Me, My Boyfriend and his Iphone

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As I type this, my boyfriend is on the couch, napping blissfully, his Iphone nestled to his chest. I remember the distant days when I was the one who nestled there, my head resting lovingly against his shoulder, but apparently because I don’t vibrate like a buzz every ten minutes to let him know that he’s gotten an email in his yahoo box, I don’t seem to get much attention.

I remember when it was my shrill, piercing voice that delighted him, but no more. I’ve lost my favoured status, displaced by a small, rectangular device that beeps incessantly at the most inopportune times most of which are apparently no longer inopportune! God help me if I should turn to him while he’s engrossed in an episode of Two and a Half Men and say, I forgot to tell you about this lady I saw in the in Sainsbury today who was wearing hilarious pants….. I would be judiciously shushed with a piercing medusa-like gazed that could turn me to stone. But Iphone gets to say whatever its thinking any time it wants! Iphone can do no wrong! No matter what he’s in the middle of, no moment is too important to be interrupted by a beep from his Iphone letting him know that someone just wants to say“ Hi” on Whatsapp.

My boyfriend never knew how to multitask but you would be surprised at the rate he can multitask now – he’ll be watching White Collar, at the same time he would be chatting with five people and then he’ll be thinking of what to tweet next while keeping an eye on foreign exchange blah da blah…

I remember then he told me that one some days, there would be 90mins during which he won’t have my time but then again, there would have 15mins during which I can say whatever I had to. But now during those 90mins he would pay attention for only 60mins, the rest of the time he would be caressing his Iphone telling someone he has never met on twitter that “Berbatov should have scored that goal”. Even the 15mins that used to be mine, he spends it charging his Iphone while doing an analysis on Rooney’s performance

My boyfriend hates people mimicking him, this is why he didn’t allow me buy a parrot when I wanted to, but then he goes and get this silly cat on his Iphone that mimics everything he says in a very annoying voice… Hiss!!

To some this might seem like a trivial issue but trust me, some relationships are heading for the rocks and some have even been there and have scattered because of this ‘rectangular device’. Paying attention to your girlfriend is very important at whatever level your relationship is at. We are not saying you guys should not play with your toys but at least there should be a special time u just forget everything and give us 100% attention – Yes we want it, we like it, sometimes we just want to talk and run our mouth. If you neglect your girlfriend, you should not expect good results. If you neglect her for too long, there is always a guy in the wings waiting to give her attention – and let me tell you girls can easily get distracted.

I read an article by Jennifer Jones, The Art of Intimacy and in it; she says there is a very strong evolutionary purpose for women needing attention. She said a few million years ago, our primate ancestors were developing their sexual strategies… or how they would best get their DNA passed on for future generations. Of course they were not consciously thinking about a strategy but it was certainly the essence of behaviour and existence.

Some females (those who ended up having a better strategy), discovered that if they could mate with a male who would stay around, they would have protection, investment in their offspring, and even additional food.

But how does one primate, without written or oral language figure out who would stick around or not? They look for signs or clues.

The males who were attentive, and could show or express in some way their desire to stick around were the males the females would trust and with whom they would mate. Those males, who did not show attention, were less likely to find a long term partner who would want to mate with them.

Females became highly instinctively sensitive to these attentiveness clues. If a male was attentive, she would mate with him. If he was not, she would not.
This fact is still relative and that’s why when a girl says “You are not giving me enough attention” … Guys don’t take it lightly. So rather than fight women’s instinctive need for attention, why not submit to it. It will only improve the relationship!

Ok back to my Iphone story… As girls we have fought a lot of battle and we would keep fighting from the time of Nintendo to Super Nintendo, then to Nintendo 64, to PS 1 and 2, we thought it would end there only for PS3 and Xbox and now its the Iphone… Kai we don try.

I don’t know… Should I be providing better content? Am I to turn to him while he’s watching TV and say, MEEEP!!! MEEEP!!! I have gist… I doubt it. I also don’t see what’s so useful about the real-time updates his Iphone provides on sports games and breaking news, when the information I provide is also in real-time and personalized! Does his precious Iphone nag him when he doesn’t check that the milk he is about to drinks has expired? Does it remind him that it’s unattractive to drink soda straight from the bottle and then just put it back in the fridge? Does his Iphones angry rattle encourage him to start dinner right away because I’m going to be hungry when I get home?

All right, I know when I’m beat. It’s time for me to take this to the next level… So what do I have to do to win him back? Offer my services for a better monthly rate? Remind him of the convenience of his no-initial-fee, no-obligation contract with me? Ok, maybe there was an initial fee to join me, but I’m sure he’ll say it was worth it. Or would he? After all, I can’t think of any new features I’ve added in the last few years, aside from my Peruvian hair, or any upgrades. Possibly it’s time to fight fire with fire or water. My boyfriends Iphone does seem to be getting a little smudged because of his constant touching it and not leaving it to rest and since I love him so much I want to take care of his Iphone… So perhaps I’m going to give it a bath and a massage.

P.S. I use a blackberry and I don’t think it poses the same problems so please don’t hate… hehehehe



A witty, fun, outgoing girl who has a deep passion for fashion and art. A person who admires uniqueness and is eager to share her views with the world. There is definitely more to me than meets the eye.


  1. Beautiful write up…just had a bit of an issue with my girl over my constant use of my bb…The best way is to let him know how u feel….Hopefully he reads this article ands sees how he is slowly pushing u away…The iphone has got nothing on u…

  2. Lovely write up…but d part I love the most…giving d phone a bath and a massage…u r just plain girlfriend ever..

  3. I know how you feel dearie, its a constant battle.. I made mine go without his Iphone for a whole day as his punishment for ignoring me 😀
    They are always oblivious, you have to tell him..
    And I use a blackberry too.. Its not the same! Lol

  4. Too long! But it makes sense. D only issue I may have wiv my man is dat he’s always on d fone. He doesn’t have tym 4 dat chat n twitter crap!

  5. Hahahaha, give the phone a bath. Try that with my iPhone, and I won’t only massage your face with my fist, I’ll also ghgdffygds whatever you like the most.
    All jokes apart, DO NOT GIVE THE IPHONE A BATH. don’t even wipe it. We like to see our thumb print on it.

  6. nice write up.its good to bare ur mind.i had same problem wit my g/f y/d cos i was playing soccer on my ps2.i only had time to listin 2her wen NEPA struk and dats really help us God

    1. My boyfriend is so in love with his phone that is phone became the only thing he is able to keep up in bed

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