So, my friend Bode (fine, sexy, athletic, chocolate brother) … Anyway as fine he is, cheated on his girlfriend (so sad, he’s still a fine boy tho) with the usual excuse he was drunk at the time (sources reveal that he must have been drunk for two weeks straight). After much begging and pleading, his girlfriend took him back. Two weeks before this, my cousin Yemi was at my place crying her eyes out because she had “something” with some guy and her boyfriend doesn’t even want to talk about it… its over!!
This got me thinking that I have heard guys say that they are naturally wired to stray and these same guys usually would expect their girlfriends to take them back, but among a 100, I think I have heard only a tithe of that say they would take their girlfriends back if she does the same… this thought triggered “The Curious case of Annie”.
From the boardroom to the bedroom, women are breaking free of traditional roles and embracing a newfound independence that makes no apologies for seeking fulfilment outside of a relationship. In a realm once dominated by men, more women are testing the limits of their relationships in search of something better, or in some cases, simply something different (Damn!! I should be female spokesperson). Yet, the female sexual revolution is not without consequences; and Brothers in particular are not always so forgiving. In the midst of my wonder and curiosity, I decided to just ask around among my friends both male and female (for real) to know their thoughts on this issue, so here we go.
Dele admits that “every man has an “ideal” woman in mind when dating. He says “As we choose a sister, we rate them against our checklist,” and that “Faithfulness is always pretty high on the list; it is also non-negotiable.”
While many men readily admit that they have been unfaithful at some point, accepting that betrayal from a woman is often a burdensome, if not insurmountable, and task. “Men are raised to be casual about sex, while women are raised to be chaste,” says Biola, a colleague at work. “So, the issue is not one of infidelity, but of social acceptance. If you are a woman sleeping with another man, not only are you cheating, but you are considered less honourable.”
I think as women we have been conditioned from birth to think that it is our role to make the relationship work, while men have been conditioned to play the field and enjoy a variety of women before settling down. Women, on the other hand, are expected to repress their sexual desires in the name of love. Those who refuse to repress their sexuality are labelled as “fast” or “loose.”
But fewer inhibitions, greater financial and social independence are shifting the balance of power in relationships and prompting women to define what makes them happy. I say it again, as a woman, is not that we are now more prone to cheating, but rather we are recognizing and exploring their options. “Welcome to the Women New Millennia: Brothers we are realizing that we do not have to suffer through not getting their needs met. I think I speak for most girls when I say normally women don’t cheat for cheating’s sake, but rather in response to an emotional need that has not been met.
Now in the course of my poking around, I met Wanita. Wanita sought fulfilment outside of her relationship after growing apart from her ex-boyfriend, who she learned had cheated on her. “I eventually forgave him and remained in the relationship, but it was never the same. Had he learned about my cheating, he would never have forgiven me,” she believes. “Men feel a sense of ownership when it comes to their woman’s body, and they cannot handle their woman giving away what they think belongs to them, but at the time I felt emotionally neglected and taken for granted, and needed someone who appreciated what I had to give”.
It surprises me that even the worst guys have an opinion on this matter. My friend Alex, a player by all encyclopaedic definition says that “Men reward loyalty and we would prefer that whoever we are involved with remain loyal to us. We are very critical of those who betray us”.
Derek my right hand dude reveals that he felt violated after learning his ex-girlfriend had been unfaithful. “Looking back, I realize my role in what she did,” he admits. “But you could do everything right and your woman could still cheat on you.”
Rohit, an Asian at work agrees that his cheating or her cheating is not always something a man can control, if at all. “I’ve seen a lot of sisters who say the same thing that men do: “I cheat because I want variety.”
Ross my boss and recent divorce, admits that he could never look at his ex-partner in the same way after she cheated on him. “I always envisioned her with the other man and wondered if she would do it again,” he admits. “I love women, but I do realize that there are some dishonest ones out there.”
Well, so far this where the people I had the chance and time to talk to and I must say I totally agree with every opinion. Indeed, there are consequences that both parties must accept once infidelity has weakened the bonds of the relationship. At the heart of a man’s disappointment and angst will be his ego, which is why I think it is hard for them to forgive. I think a man will wonder if there was something wrong with him that led his partner to seek someone else and this thought alone is enough to make a man never look at you the same way.
In the end ladies no matter how “justified” we are as to why we decided to seek someone else, the fact still remains that we would be called names. Men cheat, women cheat, older men follow younger girls, older women follow younger guys, men lie and women lie – Yet men are hailed for most of their exploits while women are condemned… It’s a Man’s World.
Ps: Girl on girl might be understandable but guy on guy #imho is just…..shoot me!!