MEMOIRS OF A SLU…shhKID: WK17

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Good morning beautiful people.

Are you new here…you need to read the RULES before you embark on this journey. And our good old constant reading public……you know what to do.

Friday, September 3rd 2010

Dear Diary,

It’s September already and I don’t know if am really ready for Christmas yet.

Christmas in Igbo land is not beans and unlike Giddi where popping champers can earn you a little respect, in Igbo land we ask “Erm how many cartons can you finishi?” and no, you earn your respect with “Ihe di gi n’akpa and the number 4 storey building in your name.”

It’s actually funny that sometimes parents are judged by the success of their children. The more successful your children are, the more respect you gain at the Age grade/town hall meeting.

This year I plan to travel with my fiancée but the problem is “who?”.  I can decide to make my mum happy by getting engaged to Ada. Yes, she’s a good girl and all but going by the feedback on memoirs so far, some of you are of the opinion that I should get to know her better.

I must also confess that I’ve been seeing Shirls on the reg and everyday she moves deeper into the space she created in my heart. She knows how to get to a man’s heart cos she called me few days back to inform me “she was learning how to prepare Ofe Akwu and would be coming around on Sunday to prepare it”.

Biola on the other hand is not interested in spending the rest of herself with me, she’s only interested in making sure she leaves no semen strength in me for whomever that plans to marry and I ain’t complaining.

Anyways, this whole Christmas and getting hooked story should wait until December.

8.00am-Office

Immediately I pulled into the parking lot I saw her car parked and instantly knew I was going to have a nice day admiring her.

It’s official I’m crushing on my colleague and even though It’s against my principle I really can’t help this one or maybe I don’t just want to.

12.06am-Marquee

I was home chilling when I got the signal from the ABE boys to head out to Marquee.

Have you noticed that sometimes it’s fun to just stand and watch? Clubbing could be defined as loads of uncoordinated activities happening in the same spot with support from a DJ, No?

Okay how do you explain 4 guys dancing together without a single lady in their mist or the 3 FAT big boned chics sitting by the bar drinking ONE glass of long Island dissing every slim girl in sight or the 4 ladies sitting down checking out all the girls in the club. You can only notice these activities if you stand aside and watch but when you’re involved, you are simply clubbing.

Henny and Vodka came through with a friend and together we all joined @Funms, @estaNOLA, Nneka & ………….

We ordered ABE style…

and the night started.

I’ve always said some BOs are just plain rude. They introduce themselves before you meet their “owners” and they stay a lil bit longer than their “owners”.

We were chilling and drinking until Tuface’s “Implication” came on. Everybody stood up; immediately she raised her hands it hit my face “gbosa” and my flute slipped from my hands. It did not stop at that, “it” went round like the bullet in the final part of “Wanted” and “killed” everybody on the table. We all took it in like adults but when the DJ played “All I do is win” we all avoided her side.

3.00pm-Auto Lounge

I’ve always said the Auto Lounge is an adult club and it does not matter if you go to the gym or not cos no one will notice. The bigger the stomach, the richer you are perceived to be.

Once inside, the auntie that had her “garri” pouring greeted me.

Talking “garri” what happened to “Shimmy” (I hope that’s that correct spelling) that ladies used to wear in those days. It comes in milk white and black with some fine trimmings at the bottom. Those days seeing somebody’s panties is usually a long process because it will take you months to see the shimmy and more month to see the pants. Those days, you will have to switch off the lights before sex and doggy was considered a sin. Everything has changed now and some girls do not even know what a missionary style is, it’s now a 3 way process (1) Go for his fly; ( 2) undress him and yourself; (3) Go on and all fours.

3.30pm

A bit under the influence with sleep on my mind, I left Auto Lounge and went home alone.

I had a good time and was happy to Buch.

Saturday, September 4th 2010

Dear Diary,

11.00am

Woke up and it was raining. Buzzed Tari to remind her of our 360Chat with Ikechukwu AKA Killz.

I might have slept off cos the phone woke me up

Nobs: Hey

Ada: Buzor, Kedu Nkem?

Nobs: Odinma

Ada: Kedu ebe ino?

Nobs: Home

Ada: Gina onye?

Nobs: huh?

Ada: Not that. I’m just asking na

Nobs: I’m alone

Ada: Have you eaten?

Nobs: No, but I’ll eat when I wake up

Ada: Okay. Buzor, guess what?

Nobs: You are in Lagos?

Ada: Mbanu. Okay. You know this Public holiday of next week. I’m coming to Lagos to spend it with you. I’m so happy.

Nobs: Okay but I have an event in Abuja ooooo. That’s my SLU…shh event.

Ada: Ubosi one?

Nobs: From Friday to Sunday

Ada: I’ll come with you na. I’ve not been to Abuja before and it would be great to experience first with you. Biko, Nkem.

Nobs: Hmmmm. I really don’t have so much money now. Why don’t we leave it for next time?

Ada: Buzor, I want to go and I’ll bring some money. Mama gave some money that last time that I was meant to come to Lagos.  I have a feeling you don’t like me again.

Nobs: Okay what day are you coming?

Ada: Nna, iwe ona ewe gi

Nobs: Mba

Ada: I’ll come on Thursday

Nobs: Okay. We’ll work something out.

Ada: I’m so happy. I heard Abuja is like abroad.

Nobs: Yep.

Ada: Nna, are we still going abroad before Christmas?

Nobs: Ghana?

Ada: Yes na

Nobs: We’ll talk about it when you come.

Ada: Is there anything you want me to bring for you? I even bought you Unizik writing pad for your meetings.

Nobs: Thanks love.

Ada: Buzor, be calling me ooo.

Nobs: I will, Nne.

Ada: Ehe, I’ll also take one of your pictures when I come. My roommates want to see you. I’ve told everybody sef. One of them said I should ask you to buy me a Blackberry phone. Is it nice?

Nobs: Not really. It’s just there.  I’ll get you the new Nokia handset. Don’t be mixing with corrupt girls ooo.

Ada: Okay, Nkem.  I love you.

Nobs: same here

Ada: bye bye

I really don’t want her to get her hands on a BB and somehow end up on 360nobs. One thing is for sure, the day Ada gets to know about my memoirs, is the same day I’ll have to pull down the entire memoirs from week 1.

This Abuja trip with her is another thing altogether.

4.00pm

Buzzed Tari to let her know I was heading out to the venue of the 360chat with Killz (btw you can read Tari’s blog at www.tariere.blogspot.com).

Sauce was in the house with Killz and I listened to stuff off his soon to be released mix tape.

The interview was a blast.

8.00pm-Bungalows

Headed out to Bungalows to meet with S for a drink.

Chilled a bit and off to Zamunda for Waje’s birthday party with N.

Left Zamunda for Marquee to see big sis and then back to Zamunda.

11:05pm

Got a BBM from Shirls

Shirls: Hey, Nobs

Nobs: Hey baby

Shirls: Where are you?

Nobs: Zamunda

Shirls: Are you hanging out tonight?

Nobs: Should we?

Shirls: Should I come and meet you?

Nobs: Yes

And the “yes” was not delivered until 12.03am. EmteeN messed up my night by talking service away from my phone.

12: 03am

Shirls: It took you an hour to respond

Nobs: I didn’t have network. Can you still come?

Shirls: It’s late but let me call a cab

Nobs: Should I send one?

Shirls: Is not that serious jor

Nobs: Call one

Shirls: It’s late. Let’s leave it for tomorrow.

Nobs: Okay baby.

I went home straight to sleep.

Sunday, September 5 2010

Dear Diary,

10.00am

I really planned to go to church today but somehow I over slept. I prayed for forgiveness and went to the kitchen to search for food.

Some visitors came through and I went back to my room to continue the sleep. Whoever invented bed, deprived mankind some productive hours.

8.00pm

Went to Ice Cream factory for a meeting to discuss SLU…shh All Black Everything II. If you don’t know about SLU…. shh, click on this link to see pictures of the previous SLU…shh All Black Everything.

This Saturday, we are shutting down Abuja for SLU…shh. Starting with a pre-SLU…shh pool party during the day and All Black Everything at night.

9.00pm

Drove over to Bungalows to meet up with S and @bubusn for a brief meeting.

10.00pm

You know what they say about taking care of you cos nobody can love you more.

I decided to pamper myself with Ice Cream and things. I bought, I ate and I slept off.

@Swaggwindy, if you are reading this, please get well soon.

It was a holy weekend.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

40 comments

  1. OMG…Ada is going to Abuja…and u r not serious o….she should not miss with corrupt girls…LMAO…take her along thou…should be an opportunity for u to see the real her..
    Oh…and ur weekend was really a holy one….nice work…

  2. …And Nobs had a holy weekend!!! Pigs must av started flying smwhere on the island…lmao. Nice read as always. Its become my monday morning ritual. Good job!

  3. You best buy her the BB or else, one of her friends will first Google you and then show her your memoirs!
    Take her to Abuja, get some alcohol in her and let’s see how it goes

  4. Love the way adas bb request was discharged
    Nobz, I wnt to come for the all black everything
    Biko. What do I tell my wife?

  5. Y do I get d feelin dt ada knws more dn she’s lettin out?…”One of them said I should ask you to buy me a Blackberry phone. Is it nice?”…indeed! Dis gurl is a smooth operator!lmaol!

  6. hmm…ur weekend was too quiet o, but we’ll let it slide cos ur SLU…shh party shud be jampacked :p…. btw erm..sorry abt the whole ada thing cos I can just imagine her by ur side throughout…with her not knowing anyone n all. But it’ll be fun for her and she’ll also get to see the real Nobs and what his life is like…..n whether she wants to get into all of it or not!

    Have a great week….xx

  7. Enjoyed today’s read. Hey Nobs, i will in Abuja in time for your Slu-ssh party, but unfortunately I don’t know anybody in Abj and I wouldn’t like to turn up to a party by myself. What’s the scene like at PLAY, are people friendly?

  8. Oh dear! I laffd so hard in d office za boss sent 4 mi, haba nwanemm.. tots is from corrupt girls…d excuses in dis world ehnn is not a small thing…Ada is d woman 4 u once she unlocks ur code..ur finished.

  9. Ada to Abuja … I cant wait to see this !! hope i am not in Lag this weekend … Pool Party ?? Hope its an indoor pool . its been raining like MAD here

  10. LMAO!!! Ada said she wants BB Nobs told her its corrupt girls that are talking to her…LMAO! I don die!!! U wont kill me o! Take her to Buj tho and observe her from a distance…let her play hehehe

  11. Aha,okwa. Obelle ike e nwelu,ka gi na ada choro ka unu ga kwobie. Shirl will know o,cos she will be dere and be rest assured ada’s omata is unavailable dis weekend dats why she wants to be wit u. Chai umuzik.
    Sorry I missed our appointment,tot u will put it up? Bt I am up for sluush. Ojemba Nwanyi ekenem!

  12. Men this Ikechukwu boy ugly no be small oh, dude needs some collagen or something in that dry face, and Tariere seems to be staring and him in a slightly pervy way.

    You had a quiet one this weekend I see, are there other places to go in Lagos though? It just seems like you end up at the same places every weekend.

  13. Chai…don’t buy her a bb ooo, nd aspa sending ur picture hmm…if she has friends dt knw u nko?? if u still one to kip her u gotta b careful…wat she doesnt knw cannot hurt!!!…some holy week am sure next week will pay for it!!!

  14. Good one ds week o mr nobs..wetin ada wan use bb do…I hope u intend on talkng her for shoppng wen she arrives o…make she no go tie wrapper go ur party..

  15. haha.. good read. and yea. i sneak in here often to catch whats going on. Ada pretty much sounds like a good girl you get to know. and Shirls.. sounds like my kind of girl.

    side-note: Students Circle Network – http://bit.ly/c0gkIq has finally launched in United States. kindly drop a review. and did we mention we are partnering with 360nobs?

  16. no be only blackberry, na iphone 4!
    Guy it’s only a matter of time before she finds out about ur memoirs. You can virtually google out any person’s name … With amazing results.

  17. Noble oooooo… E ga egbu madu o! Chei! This week was holy indeed… Nice. Wish I could be at slu…shh all black everything, e dey pain me eh. Keep it up

  18. lol…its funny how u make ada looks like she is a “village” girl n is out of touch, U beta be careful cos she might just suprise u. Plus make sur u treat her well this wkend, looks like she deserves it. nice read as usual!

  19. i might be wrong, but does Ada sound like the daftest of ’em all. no village girl is like dat o, especially not one in Uni…something’s not right here. we will go abroad(Ghana)..no be only Ghana, Bakassi nko?

  20. i totally agree with fuckface i tink this girl is tryin to play smart oo, who doesnt knw about a BB in dz life ehen?? she is in d uni for cryin out loud..dt ha friend dt told her bout it probably uses one or has told ha wat it looks like so why is she tryin to play d am-an-innocent-girl game abeg abeg abeg!!!!jst let ha knw u r nt dumb oo, and b careful..dt girl is too good to be true!!!

  21. ADA ATTEND NNAMDI AZIKIWE UNIVERSITY ABI?

    But she has never seen a BB before and is awed at Abuja looking like abroad. Mscheewwww…

    Is she a village girl or a university undergraduate? NOBODY has blackberry in Nnamdi Azikiwe Uni abi? Thats why she has only heard but never seen one.. and the people in her school that reside in Abuja have made her think it looks like abroad abi?

    Mscheewww. Even correct village girl wey never entire university, talkless secondary school, will not talk likt that

  22. ADA ATTENDS NNAMDI AZIKIWE UNIVERSITY ABI?

    But she has never seen a BB before and is awed at Abuja looking like abroad. Mscheewwww…

    Is she a village girl or a university undergraduate? NOBODY has blackberry in Nnamdi Azikiwe Uni abi? Thats why she has only heard but never seen one.. and the people in her school that reside in Abuja have made her think it looks like abroad abi?

    Mscheewww. Even correct village girl wey never entire university, talkless secondary school, will not talk like that

  23. Nobs, Ada seems really bush,clingy and irritating. You also need to realise that not all of us understand igbo.

  24. ehm… U reallyyyyy should let Ada go. She’s toooooooo naive. She doznt deserve to get mixed up in all ur drama… Nice memoirs. Im sorry im just seeing this

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