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Our first meeting started as a disaster. The flight was from Abuja to Lagos and had been delayed because the aircraft originally scheduled for the route had developed a technical problem and an aircraft had been pulled from another flight to accomodate this.

After a 3-hour delay, passengers came on board and things got uglier! This aircraft’s seat configuration was different so we had issues reseating passengers.

Before she got to the boarding door she was already fuming, and my crew insisting that she took her re-assigned seat -all the way at the back- got her frothing at the mouth. In order to avoid as much of her venom as possible, I agreed for her to take her old seat, especially since she was travelling with a partner.

With everyone on board, I had a gentleman standing in the middle of the cabin looking lost. It turned out it was his seat that she was occupying. To make doubly sure, I had to cross check the names with seat numbers on the flight manifest. When I asked her for her name, “Payne!” She snapped. I was looking through the manifest for her name when she said “It’s Payne with a ‘P’, so you should be looking in the ‘P’ section.” At this I looked at her hair first – black, wrong colour. Apt name though, damned pain in the cojones! I mean, the manifest is printed in seat number series not alphabetical series. Plus what retard doesn’t know Payne begins with a P?!

I got the seating sorted. Later in flight I went to her and apologised for the seat mix-up – this only – because girl was FINE.  She apologised too for being rude, and for being such an ass. We talked a bit more, and by the end of the flight she left with my BBpin.

We pinged and chatted a lot over the next week, and the more we communicated, the more interesting she became.  She had a way with words, and what was more, she was quite a slithery character.  One moment flirting and leading a fellow on, the next leaving him vulnerable and hung out to dry – unless of course you are me. Exhilirating  game we played for three weeks, during which I learnt she had a guy.  This knowledge left me wondering how their relationship worked as she seemed to forever be chatting with me.  I enjoyed the attention even more.

When she finally asked for my number, I simply gave it to her. “When I get money to buy card, I will call you.” “Not holding my breath :p” I replied. “U r love, otherwise u wldn’t be so quick to send ur # 8-“ she retorted. And in typical me fashion I replied “U xpected I would gloat, so it’s *burnin u that I obliged wivout a *smart remark… I get that.” The call came through almost immediately and we fixed a date.

We went from movie to dinner at Newscafe, then her place – her man was out of town, and she lived on the Island. The next morning I woke her up with kisses to her forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, chin, the corners of her mouth, her lips, then further south…

I was almost home when I got the message. “My suspicions are confirmed, only once and I am undone :'( :'(. I think it’s best if we don’t talk again.” My response? Silence.

We’ve been seeing more and more of each other since. I really like her, I do. She is needy, but not demanding. I like that. Once in a while I think about her man and I feel for him, I really do.

In this age of packaging and labelling, I might be thought of as a side dude, side dish, the other guy. But if you must label me, call me Splackavellie.



"Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn't. Scratch that. He didn't.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn't in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!" Follow @franque_521 on twitter.


  1. Nah dude is the mugu. A Splackavellie is so much less, a break your back and leave type dude. This dude actually takes her out and likes her. Franque, you are a good writer.

  2. me thinks franque is the most original,captivating n interesting writer on 360 nobs,good job man.plus he doesnt seem to have any hatersunlike most

  3. lol I love the range of comments and agree with all of them. as long as it doesn’t come to bite you back in the bum we are all good.

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