now totally relaxed (that didn’t take too long now did it – shy face).
The movie ended and we walked hand in hand to his car. On our way home, we talked and teased each other. I jokingly teased, that was this the way he treated all his ex-girlfriends? (Ol’ boy, I for just shut up and enjoy the moment o). Initially, he didn’t answer but when he did, it was a sarcastic and very rude remark, “what the fuck is wrong with you” (WHAT, why is he cursing!!!).
“What crawled up your arse Chike” I asked.
We had just gotten to the stadium, “DROP ME HERE NOW” I bellowed.
When he realised how serious I was, he tried to calm me but I was past caring. As he stopped, I came down, hissed and slammed the door but he didn’t drive off, instead he followed me in his car pleading and begging me to get back into his car that he didn’t mean it. I just kept on walking; I found a cab and got into it. He was still on my tail till I got home and immediately I got out, he did the same and continued to beg and plead with me.
I was too surprised and taken aback to say anything. I do agree there are relationship dos and don’ts but this dude was just over the edge.