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Good morning fellow Nigerians here and far far away.  There are some rules you need to know to read this memoirs but if you are a regular then, please carry go….

Friday, October 15th 2010

Dear Diary,

I waited in the car a bit wondering if I should go in or not.  I thought about certain things that may go wrong.  Like  “What if I walk in to meet 16 girls on a table with 16 cameras?” or “Biola and Shirls waiting for me with Baseball bats” so I did what every smart guy would do – Take the risk.

I walked in and immediately I saw her chest, I knew she was the one.

Nobs: Hey, Gene.

Gene: Hey, handsome. Why are you looking behind you?

Nobs: Oh, I was looking for the person you called “ handsome”.

Gene: You are silly.

Nobs: You are not far from the truth…

Gene: I like your sense of humour.

Nobs: My father bought it for me.

Gene: Hmm, so what will you have cowboy?

Nobs: Before eating you or after?

Gene: Hmm, I see that someone is very direct but no, you ain’t having me tonight.

Nobs: I’ve your picture to play with so either way; I’m having you tonight.

Gene: Nobs, that’s disgusting.

Nobs: Interesting, you call me Nobs on our first date. I like

Gene: So are we eating or not? From the look of things you are totally not hungry.

We placed our order and at some point a friend of hers walked in and the lady called Gene stood up to go say hello. At this point, i had the privilege of seeing her ass which was a portion of Paloma’s ass divided into 16 cute parts.
You know that type of ass that would make them disqualify you as an usher in the church. She came back after a few minutes.

Nobs: So tell me, how did you meet Biola?

Gene: Ah ah na. Does that really matter?

Nobs: Yes, it does. It will determine how open I will be with you.

Gene: She’s my brother’s ex and we are very close.

Nobs: For real?

Gene: Yup!!

Whilst Chuks served us, we kept our convo clean.

Nobs: Hmmm, so gist me, what happened?

Gene: We were talking so I told her that I would do anything for a good head and she jokingly said, “I can lend you Nobs”.

Nobs: Errm, and Nobs is meant to jump on it just like that?

Gene: Not really but how good are you?

Nobs: Are you kidding me? So who’s next? Let me guess, your kid brother’s current girlfriend?

Gene: Nobs, it’s not like that. Your name slipped and she didn’t want to lie to me.

Nobs: It’s fine but then I feel like an over used vibrator being passed around in a 12 room brothel in Aguda.

Gene: Why Aguda?

Nobs: Its the only location my mind could reach…

Gene: Anyways, please forgive her.

Nobs: Tell Biola that I will head you only on one condition…

Gene: What’s the condition?

Nobs: Only if she’ll watch!

Gene: You are kidding me right?

Nobs: Nope. You made it sound like a business transaction, so I’m giving you the condition.

Gene: I wasn’t complaining and I hope you don’t change your mind.

Nobs: Ok, let me think about it. I mean, you don’t expect me to push my head down there when am only meeting you for the first time today especially as i can’t guarantee where you are coming from, which may be from your boyfriend’s house.

Gene: He’s not in town and he does not give head.

Nobs: He does not?

Gene: Nope

Nobs: Is he a vegetarian?

Gene: Hehehehe. No. He eats meat.

Nobs: Anyways, tell me more about you

The discussion went from school to work and then some other random things and we agreed to meet on Sunday night.

I really wanted to be pissed at Biola but I wasn’t sure if I really want to let Gene slip off my hands because she didn’t respect that agreed rule of engagement. “Never reveal our identity to anybody outside the two of us” It’s like a creed and we are all expected to abide by it.

I was home chilling when Uncle called me out for a night out at De marquee and Caliente

Saturday, October 16th 2010

Dear Diary,

It was supposed to be a stay-in Saturday to watch a few movies but a call from Oye for meeting at Ice Cream factory changed everything.

Meeting over and I stopped over at my friend’s hotel room for an evening of movies and things.

Sunday, October 17th 2010

Dear Diary,

You know this thing about waiting for a day and it finally comes? I waited and waited for this Sunday to come.
I can’t remember who made the rule but I have been told that whenever you are referred to as regards issues concerning your ability to satisfy, never make bad of such as opportunity.

First of all, I washed out all the coca cola and Ice cream by placing myself on water diet for 3 hours followed with Alomo bitters mixed with orange juice. I’m not ashamed to confess that I had to “down” such amount of Alomo bitters to enable me initiate Okafor’s law in Gene’s life.

I went for an event at Terra k and from there went to Ice Cream factory where I met with the female movers and shakers of Nigerian music industry.

Later on I joined birthday girl Miss Craig, Femi, Dara and Kunmbi.

I was out but no one could tell that my mind was not there cos I couldn’t get the image of Gene’s ass off my mind.

Now back in my room, it was about 11.25pm when the message came in…

Gene: Nobs, we are downstairs?

Nobs: We? How did you know my house?

Gene: Biola is here.

Nobs: Hmmm, okay, come up

I quickly called Obinna aside to distract my sister from coming out of her room so that she does not see 2 babes going into my room at few minutes to midnight.

Biola: Hey, Nobs

Nobs: Hello traitor and Hey, Gene

Gene: I’m fine

Biola: Nobs, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again

Nobs: It’s all good.

We sat down on the bed while we watched “Kings” and at some point I felt someone’s hands in my boxers under the duvet sheet.  Instantly, I knew who it was, it was Biola.  I stopped her half way, switched off the movie and started kissing Gene.

Biola watched and when she couldn’t take it any longer, she decided to speak up.

Biola: Nobs, are you serious about making me watch?

Nobs: Yup!

Biola: Why?

Nobs: It’s your punishment.

Biola: Ok ooo

Nobs: You can touch Gene but not me.

Biola: I’ll just watch

I undressed  Biola and for some action I decided to tear her panties instead and Biola let out a small shout of  “Oh my dayz”. I used style to run the test of ‘Smellonogy’ with my fingers and before she could recover from that I had Gene sitting on my mouth with her legs apart. Biola watched, touched and held herself back. There was no way I was going to complete Memoirs, so I slept off.

Monday, October 18th 2010

Dear Diary,

I walked into the bathroom to have my bath leaving the door closed but not locked.
3 minutes later, Biola walked in with no clothing on.

Mad night, Mad morning after.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. first. hum nobs, poor ada. i hope she is really the village girl u describe coz i don’t imagine the day she’ll fall on the memoirs ..

    Sent on a phone using

  2. It is just too early for me to be having these thoughts. My last night was passion full. Nobs,you are still the best monday breakfast.

  3. Its not a good thing that I’m d first to comment on dis freaky story on a monday morning!
    Damn! Nobs, there has to be somthimg about u! But we’l confirm only if gene comes back for more… Till then, I’m watching u dude and I still have your number *Wink*

  4. Nobs The suspense is Great,but maybe a little more detail.

    I think you did the right thing to Biola. Rules of Engagement when breached, MUST be punished.
    It looks like She’s going to get a consolation prize…ℓoℓ.

    Yall three, are gon kip @ this for a bit if things go well….A steady threesome’s great…only fing that can top that : A Foursome!


  5. Hmmmmmm,always look forward to ur stories on mondays now,I kinda feel for ada cos u obviously aint ready to settle down.anyway ball while u can u only got one life to live

  6. Noble God help u o,lol @ Smellonogy mehn,this guy cracks me up…never heard that & hope u use tooth pick wen u got done eating the Puss?Nobs u make me so wet but u aint getting mine thou.u are just 2 spoilt…lol

  7. Na wah 4 used vibrator frm a 12room hotel in aguda ooh.. Dis guy @ sum point I jst want 2 believe sum of dis stories r all lies but its all gud sha pls b careful, &sincerely speakin I dxnt c wats so special bout u especially d way u luk I mean ur big head & ur mumu voice dat alone is enuf 2 put a gal wiv diginity off… But all dis gals u tlk about must b dem gals dat cums 2 ur office 4 event jobs or kim kard wannabe… Lol…can’t wait 2 read nxtwks sha*winks*

    1. *Nobs defender to the rescue*….Haba Regular Reader, direct your anger at the girls biko. No dey insult the guy, the name calling is uncalled for and it is a tad bit childish. He did not go and pull Gene, na she come find am. Not excusing the whoring but women have to hold themselves to a higher standard. It is not fair but the woman is the one that should demand her dignity to be upheld (that is the way of the world not just Africa).

  8. Lmao at the vegetarian bit and the smenology test! NOBS you are something else and these memoirs f**k with the mind…I hear the taste of the pudding is in the eating…Am I the only girl in Lagos not getting a taste of the Nobs pudding? 😉

  9. For me monday is Nobday. memoirs make my nobday every week, but this particular story is to good to be true. your either a good story teller or you live one hell of a life. any ways be extremely careful when dealing with the women folk. Always play safe.

  10. this guy big ups with all the fantasy stories…ts a shame most of ur readers actually think they are real life happenings.

  11. Gahlee…sometimes the comments are as good as the memoirs…lool interesting thoughts…interesting lifestyle..but sometimes u just gotta do what u gotta do…

  12. Very smart move Nobz…dat u spiced up ur memoirs dis week, twas becoming quite boring( but na no mean make u lie dey go as u knw 2 much of anything can make u sick)….of cos dis guy is only writing out his fantasy..bur my guy u too like ICECREAM kilode…jedi jedi is real oh.

  13. Ice cream factory must be paying you a lot for these adverts…i can’t figure out a grown ass man loving ice cream the way you potray

  14. @DON’TBUYDAT….. ice cream is desert.OK. has nothing to do with just kids.

    Nobs….i hope you get a good publisher soon, because you are a damm good should send a script to SNL NewYork soon. you never can tell.

    Interesting write.

  15. shert mehn…if only we could get a good pic of the gene chick…i’ll suggest that you be a good mourinho and sub. gene for biola because it be like say she no get wahala…

  16. I weep for Lagos women nowadays tho… whatever happened to dignity? or respecting your body? I just hope the women you write about are the exception n not the norm, otherwise…

    1. Sisi you do realize that it takes 2 to tango right? So as you’re weeping for some Lagos women, you should also be weeping for some Lagos men. It goes both ways.

  17. just saw Mr Noble in today’s THISDAY STYLE …i know know for a fact that your stories are mere fragments of your imagination due to fixation at the oral stage of your life .The only babes this nigga can play around with are hawkers and orange sellers <<!

  18. When i started reading ur memoirs, i was enjoying them but it got to a point i cant help but conclude that these stories aint true. I mean,who lives like this???????

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