Loving until it hurts.

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“I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt but only more love” – Mother Teresa

God knows I love this woman but this quote, I don’t agree with, WHY???  Because I feel love is something that shouldn’t hurt at all. When you get to the point that it hurts, what comes next is tolerance. This is the stage where you get irritated by everything your partner does.

I know this all sounds like garbage, so I’d explain how I think you can love someone to the extent that it hurts you….

Basically, like everything in life, you can only get disappointed if you were actually expecting something.

So lets put a relationship in context; On different occasions we begin to think that we love our partners more than they love us (in my opinion, there isn’t a problem with that because most definitely, you two cant love each other the same way).

This happens because we do some things that we expect them (our partners) to do in return but they end up not doing.

For example, you follow your boyfriend/husband to go watch a football game (even though you don’t like it) but then because he doesn’t go with you the following week to a fashion show you begin to feel hurt. *But really, A FASHION show* …

This continuous habit of thinking the other person just doesn’t want to reciprocate your love, is what gets you fed up of a perfectly normal relationship.

The best way to have a good relationship without feeling unwanted is:
1.    Expect Nothing, so you never get disappointed
2.    Give everything, without thinking of what you are going to get back



My name is Danyel Onkar but pronounce that as FHANTHOM… I welcome you to my little corner as I make sure essence meets presence. I’m here every Friday so feel free to drop in… The doors will be open. Just incase you have made the cyber upgrade from facebook to twitter: Follow moi @fhanthom…. Shikena


  1. Nice tips,I agree with you totally.people love with their eyes closed.the tips mentioned above are realistic,people should take note.

  2. i once hav lovd a girl but we were not engaged. even if i declared myself and i could see that she would take me, i didnt go further coz it was so huge that i did mistakes over mistakes lik a small boy. but i dont complain, when i’m in love i ask for nothing in return not even loving me back. some call me weird…

    Sent on a phone using T9space.com

  3. Love just gets me twisted and I really don’t seem to like d word again. Maybe its overrated,I always want her to love me back! But she loves sumone else,den just wen I back out she is all up n abt me! Wtf! And now am single again. But lemme ask u,hw wuld u give n nt expect sumtin in return?
    So why do we work so hard if nt for the paycheks?
    And why was d guy who culd nt multiply his 1 talent in d bible labelled d BAD GUY?
    Kinda complex I say….

    1. Oliver the truth is, when you love sumfin you do it witout thinking of what the returns would be like… When i pick up my pen to write, i do it for the ppl that are gonna read it.. and not how much im gonna earn from it… So if i am in love with someone,it is ideal for her to love me in return, but my loving her doesn’t depend on her loving me…. P.s this is just my 2pence

  4. i expect nthing in rturn bcoz i cant. force her. i cant put a gun on her head and shout love me back. if she doesnt want, she wont. no i just stay there and my feelings make my happiness. if she gives nting back i just change. there is so many person to love out there. im simple and before u ask if i really knw what im talking about, yes i knw what love is.

    Sent on a phone using T9space.com

  5. ‘no i just stay there and my feelings make my happiness’ now that’s some weird ish! We all want something back!! if u can bask in d euphoria of your feelings*now seriously? What’s that?** its d reciprocation of your affection that makes you all hyped up&wanna do more..
    I couldn’t agrEe more with oliver_ we all ask for more!
    We love, not so we could be loved back( Because let’s face it love just happens) but having d other partner love us back could sure put some balance in d relationship….

  6. oh yes u written it all..we always expect sumn from our patners all d time..especially girls thats why we end up hurting ourselves wen d guy in question really doesnt mean any harm.. well thanks for d tips.. i wud rili need it for my next relationship… 🙂 gud article as usual…

  7. Love is not sweet or complete when it is not reciprocated, I love my girl so so much its been more than a year and things start to change.

    I feel she takes certain things for granted because she feels we own each other but that dosent work for me I need to be constantly remembered of what we share the early morning calls the sms chat! All those reduced and she claimms the love is not reducing!

    Love really does hurt to me!

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