I am doing pretty good, considering my circumstance ( no man; to love cherish and treat me like a woman). I have great friends who have been there for me; at work things are looking up for me and I have been approached by a new magazine called ‘**********’ to run a column for them. Everything seems okay, it’s just the fact that I have no man and my biological clock’s slowing ticking that gets me really worried.
I have started contemplating going back to my ex, swallowing the small pride I have and going to beg the living day light out of him (not sure what it would achieve, but I had to try). It’s just that, the dude thinks I am the devil himself. He doesn’t want to hear or even see my name in whatever he does (not that I blame him anyway, I had broken up with him 3 times).
I have had a couple of advances here and there, but dudes these days want to be friends with benefits, with no strings attached what so ever. Plus they have their main squeeze they always go home to (hmmm, use someone else’s future wife but leave your own looking fine and dandy). Michael the artist I ran into was all up in my grill, but he didn’t want anything serious as well but he was happily single. While Asha, another dude I ran into while waiting for a cab to get to work, wanted me for the same reasons, but he had a girlfriend of 3 years (hmmm, what a wonderful world). Then there was Oghogho, an ex of a before before. I dated Oghogho when I was in my 2nd year in university, we had a funny relationship but it seemed to suit both of us at the time. I broke it off with him during my service year and recently got his updated CV.
He was married, had two kids and now, he just got a job at my bank (what!!!) I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. The relationship ended long ago, but the wounds still felt a bit fresh (stories for another time). For the job, I had to get along with him. We had lunch, went home together, hung out a couple of times and gisted generally but (there is always a but) he wanted more (huh!!!). I never failed to put him in his place, cause I had no interest whatsoever in a married man, and that feeling wasn’t about to change. Since I only wanted it to be platonic, Oghogho backed off a bit; instead we started talking about his conquest and some of mine.
Not like it was a competition but he always came out tops, having a string of women in and out of the office. I couldn’t (still can’t) understand how ladies will willingly shag a married man (although I almost did). Aside my mixed feelings, I always wondered how he got that lucky! I attracted married men that wanted a fling, single guys that wanted benefits and dudes that just weren’t my type while he attracted all sorts of babes. Hating to admit this I was totally envious of him and wondered out loud why I was getting the worse treatment ever (had I been cursed). At church, which I had started going regularly (cause I was determined to rid myself of the term single banker) I listened to the sermon and each word sunk in deeply. When the priest asked for us to forward our prayer request, it was number 1 on my list, when he prayed for singles to find their partners, mine was the loudest Amen (#teamloudAmens) and when it was time for thanksgiving, I danced the most to the altar. But I still felt empty! (Why me Lord!!!)
This last Sunday, I was pretty reluctant to go to church, but I got up and went for the last service of the day. During the service, I listened attentively to another sermon of praying consistently and never getting tired of asking from the Lord. We prayed, had thanksgiving and the choir seemed to be in high spirits so I totally rocked to the choruses they sang. At the end of the service, on my way out of the church, someone stopped in front of me and said “Hello, I loved the way u sang the choruses…” (it’s a miracle, my prayers have been answered!!!).