Settling down or just Settling?

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I love watching the series How I met your mother. Barney Stinson is my favourite character, with all his funny theories like his lemon law for women and the hot-crazy scale. You’ve just got to love such a man-whore complete with his deeply hidden sensitivities and abandonment issues.

There’s an interesting theory that evolves in Episode 13 of season 5, that every relationship has a Reacher and a Settler, with the Settler obviously having the upper hand in the relationship. ‘Coz frankly, the Reacher will never leave the Settler; he has landed such a good thing he’d be out of his mind to throw it away. (Paraphrased)

When I first heard it, I laughed and dismissed it; because I know lots of couples that neither one is reaching nor settling. Till I realised that settling is in the mind sometimes. If you allow yourself to believe even for an instant that maybe you are not worth being with whoever and that person can do better, then you are soooo the Reacher, even if people looking in from outside cant sense it.

Alas, me as someone with a smidgeon of control issues, I decided to give the Reacher- Settler theory a twirl this weekend. I ignored my checklist (everyone’s got one) and I gave someone I had crossed off the list a second chance. The guy had been persistent enough so I rationalised and figured he’d be one short step from kissing my feet. Plus, maybe I had over-exaggerated his shortcomings in my mind and maybe I, Miss Fix-it could somehow work my magic and “redeem” him…. FAIL.

Got news for you, it’s a crappy move. But then, what did I really expect? Deluded me, considering advice from a TV show.

Yes, the feeling of control is wonderful and I must confess, I really took the piss the whole evening. Problem is; why would you want to be out with someone that you first have to figure the least likely place that you’d be seen at? And all through, you keep writing a mental note of all the things you wish he’d stop doing or that you’d get round to changing. Biggest problem with settling for me though is that I’m too beautiful both inside and out to settle.

So, away with the foolishness, I’ve got my checklist and I’m not afraid to use it.

Miss K

Miss K

An engineer by day, writer by night. I'm a bunch of contradictions. Both the liberal and the conservative; the silly child and the prim & proper lady. Welcome to the reflections of my cynical mind and open heart as I ponder living the gidi life, my adopted city. Viva la Las Gidi!!!


  1. Saw that episode 2 nd it sure got me thinking…its amazin how must relationships follow that reacher-settler pattern… I had to even look deep at mine…hmmm I was blown away.
    Nice writing

  2. The theory of the reacher and settler might be true but I really think it applies to relationships that aren’t founded on love. If a husband truly loves his wife, he should think the world of her and he may occasionally ponder about how lucky he is to have won her love especially when he knows she could have had anyone else. I doubt that makes him a reacher, it should just make the relationship stronger and his wife may think the same once in a while…. It’s just something we do as humans, we underestimate ourselves sometimes, thinking how we were really able to achieve certain goals buh I think it makes us appreciate things more. Occasionally thinking my wife could have been with someone better but remembering she chose me only makes me HAPPY. Seriously the theory is just kick for relationships that aren’t serious or probably physical. OMG!!! This is a mouthful….. buh it’s my opinion K 🙂

  3. Relationships r bout giving & taking, I don’t really agree with the reacher settler thing, I guess u both have your weaknesses and ur strengths, so u mite settle in 1 area and reach in anothern what do u think miss k?

  4. I totally agree with Bruv. Some people do settle as u say, but most relationships are built on compromises which involves giving and taking.
    I am yet to meet a woman who doesn’t have something she doesn’t want to change about her partner. Married or otherwise.
    No one can never meet all that’s on your checklist. Otherwise, they would be perfect and we all know perfect doesn’t exist. One just has to figure out what you can live with and what you can’t.

    Hasta luego Chica

  5. well relationship work when the two people involved at each time takes the positions that make them get productive and move up in love…Reacher or settler…whatever just have a good life…Miss use your checklist with caution…Don’t compromise the non-negotiable traits(say is he financially capable, is he inteligent, can he impregnate a lady…laughs)
    But be willing to give some slacks, you haven’t got it all yourself!!!MY OPINION!!!!

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