WHO SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE TOWARDS A RELATIONSHIP?

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“It’s a man’s world”… I know you girls have heard this phrase a million times. So many women have come to resent this phrase especially in the 21st century. The women who existed in the 19th and 20th century never really minded or cared to challenge male dominance in the world. Some believed it was man’s divine right to dominate the earth *the rationalization that God created man first* while others believed a woman’s place was beneath her husband *believe me the African culture didn’t help either*.

In the 21st century, with emphasis on concepts like feminism, gender equality etc, male superiority is being questioned. There’s a gradual restructuring of the man- woman dynamics. Now we have career women like Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, Mo Abudu, female presidents *Liberia’s president is a woman, Germany’s Chancellor is a woman*, Hilary Clinton holds a key position in the US government. Women are now rising to the challenges of life.

I don’t have a problem with a woman aspiring to great heights or fighting for equality. But this fight must cut across all facets of life. However, in Nigeria there’s still one aspect of life women tend to leave out which is ‘showing their affection or confronting a guy and telling him about their feelings‘. I wonder how women can clamor for equality and still believe there are areas where we shouldn’t be equal.

I’ve heard statements like ‘it will make me look cheap’, ‘he’s a man, why can’t he come to me?’, or ‘what if he ignores me?’ these are rationalizations women tend to fall back on to avoid taking a stand on matters of the heart.  How can you want to be president, own a company, show men you’re not just a weak vessel and u can’t tell a man how u feel about him first.  A girl once told me told me its better to speak through body language and hope the guy understands *what a funny idea*.

I believe women shy away from voicing out their feelings to a man first in order to avoid the pain of rejection. When a guy makes his feelings known to a girl and she dismisses it he feels hurt too *believe me I know how it feels, it’s a bad feeling*. I think the ladies should understand this.

Men go for what they want, some are shy or are afraid of rejection but in the long run they go for what they want. In a world that is gradually becoming male-female dominated, women (girls and ladies inclusive) should be able to go for what they want especially in matters of the heart. To the guys reading this, I’m not saying you should sit down and cross your legs waiting for the sisters to come. I just want the women to know that the world is changing fast and certain rules are now obsolete, others are trying to adapt while new rules are being made.

If you make the first move as a lady and a guy laughs at you know he’s a jerk and he isn’t worth your time. Making the first move won’t make you look cheap, it just proves you know what you want and you are going after it.

The women might believe I’m wrong *there’s no reason why I can’t be* well to this question, there’s no right or wrong answer, just the realization that it doesn’t matter who goes first but if you want something go after it.

Article written by Abido for the Catholic.

Abido

Abido

Regular guy with countless thots going thru his mind. Simple, jovial, easy-going always wondering why things are what they are. I’m different things 2 a lot of people -a son 2 few, a brother to sum, a friend 2 many n enemy 2 none(frm my angle). Believes in God. A realist always trying 2b objective*a difficult human trait*, however I’m simply just ME (no definition 4 that).

17 comments

  1. Abido, my brain just fell in love wiv ur brain. iLove how simply n clearly wrote this piece. My policy is : so society frowns on a lady makin d first move, but if u see what u like n he walks ur way, don’t give him a hard tym.

  2. I agree with you that women sometimes have to make the first move, and it’s not about equality but being bold enough to go for whatever they want, be it a man, a career, or any other thing. Well written article though.

  3. Well written piece. I love it love it!

    Ladies take heed…the world is moving fast and no one shud be left behind cos of some old-fashioned idea that we shud be passive humans and wait for the men to do everything. Take ur lives, wants, destinies into ur own hands.

  4. Its high time ladies understood,that a way to save themselves from heartbreak n lover’s snatching is to quickly make their intentions known to the man they care about.I fall in the category of men who adore a woman that can walk up to me and tell me am worth a billion pounds.ladies,i encourage you to get what’s yours on time,its really worth it;at least most of the time.

  5. Lovely! And straight 2d point. U served ds meal jst right. And 4once, someone has written somfin dt cud compare wv fraque’s. Well done abido

  6. @myne whitman…women must be bold and go for what they want.

    @ShadeNonconformist…thanks a lot

    @Optimist…that’s the idea,the women don’t need to wait for the men any longer.they should be able to decide their own fate

    @Taiwo…if more guys share ur notion,I believe the women will feel more confident because instead of some guys to realise that it takes courage for a woman to walk up to man,they just belittle or jerk them around

    @puddykatt…thanks a lot,I’m just tryin to do my best(I’ve read almost all of Franque’s articles,the guy is good).I’m glad you like the article.

  7. I had a good read,and yeah,’Guys hurt too,when they’r turned down’.gues we ladies have to realize that.But taking the bold step,hmmmmn,fingers crossed.

  8. Reality Check: Making the first move does not guarantee u anything,succeed in getting the PIN,digits etc and take it from there.

  9. When a woman loves, she loves stupidly(l mean ‘for real’). She gives everything she has to that man.She would stay with him through thick and thin.She could even die for him.(lm writing from experience). On this note, a man should count himself privilegded that a woman could confess her love to him. l would totally take advantage of that if l was a man.But lm a woman who have watched a man reject my feelings for him. But you see, l would do it again and again, because lm a black and bold…

  10. I just love d article. But lemme ask, I hope making d first move doesn’t have to be limited to relationships alone. How about in the work place, at home, and other things? Truth is that on the long run d guys still want to be in charge.

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