share on:

It’s 00.08 and I just got back from the FAB event but instead of going straight to bed, I decided to pull out the lappy to pay this price that I owe you all.

I know a lot of you rushed down here today to read about my weekend in Calabar hoping to read Memoirs full of sex …Sex bawo?

I’m excited tonight and I can not share my reasons here, not yet but I’m also excited that I’m on leave for two weeks and if things goes as planned, I may be dishing out another memoirs by Friday.

I hope to achieve a lot during the 2 weeks and with your help, I’ll also complete my 1000 smiles of 2010.

Friday December 03,2010

I maltreated my phone, the alarm went off at the normal 5.30,I grabbed it and put it under the pillow .I knew I needed to pack but I didn’t just want to wake up early even on a day I was meant to be going to cally.

I finally got up at 8am and packed my things, you know the sort that you just grab from the hanger and just stuff the suitcase.

I buzzed LYB to inform her that I was heading to Ikeja to work a bit and then drop my car at the office.

On my way to Ikeja,I decided to go through Ikorodu road that that was how I met Nke toro pope. (The Pope’s elder brother) It’s something we say in my hometown. Like, sometimes you may think that you’ve seen it all until you encounter an issue that is bigger than you.

So immediately I descended the Yaba I saw the traffic and that was when the BBM broadcast about a certain fallen petrol tanker on Ikorodu started coming in.

I played the entire MI2 3 times and I was still in the same traffic. I tweeted, read all sorts of BBM broadcast and I was still in the same traffic.

Madt Traffic

I thought I had seen it all, until people started coming down from their cars to discuss Nigerian polities and that was when I realised that I was in Goddy (The Pope’s elder brother)

The Driver beside me: Bross, LATSMA dey front.

Nobs: Ojuo Dolly ( Shebi you’ve just asked Dolly)

The Driver beside me: What did you say?

Nobs: I wouldn’t know but then I don’t expect to see the Boys Brigade in front controlling traffic.

I think he got the message and walked towards another car. I know I was abit rude but I was not in the mood for small talks, moreover I’ve been sitting in my car all the time and wouldn’t know if there was even a fallen tanker in the first place.

After what looked like forever I finally got to Ikeja .

I got a call from LYB to meet her at Eko hospital, so jumped an Okada from Ikeja GRA to Eko hospital.

It took about 30 minutes to move from Eko Hosipal to the general hospital and when it was looking like the line wasn’t ever going to move,I asked LYB for her bag and together with mine I jumped on another Okada from general hospital to Ikeja Under bridge and from Ikeja under bridge, I took another to the old domestic airport .-I’m hood like that.

1:05pm – Onboard
Truthfully I didn’t have any plans as regards “doing” in Calabar but I packed a pac of condom just in case a friend gets lucky and the chic insist on a condom.

There’s an unwritten boys rule about condom sharing – It does not matter if you are just seeing the person for the first time, if a man needs a condom, offer him one without asking him “what he needs it for“.

In 2008, I was at Le Meridian in Akwa Ibom and somebody I least expected to come into my room came. You know that sort of person that you cannot just ask to “blow you”.

I quickly ran down to the reception but I was told that they didn’t have any and just as I was about the go back up, the Mopol man by the side offered me a pac of Gold circle and didn’t collect the money I offered him. He simply said, “ if one of us wins, we all win”.

We got to Calabar and after the usual check in, I decided to go through my contact for the names saved with “CAL” “CALABAR”, “UNICAL“, “CALLY” no one interesting came up until I searched for Uduak and then it popped out …DR UDUAK CAL.

Uduak and I went to school together; same set but she was in medical college and as such she didn’t really enjoy loads back then in school. I used to tease her that she would be wasting her big ASSets as a doctor and not a banker

I called her

Uduak : Mr Igwe

Nobs : Dr. what’s up?

Uduak : Noble what do you want?

Nobs : As in I can’t just hail you again.

Uduak : When was the last time you called me?

Nobs : After the last time I saw you at the Lagos airport.

Uduak : Okay ooo. Where are you?

Nobs : Calabar

Uduak : It’s a lie. Are you serious?

Nobs: Yes

Uduak: For what?

Nobs: A friend of mine is opening a new club here. It’s called Play.

Uduak : Yes I heard about it ooo. Sheet I’m on duty tomorrow

Nobs : But you can come say  hi na

Uduak : Where are you staying?

Nobs : Channel View

Uduak : Room number?

Nobs : 122

Uduak : Okay see you when I get off work. I hope there are no women in your room to fight me. Tell them that I am just someone you went to school with.

Nobs: There’s no one here to oo …Sha come with that ass

Uduak: Noble, I’ll beat you oo

Nobs : Oya sorry na

Uduak : I’ll see at 6pm

After I got off the phone with Uduak, I played a bit on my phone but didn’t know when I slept off. The  phone beside the bed woke me up and the receptionist informed me that one Dr Uduak was there to see me.

Uduak walked into my room at 6:15, her ass followed her in at 6:17. She was dressed in a short black dress and was still as pretty as I last remembered.

We gisted about our days in Uni and the things we miss. She requested for 4 shots of Vodka and  sprite .

We gisted more until she said that she needed to rest her back a bit cos she has been walking round the Clinic all day.

On the bed I decided to give a lil time to relax before pulling out some words from the trick book.

Nobs : If you sleep I”ll take advantage of you oooo

Uduak : Noble, leave me alone to rest

Dr Uduak

I don’t know how many of you that know about “the thigh game”. The thigh game is used when you are not totally sure of what her reaction would be if you touch her. The thigh is the safest place to start while the boobs are the “wrongest” places to start with and that can guarantee you a hot slap.

With the thigh game, you circle your fingers gently on one of her thighs while talking to her.

She may remove it after some time without saying a word, that does not mean a “No” it simple means that she does not want to appear cheap.

Give her few minutes and start again, if you are good, you’ll be able to slip in a finger in less than 20 minutes.

I started playing with Uduak’s thighs while talking to her and she did not stop me.I got a lil bolder and started pushing her skirts upwards. Once I pushed it up, I moved my finger to the inside of her thighs just a lil close to the edge of her panties. From her breath, I could tell that I was making an impact but I kept playing inside her thighs and to test how ready she was, I used my hands to push her thighs apart, she assisted me and immediately I slipped a finger in, her lips found mine.(Guys try the thigh game, thank me later).

So from the bed to the table and back to the bed, we used up three condoms but we went two hawt “Rs” the third condom was introduced during the second part because the condom tore and it was a tough battle to either continue or stop. I wanted to go on cos she’s a doctor and I had every reason to trust but then the images I saw on the internet of the first of December flashed through my mind…

I pulled out to replace but Uduak caught mid way and covered my member with her mouth. From the look on her face, I knew she didn’t like the taste of the condom but she went hard and when my body started to shake, she pulled her mouth out and went to kneel on all fours on the bed…

I tore the last of three and joined her on the bed..I’m #teamraincoat jor

But few minutes into the action I noticed a tattoo on her back,a tattoo of a man and I asked her

Nobs : Ud, you you have a a tatto on your back, who’s that?

Uduak : Erm my dad

That didn’t feel right. There I was going DG on her with her dad looking at me.

Used Condoms

I felt wasted and completely drained but there was no way I was going to miss the main thing that brought me to Calabar.

I got a call from Charles to come down to the Lobby

The Calabar escapades continues on Friday…

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Hahahaha..
    I am dead..
    “Nke toro pope” and “ojuo dolly” killed me.!
    Good stuff.!!


  2. Tell me you carry more sense than “she is a doc so I trust her”. In 2010 TRUST NO ONE, not even the HIV Clinic receptionist, tester or counselor. Yay for #Teamraincoat!!!

  3. “I jumped on another Okada from general hospital to Ikeja Under bridge and from Ikeja under bridge, I took another to the old domestic airport .-I’m hood like that”……
    ..That’s something i can relate to
    “ if one of us wins, we all win”.

    That has got to be the quote of the year!

  4. Noble, why U̶̲̥̅̊ D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ leak guy’s secrets now?(Thigh game)
    Me likey d write-up today! Lwkm @ she came in @ 6:15….
    Good read today for this borin office!

  5. #teamraincoat…lmao
    We all win dude! The thigh game works like magic! I’ve tried it one to many a times! But it’s all good…ur stamina sha is amazing! Wats d secret? Alomo?? #jstsayin

  6. even if all this is pure rubbish .. … that thigh game ain’t .. … that’s ma Joker and it has worked on like 4/5 in the past 2yrs .. … … Short Noble wiv strategies .. …. iwishucouldaskpeepstosharetheirownexperiencestoo

  7. I must join #thighgame this night jor, i don enter trouble with my chick…..finally, your blog has received ginger…..@ the dude above, share your own experiences first

  8. Nwanne i di bad oh..thigh game..onye nkuzi amuta go m ihe too much in dis ur memoirs man..i bu udi mmadu ndi onitsha na akpo “nna m onye olu” ekele m gi….mana o dika d doctor abu mbada ..patiently awaiting the continuation of the memoirs next week.

    Nobs igwe EZE UMUNWANYI 1

  9. You lost your flavour. What type of grown ass man writes about his encounters online

    You need to grow up and get career soon. A full at 40 is a full forever

  10. @Yetunde : after reading the entire story and probably licking your lips while a shudder runs through you…you are now criticizing. What don’t you like? The thigh game, the table or the doggy? I’m sure if you are cute enough and play it rightn you can make it into one of these memoirs. Pretentious Nigerians. Abeg park well

  11. Lol!! Nice 1 Nobs..I think Teamraincoat should include dose of us dat can afford to Give out our Last condoms to anoda brother u’v never met wit an Obvious immediate need and dose of us dat use them too.dat policeman is definetely a Member..”Ojuo dolly” n the “Thigh game” todays Memoirs is definetely on Point.
    P.S..Nobs sent u a friend request on fb accept me na!!

  12. This is total rubbish, u should be flogged. And fyi ‘calabar’ has other things to offer, not just abt women nd sex, sex, sex. You should be ashamed of yoouself…

  13. cally town..iv bin missing dat city since ’06,nysc year….quite an eventful trip u had…next time try dem chickz for Mekenge layout,u go knw say AC no be fan.
    NO aint in thr dicKtionary…
    @ rita, yes i agreed wt u but SEX is nmba 1, d rest cud kip counting

  14. Hey you, you dey madt ooh….you no wan bring out this weeks
    episode abi? No just vexx me at all because I get connections to the top kidnappers in Lagos…Buh seriously, please ehn, bring it out. I am bored as hell.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.