Humble Disclaimer: I write tins as I see them and as they affect me. This article should not be misunderstood with me being heartless or Cocky but if it is…Na you get your own opinion!
Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Pleasseee…what is really going on in this Lagos of a state?! Abeg Una, what is with this Begging, Begging, Begging, Begging, Begging from every quarter you turn?
I dont like writing about this kind of topics, before people will start saying “N6, is it because you are better off financially, that you are yarning?”
…f**k that, (when im broke, I respectfully code myself, I don’t go around publishing my financial situation to strangers.)
I head to the ATM machine in Lekki phase1 and the following conversation ensues between me and the security guards.
Guard:The Very Bros, Corrreeect guy, How Far na?…Radio Personality toh Badt! lol (*Over-hailing me while throw-aying salute*)
N6: How una dey?
Guard:We dey O! Anytin for the boys? (Na Everytime The Boys Must Collect Sometin? Na Wa O!)
Joor Oooh! I’m far from stingy, but this geezers always seem to forget that I always give them tips everytime I come to the bank.
I head to a popular eatery in lekki phase1 and the guard at the door is accosting me for a tip, the funny thing is he positions himself at the door in such a way that it seems like he is about to SLAM the door in my face if I don’t “give him something”.
“Pardon me Oga Doorman? but don’t you think that the waitress who went through all that stress to get my order deserves the tip more than you do? At least she worked; all you did was open the door. (Can I keep the tip and open the door myself? #randomthought).
**Speaking of tips and eateries, I don’t care what any1 says but I will like to ask? Is Begging Legalized at all Mr. Biggs 0utlets? No matter the branch you go to,whether on the mainland or on the island, its almost like the proceeds from the begging is shared equally amongst staff and management. Sometimes they try to delay your change for so long, you start to wonder whether you have any change at all. Then the doormen make it look like the tip is a compulsory VAT you have to pay before you can leave the eatery, UAC please look into this abeg.**
Lets Go On…….
If you go out clubbing or bar-hopping in Las-Gidi you’re also faced with the dilemna of “Legalized Begging”.
Let’s say its one of them crazy nites where you hit up about 4 clubs in one night.
Let’s do the what I like to call “The Parking-Lot Maths”.
2 Agberos parking you/per Parking space = N200 (each) worst case scenario it could be more expensive = N400
If you go to 4 clubs that Nite that’s N400 x 4 = N1600
N1600 has been spent at the Parking Lot……ONLY.
**You pay this money, yet cars still get stolen outside of clubs in Lagos state on a regular?** #Justsaying
Now let’s also calculate @The Front door/Bouncer Mathematics.
2 Bouncers per club at an average of N1000 per bouncer (worst case scenario again) that’s N2000
If you go to 4 clubs that nite,that’s N2000 x 4= N8000
You have just serviced your Niteclub reputation by paying N8000
Now, we have not calculated the Disable guys, Sycophants and Praise singers that escort you all the way to your car pleading that ….at all, at all, Na winch!. Let’s also add their money, because some of them either pray for you sooooo well that you feel guilty and tip them, or they tell you a story about what caused their disability that is soo beleivable you just have to “find them something”. Let’s say 3 DSP’s (diasbled, sycophants and praise singers…rememba) at N100 each that’s N300. If you go to the same 4 clubs per nite that’s N300 x 3 = N1200
So on an average nite clubbing, the regular Las-Gidi omo-boy is required to hold money for the following Legalized Begging/Tipping scenarios.
N1600 for Parking Lot Mathematics
N8000 to be on good terms with the Bouncers (Servicing Your NiteClub reputation Fee)
N1200 for DSP’s (Disableds, Sycophants and Praise singer…don’t forget)
So you have to budget at least N10,800 just for tips, so that you can continue being regarded as a Las-Gidi BIG BOY.
How much you wan come spend on top yourself nauu?
I work very very very HARD for my money, but nobody gives me any extra tips at the office; matter of fact i’m lucky if I even get a “Well Done N6, More Grease to your Elbow”. So, pardon me if i’m a bit ticked when all this different people ask me for money all in one day.
*i just wished they wouldn’t stain my car windows with their grubby hands while begging tho*
There are also a million and one cases of Legalized Begging all over Lagos and Nigeria as a whole, e be like say since EFCC begin dey fight corruption…people com dey fear to ask for bribe again so they have worked out this acceptable form of Legalized Begging, where you are forced to “Soji” yourself and “Find People Something” or face the concequences.
I just wanted to get this off my chest.
Could all Employers-of-Labour please look into salary increase for their staff so that your office complex doesn’t look like where people are required to pay alms.
GEJ could you also Review the Minimum Wage for all Civil Servants?? Both you and I know that they are not asking for much.
Let’s Stop Legalized Begging/Tipping in this country.
Bizness B4 Pleasure as always.
www.twitter.com/N6Bitch…. join the madness.