I love watching the series How I met your mother. Barney Stinson is my favourite character, with all his funny theories like his lemon law for women and the hot-crazy scale. You’ve just got to love such a man-whore complete with his deeply hidden sensitivities and abandonment issues.
There’s an interesting theory that evolves in Episode 13 of season 5, that every relationship has a Reacher and a Settler, with the Settler obviously having the upper hand in the relationship. ‘Coz frankly, the Reacher will never leave the Settler; he has landed such a good thing he’d be out of his mind to throw it away. (Paraphrased)
When I first heard it, I laughed and dismissed it; because I know lots of couples that neither one is reaching nor settling. Till I realised that settling is in the mind sometimes. If you allow yourself to believe even for an instant that maybe you are not worth being with whoever and that person can do better, then you are soooo the Reacher, even if people looking in from outside cant sense it.
Alas, me as someone with a smidgeon of control issues, I decided to give the Reacher- Settler theory a twirl this weekend. I ignored my checklist (everyone’s got one) and I gave someone I had crossed off the list a second chance. The guy had been persistent enough so I rationalised and figured he’d be one short step from kissing my feet. Plus, maybe I had over-exaggerated his shortcomings in my mind and maybe I, Miss Fix-it could somehow work my magic and “redeem” him…. FAIL.
Got news for you, it’s a crappy move. But then, what did I really expect? Deluded me, considering advice from a TV show.
Yes, the feeling of control is wonderful and I must confess, I really took the piss the whole evening. Problem is; why would you want to be out with someone that you first have to figure the least likely place that you’d be seen at? And all through, you keep writing a mental note of all the things you wish he’d stop doing or that you’d get round to changing. Biggest problem with settling for me though is that I’m too beautiful both inside and out to settle.
So, away with the foolishness, I’ve got my checklist and I’m not afraid to use it.