MEMOIRS OF A SLU…SHHKID: WK35

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It’s my birthday week and maybe I shouldn’t be writing memoirs but then I can actually decide to write about my birthday and not necessarily Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid but I also know that some of you would kill me.

My Birthday is on Thursday, 10th of February 2011 and I will be celebrating the day with all of you at Bacchus Night Club, Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos.

This year as usual, the party is Tagged “NOBLE IS MY DUDE” and you only need to get your name on the guest list. #Thatisall.

I know some of my friends are here to read, looking for a wish list, the truth is, I didn’t want to put out one but I guess that would make some people sad, so I’ve decided to put out a mini wish list.

You know how you make a note of certain things you need in your life hoping that someday you’ll make enough money to get them, well, I have that sort of list and here they are.

1.The Ipad. (Sorted)

Yes, I don’t have the Ipad yet but then I bought a case last year just because its coming from a very special somborri.

So this is now OFF the list.

2.The Mac Book Air 13”. (Sorted)

For some reason I’ve always wanted the Mac Book Air but then someone has decided to take this off my list, so I guess this is also now sorted.

3. Beats by Dre Solo HD Red Special Edition. (Sorted)

I know that Red is a lil loud but I kinda like things with “HD” and “Special Edition” attached to it.  Airney is on this one.

4. Rolex 2011 Submariner

It’s still very much open and you can get eet for me.

5. Range Rover Evoque- Coupe Prestige

This car does not let me sleep at all and I don’t even want to sleep until I get one.

6.The Others

The others represent those things that I did not put up here but won’t be eager to turn down.

So, let’s say I don’t really have a long list. Please feel free to send  “The Others”.

On a serious note, I am really getting old and gradually moving to the sort of people expected to club at Auto Lounge. Chineke ekwena ihe ojo!

Don’t get me wrong I totally love Rehab (Nobs if you keep saying this for 2 weeks maybe you’ll get to love Rehab) but you’ll agree with me that Auto Lounge will not judge your inability to maintain a 6 pack. It’s not like the chics at Rehab are only interested in the 6 pack but like they say, “Handsome” is “Hand holding something”, so it does really matter if this something is a strong thing or money but you are considered a mini god if you are a cross between Omobaba and Taribo West holding a strong thing and money.

Flash back.

I really have to move forward from last year so that I can stop updating you lot in the past considering that this is a New Year.

ADA

I did not encourage Ada to cheat on her husband to be with me because I’ve done so many bad things in the past and I do not want to be judged so hard on Judgement day because no one really knows how it will go.

Talking about Judgement day, what if we are going to be judged in a massive cinema with the sort of sins you committed showing on the screen and angels as judges on one side taking notes. It will also be surprising if all the things we thought we knew here on earth turned out to be different on Judgement day.  Imagine getting to heaven and on your judgement day, God will call out the brother responsible for calling out people.

God: Erm, Brother D’banj, please call the next person out

D’banj: Oooooooooooooseeeeeee! Brother Mike please step out

And then you’ll step out and gbam the screen will come alive with the image of the 14years old you smashing the house girl in the kitchen followed by an image of you peeping through the keyhole while Aunty Chidera was having her bath.

To make this picture clearer, the house girl would be watching the same video with her husband same as Aunty Chidera and your mum.

It would also be sight if it’s true that everybody would be naked.

I do not want to see myself in that situation with Ada and Iyke.

BIOLA.

Biola and I are getting closer with every passing day. She’s been really wonderful coming around once in a while to cook and clean.

I’ve seen some changes in her and while we are still Fbuddies with nothing attached, I think my emotions are gradually getting involved.

SLIM

It’s my birthday soon and I plan to physically tell Slim the way I feel about her. It may spoil the friendship but then I’ve been saying how I feel about her here so I might as well tell her.

SHIRLS

I woke up one day and realised that she has taken me off her BB contact. I don’t know what I did wrong but I MISS her.

Friday February 4th,2011.

4.45am

I woke up early because I had to drop off a friend of mine at the airport. Things I do for friendship.

When we got to MMIA it was still a little early and mouth odour was still acceptable. We were walking to the VA counter when she walked by. Forget it, in a community of very few clean mouths and properly washed faces, the one with MAC on her face stands out.

Nobs: Hey

Her: Noble Igwe

Nobs: Ogechi, so what are you doing in Lagos?

Ogechi: I work with diamond back in Abuja and I’m here for a meeting.

Nobs: Seen.

Ogechi: So where are you off to?

Nobs: No, I came to drop Bassman.Do you remember him from Unec?

Ogechi: yes but he’s grown big

Nobs: He’s married with two kids sef.

Ogechi: I heard you are married too.

Nobs: Still in the market ooooooo

Ogechi: Why?

Nobs: Waiting for the right woman. So where are you off to ,to see Oga? (Note : This is a trick question. her answer will confirm if she’s single ,dating or ready to mingle )

Ogechi : We are still waiting for Mr Right ooo. Where are you going? I need to get a cab to the Island.

Nobs : I’ll drop you where you’ll get a cab. Where on the Island?

Ogechi: Southern Sun, Ikoyi

We left the airport together, exchanged phone numbers and Pin. We chatted all through the day and that gave me hope for the evening.

8.30pm

I got home, showered and tried IMing Ogechi to inform her that I was on my way to her room. The messages were delivered but not read so I decided to go ahead considering the fact that she had already given me her room number.

I got to Southern Sun and walked straight up to room 508.

I was thinking if it would be wise to play a fool and wait for the green light or just rush her.

I knocked and waited

I knocked again

And then someone came to the door

And then the door opened

Someone came out

But it was not Ogechi

It was a man

Man: Yes, how may I help you?

Nobs: I’m here to see Chisom

Man: There’s no Chisom here

Ogechi then came forward covered up with the bedspread.

Ogechi: What ‘s the problem?

Nobs: I’m sorry Ma.I think I got the wrong room number. I will just go down to the reception and call my friend. I’m so sorry.

I walked down to the escalator, down to my car in shame. I have not been humiliated like that in recent times.

But I thanked God. What if I was going doggy on Ogechi and we forgot to lock the room properly and he walked in? Not only will he beat me up, the video would also be played on judgement day for all to see.

Saturday February 5th, 2011.

Ofe Onugbu and Eba @ Nobs.

In the New Year, I decided to appreciate my friend more so for the sake of friendship I decided to host my friends to an afternoon of Ofe Onugbu and Eba at mine.

We ate, drank and then stepped out to De Marquee.

8.00pm

We discussed about my birthday, musicians only popular on twitter and the few that may not make it outside the World Wide Web.

At some point, uncle had to leave for home and the boys moved over to Aura nightclub to support Sosick.Trust me, personally Rehab is the ishh compared to Aura.

They don’t have babes at Aura, they have women and big stomach is allowed.

So we got in, got a table and immediately we bought drinks, the women beside us moved closer.

For those of you who are not aware of my operation get 6 pack by force, I’ve stopped taking anything other water .So I was jejely drinking my water when she walked up to me.

Her: Why are you not dancing?

Nobs: I’m kinda tired

Her: Oya, let’s dance

We got dancing and I decided to make small talk

Nobs : so what’s the name ?

Her :Suzie

Nobs : What do you do?

Suzie: I’m a student

Nobs: Where?

Suzie: Uniport

Nobs: So what are you doing in Lagos?

Suzie: I came home

Nobs: Where’s home?

Suzie: Lekki Phase 1

Nobs: Oh seen

We kept dancing but I noticed that her finger kept going to my nipples. It wasn’t really bad and it didn’t matter that it was coming from chic-woman .

Suzie: Why are you not drinking?

Nobs: I’m on some water diet

Suzie: Why?

Nobs: Nothing

Suzie: I want you to drink so that you can rock me well

Nobs: Am I not rocking you well?

Suzie: No

Nobs: how?

She took my hands and placed them on her ass. I think I need to go out more I didn’t realise that to rock a woman well, you need to put your hands on her waist .

Here was Suzie asking me to hold her waist and C flow saying no one should be a waist .

We kept dancing and then she whispered to me

Suzie : Do you like my body?

Nobs : Yes

Suzie : I like how you smell

Nobs : Thanks ooo

Suzie : So where do you stay?

Nobs : Lekki 1 too

Suzie : Serious?

Nobs : Yes

Suzie : I can follow you home but you have to take care of me

Nobs : I don’t understand

Suzie : You have to treat me well

Nobs : What does it take to treat you well?

Suzie : (Showing me her palm) N50K

Nobs : Oh ok

Suzie : what ?

Nobs : I don’t pay for sex

Suzie : Excuse me,I think my friend is calling me

Nobs : Ok

Suzie: I’ll be back

I stood there waiting for Suzie while sipping water. she came out from the “ladies” with her friend and whispered “ See you some other time”.

I thought about the situation and where I went wrong.

I only told her that I wasn’t going to pay anything but seriously N50k?It was about 4am,was she planning on spending the weekend? That’s not even enough sef.In VI classic Ashewo is about 5k for  TDB and she was asking for N50K?Tell me, how many 5k will make N50k?

Anyways, the new word is “I hope you’ll take care of me?”

Dear Afulawo, if I see any girl willing to pay me N50K every night, I’ll resign from my job and join the business too.Me too,I need someone to take care of me,my mother’s name is charity.

Sunday February 6th,2011.

It was a lazy Sunday spent at home with the boys and friends.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

31 comments

  1. Here i was thinkin that i would be d 1st to comment.Anyway nice once again and happy birthday in arrears and congrats on bein nominated as a vanguard style icon.Am totally voting 4 u.ciao

  2. Nobs,Happy Birthday in advance.have mad fun on thursday.
    The ish with Ogechi and the babe that wanted to dupe of N50K is normal,if it doesn’t happen life will be too perfect.

  3. “Dear Afulawo, if I see any girl willing to pay me N50K every night, I’ll resign from my job and join the business too.Me too,I need someone to take care of me,my mother’s name is charity.”
    THIS GOT ME CRACKING UP BAD!!!

  4. Omobaba and Taribo
    West lwkmd. n 50k 4 toto. Na gold mine. Mehn dat gal played u bt u b sharp guy wit ur respond. Happy birthda G, more money, more fun, more sex n less trouble n i voted 4 u 4 sleek 2011

  5. Happy Birthday Mr. Nobs have a good one…This one was too funny. Good for u, next time dont turn up unannounced!! As for Suzie she must think she has a diamond btw her thighs!! *smh.

  6. Nobs, happy birthday in advance, ‘afulawo, charity, judgement day, take care of me’ they are all smth n I love d range rover evoque, if u get it, I hope we get 2 share. Laffs

  7. Nobs, these your friends and special someboris who sorted the Ipad and Mac Airbook are very nice people as I’m sure you are. Yes, I’m going somewhere with all this ass kissing…in case one of them offers you a Nikon Coolpix or a BB bold which you in your awesomeness (of course) do not need, feel free to help a sister. My mother’s name is Charity too….sometimes.

  8. Nobs na wa 4 u o! Why u no just drop d oge babe 4 her hotel at once? Shay u live on d island..u stingy o. Maybe dats y she shackd up wt anoda dude b4 u got der! Lol. As for suzie, maybe jst her manner of approach bt 50k is not even moni so what r u scared of?wat of girls dat earn 150-300k a nyte on runs???

  9. Oh Nobs….*head in hands**…I am still here trying to relate the BN personality with this writing one…this one beats hands down!!!
    I love reading your memoirs…

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