MEMOIRS OF A SLU…shhKID: Abuja Special

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Thursday, September 9th 2010 Kissed Tiffany

All my life I’ve never really waited for a public holiday this much. Thursday came and I decided to stay in ALONE.

Started my day with “The Expendables” (Yeah, I’ve got the right ALABA guy). Chaa served me breakfast in bed and I then drove to Dowen college to play the role of UNCLE NOBS to Oluwawizkid for “Holla @ your Boi” video shoot.

On getting to Dowen collage (Emphasis on DOWEN College), I realized the harm skinny jeans and Hitop can cause an adult like me. I totally agree that age is nothing but a number but being ‘hollard at” by lil girls that you’ve seen more panties than they have owned, screams “Nobs, you are old”.

I was still chilling with my new bestie Buch when the DM came in…

Tiffany: Yo, what’s up? Where r you @?

Nobs: I’m in Lekki 1. Need to get my hair cut.

Tiffany: Ice cream factory on my mind. How long will it take you to get here?

Nobs: I can get there for 5

Tiffany: Ok.see you soon.

I got to the Ice Cream and few minutes later Tiffany came through. Immediately, she stepped out of the car in the short gown, I knew there was no way we were going to play ‘Just friends’ for long.  She was looking all sorts of hawtness and all I could think of was eating my Ice Cream off her chest in-between the fair complexioned twins.

We chatted about almost everything but she needed to get to Ikeja and see a friend of hers, so we agreed to meet at Marquee for drinks.


I got to Marquee and there she was wearing the shortest black gown I’ve seen in a while.  Gaddem!!!! “Fresh fish” in Da suspect’s voice.  I said hi to her friend and immediately I sat down her panties winked at me. I don’t know about you but I’ve got something for panties.  VPL might be a fashion no-no but trust me, a lil pant line is sexy and uber cool.

The waiter brought her food and a bottle of coke for me. She fed me a bit of her food. Each spoon broke a bit of our ‘Just friends’ wall and i couldn’t wait to kiss her. I wasn’t sure what her reaction would be but I was ready to take a slap hoping she wouldn’t slap the taste of her lips off my mouth.

The moment came when her friend excused herself to visit the “ladies”. The instant she stepped out of the sight, I went in for the kill.

The reaction was “shock” then “submission” and I didn’t care if there were people looking at us. She was all that mattered to me, at that point.

When we got off each other, the words that came out of her mouth were…

Tiffany: Nobs, we are crossing a boundary and even if I feel something for you, I don’t have the space or time to be with you. Moreover, I have a greedy boyfriend.

Nobs: Tiffany, I don’t wish to steal you completely from him, all I need is a little space and he’s not making use of that space. You would be happier knowing that there’s a ME to cum to each time he pisses you off. Forget what you know, I’m willing to be your Mele.

Tiffany: What’s Mele?

Nobs: The male version of Kele.

Tiffany: Nobs, if we cross this line, we may lose the friendship.

Nobs: Or create a stronger bond. Let’s keep it on the down low.

Tiffany: And call it what?

Nobs: We don’t need to define noffin cos there’s really noffin to define. Let’s just flow.

Tiffany: Let’s think it through.

Nobs: I’ll think better with your lips on mine (Pulled her in for another kiss).


Drove home with Tiffany on my mind wishing I didn’t have to travel to Abuja for SLU…shh.

While trying to force myself to see a movie, I sent her a text.

Nobs: How was it?

Tiffany: No comment. Don’t text while driving…

Nobs: Home already?

Tiffany: Ok, let’s play a game on twitter called “See how far you can code” but you’ll have to unfollow me first.

If you follow me on Twitter, you would’ve realized that most of my recent tweets are just direct messages to Tiffany.

I slept in my t-shirt cos I had her perfume all over it.

Friday, September 10, 2010


When my phone rang the first time, I didn’t want to pick but whoever that was calling didn’t have any plans of stopping. I picked it.

Nobs: Hey

Ada: Buzor, Good morning

Nobs: Kedu? Nka ina akpo n’ututu’a?(How are you? This one that you are calling me this early)

Ada: I’m at the car park and I want to start coming. Will you come and pick me?

Nobs: I don’t understand. Can I call you when I wake up?

Ada: I’m on my way to Lagos for the Abuja travel.

Nobs: (Now fully awake) Nne, we didn’t conclude and I’ve already bought my flight ticket. My Flight is at 10.40 this morning.

Ada: You are joking, right?

Nobs: I don’t get it…

Ada: You made me go all the way to the back this morning and you are now telling me na izuta go ticket gi?

Nobs: Ada, we didn’t really conclude

Ada: Noble, we did.

Nobs: You called me Noble? This must be serious.


Ada: Oburo afa gi? (Is that not your name?)

Nobs: So what do we do now?

Ada: Move your flight. I can’t be come all this way for nothing.

Nobs: I can’t move my flight.

Ada: I wasn’t expecting you to do that. After all, you are going to spend it with more important people. Maybe they are even right. My friends told me there’s no way you won’t have a girlfriend in Lagos. Odizi ka (I’m forcing you).

Nobs: Why are you talking like this?

Ada: because you are making a fool of me right now.

Nobs: Ada????

Ada: Biko, rapu’m aka. (Please leave me alone)

Nobs: I’ll make it up to you, nne

Ada: Don’t bother. Ije Oma. (Safe journey )

Nobs: Ada…(My phone was back on standby mode).

I tried calling her back but she wouldn’t pick. I sent her a text and she didn’t respond.

I did nothing wrong .We didn’t have a plan and she was just taking this piss. I already had meeting planned for in Abuja and I didn’t want to disappoint my partners.


Got into town and observed the SLU…shhkid procedure. The SLU…shhkid procedure is nothing but checking all the keles whose numbers are saved with “abj” at the end. Called a couple to say “I’m in your town”.


I was trying to sleep when my phone rang…

Nobs: hello

Hauwa: Its Hauwa. I just got your text saying you are in Abuja.

Nobs: Hey, I wanted to call you to wish you happy Sallah but your phone was not available.

Hauwa: Aww, that’s so sweet. I’m actually just getting home. Where are you staying?

Nobs: ******* Hotel room 412

Hauwa: I’ll see you in a few minutes

Nobs: okay cool.

About Hauwa

Hauwa is my friend’s cousin but we hadn’t met.  She got my pin off her cousin and we’ve been chatting over a period of time. Most of her profile pictures on BBM had her face covered and as a result I was expecting someone in a robe with her face covered.

I love Abuja for one thing, unlike Lagos when someone says “I’ll see you in 2mins” it would be 2mins and will only cost the person N200.

Few minutes later, I heard a knock on the door and when I opened it, standing before me was a different person from what I was used to RE: BBM profile picture. She walked into the room and that was when I saw the ass. JESU! It took her ass 5seconds to completely follow the body in to the room.

Trust me. I’ve seen so many Hausa girls with “OMG, it’s Boobs” kinda of breast but not with an ass this huge.

We got talking about isshh like “ You look cuter in person” “I hope these Abuja girls didn’t get to you first before me” and at some point we were talking like we’ve known each other for years.

Things were normal until I updated my BBM status with “I need a massage”.

Hauwa: Nobs, I’m with you right here and you are asking the world for a massage?

Nobs: Didn’t want to bother you

Hauwa: You should have asked first…

Nobs: Please give me a massage.

Hauwa: Take off your clothes and lie down

I did as instructed and she started massaging my back, then my neck and somehow her hands got to my nipples. She was massaging my nipples and when I couldn’t hold myself back I gave in to a breathtaking kiss. I went for her ass but I couldn’t cup them perfectly. I took her top and the twins called out to me.

“ Treat us the way Hauwa treated yours”.

I decided to treat them better by sucking them one after the other. She moaned “ Ina son haka”,  “Kana kasha baby” and I replied “Shege”.

It was our first date so we only touched, sucked, kissed but did not eat the main dish.

Happy Sallah, Hauwa.


Headed to Code with my boys to chill before actual clubbing. @Bubusn, @Billionnairaman and few other friends later joined us. The party moved from “Code” to “Aroma” for “Iblend” and then to Aqua where we had the usual Lagos Party.

We ordered ABE style and while we were waiting for our drink, I noticed the Okuko Igbo in the cage beside us. I don’t know what Aqua is thinking but if you must have naked women dancing it makes more business sense to have women that will make people stare, spend time, buy drinks and feel like having s*x not women that would make you Look away, hurry your drink, throw up and go celibate for life.

So this my message to Aqua.

Dear Aqua, you need fine girls, not native fouls. Not girls that work in hair saloon during the day and dance in your club at night. kpom kwem.

For some reason, I couldn’t get Tiffany off my mind throughout the day but I kept in touch with her on my timeline.

The train moved from “Aqua” to “Aristotle”. I can’t remember every bit of our stay at Aristotle but I didn’t wake up alone on Saturday. I woke up and she was naked beside me.

I remember dancing, drinking champers straight from the bottle, putting my fingers into someone.

Peeps, It was a VERY long weekend and I wouldn’t want to miss any part of it. I’ll conclude the diary on Friday.

Stay clicked.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Tat was unfair to ada,the last time i checked u told her it was ok 4 her to come 2 lagos… She seem like a nice girl sha nd 4 tiffany,enjoy it while it lasts.,

  2. Dis is by far ur best week…d hauwa part was so funny…thumbs up my noble,,nd I hope wizkid’s vid lives up to expectation….1st to comment..

  3. I think d fact that Tiffany is ‘unavailable’ makes u want her even more. Fingers crossed til Friday and it had beta be d entire package!*sigh!!*

  4. Nobs u have faithful reader oh!! Before I got the message see all the comment na wah oh. Ike dikwa.
    And the posting not funny still friday? Me no likey..
    Good one bro am sooo proud

  5. Noble why now? After promising Ada she could come to Gidi you burst her bubble, thank God she called before embarking on the journey.:-( Leave her if you don’t want her abegi! It’s not by force. Anyways I’m waiting for pt 3 of the entertainment on Friday.

  6. Mr Noble.
    Told you her friends would become ‘voices in her head’…
    Do the right thing.. let Ada go if you do not want her oh!
    Where is Shirls in all of this… how is she taking the Tiffany part?
    Good read!

  7. whats with the short juicy jists? its just like getting really wet then u notice the guy has the shortest dick ever. neeways interesting story!!cnt wait till friday

  8. Lmao! Ths is a nice strategy to kip us comin bk o! Hisss wots wrng wif ths ada sef abeeegi! Tiffany tuk u off her Tl cuz of her bf o shey u knw nt cuz ur special! Plus wot happnd to shirls n slim n co? Dint ff u fr ur slushh ish?

  9. omg i love dis cant w8 4 friday buahaaaaaahaa!!! lawngg weekend tho…aqua got 2 see dis bloody leuzerzz dat cant think out stuff buh w8 4 PLAY 2 bring out “all black errthng” kmt nd aristotle had 2 b foolish DAKOVA “all yellow errthng” lmfao….meanwhile he looks like a juju boy nd his burn fire lesbo crew…..- love dis ALL HAIL nobs360!brap brap

  10. Em so the friendship with Tiff is about to end. I’m sad because you seem to like her (well to the extent that you can like someone), or maybe its more of the she’s unavailable thing. Tiff is one of those friends that you want to keep around sha, tread softly.
    I say you haven’t met HER yet. The HER that will make Hauwa’s behind “marakunya” and all your Keles not so important anymore.
    Biko Nobs, free Ada’m make she go find another man. Try not to get physical with her or she will really nevvver leave you.

  11. Chi chi chilolo,african chickito number 1! Heheheheeh I’m just reading dis to the end,and for your information,I don’t moan in hausa!

  12. I’ve become quite addicted to your larger than life memoirs and they always crack me up…you obviously had mad fun in abuja but i waited all friday for part II. what happened? or r we talking next friday? and as for Ada…she never really stood a chance…poor girl, don’t be a dog in the manger dear, let her go…

  13. Odogwu umu nwanyi,okwa e hapu na ada na kworie nwa hausa. E na soo nke ya. Pls complete dis story n tell me who u slept wit. Am freakyyy to read!!!

  14. Hmm… from all the tone of comments these days,I see Noble has began filtering the comments.typical 9ja blog BS,bella does the same on her blog and only allows ass kissers to leave comments.what a shame because different reactions adds variety to the website,now it just all seems very fictional and one dimensional.

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