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This is not funny o!

MY WORST NIGHTMARE JUST CAME TRUE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…I shocked a lot of people on twitter a few days back when I put up my new BB Pin, but at this point I frankly dont give a fack. I don tire, it seems like they have sworn for me with RIM and their Blackberry Phones.  My greatest nightmare came true as I had my BB stolen last week.  341 BB contacts and at least over 800 telephone numbers GONE, not to talk of my 8gig memory card with tons of pics and videos (both lewd and decent….wink!), Music, countless Rap verses, money making ideas and proposals, and several other Apps…kai! (just when I got Anna to send me that App that was meant to help teach me Spanish, plus my 365/24/7  YOGA workout programs…waiiiiiiiiill!).

At this juncture, I’m meant to tell you WHERE, WHEN and HOW my last BB got stolen..but I have to beg you to be a bit patient because to understand a problem we have to go back to the ROOT.


At the beginning when the RIM/BB Cruise first entered Nigeria I could not be bothered to buy one, I had 2 phones namely a Nokia and a Sony- Ericsson both very expensive and very Hi-tech. At that time, I was involved with one very Socialite-ish babe and she used to use this bogus looking phone called a “Blackberry”…

1.       That was always dying because the battery never lasted;

2.       She hardly gave out her phone number and was always requesting/giving out her “PIN”………(WTH was a PIN?!);

3.       Every month I noticed she would just load (a WHOLE) N5000 on her phone and apparently this was minus her calling credit for some shit named BIS (wateva that meant);

4.       She was always absent-mindedly typing into this phone…most times very rudely and in public places where her attention was needed;

5.       While she was engaged in this typing action sometimes…she would suddenly start Laughing Out Loud like an intoxicated hyena.

6.       I always wondered how come she could always download current music from this phone and why did her Blackberry have soooooo much porn in it? (I wondered?);

7.       Amidst plenty plenty other weirdness I cant exactly recall at this time.

I remember that she was always complaining that I should go and get a blackberry, that it would make communication easier between us, but I wasn’t having any of it. So long as I could call her and text her then I felt I was good, plus I really wasn’t looking forward to carrying a 3rd telephone just yet.  How many pockets dey my Trouser,s ef?!   But I succumbed to her pressures and decided to buy one, this was at the height of my 4th Republic days and we used to perform at d odd show or two so I knew I was gonna be getting some loose cash very soon.

On that faithful day just before I got on my 4pm Road-Show shift at the Cool Station, I took an okada to Slot Telecoms stores at Saka Tinubu in VI because I didn’t want the Island Traffic to make me change my mind, and bought myself the Blackberry Bold 1 for N95,000.  Now, I could join my mates in the “PINGING” experience and pay N5000 for BIS(although I must confess I still didn’t know what that stuff really meant or its purpose).  I immediately started showing off my new BB (and my 3rd Phone) when I got back to the office. Omo boys were not having it o! They coaxed and cajoled me that we had to go for drinks after office hours…”to WASH” my new phone.


We started doing drinks at one joint just near my office, a couple of bottles of Hennessy and Red Labels later and we were all MEGA smashed.

***Please bear in mind that at this point even though I had bought my BB, a 3rd (new) sim card, and an 8 gig memory card. I had neither inserted the sim nor the memory card into my Phone***

After drinks it was decided that we should go for some event at that niteclub/sitout/bar on top of the Plaza in VI at Idowu Martins…(you do the Math, i’m not calling any names o). I didn’t drive my car(very unlike me to abandon Folashade abi?) and rode with my friends Tiwa (Male; not Savage o! biko) and Redman. We stayed there for about 2 more hours before we decided to leave. I remember that I still had my Nokia, Sony-Ericsson and my Blackberry at this point but I was Mega tipsy by this time and my recollection was far from perfect let me confess.

I decided to spend the nite  at Tiwa’s place, for the 1st time since I didn’t want to drive home and allegedly “Good friends don’t let their friends drive home intoxicated” only to wake up on Saturday morning with my pockets full of my Nokia, Sony-Ericsson, new sim card, memory card …………………………………………………………………..but no Blackberry phone.

I searched the empty apartment because T had already left to the office but there was nothing there that remotely looked like a BLACKBERRY.

I went to my car …………NOTHING!

I retraced my steps back to the first bar near my office……..NOTHING!

I even went all the way to the rooftop bar/lounge at Idowu Martins……….NOTHING


1.       I had not put my new Sim into my BB so I could not even call the phone to ascertain whether someone (honest) helped me find was a brand new empty BB…..dayyuuuuuuum!

2.       Redman said it was not in his car when I asked him the next day.

3.       Tiwa came home and was just as shocked as I was that my new BB was missing.

4.       If I may say so and vouch for both my friends…they already owned BB’s and were “Lagos Big-Boys” who I doubt would stoop soo low as to steal my phone…(the rest Na God hand e Dey).

5.       I had just set the record as the person who had owned a BB for the shortest possible time……………………EVERRR!

6.       I was N95,000 down……………….as in it would have been better I had used that money to Pop Champagne at Club “Amy Winehouse”.

7.       I hadn’t even pinged……. (as at moment, I didn’t even know what that word meant, lol)………………….not even ONCE.

8 .  At least I still had my Nokia and My Sony- Ericsson……………………………..…jooor oooh!

LASTLY… I had called the “Silly Babe”….. (remember she was the original reason for my buying that phone in the 1st place) (**covering face smiley**)….. when I bought the Blackberry; that I had just purchased a Blackberry and that when next I see her I would get her PIN….when I saw the  shawty and told her my predicament (that my BB had disappeared that same day I got it) she laughed at me sooooo LOUD and soo HARD…and said…

“N6, your soo FUNNY! Tell me that you are joking and give me your PIN jare?” kmt

Lets just say we don’t “CHAT” anymore.

This is how I “LOST” my 1st BLACKBERRY.

(to be continued)

The stories about what happened to my next 3 Blackberrys are even more GRUESOME…please stay tuned!

Thanx for reading my bollocks! Join my madness






  1. This is sooooo funny. U shld be in the Guinness book of records or sthg. Some random guy is prolly still rocking the bb. Lwkmd

  2. Buhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    Omo u no even put sim dem move the fone
    Lol…lagos and DontDull….na ur friends move the fone joh…afterall u were with dem all nite
    Na bcos them sabi say u can’t fit do dem anything + u feel say lagos big boiz no follow like to get like 80k loose change in the wallet….maybe T move a♍ give him chick wey don dey worry a♍ for BB since …#justsaying
    LMAO….if anythin like that happen to my Torch…I swear all of us dey go swear for OKIJA shrine….lwkmd

  3. a whole lagos guy like u,u dey dull urself na wa ooooooo,i wan hear wetin happen to the remaing 3 BB’s,hope u go remeber to insert sim next time

  4. @Dee..since i neva knew d pin,som1 is rockin it and i ABSOLUTELY cant do anyfin about it. glad u find my misfortune funny,wil send in d complete version soonest.
    @Young J…i did tink of dat but i don leav am 4 God hand,you sure say na Torch yu dey use true true? wink!
    @Dimeji..tuff luck yeh?! tell me about it!
    @Beauty…i still have dat feeling?!
    @Chizzy…omo me sef i shock o! my nxt 3BBS stories are evn worse!
    @BCGEORGE… follow blindly bcos Zombie wey ask question don Commit TREASONABLE OFFENCE o!

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