HUMBLE DISCLAIMER..i just dey yarn o! take it easy o! #WhyYouDeyVex? Abi Dem no dey yarn funny funny tins for your hometown??? Joooor oooh!
So, I ask a question Why Must (some) Girls Always Come With “The Friend?”
Check out this Hypothetical situation?
You recently hammered and you don’t want to “Chop Alone and Die alone” but its not that kind of hammer where you call awon boys and hang out, drinking Beer and Nkwobi. So you start scrolling through your Mobile Phone/BlackBerry Contact List looking for a befitting babe to lavish your recently acquired fortunes on.
Then you find HER….she was one babe you’d had a lotta fun with, matter of fact she really liked you back then but your Swagga ddint allow you to give her the time of the day a.k.a You were Forming! So you holla and book a date.
Let’s just fastforward right through the Hey babe, longest time, you just fashied my side (Naija Pidgin slang for FORGOT), what have you been up to? Missed you and I’ve Missed you toos; and get to “The Date Proper”.
PS: To show you that girls know exactly what they are doing, when they want to come with a friend; their car will suspiciously not work on that day (for those babes that have cars o!). The phone call will most times go like this…
Bloke: Hey Babe, are we still hooking up today?
Babe: Yeah boo! But ma ride is acting up (Note that she never specifies what is wrong with the car)
Bloke: Do I come get you? I could be at yours in minutes……(mugu!)
Babe: Ok, alrite! (meaning, before nko?) #BatsEyelashes
You Drive to the shawtys crib, only to be confronted by the Inconvenience of the Century aka “The Friend”.
Excuses to why “The Friend” is there at that point in time can range from;
a. she’s hanging with me for the day….aka deal with it!
b. this is ma close friend, she will be hanging with us, hope u don’t mind?..(you will be lucky if you get a “Pleaseee” out of a typical Gidi babe so don’t bother)
c. she’s spending the nite over at mine for the weekend…also aka deal with it!
d. she’s been having issues with her boyfriend, so i’m comforting her..as a friend!…aka Deal with it as well!
e. my friend is kinda hungry so I just told her to come along and enjoy from the Awoof you are about to lavish on us (okay, maybe no babe will tell you this one)…aka hope you don’t mind too?
Your swag and male ego combined wont let you back down at this point, so, you encourage both babes to hop into your ride.
You get to the venue, and this is where “The Friend” will fall her hand.
PS: Ladies please please please, i’m on my knees, I beg you, I beseech you ALL. When a nice young man says he wants to come and take you out on a date, DO NOT BRING A FRIEND ALONG (at least tell us that “THE FRIEND” will come along) let’s know what we are doing and/or cancel on time.
DISADVANTAGES OF BRINGING “THE FRIEND” ALONG ON A DATE
- You are shortening your ration, imagine that I planned to spend N100 (hypothetically o! I mean who spends N100 on a date?…wink!) on you, because you brought your friend along. I now have to split the enjoyment rations into 2 portions. If unluckily for you, you have a friend with a voracious appetite, then YOUR in mega trouble because she will eat even into your own N50 part of the enjoyment Budget!
- Supposing….Just supposing…Imagine?…that was the Date I wanted to Propose to you?……eh?…you don guck am be that nau?
- If your “FRIEND” is now Bunzer and Hotter than you are? I mean taller, sexier body, better dressed, more interesting, wears her own hair etc, will you blame an omo-boy if he starts feeling your friend all of a sudden?
- If your friend is now down to nack meanwhile your on a loooong tin and still forming Vee/till my wedding night?…i repeat, will you blame an omo-boy if he starts feeling your friend all of a sudden?
- She wont encourage any PDA (public displays of affection) especially if she just got out of a sad relationship. So, we cant get touchy and steal kisses in the parking lot…kmt!
- She brings up questions especially if the plan is for you (the original babe) to spend the nite over at my place? Questions like>>>>>:?
- Where does she sleep, I only have one room and one bed in my bachelor pad?
- I hope she wont mind when you start screaming…you know you get kinda loud when we are ….ahem…
- What do I do if she wants to join in while we are….ahem…
- Last but not least….supposing your friend starts to Olekuuuu…(aka Feeling the Boy ye…)
I hope with this few humble words of mine I have managed to CONVINCE you and not confuse you that you are better off going on a date alone and not bringing “A FRIEND”.
**takes humble Bow and Walks Offstage to a standing Ovation** (in my miiiiiiiiiiind).