Been falling in and out of moods lately – affecting my behaviour and general output greatly. A thousand moods in a whole day choose one – cranky, rude, snappy, and sarcastic to colleagues, friends and loved ones. Blamed it on the weather (as am aging and possibly hot flushes) when asked what the matter was. But you know what, it became obvious to me what the problem was; I DON’T DO LONLEY WELL (I suck at it)!! I sulked, worried, fretted, lost sleep at the fact that I had no MAN and instead of falling on those who could make me feel better, I drove them away.
Uwa and I are just casual friends now, no strings attached. Donny, still there, missing me and all but did I add that the dude didn’t know how to listen or was it the other way round; he never heard anything I said (how will we cope). Bola, totally off my radar (we had gone on sabbatical; something about his wife suspecting him). In fact, been thinking strongly about going back to my ex, but that is a tale for another day. Then there is a Michael, an upcoming artiste I met in my office during this ‘LONLEY’ period of mine; but I’ve gone passed caring about men and even made a snarled remark at him (sigh). Right now, I feel I have had enough of men, how could I have gotten the good, the bad and the ugly in how many months. I’m not interested anymore; I have lost all hope in searching or finding my POTENT. This cannot be happening to ME – a whole full on Baby Dee (noooooooooo! sobbing loudly).
As I was set to self destruct in just a matter of time, my friends and colleagues decided to step in and do something to save my ailing ‘potentless’ situation. Solution – Girl’s Night Out (Yea!!!!). My peeps, Lola, a sassy married mother of one, that didn’t shy away from a night out especially when her husband is out of town (strike 1). Duvy, another smart-alecky with a knack for precision and perfection; she has a 5minutes show on Cityfm from 9pm were she spoke about anything or everything that made her smile or pissed. Duvy is engaged to be married soon but that never stops her from having the time of her life (strike 2). Although married and engaged, they are determined to paint the town red with me as well as find some apt suitor (since I couldn’t do it bah!!!).
After work on Friday, we set out. Firstly, we booked a room for ourselves in the Southern Sun ‘cause we sure weren’t going home till the next day. We settled in, freshened up, got dressed and headed to the lounge of the hotel. We sat there, nursing our drinks, chatting and just having fun. They noticed some guys and pointed them out to me.
Our panel of a married, an engaged and a single lady analyzed as thus:
Man Option 1 – Too old (desperate for a wife),
Man Option 2 – Too young (probably just wants to have fun),
Man Option 3 – Too sassy (will most likely want a trophy wife to show off)
Man Option 4 – Too gay looking (just a girl to show his parents he is capable of having one).
Man Option 5 – Too Potent (hold up, I see a woman right behind him, sigh) – next one pluuhese!
We went on that way for a bit, but I wasn’t budging. We moved on to Six Degrees to get the party started. We drank, danced and totally took over the dance floor. I was having fun and totally oblivious of the dude that stared at me. Our eyes met for a brief second and then it was GAME on. He was just right and cute (for a brief stint oh; not potent material really and since it was a night I was well oiled with alcohol in my system nothing wrong with a temp shag as I haven’t had some in a little while). I continued to step, when the dj changed the song to Rihanna’s rude boy (oooohhhhh) I got my SEXY back immediately and started rolling, shaking and doing all my supposed exotic moves with what my mama blessed me with (LOL). The dude was now at attention – I got him under hooked under my dancefluence. He kept on nursing his drink and licking his lips (the LL Cool J way; hmmm, I thot). We obviously knew what we wanted; quick, hot and raunchy sex was the only thing going to cool our nerves.
After a couple of hours at Six Degrees, we packed up and moved to De Marquee at Mega Plaza Rooftop. The dude was no slacker as he moved with us as well. He introduced himself to us as we settled in, offering to buy us drinks. My peeps noticed as I hit it off with him, and gave us some space. We danced ever so closely together, me grinding on him especially with hits from WizKid, Banky W, P-sqaure and all those songs that make you want to grind. When we broke for air, he introduced himself as Papi, with a slight Yoruba accent (hmmm) maybe it was the alcohol in my system. We spoke on, we had to speak into each others ears ’cause of the loud music and once in a while, he would breathe and kiss my ear (didn’t waste time now did he). I kept asking key questions about him and instead of answering; he will kiss my neck whisper sweet nothings in his now obvious Yoruba accent (it so wasn’t the alcohol).
Now, I was beginning to think he was too smooth, fast and really calculated, like he came purposely to know more about me and my friends. He asked if we were all flat mates and all. I gave him some ‘fakish’ details of us when he wasn’t really divulging any useful information of his and I began to calculate (abi na spy), now fully alert (the alcohol had shined from my eyes a bit), I stepped back a bit and started asking him straight questions about were he worked, where he lived and all that. I stood up to go to the ladies and he followed me there (WTF), since the toilet was at the same place for male and female, I relaxed a bit. When I came out, he was there smiling at me; I asked sarcastically what are you doing, he said he was making sure I got in and out okay. At that point, I guess I had had enough of the dude. He felt more like a stalker than someone I wanted to just shag (come chick, na everybody u dey shag, damn it Baby Dee, club dudes!!!) I wanted to lose him fast, but it wasn’t happening that fast. I looked around for my peeps, tried calling them and Lola said they had headed to the hotel already since I had found my spec, they wanted me to have fun (WHAT!!!) I told them to return at once to get me. I was really apprehensive now, ’cause I was alone with a total stranger called Papi with strong Yoruba accent and looking around the club. I made my way to the door, getting there, I didn’t see Papi (thank God) so I decided to head downstairs and wait for my friends. As I got downstairs and called my peeps, they were on Adeola Odeku, I started pacing, a quick turn back, I saw Papi, he looked at me and told me;‘Baby, you are not getting away'(huh). He moved closer and started professing love and how he wanted to be with me for any amount (What, this dude must be on cheap drugs!!!). Any amount?!(SMH) were did that come from? The dude was apparently big time gigolo (Baby dee oh!!!, you don land man) he had been watching me and my peeps like a hawk. Since we had spent quite a sum, and I obviously flirted with him, he wanted to cash in on the goodies. I looked at him and with my meanest of looks, I threatened him, that I would scream but he started screaming instead (Yeepa, wrong move). He screamed that I was nothing but a prostitute and now that he wants to drop me somewhere, I am asking for my money(WTH!!!). I looked around for my friends, this cant be happening. I walked towards the road but Papi (I bet that wasn’t his real name) followed me still ranting. People watched him and walked on by (na so Lagos be, if e no concern dem, e no concern dem).
I called my friends and they were almost close to me, but his talks had become so loud. I just turned to face him and before he knew what hit him, I gave him one heavy slap on his face, wham!!! He was totally shocked, as I could see it in his eyes and I said, ‘I no follow you, na by force’ (in my heavy south south pidgin). He held unto his face, as my friends pulled over; I got in and the jolt was still on his face. He definitely stopped screaming and was still staring in disbelief. I gisted them the whole shebang leaving out nothing as we laughed it off.
Babes, we need to be really careful oh!!! I learnt a valuable lesson from this, not all men are sane men and to say the fact, a good man (someone you want to settle with baby Dee) would not be in a club or come unto you like that.
Lesson learned and SWALLOWED.