Dear memoirs family,
I know you are tired of getting MSK(Memoirs of a Slu…shhKid) in bits and late in some cases but my new role at work is NOT the cause. Last week, I hired private investigators to help find out the person behind the delays. They worked all day Monday to Friday. Some of my friends were pulled in for questioning and one of them was shot with a water gun in the process. It was classified investigation and their findings are yet to be passed to me.
Believe me, I hate delaying Memoirs and I’ll rather delay a “Cumming”. Please forgive me.
Its MI’s birthday today (4th of October).
I first heard about MI when he was nominated for HHWA and they had to send his nomination letter to a field in JOS where he was rearing cattle. Okay maybe not to “a field” but he was not known by Mohammed, my gateman and YES, Mohammed is an authority as far as Hausa hip hop is concerned.
All that was in 2007, today MI is “Nigerian Hip Hop personified” and all that we’ve always wanted in Hip hop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he’s the best but I’m just asking, who’s better? He’s so good a rapper that even when he’s ill, nobody can test him, even if na blood test.
Please join me in wishing Mr. Incredible a very happy birthday.
Here is a special message from the Man hImself….One and only Short Black Boy.
MI Bday Thank You Message (385.9 KiB, 1,251 hits)
This memoirs was written on the 4th of October and submitted at 23.11pm and finally published at about 7.15am on the 5th of October. Ensure you read the rules if you have never been here before…..otherwise you shall be judged if you comment wrongly.
Thursday, September 30th 2010
I was enjoying my sleep, when “Pee” woke me up and from experience I’ve got loads of respect for pee.
I don’t know about you but growing I did wet the bed but it was no fault of mine but then my parents wouldn’t understand.
Picture this. I’ll be in a dream and somehow in that dream I would feel the need to pee and normally I’ll look for the nearest toilet to use but mid way into my peeing, my dream will merge with reality and I’ll find myself wetting the bed. I don’t know if you know this but I heard WET DREAM feels same way.
I was working late with LYB on the BBM keeping me company. We chatted about all sorts and she sent me a “hug” smiley. Yes, she’s cute like that.
I got home very tired. I felt like I was raped by two fat chics that were once Nuns. Vodka called to inform me that he was heading to Tribeca from SWE Bar, so I had to dress up.
Tribeca was packed with Lights, Camera and Industry peeps.
The SMVA nominee party was a blast and I had fun hanging out with my Uncles-KJV, Abisoye and Ayeni. I didn’t plan to dance but when I was approached by a lady for a dance, I threw in the towel. We were dancing when IT passed but then I wasn’t sure. IT passed a second time but this time IT was so close I could touch IT. She didn’t have to introduce me to her BO, IT introduced herself. Have you ever met BO so strong it made you cry? IT had that effect on me. I love fine girls with body odour they make you appreciate the not-so-fine ones without any.
I was still dancing when the BBM came in
Biola: Nobs, wia r you?
Nobs: Hey, you only ping me when you want, abi? I’m at Tribeca.
Biola: Alone or with one of your keles?
Nobs: With your mum…I kid I kid. Alone
Biola: I’ll drive by in 10.
Nobs: Cool beans.
I hate the fact that Biola is in charge of our relationship. She sees me at her will and answers my BBMs only when she wants to but I think that’s the reason I like her it’s her love for “Control”.
15 minutes later, she called to inform that she was outside.
4.30am – Home
Biola drove behind me to my house and when she came out of the car, the sight of her thighs made me want to do Papa and Mama.
Immediately we got to the staircase, she looked at me and said…
Biola: Tonight, we are ticking your staircase off my list and let’s make it look like sex with whore.
Nobs: How do we do that?
Biola: Nobs, stop-forming jor.
Nobs: Bee, I don’t do call girls.
Biola: It’s simple. Push up my dress, move my panties to the side and dry hump me but then I’m already dripping.
Nobs: I need to get a CD upstairs.
Biola: Check my purse. I’ve got a pack
I looked through her purse, saw the pack and did exactly what she asked me to do.
Friday, October 1st 2010 – The call
I woke up with my head between Biola’s boobs but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waking up between boobs. I know there’s something wrong with having sex in your dream or running over a dog with a car BUT waking up between boobs is globally accepted.
I didn’t want to mess up Biola’s morning, so I went straight to the bathroom to brush my teeth but 40seconds into it, Biola brought me my phone and guess who was calling?????
Ada: Buzor, kedu ihe nmere gi?
Ada: Why haven’t you tried to call me?
Nobs: Erm, I’m sorry.
Ada: I was ill and you didn’t even call. Anyi ana ese okwu?
Nobs: What was wrong with you?
Ada: Hapu mu aka,biko
Nobs: How are you now?
Ada: Are you at work?
Ada: We need to talk.
Nobs: Is everything, ok? odikwa n’nma?
Ada: My parents want to know what we are doing?
Nobs: Can I call you back later to discuss this?
I dropped the phone and believe me I was confused for a whole 5minutes.
I really don’t know what I’m doing. Biola in my bed. Ada on the phone. Shirls on BBM, Tiffany on text message and twitter. I need to really start thinking Marriage.
What will I tell Ada’s parents? “I’m just friends with your daughter?” or “We are really not that serious” or “She’s a virgin and I don’t really like virgins”
I had my bath and switched on the TV to watch Walter Bishop and his son with Biola. She left later in the day.
11.00pm – Zamunda
I DID not go to Zamunda because of the Pant and Bra show but I cannot also find any other convincing reason. It was a fun night and I tried to take my eyes off the ladies dancing on the table. It was all a normal night until I saw LYB standing in a corner. At first, I was wondering if she saw me standing on the table or backing it up on a chic. I went over to say Hi but kept my eyes on her all night. I had fun bbming LYB.
I went home alone with SLU…shh Glam on my mind.
Saturday, October 2nd 2010
I hate SLU…shh days and I don’t get to rest enough cos I start planning right from my sleep.
I made the necessary calls and stayed back in bed.
So, I was waiting for Buppa to pick me up when the text message came in…
“Hi Nobs, I’ll be at your house later this evening, Slim”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Slim and I have not seen in a while and recently started talking again so a text from her saying that she would be coming to mine was so cool . 😀
Slim came through and we left for Marquee…together. She assisted me in setting set up for SLU..shh GLAM.
Now, the highlight of the night was introducing SLIM to TIFFANY and none of them could tell while the lowest point was SHIRLS, BIOLA and LYB’s absence.
I thank every single person that came through for SLU…shh GLAM. May God bless you real good.
Sunday, October 3rd 2010
I had the ANI sisters over at mine and it was like the old times.
12.noon-10.30pm– I worked all day and when I got home, I couldn’t write Memoirs.
I was trying to force myself to sleep while paying “Obianuju” when my phone rang…
Voice: Chibuzor o, Papa Ada…