MEMOIRS OF A SLU…shhKID: WK20 (Contd)

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Okay, before we go further with Memoirs, I’d like to clear certain things.  Some people come here trying to find out how the stories tally or what I missed from the last time….that’s why, it’s just MY MEMOIRS and not my day job so I really don’t have to pay attention to details. I write it as I “ remember ” them.

Some people come here to judge the characters, calling them all sorts of names. Thank you for your concern but quit playing the Judge.

Read the rules and you don’t have to believe the stories or the content of the diary but more importantly, you don’t have to read it. ** venting over*

Monday, September 20th 2010 (Cont.)

Dear Diary,

So during the day, I was busy tweeting about the Lady in Yellow Bikini asking for anybody with information on her to step forward. I tweeted so hard that I was forced to tweet her picture.

The picture worked ‘cos my informant “BBed” me her twitter handle.  I enlarged her but I wasn’t so sure if she was the one so I didn’t even tweet @ her.  I tried so hard and nothing was forthcoming until I asked for her house address to enable me send her flowers and that DID it… few minutes later, someone DMed me her house address but when I asked for her name to address the flowers, I was told she said I should “address it to the house help”.  Well, I got the address and I figured a “drive by” everyday at the house would one day pay off.

I was so tired when I got to Ice Cream factory. Seated at some table was @vivrantThing with a friend, I said hi and went to a corner to sit.

I was chilling when she walked in and I couldn’t believe my eyes… Like “I spent the entire day looking for her and she just walked in free of charge”.

I was confused for a bit and didn’t know how she would react, so I decided to take it a bit to secondary school so I tore a piece of paper and dropped her some lines…

“ Dear Ms Yellow B,
I can’t believe my eyes that we are sitting in the same room.
I asked of you throughout today and my close friends kept you away from me.
I asked for your address and I was asked to send “the stuff” to *******
I‘m too shy to talk to you at the moment.  Maybe, I should just leave you in my other world or maybe not.
This is so cool…like OMG kinda cool”

I folded the paper, walked over to her table and handed it over to her. I wasn’t sure what her reaction would be but I had 2 options, (1) wait for her reply or (2) wait for her slap. Few minutes later, her friend came through with a reply from her.

I can’t share her reply here because I know she will not like it but then we exchanged couple of notes and one eventually came with bbpin. I was not sure of what to do so I offered to drop her at home and she asked to promise, “I would be a gentle man” .

Dear All, that night, I had LYB in my car and I took her home. We got to her house, stayed a bit in the car and got to know each other a lot better.

LYB is different, she leaves her nails unpainted but neatly cut. Her eyes will instantly make you shy. She’s a doctor and totally a wife material.

I drove home playing Lagbaja’s “Never far away” and BBming LYB.

Friday, September 24th 2010

Dear Diary,

7.00pm
Work was over and all I could think about was Ice Cream. I drove straight from Ikeja to Ice Cream factory.

8.50pm
I was kukuma and jejely having my Ice Cream when the text came in “Nobs, I’m in town. Wia r u? T”.

I didn’t have to think twice to know who sent the text. I thought Tiffany was joking when she said she was coming into town to tidy up arrangement on the flat she got with her BF @1004.

So I replied, “Ice Cream factory chilling. Scoping ice cream from a plate when I can eat it off your body and offer you some with NUTS”.

I was hoping she would drive through but her reply said it all “Riding home with the owner of the property, noffin for the thief tonight. I’ll see you on Sunday since you would be busy with your pool party on Saturday. Please no calls tonight” and then another text came in from her “Guess what I saved your number as? Chibuzor Agent”.

I shook my head for her and replied: “I just found an apartment. I want to move into the house in-between your legs”.  I didn’t get a response.

On my way out, I walked by someone that looked exactly like Slim and my memories of her flashed through my mind.

(Flash back)
Slim and myself stopped feeling so friendly at a point and when I couldn’t trace the origin I gave up trying. I still think I messed it up somehow. Maybe the Memoirs spoilt the friendship we had or maybe I said something wrong but for some reason, we stopped seeing each other like before.

About 3 Fridays ago, we got chatting on BBM and agreed to meet in Ikeja for an early dinner. I worked late, was tired and called her on my way home. I did everything right apart from the fact that I only called her when I was already on the Island, that pissed her off and we had a mini phone fight.

The following day, I called her to ask her if she would love to make peace over Ice Cream at Ice Cream factory, She said cool but I would have to come get her from Ikeja.

The day was spent assisting on Wizkid’s video shoot, a date with Tiffany at Ice Cream factory. Few minutes after Tiffany left Ice Cream Factory, Slim came through with her date (I took this off memoirs cos I was jealous for no particular reason).

We hugged and held on tight; she asked me my family and all. We spent so much time talking to each other while totally ignoring her date. We agreed to see sometime to catch up but that never happened…I miss Slim.

Present day..
I drove over to Tribeca to conclude arrangement on the 360nobs pool party. Home was the only thing on my mind so I drove straight home.

Saturday, September 25th 2010

Dear Diary,

10.00am
I was awakened by a call from my friend, Nuella, who informed me that she was in town for a photo of some sort and would like to drop by the Pool party later in the day.

10.40am
Buppa came through to the house to get me so we could go get some water gun from The Game. I was sad spending so much on mere water guns while my mates in Abia State are kidnapping peeps with the real thing. One man’s house girl is another man’s kele.

Pool party was a blast but I’m still trying to understand why people come to pool parties looking pretty? Like all dressed up and things?

3 babes stood out in special ways:
One was wearing an oversized bikini and from the sides of the panties the veejays wasn’t looking so pretty.

The other was dressed in bikini and all but she was “leaking” and didn’t want to swim. Correct me again, people leak? Like GP tanks?

The last girl had lace front wig and for that, I had to stop her from going into the Pool. I’m CEO of #Teamsaynotolacefrontwig.

Nuella came through as promised with Ere. It was so cool seeing home girl.

Special thanks to Buppa, Pamboogie and Buchi.

I was red eyed but that didn’t stop me from going for LYB’s house birthday party. She wasn’t expecting me so she was totally happy (I think) to see me. She offered me cake and Coke.

Drove over to Base Lounge for drinks with the Choc Boys, Nuella, Tari, Bims and Ere. Fun times.

I was still handing at Base when the text came in “Nobs, I’m moving into a hotel in your estate tomorrow. Keep your night open”. Believe me, my boxers grew bigger from one side. I replied, “I’ll have the entire day open. Will you be willing to keep some places open too?” I waited for her reply and when it came it read, “My window curtain MIGHT be open”.

Peeps, believe me I thought about different things and for a minute I was scared.

Tiffany is not a small girl and if she’s ever going to DO me, I wouldn’t want her to regret it by performing below expectations. I considered Alomo bitters with Koko garri. I thought about leaving liquid out of my food the entire following day that way all the liquid in my body will solidify and it would take me time to c*m thereby leading to a long and solid performance.

I went to bed with the shape of Tiffany’s ass on my mind.

Sunday September 26th, 2010

Dear Diary,

4.00pm
Drove over to LPM to support Nuella with her photo shoot  (Dude, I hope I get mentioned in your credits. Some girl said she saw me at LPM carrying dress for one madam) and on my way home, I called Tiffany.

Nobs: Yo

Tiffany: What’s up? Where are you?

Nobs: On my way to the estate.

Tiffany: Pass through the hotel

Nobs: Text add.

She sent the address and I stopped over for few minutes but she wouldn’t let me touch her cos she claimed that BF would be stopping over. She went further to tell me that she had to move into a hotel cos BF’s mum came and won’t like the idea of them sleeping together since they weren’t married.

I stayed a bit and went home to get ready for Tuface’s show.

8.00pm
Tuface had one of the best shows but I think I enjoyed it more cos I was sitting with LYB and Tiffany was seating about two tables away from me. She kept “texting” me asking me not to go home with LYB cos her BF would be dropping her off alone.

Show ended, Dropped LYB off at home, got to my house, grabbed my laptop and waited for signal from Tiffany. 20 minutes later; she sent “Dear Agent, your apartment is ready for inspection”.

I drove over to her hotel and there she was, dressed in the sexiest nightgown. I could totally trace the shape of her nipples with my eyes. We talked for a bit and when I couldn’t hold it any longer I pulled her in for a kiss…
We kissed from one corner of the bed to the other and at some point I pulled her up. I placed her back to the wall and I started kissing her. She pushed me off and asked me to relax.

Tiffany: Nobs, I’m the only one with the right to kiss you or touch you. If you touch me back, it’s over.

Nobs: Cool beans (abi I get choice)

She kissed me, moved from my lips to my nipples and then undressed me. Her lips moved from my nipple to my mouth and then she knelt down. She changed almost everything I thought I knew about standing still. My legs started shaking but I didn’t want to spoil the night with a BJ. I can’t want her this long and now waste it in her mouth. There may not be further opportunities and I was not ready to end it.

I pulled out of her mouth, pushed her to the bed, undressed her but the moment my mouth went close to her belly button, she whispered “Nobs, You can’t give me head. I’m a giver, not a receiver” and with that, she turned me over and I was deep down in her throat. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I put her on all fours and I made her entire body shake. I put in the time meant for Memoirs on that behind.  We slept off at 4am and I woke up 5am to go home to get ready for work.

I was getting dressed when her text came in:
“Home safe? Gonna call you in a min to get up for work. I just wanted to say last night was fun and thanks for showing “Noble in his element”. You are mad cool and I hope we remain great friends. In other words, last night may most likely not happen again. One day for the thief, all other days for the owner…lol have a great day, Nkem.”

Wednesday September 29th 2010

Dear Diary,

It’s 01.05am and Tiff is lying down next to me…

See y’all @ SLU…shh Glam with Qbox @ De Marquee. Holla for your invite

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

38 comments

    1. lol…..@nobleigwe’s dick is HIV resistant, hence no test. I didn’t understand the last part though, she said that she didnt wanna pansh again abi? Then what is she doing there on wednesday???

  1. ℓoℓ you got her in on wednesday too?
    Bad boy 😀
    Love it love it!
    If u thing LYB is cool don’t screw it up oh,
    I think you should take her off the memoirs
    Its your life, and if you want it to mean something, let it stay private ok hun

  2. I thought about that too.
    This may be her only appearance.
    I thought it would be cool to let peeps know that my search for her was eventful

  3. This is a really funny one,been crackin up all day!love the whole ish man..BTW,need an invite for the GLAM Event! Ardent Reader…@shizzlemanizzl

  4. Nobs!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Try and make an effort on your relationship with Slim..
    You know real friends are pretty hard to find these days…
    So its safe to assume that LYB is the one then! hehehe

    Meanwhile I saw pictures of your ABE in Thisday style, I saw an Ada is that our Ada?

  5. Bad ass! Sometyms ladies only say sturvs like dt to eida convince demselves or appear mysterious…’Giver not a receiver’…thumbs up!

  6. Dear Chibuzor, u probably tink dis is all entertainment but remember ‘we'(readers) we’ve got notin 2 lose cause we r all anonymous. Ur identity is well known 2 us. We all r avin fun 4rm d Misery u call a life. Like som1 said here, dis grls r nt classy enuf n u proud narrating ur escapades wit dem( all d riff raffs). Don’t u knw dat wen dis readers c u 2moro, they’ll hail u of course. But deep down in their hearts they knw ur no man of substance. Go ahead, tell ur stories while we enjoy d mess u’ve made out of ur life. Whether u end up being successful in d future, u will never av any respect, self worth n dignity. Ur Ma will shed tears of blood, d day she’ll stumble on2 dis blog

    1. Chei Anti Nobs…coolu down biko. Yes, I too cringe when I read some of the stories. I cringe for the girls really and not Nobs, we know how society is…he won’t marry any of his keles but a fine damsel will marry him (prob a virgin even)…that’s just the way of the world (not just Naija). Every last one of them know that their tales will end up on his public diary. Ms. LYB knew that too thats why she kept things the way she did. Yes, Nobs could do without shagging everything that entices him but he does and we accept and love him for who he is. We all have our little corner corner-ness.
      I don’t know Buzor personally but he seems like he is a really cool cat and my prayer is that he finds a nice girl who can look past his past. I also pray that he will get over this lifestyle one day. In no way can I come on here and throw stones, in God’s eyes, his kpanshing everything that walks and my lies are on the same level. Don’t be so judgmental 😉

  7. Nobs, what is going on with Ada nowwwwww…we need h’an h’update. O and thanks for updating on time/as promised. Dalu sooo for not letting your people down this week. All the best and stay safe.

  8. Noble Noble!!! interesting piece.u know its not that bad,ur life. so far ive counted shirls,biola,slim,tiffany,lyb,ada i think that should be all right? ur aii.some guys fuck a different chic Everyday. ur ok jo, dont mind all these HATERS! Enjoy…but true talk, Aids no dey show 4face be careful lol. just friendly advice.

  9. Nah… i just call him my ‘Nkem’ 🙂
    can’t believe you put this up Noble…
    Thanks for ‘paraphrasing’ and ‘summarising’ our sins…
    *runs away*

  10. @tiffany stop calling him Nkem jor, i am the only one allowed to call him dat oooooooo

    nice one nobs, keep d memoirs coming we luv!!!!!

  11. Dear Chibuzor, u probably tink dis is all entertainment but remember ‘we'(readers) we’ve got notin 2 lose cause we r all anonymous. Ur identity is well known 2 us. We all r avin fun 4rm d Misery u call a life. Like som1 said here, dis grls r nt classy enuf n u proud narrating ur escapades wit dem( all d riff raffs). Don’t u knw dat wen dis readers c u 2moro, they’ll hail u of course. But deep down in their hearts they knw ur no man of substance. Go ahead, tell ur stories while we enjoy d mess u’ve made out of ur life. Whether u end up being successful in d future, u will never av any respect, self worth n dignity. Ur Ma will shed tears of blood, d day she’ll stumble on2 dis blog

  12. Anti-Nobs firstly its obvious u don’t av style cos us stole my name Anti-Nobs I came up with that name for positive reasons though it might sounds odd, now u are using it for negative reasons I know u, Nobs I think this is same guy that’s twittering all those rubbish abt u introducing u to this dairy stuff, there is nothing wrong in u setting up ur own dairy Mr Anti-real, the problem is no one will check site cos it will be boring cos u are already are.

  13. First of all, names r nt restricted 2 one person. I can use wateva name watsoeva dat pleases me and secondly am nt a hater, I enjoy his memoirs. But sometimes I can’t help pitying him. Ur nt a good frnd

  14. Whether real or concocted this was some straight up Mills N Boons Skinemax soft porn! Ha but its so funny too! Nobs I hear you are a naughty individual and I’m totally believing it. Keep writing sha, this is my guilty pleasure. 🙂

  15. Read the Dairy and freaking shut the fuck up or get smacked the fuck up…I mean,B.S! It isn’t rocket science now,if all’o ths shit is offensive t’u.. DON’T COME HERE AGAIN!ToZo!!!

  16. Bravo…u r on a roll o…saw u at the tuface show..was almost coming to collect an autograph but fear grip me..will b bck nxt week..PS antinobs pls jump into d nearest pit

  17. wew….i`m like, damn, guess i need to pay BIS after ma exams after-all, missed 2 wks,..and hey, i need an invite to one of ur exclusive parties, i`ll get one, even if it means bothering and “Anti-Nobling” you on twitter and every other plz…by the way, Nice piece

  18. pls stop hating on Nobs! if u cant stand his memoirs, den dont get on ere and condemn! not by force. love ur memoirs nobs. still think u should rekindle wiv slim, seems level headed enuf, as 4 lyb dont be too hasty… take it slow. not all dat glitters is gold.

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