It’s my birthday week and maybe I shouldn’t be writing memoirs but then I can actually decide to write about my birthday and not necessarily Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid but I also know that some of you would kill me.
My Birthday is on Thursday, 10th of February 2011 and I will be celebrating the day with all of you at Bacchus Night Club, Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos.
This year as usual, the party is Tagged “NOBLE IS MY DUDE” and you only need to get your name on the guest list. #Thatisall.
I know some of my friends are here to read, looking for a wish list, the truth is, I didn’t want to put out one but I guess that would make some people sad, so I’ve decided to put out a mini wish list.
You know how you make a note of certain things you need in your life hoping that someday you’ll make enough money to get them, well, I have that sort of list and here they are.
1.The Ipad. (Sorted)
Yes, I don’t have the Ipad yet but then I bought a case last year just because its coming from a very special somborri.
So this is now OFF the list.
2.The Mac Book Air 13”. (Sorted)
For some reason I’ve always wanted the Mac Book Air but then someone has decided to take this off my list, so I guess this is also now sorted.
3. Beats by Dre Solo HD Red Special Edition. (Sorted)
I know that Red is a lil loud but I kinda like things with “HD” and “Special Edition” attached to it. Airney is on this one.
4. Rolex 2011 Submariner
It’s still very much open and you can get eet for me.
5. Range Rover Evoque- Coupe Prestige
This car does not let me sleep at all and I don’t even want to sleep until I get one.
The others represent those things that I did not put up here but won’t be eager to turn down.
So, let’s say I don’t really have a long list. Please feel free to send “The Others”.
On a serious note, I am really getting old and gradually moving to the sort of people expected to club at Auto Lounge. Chineke ekwena ihe ojo!
Don’t get me wrong I totally love Rehab (Nobs if you keep saying this for 2 weeks maybe you’ll get to love Rehab) but you’ll agree with me that Auto Lounge will not judge your inability to maintain a 6 pack. It’s not like the chics at Rehab are only interested in the 6 pack but like they say, “Handsome” is “Hand holding something”, so it does really matter if this something is a strong thing or money but you are considered a mini god if you are a cross between Omobaba and Taribo West holding a strong thing and money.
I really have to move forward from last year so that I can stop updating you lot in the past considering that this is a New Year.
I did not encourage Ada to cheat on her husband to be with me because I’ve done so many bad things in the past and I do not want to be judged so hard on Judgement day because no one really knows how it will go.
Talking about Judgement day, what if we are going to be judged in a massive cinema with the sort of sins you committed showing on the screen and angels as judges on one side taking notes. It will also be surprising if all the things we thought we knew here on earth turned out to be different on Judgement day. Imagine getting to heaven and on your judgement day, God will call out the brother responsible for calling out people.
God: Erm, Brother D’banj, please call the next person out
D’banj: Oooooooooooooseeeeeee! Brother Mike please step out
And then you’ll step out and gbam the screen will come alive with the image of the 14years old you smashing the house girl in the kitchen followed by an image of you peeping through the keyhole while Aunty Chidera was having her bath.
To make this picture clearer, the house girl would be watching the same video with her husband same as Aunty Chidera and your mum.
It would also be sight if it’s true that everybody would be naked.
I do not want to see myself in that situation with Ada and Iyke.
Biola and I are getting closer with every passing day. She’s been really wonderful coming around once in a while to cook and clean.
I’ve seen some changes in her and while we are still Fbuddies with nothing attached, I think my emotions are gradually getting involved.
It’s my birthday soon and I plan to physically tell Slim the way I feel about her. It may spoil the friendship but then I’ve been saying how I feel about her here so I might as well tell her.
I woke up one day and realised that she has taken me off her BB contact. I don’t know what I did wrong but I MISS her.
Friday February 4th,2011.
I woke up early because I had to drop off a friend of mine at the airport. Things I do for friendship.
When we got to MMIA it was still a little early and mouth odour was still acceptable. We were walking to the VA counter when she walked by. Forget it, in a community of very few clean mouths and properly washed faces, the one with MAC on her face stands out.
Her: Noble Igwe
Nobs: Ogechi, so what are you doing in Lagos?
Ogechi: I work with diamond back in Abuja and I’m here for a meeting.
Ogechi: So where are you off to?
Nobs: No, I came to drop Bassman.Do you remember him from Unec?
Ogechi: yes but he’s grown big
Nobs: He’s married with two kids sef.
Ogechi: I heard you are married too.
Nobs: Still in the market ooooooo
Nobs: Waiting for the right woman. So where are you off to ,to see Oga? (Note : This is a trick question. her answer will confirm if she’s single ,dating or ready to mingle )
Ogechi : We are still waiting for Mr Right ooo. Where are you going? I need to get a cab to the Island.
Nobs : I’ll drop you where you’ll get a cab. Where on the Island?
Ogechi: Southern Sun, Ikoyi
We left the airport together, exchanged phone numbers and Pin. We chatted all through the day and that gave me hope for the evening.
I got home, showered and tried IMing Ogechi to inform her that I was on my way to her room. The messages were delivered but not read so I decided to go ahead considering the fact that she had already given me her room number.
I got to Southern Sun and walked straight up to room 508.
I was thinking if it would be wise to play a fool and wait for the green light or just rush her.
I knocked and waited
I knocked again
And then someone came to the door
And then the door opened
Someone came out
But it was not Ogechi
It was a man
Man: Yes, how may I help you?
Nobs: I’m here to see Chisom
Man: There’s no Chisom here
Ogechi then came forward covered up with the bedspread.
Ogechi: What ‘s the problem?
Nobs: I’m sorry Ma.I think I got the wrong room number. I will just go down to the reception and call my friend. I’m so sorry.
I walked down to the escalator, down to my car in shame. I have not been humiliated like that in recent times.
But I thanked God. What if I was going doggy on Ogechi and we forgot to lock the room properly and he walked in? Not only will he beat me up, the video would also be played on judgement day for all to see.
Saturday February 5th, 2011.
Ofe Onugbu and Eba @ Nobs.
In the New Year, I decided to appreciate my friend more so for the sake of friendship I decided to host my friends to an afternoon of Ofe Onugbu and Eba at mine.
We ate, drank and then stepped out to De Marquee.
We discussed about my birthday, musicians only popular on twitter and the few that may not make it outside the World Wide Web.
At some point, uncle had to leave for home and the boys moved over to Aura nightclub to support Sosick.Trust me, personally Rehab is the ishh compared to Aura.
They don’t have babes at Aura, they have women and big stomach is allowed.
So we got in, got a table and immediately we bought drinks, the women beside us moved closer.
For those of you who are not aware of my operation get 6 pack by force, I’ve stopped taking anything other water .So I was jejely drinking my water when she walked up to me.
Her: Why are you not dancing?
Nobs: I’m kinda tired
Her: Oya, let’s dance
We got dancing and I decided to make small talk
Nobs : so what’s the name ?
Nobs : What do you do?
Suzie: I’m a student
Nobs: So what are you doing in Lagos?
Suzie: I came home
Nobs: Where’s home?
Suzie: Lekki Phase 1
Nobs: Oh seen
We kept dancing but I noticed that her finger kept going to my nipples. It wasn’t really bad and it didn’t matter that it was coming from chic-woman .
Suzie: Why are you not drinking?
Nobs: I’m on some water diet
Suzie: I want you to drink so that you can rock me well
Nobs: Am I not rocking you well?
She took my hands and placed them on her ass. I think I need to go out more I didn’t realise that to rock a woman well, you need to put your hands on her waist .
Here was Suzie asking me to hold her waist and C flow saying no one should be a waist .
We kept dancing and then she whispered to me
Suzie : Do you like my body?
Nobs : Yes
Suzie : I like how you smell
Nobs : Thanks ooo
Suzie : So where do you stay?
Nobs : Lekki 1 too
Suzie : Serious?
Nobs : Yes
Suzie : I can follow you home but you have to take care of me
Nobs : I don’t understand
Suzie : You have to treat me well
Nobs : What does it take to treat you well?
Suzie : (Showing me her palm) N50K
Nobs : Oh ok
Suzie : what ?
Nobs : I don’t pay for sex
Suzie : Excuse me,I think my friend is calling me
Nobs : Ok
Suzie: I’ll be back
I stood there waiting for Suzie while sipping water. she came out from the “ladies” with her friend and whispered “ See you some other time”.
I thought about the situation and where I went wrong.
I only told her that I wasn’t going to pay anything but seriously N50k?It was about 4am,was she planning on spending the weekend? That’s not even enough sef.In VI classic Ashewo is about 5k for TDB and she was asking for N50K?Tell me, how many 5k will make N50k?
Anyways, the new word is “I hope you’ll take care of me?”
Dear Afulawo, if I see any girl willing to pay me N50K every night, I’ll resign from my job and join the business too.Me too,I need someone to take care of me,my mother’s name is charity.
Sunday February 6th,2011.
It was a lazy Sunday spent at home with the boys and friends.