MEMOIRS OF A SLU…SHHKID: WK25

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Not sure we should be the including the rules in here now as we are guessing you are all now used to reading this but just incase you are new….erm..here it goes..click this link.

Friday, October 29th 2010

Dear Diary

8.00am

I so looked forward to today not because I was travelling to Warri for the first time but because I had the luxury of waking up at 8:00am. I stay on the Island and work in Ikeja so I have to wake up 5.30am on workdays. This hustle na die, mehn but as man pesin go chop….

10.20am

I was travelling on Arik and that took me to the old Lagos domestic airport. I hate travelling from the old domestic airport but that’s nothing compared to the madness referred to as “Arrival lounge”.

There’s something about the arrival lounge that makes you sweat in less than 10minutes in any weather condition. The language belt is a different story all together and even more interesting during multiple arrivals.

I checked in and moved over to departure lounge to wait for boarding ‘cos my flight was for 11:55am.

While chilling in the arrival lounge, I noticed quite a number of Oyinbos with their former afulawo now wifey with their oversize wedding rings.

I’m not trying to judge but I think some of these Oyibos may have married these chics without their “real eyes”.  Like they get posted to Nigeria and they leave their families at home. On getting to Nigeria, they start patronizing one local bar and with time, they will notice one slim-short-dress-wearing-cigarette-smoking afulawo who likes to dance with her waist and before you know it, they’ve started “straffing” them without and 3 months after they would be living in the same house.

Some of these chics leave it at “Live in lovers P” but some of them take it a bit far by getting married to them knowing fully well that there’s an existing Oyinbo wife somewhere but then since their mothers in the village are only interested in having “half caste” after all there’s nothing totally wrong in being called “Mama Oyinbo” especially when it comes with the benefit of eating caned food and an over sized sweater with the inscription “I LOVE NEWYORK”.

12:30pm

When I realized that we weren’t going to fly as scheduled, I decided to get me some food before  fainting.

If you are reading this and you’ve been to prison before, please tell me, what the major differences are between airport food and prison food, if the airport food is better, then I don’t ever want to go to prison.

Flight finally left at 1.30pm and we were in Warri within 45 minutes. I can’t say what I expected to see in Warri but I noticed that the airport was very neat and there were no militants with huge guns parading the city.

Checked into my hotel and as the SLU..Shhkid, I tried all my Waffi connects for “a good” friend but nothing came through.

9:00pm

You know this thing they say about not judging a book by its cover, I decided to explore Warri town as required by the job that took me there in the first place.

First call was a joint called “The Players club” where you can “point” and have your choice of fish roasted for you. I didn’t want to miss the action so I pointed at one and they garnished well for me.

My driver suggested that we move to “DE PUND” for some live music and “fresh babes” according to him. Trust me, I wanted to experience the music and not the fresh babes but then I wasn’t planning on turning down a green light after all experiencing a town should be totally done. I mean, how else would you say you have experienced/explored a new environment/place.

Dudes, believe me, Warri no dey carry last and their babes get to the finishing line first before the guys.

At the gate the chics were sagging and no, most of them do not need a date to go to the club. Unlike Lagos chics, most of the babes that I saw were all holding their own bottle and were not waiting for one man to pop any bottle of champagne for them.  Most had a bottle of Star and were not afraid to swing it straight from the bottle.

I stayed a bit and then we drove to “The Range” which I think is the biggest Club in Warri. I stayed a while but I preferred the DJ at the “DE PUND” so I didn’t stay long before heading back to the hotel alone.

At the hotel, sleep wouldn’t visit so I got chatting with Kiki.  Kiki is my online lover. She’s a slim fine chic with an ass that will make Niki Minaj go pink with envy.

Saturday, October 30th 2010

Dear Diary

10.00am

I woke up with Lagos on my mind and because there was a lot planned for the day. You know this thing about waking up and going back to sleep thinking “there’s still time” well, I went back to sleep, woke up and realized that I was running late for my flight and I had to “fly” a bike from the hotel to the airport. Yes, I’m hood like that and for Warri, “all way na way”.

I flew back with Tuface and I told him that I have his entire album collection. He gave me one advice –“Play safe, brother”.

Nobs and Tuface on a flight back from Warri

4.00pm

Got into Lagos and drove straight to Qbox party shop to get a costume for the evening. I was going through the costumes when I saw something different and interesting – a nurse’s uniform, pink cuffs and stethoscope. I snapped the cuffs and used it as my BBM profile picture and within minutes I got a message from Shirls.

Nurses Uniform from Qbox
Stethoscope from Qbox to check my temperature as well as if i need to play doctor
New pink cuffs from Qbox for my patient in need

Shirls: Nobs, are you back?

Nobs: Hey babes, I’m back. How na?

Shirls: I’m hanging out with my sisters tonight. Wanna come?

Nobs: Too much lined up. Side view mag, MTV Base, Bacchus and then Ice Prince & Mrs C party at Rehab.

Shirls: So who’s your date?

Nobs: No one. My headache, maybe?

Shirls: Are you alone now?

Nobs: Yup but my sister is in the house sha.

Shirls: Okay, let me come and see you and from your place I’ll join my sisters at De Marquee for the MTV Base thing.

Nobs: Cool

Shirls: Do you have any Coke in the fridge?

Nobs: Get some. Just got back jor.

I must have drifted into sleep ‘cos I was awakened by Shirls by 7:14pm.

Shirls: What’s wrong with my baby?

Nobs: My head was aching but it’s all gone now seeing you.

Shirls: Pele. So I saw you got a new cuff.

Nobs: And a Nurses gown.

(I stood up and brought everything out from the wardrobe and then went to the bathroom by the time I returned Shirls was changing into the Nurses uniform).

Nobs: I see some people are in the mood.

Shirls: It seems some people are now adding different women to the already long list of women.

Nobs: No comment

Shirls: So now that I’m fully changed, who am I?

Nobs: Let’s play out a role. I’m a prisoner and you are here to treat me in my prison cell.

Shirls cuffed me and asked me to sit as a prisoner. She undid few buttons and every part of me woke up. She then used the stethoscope on my chest and slowly moved it down to my boxers and while she was moving it up and down my boxers my body reacted. She stood up to lock the cell door and when she came back she took her gown off but left the stethoscope on her neck. I couldn’t do anything because she cuffed my hands behind me and I was at her mercy. While I was sitting down, Shirls knelt down before me and immediately I closed my eyes I felt her tongue ring. Damn! I’ve experienced things in life but a tongue ring is takes me to a different level entirely.

10.00pm

We drove to Marquee for MTV and she joined her sisters while I found a cool stool by the bar.

I can’t even begin to talk about Halloween and what people wore yesterday but all in all, some people got it right and of the clubs that I visited Bacchus had it so on point.

I saw different costume but this LATSMA uniform had me in stitches. I love the fact that he went out of his way and the instant I saw him at Bacchus I thought he had come to inform someone that he car was being towed.

LATSMA DUDE

Stopped over at Rehab for Ice Prince’s birthday party and Mrs C’s Halloween do.

Breakfast was at Prime Chinese with Mrs C and then home at 5am.

Sunday, October 31st 2010

Dear Diary

3.00pm

I hate Sundays just because Mondays are the days after so when I wake up, I try to stay in bed throughout.

I was still chilling and playing lazy in bed when Buppa informed me that Team360nobs were already at LPM. I quickly dressed up and headed out to GET to meet the crew. From GET we moved to Civic center for the Lagos Photo Art and Fashion Fair and then back to GET.

Is it just me or has anyone of you noticed that there are more “I/We are fashionable” people at these events than actual customers? Like people move from stall to stall and only stop to strike a pose for the camera.

Oyeakd came through and we headed out to Ice cream factory for a brief 360nobs meeting.

9.00pm

I think I still had a bit of alcohol from last night in my system or I was feeling sleepy ‘cos when I got home I can swear I saw Mohammed’s (my gateman) wife wearing a tee shirt with the inscription “Babes Are Not Shagging” BANS.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

17 comments

  1. Lwkmd!I Love Newyork?? So thts whr those oldmamas gt their sweatshirts? Smh! Ur a big joka!
    So wait u jst bought the coustume 4 no particular person??
    Anyway, wots Adas jist abeg??

  2. this one wey u don dey look mohammed wife, remember say na aboki ohh if the guy catch u him go just take that dagger when him get for him room cut ur prick

  3. BABES ARE NOT SHAGGING!!!! Hahahahahahaha, walahi, only pent up agro could cause that crap. B.A.N.S. ko, B.A.N.S. ni. Luv it!!!

  4. Kk shirls dat uniform wasn’t meant for u, twas for me!!! ​​​​​​​​​=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)).., !! Shirls just dulled dis weeks memoirs!

  5. but noble u dont use a stethoscope to check temperatures! everybody knows that. and what did u dress as for halloween?

  6. Gee..is that the best u can come up with….babes are not shagging? lmao. Real babes wont shag you…that I know for a fact. You need to improve on your writing and personality. You have no depth. lmao @MOI…..he sure is scary enough….

  7. Sooooo wher the hell did Gene go.

    Shirls nice one. #TeamNoDulling. Some girls I know will be asking jamb question if they had seen the costume.

    Good one Nobs!

    FoluShaw

  8. @whatever,wat du u knw???’real girls wont shag u’,pls post ur picture lets see u…ode,so the girls shagging him are what????’improve on his personality’ wtf,pls borrow depth and comment with sense…dumb fuck..thats y ya whatever.

  9. First things first nurses do not wear “gowns” its a dress its either an evening gown or a long or short dress once its a gown nigga its long and the nurses dress is short dress or uniform!!!! Moving on …..you go out and pop champagne every other night but ur mom still fetches water from the stream in your village!! I am sure the money for 3 bottles of champagne can get a nice bore hole for her!!! B.A.S.N … Babes Arent Shagging Noble …

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