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Imagine yourself walking into a Confessional Booth with the weight of the world on your shoulders, while also slightly guarded, as you make your way to confess your sins to the Priest.

Then as you sit there silently, viewing only the shadowed outline of this person you are about to unveil yourself to, you decide to fill up the awkward silent moment by rhetorically asking the Priest “how are you?”

And he replies:

“Been horny for the last 40years, have to spend all my days listening to pathetic people bitch about their issues, and right now, anticipating the horseshit you’re about to load on me!!”

You will probably react in either of these two ways: Run the heck out of that mad chapel and go drown your sorrows at the nearest Bar, or immediately feel a strong bonding at the Priest’s revelation of his humanity, and proceed to share your troubles with him.

Such is the power of straightforward-ness in everyday human communications.

The comfort that comes with knowing that someone is not deliberately trying to hide anything from you is invaluable. It is a common human desire to want to be regarded a certain way by people around us. Unfortunately though, most times, the Illusion we project and the reality of our lives are polar opposites. So we wear masks and come up with all these ‘stylish’ ways to make ourselves appear better than what we actually are.

As a result, it is a breath of fresh air when you encounter someone who all but says to you, “Look at me, I’m screwed up, but I have accepted my reality and am now working toward changing it for the better!”

Wouldn’t you feel much more comfortable with such a person, as opposed to the one who even deceives their own selves that they are something which only exists in their heads?

Comfort and a sense of security is something every single person, even Men, want in their relationship with another person.

In order to ‘Arrest’ a guy with your lovings, my second tip is to SHOCK HIM INTO SUBMISSION.

From the first time you meet, be an open book. We all have a way of knowing people who have something to hide. Even though we may not be able to place our finger on it, our primal instinct picks up on that scent of Duality, and may become responsible for how we eventually relate with that person.

It also determines the depth of ourselves we are willing to share with the person.

‘Arresting’ a man, is really about him wanting to come ‘Home’ to you for the rest of his life. Home is that place of comfort in which you sense no threat and you can completely reveal who you are without any fear of judgment or unconstructive disapproval.

To effectively become a man’s home, you need to be his place of comfort. The one surefire way of making that happen is by you having the balls to figuratively strip yourself bare naked and let him know that THIS is who you are, and he can either take it or hit the road….JACK or JIDE or JAMIU!!

Even when you look at this principle from a selfish point of view, it still makes sense, as you need to ask yourself if you honestly want to spend the rest of your life wearing a mask. Not just with your man, but even generally with everyone else.

But Tari, you might ask, what if none of them can accept me as I am, how many guys would I have to strip for before someone finally wants to be ‘Arrested’ by me?

Great question. Now I have one of my own…

How many relationships have you been in? I know I’ve been in quite a number.

In those relationships, did you or did you not ‘strip’ or want to ‘strip’ in the literal sense of the word? As in off your cloth to jump into bed?!

I know I did.

Look at it the same way, only this time know that you’re not taking the physical clothes off, but actually shedding the inner baggage that has you constantly living in fear of rejection.

Those that will tear race, be very happy to let them go. But one day, one fine day, you will strip before a Soldier, and he sweeps his eyes over your flaws, your scars, your bruises, and will be speechless as he beholds your magnificence.


Then falling down on one knee, he’ll plead with you take him into your custody.

More tips on ‘Arresting’ a guy with your lovings next week…

Tari’s blog is www.tariere.blogspot.com; also follow @TariEkiyor on Twitter.

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog www.tariere.blogspot.com.


  1. Well said Tari, well written. For once I completely agree with you! It’s all about strippin – anythin u wanna strip, just strip away!
    But serzly, it takes a true Soldier, not a soldierboy, to appreciate scars – battle or no. Problem tho is a lotta women get suspicious if u accept them wivout questions. They want to see ur scars too. If you don’t show her, u r hidin stuph. U show her she becomes paranoid. And trust me, paranoia is not an attractive trait in a woman!
    It’s amazin how women say they want, sorry, deserve a good man, and then do everythin in their power to push him away.
    So again, truth is, there’s no sure fire way of doin this ‘arrestin’. And what’s more is y’all kno ’tis true.
    Again Tari, well written.

    1. i go with u on dis franque. deres no sure way of arresting a man. we are all different in our mannerisms and d way we react to things and situations varies. d best way to arrest a man in my opinion is be urself. deres a man for everywoman and vice versa.

  2. SHOCK HIM INTO SUBMISSION by being an open book. Thank you Tari.I’ve always thot to only share the part I think guys would like. I am going to try this with the next guy I go out on a date with. Looking forward to reading the next installment.

  3. as much as it is cool to strip, i guess you have to strip for one who isn’t going to scream ‘help’ when he sees all ’em cellulite, stretchmarks, and dimples on your thighs, stomach and butt. lol!
    but on a serious note, i do not prescribe to ‘openness’ to the extent that it leaves you so bare, you become afraid. i think a relationship should move through the usual phases before it gets to the shocking parts. It is always too early to talk about your pains, your ex, your flaws, your misgivings – always! no one is built to carry another’s baggage. it is unfair to expect a brother to ‘understand’ all of ‘you’ when you decide to be an open book. and just because he isn’t built to deal with all your ‘openness’ doesn’t mean he cannot love you right. unless it is totally necessary, it is best to keep your fears in a closet and bring them out one-by-one as the relationship progresses, not at a full swing. the wind might knock the poor dude down.
    truth is, women carry a lot of baggage, and men KNOW this; and they are TIRED of it. What they really want is a girl who can let her hair down and love life! the other issue of ‘openness’ to everything concerning your shortcomings in life will come in later…somewhere between a good dose of sex and happily ever-after.
    pffff! I need a drink!

    still, good job, Tari.

  4. Lmao @ “shock him into submission”. I’ve always been an advocate of truth in a relationship, beign upfront from the beginning ensures that you’re not essentially deceiving your partner into accepting an idealized version of you. If he sees everything and still hangs in there then you know the both of you are in for the long haul as opposed to you not being yourself and too afraid to drop the act in case he leaves you.

    Nice one.

  5. lol the part I loved was the one about ‘off your cloth’ lol. What you’ve written is so true in a perfect world. Franque is also right though, we what we cannot have and when we have it we are never fully satisfied. Some are luck to achieve this ‘perfection in their real world’. lol tari but you are blessed…amazing!

  6. Great write up by the ever realistic Tari Ekiyor as usual. A discovery channel to this generation.True to the letter is every word written about ‘A daring girl’s guide to arresting a man’. But I write not only arresting a man,but to even building meaniful relationships that last either with male or females.The fact is everybody’s shit stinks so if one is so pure we could have just remained in Heaven and not be born.We are all humans and need some pasts to actually justify the word ‘repentance and change’.The whole combination gives one an interesting story. So bare the necessary informations for decision making,not all informations are necessary.If one is accepted by everybody then something is wrong somewhere,even JESUS CHRIST wasn’t accepted by everybody. Those you see your value will stick. ‘BE ORIGINAL ALWAYS’ and you will attract your kind.

  7. Sincerely What I learnt in this Beautiful Lifetime is that if you do want something, you just might have to go for it if you think it is worth it, So since the author of this article thought the guy she gave her business card to was worth it then so be it. Some girls are bolder than others and eventually they get the man they want ’till death do ’em part’

    Also @Joy… Truth is Cellulite, stretchmarks or dimples, if a man wants YOU, he sees WAY PAST that and wants YOU…

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