This is not a cry for help.
When my girlfriend and I broke up I, like other people before me, sought to solve a deeper problem with a surface solution.
Some will turn to Drink, others will turn to women, yet others will turn to God. Most people think about their options, some are led there by advice.
Me, I never thought about it. My option just happened to me. I turned to WOMEN.
#Right in front of Me
We had met very briefly five years ago. It was my cousin’s birthday and she had brought a friend home to help her take food, drinks and birthday stuff to school. I made small talk with her, then promptly forgot about her when they left the house that morning.
Over the course of the next three years, I met her only one other time – that I can remember. My cousin had brought her by my place on some random errand.
I teased, then flirted with her a little that day. We swapped numbers and I called her a few times, each time fixing a date, and then finding a reason to cancel – my job came with a goody bag of ready-made excuses. The calls became few and far between, then finally stopped.
Just recently I got a BB contact request. Although the name registered, I still could not believe it was her, literally out of the blues. I promptly accepted and we very quickly got very chummy. I invited her to see a movie and she said yes.
Now, inviting a lady to the movies on your first date has tactical advantages. The M O is: arrive earlier to case out the cinema. That way you know exactly what is showing – which may differ from what was posted online. You also get the opportunity to watch her arrive – that way you can check her out properly without being observed. If you have never met, just give a vague description of yourself – that way you can walk a few paces behind her and observe her with her guards down. With the knowledge of what is showing, you steer the movie choice how you want it – Action/Thriller if she is not such a dish, complete with popcorn taking the seat between you. Or a Romantic comedy/Horror with the popcorn starting out on your laps, and ending up anywhere but between you.
Watching her arrive, I could not help noticing how grown up she was. The movie date went well enough to prompt other dates.
I felt we were onto something, and always amazed at how she had been right in front of me all the time. Then we had a talk that changed everything. We could never be together like that.
We still had our friendship, but that one thing hung there, a sword of Damocles, over our heads.
#Enter My N1 babe.
When I first heard MI’s N1, I thought to myself “Really beautiful. The best thing a woman can say to her man if she really means it.” But knowing people like I did, I knew the chances of finding THAT one was 1:1,000,000. Then those odds gate crashed my life!
I was minding my business, set for work and waiting for my aircraft to arrive from an earlier flight, when some colleagues started quizzing me about the twist in my single life. I fielded their questions so well, GEJ would have been proud of me. Having exhausted their questions, two got up to get drinks from the restaurant. I went with them because I was too restless to remain in a place.
It was while we were waiting for the drinks when she pulled me to the side and said quietly, “You don’t know me, but I understand what you are going through. I am living through the same, and that’s why I didn’t ask you any questions. People usually don’t get it.”
From that moment a friendship was forged. We spoke a lot – talking about anything and everything. Hung out at work any chance we got. The first time she visited me, I tried to see my place through her eyes and I liked what I saw: a work in progress, but warm and homely. She did not judge me.
In the weeks that followed, I saw that she had been to life’s kitchen and back – she had the vouchers to prove it. She would take a bus with me, jump an okada with me, take a keke NAPEP for me. Oh, and she would ride in a Limo with me. She was my N1 babe.
Even though I had started the year with a resolution to not fall in love again, I felt I was ready to try something new. In order to do so, I knew I had to un-clutter my plate. So when Miz Way-back-when asked if I was free for a visit, I said yes.
She arrived at mine that Saturday morning and we had breakfast. After breakfast we lay down and watched a movie. I waited, hoping a proper opportunity would present itself for me to tell her about my N1 babe. It did not take me long to realize that I would have to create that opportunity for myself – fate did not seem interested in helping me here.
Finally, I took a deep breath and was about to tell her when my phone rang – N1 babe calling – and the moment was gone. She called a number of times that day, and I distinctly remember three occasions when I wanted to tell her I had a guest over. I never did.
Lying there, her on top of me, her mammaries pressing against me, it took all of my will power to keep from ravaging her. And when she nuzzled my neck in that manner she had, I knew I had to end this.
I got up, and was in the bedroom contemplating how best to break it to her and return the change of clothes she left at my place, without causing much hurt, when she walked in and matter-of-factly said “Where is that my gown sef? And my pair of slacks?”
Feeling the relief wash over me at being saved all that talk, I quietly handed her the garments.
When she left, I had a distinct feeling that she knew it was the end of a chapter. Oh well…
The next day, chilling with N1 babe, we were just jiving when she asked when last I saw Miz Way-back-when. “Yesterday” I said, and felt the oxygen get sucked out of the atmosphere.
Long story short, she would not talk to me. I was reduced to BB pings.
Sitting here on board this aircraft headed for Abuja, I read her messages again and I shuddered.
» D only reason u didn’t tell me abt it was cus u had sex wit her.
» I have forgiven u…I mean, I cnt stay angry wit u for long, but weda I wnt to cntinue datn u or not, is wht I’ll hve to dcide. Cus u can kill me in d future. Ud mke me trust u sooo much n just 1 slip, everything will crash
» Even in ur heart, u know I have tried. I have ignored every1s talk, I hve kpt my head high n pretended like I didn’t care what they think,
» D only thing u cld hve done for me was to prove them wrong but…
In retrospect, I did give her reason to doubt me, but what can one say to accusations such as these? I have never been one for hard sell, so as I watch the aircraft door shut, I feel myself slip into a shell. But like a grub, I know – we all know – that I will push my way out of this cocoon. What remains to be seen though is: will I emerge a Butterfly? Or a Moth?
PS: Our egos let us think we are all snowflakes – no two alike. But we really want the same things: LOVE, FORGIVENESS AND CHOCOLATES. Happy Valentine’s!!!