BIZNESS B4 PLEASURE

share on:

HUMBLE DISCLAIMER..i just dey yarn o! take it easy o! #WhyYouDeyVex? Abi Dem no dey yarn funny funny tins for your hometown??? Joooor oooh!

So, I ask a question Why Must (some) Girls Always Come With “The Friend?”

Check out this Hypothetical situation?

You recently hammered and you don’t want to “Chop Alone and Die alone” but its not that kind of hammer where you call awon boys and hang out, drinking Beer and Nkwobi.  So you start scrolling through your Mobile Phone/BlackBerry Contact List looking for a befitting babe to lavish your recently acquired fortunes on.

Then you find HER….she was one babe you’d had a lotta fun with, matter of fact she really liked you back then but your Swagga ddint allow you to give her the time of the day a.k.a You were Forming! So you holla and book a date.

Let’s just fastforward right through the Hey babe, longest time, you just fashied my side (Naija Pidgin slang for FORGOT), what have you been up to? Missed you and I’ve Missed you toos; and get to “The Date Proper”.

PS: To show you that girls know exactly what they are doing, when they want to come with a friend; their car will suspiciously not work on that day (for those babes that have cars o!).  The phone call will most times go like this…

Bloke: Hey Babe, are we still hooking up today?

Babe: Yeah boo! But ma ride is acting up (Note that she never specifies what is wrong with the car)

Bloke: Do I come get you? I could be at yours in minutes……(mugu!)

Babe: Ok, alrite! (meaning, before nko?) #BatsEyelashes

You Drive to the shawtys crib, only to be confronted by the Inconvenience of the Century aka “The Friend”.

Excuses to why “The Friend” is there at that point in time can range from;

a. she’s hanging with me for the day….aka deal with it!

b. this is ma close friend, she will be hanging with us, hope u don’t mind?..(you will be lucky if you get a “Pleaseee” out of a typical Gidi babe so don’t bother)

c. she’s spending the nite over at mine for the weekend…also aka deal with it!

d. she’s been having issues with her boyfriend, so i’m comforting her..as a friend!…aka Deal with it as well!

e. my friend is kinda hungry so I just told her to come along and enjoy from the Awoof you are about to lavish on us (okay, maybe no babe will tell you this one)…aka hope you don’t mind too?

Your swag and male ego combined wont let you back down at this point, so, you encourage both babes to hop into your ride.

You get to the venue, and this is where “The Friend” will fall her hand.

PS: Ladies please please please, i’m on my knees, I beg you, I beseech you ALL. When a nice young man says he wants to come and take you out on a date, DO NOT BRING A FRIEND ALONG (at least tell us that “THE FRIEND” will come along) let’s know what we are doing and/or cancel on time.

DISADVANTAGES OF BRINGING “THE FRIEND” ALONG ON A DATE

  • You are shortening your ration, imagine that I planned to spend N100 (hypothetically o! I mean who spends N100 on a date?…wink!) on you, because you brought your friend along.  I now have to split the enjoyment rations into 2 portions. If unluckily for you,  you have a friend with a voracious appetite, then YOUR in mega trouble because she will eat even into your own N50 part of the enjoyment Budget!
  • Supposing….Just supposing…Imagine?…that was the Date I wanted to Propose to you?……eh?…you don guck am be that nau?
  • If your “FRIEND” is now Bunzer and Hotter than you are? I mean taller, sexier body, better dressed, more interesting, wears her own hair etc, will you blame an omo-boy if he starts feeling your friend all of a sudden?
    • If your friend is now down to nack meanwhile your on a loooong tin and still forming Vee/till my wedding night?…i repeat, will you blame an omo-boy if he starts feeling your friend all of a sudden?
  • She wont encourage any PDA (public displays of affection) especially if she just got out of a sad relationship. So, we cant get touchy and steal kisses in the parking lot…kmt!
  • She brings up questions  especially if the plan is for you (the original babe) to spend the nite over at my place? Questions like>>>>>:?
    • Where does she sleep, I only have one room and one bed in my bachelor pad?
    • I hope she wont mind when you start screaming…you know you get kinda loud when we are ….ahem…
    • What do I do if she wants to join in while we are….ahem…
    • Last but not least….supposing your friend starts to Olekuuuu…(aka Feeling the Boy ye…)

BABE….

I hope with this few humble words of mine I have managed to CONVINCE you and not confuse you that you are better off going on a date alone and not bringing “A FRIEND”.

Thank You!

**takes humble Bow and Walks Offstage to a standing Ovation** (in my miiiiiiiiiiind).

N6 www.twitter.com/N6Bitch

N6B$%&@

N6B$%&@

I'M A SON, BROTHER, FRIEND, LOVER, ENTERTAINER, POET, LYRICIST, COOL-FM ON-AIR-PERSONALITY, ATHLETE, prospective BILLIONAIRE and all round fun guy.

14 comments

  1. Hilarious. I honestly don’t feel bad for guys who find themselves in this predicament. There’s nothing wrong in saying NO and standing your ground.

    But if, as you put it, “Your swag and male ego combined wont let you back down at this point” jejely take them to Iya Riskia’s place at the corner. At least you can happily enjoy your N100.

    Now this is messed up. Lol. “If your friend is now down to nack meanwhile you’re on a loooong tin and still forming Vee/till my wedding night?”

  2. Do tell them. Really it just kills morale….even when you have enough free cash to feed the parasite friend……whatever happened to the ‘you’ in ‘take you on a date’? Plus don’t gals ever think of security?

  3. Gbaski!!!! Na true yarns b ds.
    I’m a babe n I’ve neva understood y gals do stuff as dumb as this! If ur friend is hungry- feed her urself n maintain some dignity for crying out loud!
    As rightly said by ‘Meetopemipo’ whateva happened to the ‘you’ in ‘take YOU on a date’???

  4. This on is for the guys: just politely tell the babe that the date is supposed to be something for the both of you alone, if she insist on bringing her friend along bolt (RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN), because she’ll always bring her friends into your relationship with her and that is one problems i believe all guys don’t want.

    P.S waited for the conclusion of memoirs on wednesday to no avail whats up with nobs

  5. excuse me guys, for the fact dat ur date brings a frnd wit her means shes not down for u/has no regard for u sooooo Deal wit it.

  6. What a nice expose into the equation of ‘bringing along a Friend’.Brother tell these babes…na bad thing(what’s not good isn’t good)…how will a boy get to a babes house with high expectations and she cuts it short by bringing a friend along…Pure Wickedness

  7. True talk. Dats y I hardly tell my friends m goin on a date,
    Cuz u never knw hw dey might have been ‘passingby’ or sumthin.
    Nways I trust myself, if they still come, na to bounce dem b that.

    Nice 1 tho.

  8. there’s love in sharing….innit? jst kiddin, iv neva bin dat unlucky and i dnt im eva gona be…its lyk repeating socks, it sucks!!!

  9. Actually d reason I knw why girls take other girls wiv them on dates is whn they r Not feelin d guy.. I gives u a great excuse 2 get outta a tight 1, so note dat boys

Leave a Reply