MEMOIRS OF A SLU…shhKID: WK27

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I’ve been writing the memoirs for a while now that it feels like I know most of you on a one on one basis. I always look forward to Sundays when i put fingers to keyboard to share the SLU…shhKid’s weekly escapades. Always read the rules here.

I’ve been through a lot recently and with Ada’s mum going off on me last weekend, that got me thinking.  Ok, maybe i haven’t been totally truthful to you all and regarding Ada – hmmm, now that has been a huge pain in my heart of hearts.  I mean, i really do care about her but i don’t see her as my future wife and  don’t know how to go about it without breaking her heart.  I may appear all tough and I-don’t-give-a-fuck-isshh but deep inside of me, I can’t really hurt a fly and that is the real issue here.

Ada hasn’t lived in a big city like Lagos and the few times that she’s been here, I’ve gone out of my way to give her a good time and somehow that might have given her the idea that I love her a lot. I mean dont get me wrong as I mentioned earlier, I care about her ‘cos she is DIFFERENT and that was a turn on but hasnt been strong enough to make me want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Yes, I know you would like to blame me and I ‘ll gladly take the blame but don’t tell me that you’ve never been in this sort of situation. I can’t just sit her down and say, “It’s over, and there can never be anything like US”. Calling it off with Ada will hurt my mum, not like I’m marrying for my mum but Ada is the only candidate that she’s brought forward so far, it will tear her apart.

After reading the comments from last week memoirs, I’ve made up my mind that I would let her come to Lagos during the holiday and I’ll tell her to forget about us. I have to be strong for the two of us and if she insists on making me her ‘first man’, then I might as well give her that as parting gift. I really hate virgins but I would go through that torture to make her happy.

I guess I have to wait and find out how this whole thing will play out during the upcoming public holiday (Tuesday/Wednesday).

Ok, so I started off by saying that I lied about something, well I didn’t totally lie but I didn’t want it out here but the way the whole thing is going right now, I might as well ask you lot what you think.  Soooo, I’m having a affair with my colleague at work – there, I said it. *Free at last*

I don’t subscribe to office romance but then I didn’t plan this one at all, it just happened.  Ify and I have been colleagues for a while but we don’t talk in the office unless it is work related and no social conversation. I mean it took just one Friday rainfall to spoil everything I had against office romance.  It was raining and Ify needed a lift to Maryland bus stop to get a cab home.  I gave her a lift and we got talking about all sorts, from work to 360nobs and my personal life. There was a lil traffic so we spent a lot of time getting to know more about each other and then she complained about the AC being too cold.

Ify: Nobs, the AC is making me cold.

Nobs: The rain and the AC will make you go to his house and get IT hard.

Ify: He’s not in town.

Nobs: Call his assistant.

Ify: Not everybody is like you

Nobs: I was only trying to help you. I really would love to know what you think of me.

Ify: I think you are just an Ashewo 10 -10 kobo.

Nobs: Very funny. Like you’ve paid to use me before.

Ify: Nobs, if I should catch cold, I’ll follow you home ooo

Nobs: In that case, I’ll increase it (I increased the AC).

Ify: Ashewo

Nobs: Customer mi.

We laughed it off and when I dropped her off, I wanted to kiss her good night on both cheeks but when she turned for the kiss, our lips met and none of us tried to stop. We kissed so hard and within minutes I had my fingers inside her. All this beside the Oando and when we finally pulled off the only word she said were;

Ify: We’ve gone this far, we might as well finish it off but it’s only for this night. Drive to the Island, I’ll call home to tell them that I won’t be coming home tonight.

Nobs: Oh cool

Ify: Nobs, whatever happens tonight stays between us.

We got to the island and stopped over at Mega Plaza to get a bottle of Vodka. We took the drink home and went hard on it in the bathroom while we took turns in rubbing each other’s back.

It was supposed to be a one-night stand but it’s been on and off for two months now and I’m getting scared. We don’t say much to each other at work but our conversations on BBM will make our mothers cry.
I NEED TO STOP THIS!!!

Thursday, November 11th 2010

Dear Diary

10.04am-Airport
So, I was at the airport to buy my ticket for a trip to Abuja. I don’t usually do Dana but they had the earliest flight out of Lagos.  I bought my ticket real quick but I also noticed the skirt of the ticket attendant that sold the ticket to me. She had her skirt so short that you would think it was made out of “remaining material”. For those of you who don’t know what ‘remaining material’ means, it stands for the materials remaining after the main cloth has be sewn and in most cases people use theirs to sew ‘gele’.

Before the world discovered sliced bread, Dana air hostesses must have been known for being very ‘yellow’, red lipstick and lacefront wig. Now every Nkechi, Aisha and Funmi is rocking a YAKI glued with UHO.

3pm-2am
I was in Abuja for work, so I did loads of work and partied hard.  I saw someone in Abuja. I mean someone very fine and she’s nothing like anything I’ve seen before. I don’t think she reads memoirs but I don’t want to risk it by talking about her but trust me to share if I ever meet her again.

Friday, November 12th 2010

Dear Diary,

10.00am
I woke up very tired and hungry but couldn’t get anything to eat apart from the overprized biscuit in the hotel fridge.

4.00pm
Left Abuja for Lagos and on arrival I got a call…

Nobs: Hello…

Hidden Number: Where are you?

Nobs: Lagos. Just got in.

Hidden Number: Where are you heading to?

Nobs: The Palms

Hidden Number: I’ll be waiting for you there

Nobs: Cool beans

When I got to the Palms and I saw her, I knew that my weekend has been bought. She was in her car drinking and her first words to me was
Nobs, cancel all your engagement tonight…. ☺

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

42 comments

  1. Seriously??Follow your heart????KEEZ dey madt…Do not follow your heart, infact, just leave her be jor, na so pple dey enter trap ooh…as for the office relationship, do y’all feel weird when you see eachc other at work? or do you have “coffee” breaks together??I be aproko so spill the beans
    Oh yeah and one more thing, DON’T EVER GIVE US HALF GIST AGAIN OR ELSE….
    (ITS REALLY ANNOYING FOR REAL)

  2. This is really not fair! U can’t and u shouldn’t be ending ur memoirs like dis
    Its starting to annoy me! So r u even gonna give us another continuation by wednesday?
    Or are we gonna have to wait till next week just to fine out how u spent ur friday night and the rest of ur weekend?
    Btw we’ve begged u to leave ada alone but u no wan gree abi? Dat girl go soon carry remote control for u o!
    U knw she’s even in d village and its within her reach! Anyhow jare pls reply back

  3. Nobs. In this situation. The ONE mistake you can make is disvirgin Ada. She already seems naive and emotional, if you fuck her, trust me. She ain’t going nowhere. Sleeping with her is NOT doing her a favor, it’s setting her up for heartbreak cause she WILL get more attached.

  4. I agree with T. goin “all the way” wif Ada is a ginourmous mistake. Even if she rolls on the floor beggin. After all she has been thru wif u that’s d best gift u can give her. n don’t get any funny ideas of waiting till nxt Monday to finish. Btw ginourmous is gigantic n enormous in one, nt sure it’s a real wrd bt it helps make my point.

  5. I don’t usually reply but I will this time. Nobs,maka Chukwu,don’t touch Ada, just leave her the way she is cos if u do and end whatever it is u guys don’t have,u may get her to hurt herself and yes,u have to be strong about this.
    No dey end memoirs like this i take God beg you, waiting for tweets that have ‘memoirs of a slu..shh..’ is no easy feat,abeg.

  6. i used to love ur memoirs and look forward to it by 12 midnight every sunday bt the half jist is rather becoming boring trust me n i think u r losing d traffic on the memoirs. pls we r as important as d jist u give us, kindly make out time for ur readers n no half gist pls *just saying*

  7. Just so you know, people like Ada get pregnant the first time even with protection. You’re setting urself up oooo. If she get belle that will complicate things o and with the kind of mum she has u must marry her. Pls don’t touch her even with a long pole.

  8. Noble. Just leave Ada intact. Do u know if it is her hymen that has brought men knocking at her door for marriage? If you don’t want her, leave her the way you found her, so that a man who appreciates her virginity shall do due diligence, and treasure what he receives.
    We women are funny and place more emphasis on sex than you men, without sex she’ll miss you a while, grieve what could’ve been, and get over you sharpish; with sex she’ll hate you for life and say you used her and dumped her. I know you have a “church mind” somewhere within…apply am for Ada body. Na gode!
    BTW: Interesting read as always.

  9. Nobs disvirgening Ada is not the rite fin to do o! It’ll only make her Attached to you in a very uncomfy way! Abeg abeg!infakt just leave that girl alone, cos u mite b in for some real trouble. She’s nt just a villa chic o! She goes to skool too, and trust me I no wat it is to be eastern skooled. She’ll trap u down wif pregnancy,abi do u want to deflower ha wif protection?
    Anyways ur not redi for marriage so rest na! Me I’m nt even redi on ur behalf sef ,cos once u marry no more memoirs!!!!oooopppsss!

  10. nobs i knw that here u are the master but u kind of attached us with ur memoirs so pliz, for my sake, dn’t give it half. it is like reading agatha christie and i can’t even go straight to the end to see how it finishes before coming back to read the story. i hope u understand my point.


    Sent on a phone using T9space.com

  11. Nobs if u touch Ada she go carry belle and d pickin go sooooooo resemble you.

    If u must give her something buy her a greeting card or something; or pay for a weekend for one in Ghana

  12. do not touch ADA! biko, she will do whatever it takes to get back at you once you break her heart and things might get really ugly. worst she might go on her knees and beg you to take her virginity but thats just because she wants you desperately and is willingly to do anything for you. but i beg you not to touch her, if she is that horny, give her a good head. that will do, shebi you sabi that one well well lmao!

  13. LOL!!what every one has said is so true!!if u touch Ada, not only will she remain attached to you but i also belv all the pregnancy stuff too…be wise, why bother since u dont like virgins…plsss update on wed!!

  14. I’m sick n tired of dis half n half memoirs… If u knw u can’t complete d full gist don’t write at all plssssss. PS. Leave Ada d hell alone

  15. “I really hate virgins but I would go through that torture to make her happy.” REALLY? no, SERIOUSLY?? u’re so fucked up it’s ridiculous.

    Free this babe!

  16. I think everyone has said it tire, but I will add it one more time.
    Noblechukwu, it is with God we are all begging you. You have not seen madness like a woman that lost her virginity and in the same breath lost the man who took said virginity. You will either become Papa Such and Such or someone will accuse you of rape. Or worse, you will really hurt someone that you supposedly care about. Its obvious you are not lacking chics, see office kele…it did not take much for her legs to open. There are many more like that. Ada has kept herself, biko don’t do her any “favors”. She might be miserable now but she will thank you one day.
    O and people that say I find it hard to let a woman..yada yada yada are just plain selfish. The only person that it benefits when you are trying not to “hurt a fly” is YOU. You give the other party a mirage sense of happiness and that’s worse that being upfront.

    O and your Mum will be fine trust. There might be another nice girl that comes along and she will like that one too. Good luck with Ada’s visit man, good luck.

  17. Dude Ada will be proud to ve someone like u be her first!I just learnt how to start an office romance from U!Lol!May be i will get rain making skills!

  18. I mostly dnt reply ur memoirs but i think i will now cos this half gist is not just fair. Look nobs dnt get it all wrong,what u r planning to do is not just d best. Dnt deceive urself by thinking its for the best of the both of u cos u might just be setting a big trap 4 urself. Just do what u think is right and its will help u all through the way. All da best.

  19. Ah! Nobs, office romance? We call it cooporate incest, trust me like all types of incest it never ends well. meanwhile wot’s with d half gist? Just likke naija films, even naija blogs hv part 2???? To God be the Glory, smh!

  20. “Our conversation on BBM will make our mothers cry”
    “Remaining material”
    Hahhahahahhahahaha! I love u NOBS! U r a madt man! I luv u much!!!pls hurry n complete friday’s events BIKO!

  21. u have not touched Ada yet she is proclaiming love,u now want to disvirgin her? You think you have a problem now, u just wait and see, shey uve been lucky so far nobody has carried belle yet watch adas own be different. Chibuzor Noble Igwe LEAVE ADA ALONE biko!!! Dnt give her any parting gift leave her the way you found her, if u dont want to marry her which is what she wants leave her intact for the one that wants to marry her. I know u hve no self control but just pretend that u do and leave ada…toh

  22. Uv herd it oh. Evry1 hs sed don’t do it. If ur such a randy he-goat dt u cnt control urself wt ada, u alone will bear the consequences. We’ll be here to laugh nd say “we told u so”!

  23. “call his assitant”….thats so funny.

    @peeps complaining about “short jist” is like you still dont get it! this is someones memoir..if you want long jist, start your own freaking memoir!!

  24. hey Nobs…am really enjoyin ur memoirs…am a Ghanaian and some of us are following ur memoirs so pls go easy on ur native language…fnx.

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