MEMOIRS OF A SLU…SHHKID: WK14

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The memoirs of a slu…shhkid has been serving you for a while now…while some of you already know the score some of you would be newbees, so for you new converts here are the rules to read here. And for the regulars……get reading.

Wednesday 11 August 2010

Dear Diary,

7.15am – Traffic
For some reason, most of my best creative ideas so far came to me in traffic (This is me hyping myself as being creative) and i guess i should give a shoutout to LAGOS TRAFFIC.

Living in Lekki and working in Ikeja makes it mandatory for me to travel that distance ALONE,  Monday-Friday and since you can not have a conservation with yourself (I know some of you do) the only thing left for me to do is –THINK.

I’ve been seeing Shirls now almost on a daily basis and I think I’m developing stronger feelings for her.
That was not the plan but I really don’t have control over my emotions. I find myself thinking of her or looking at her BBM profile picture. Her pings put a smile on my face while her stubborn nature makes me want to kill her.
Shirls is fairly young but there’s nothing young about her body. Every time she walks into my room she gets a ‘S-T-A-N-D-I-N-G  O-V-A-T-I-O-N’ and no, I really don’t have to stand up with my entire body. A while ago, Shirls left her T-shirt at mine and once in a while I hug the T-shirt to sleep. I need a distraction because I’m about to lose my mind to Shirls and that would be unfair to the likes of Ada.

So, I decided to call Ada….

Ada: Buzor, Kedu?

Nobs: Did I wake you up?

Ada:`Eh mana nsogbu adiro

Nobs: I really don’t have any reason for calling.  I called to say ‘Thank you’ for being there all the time for me. Thank you for all the times that you’ve helped my mum with firewood and foodstuff. I also really appreciate the fact that you call me frequently even though I rarely return the favour. I pray that God will continue to bless and protect you in all your endeavors. You will be blessed with a wonderful man as husband. Thank you very much.

Ada: Buzor, are you leaving me? Did I do anything wrong?

Nobs: Nooo, I’m not leaving you.  I’m only thanking you for being such a wonderful person.

Ada: I didn’t do any of those things so that you can thank me. I did it for the love I have for you and if given the opportunity I would like to take care of you forever.

“ Silence”

Ada: Buzor, are you there?

Nobs: Yes love

Ada: Did I say anything out of line?

Nobs: No. It’s just that I don’t think I’m worth your love.

Ada: You are and I’ll give you the whole of me when we go abroad.

Nobs: When are we going again?

Ada: Whenever you are ready, Nkem.

Nobs: Okay.

Ada: By the way, I sent you Ukwa na Akpu through my cousin.

Nobs: Oh really. Thank you ooo. Let me leave you to sleep.

Ada: But I’m awake now and I’m happy talking with you.

Nobs: Don’t worry. I’ll call you later

I’m confused with my life, maybe I’m feeling this way about Shirls cos Ada is not close by or maybe I’m seriously falling in love with Shirls.

Oh Lord God, I soooo need Biola in my life right now. I’m almost sounding like a pussycat. Jisos!!!

Friday 13th August 2010

Dear Diary,

8.00am
I love Fridays and today is meant to be special cos I’ve got a date with a new ‘kele’ and a new kele is always a trip.
With a new kele you don’t know what to expect or what not to expect.

OLD KELE
With an Old kele you already know if she swallows or not.
You’ve seen the whole of her and usually you are not in a hurry to “go there”.
You will also know if she’s good a blowing things or just a spit making machine.
An old kele is just an OLD kele.

NEW KELE
A new kele is special but some are more special than the others.
When you meet a new kele, you would be wondering what her reaction would be if you try kissing her and when you finally do kiss her you would be wondering if she will stop you if you go for the Boobies straight up.
When you finally get her out of her clothes, you would be wondering, If she’ll take offense if you ask her to blow jnr. (As for me and myhousehold, I always ask and it determines how far we’ll go)
A new kele is a trip any day.

So this is how I met new kele.  Saw her at Marquee bending over at the bar to order a drink. I choked on my drink with what I saw and instantly walked over to her and the following took place.

Nobs: Hey, you may want to stand straight to avoid a situation.

Girl: Sorry???

Nobs: My name is Noble Igwe

Girl: *Extending her hand* Uloma

Nobs: I know you are here with your friends but I just want to ask for a favour.

Uloma: What favour?

Nobs: I work in advertising and I think you fit the profile a client is looking for.

Uloma: Hmm, okay…

Nobs: Let me have your number and I’ll call later. Btw, what do you do?

Uloma: I’m a model and a stylist. Here’s my card.

We chatted a few times and had agreed to meet today.

6.00pm-Maryland
Stopped over to see Daps and preview his new video to be premiered on Sunday before the BBA eviction party.

9.15pm
Left the mansion and called Uloma to send me her house address and she sent “No 106 Abike Suleiman Lekki Phase 1”. I got to the Island and drove straight to her street. Drove round for about 30 minutes searching for number 106 with no luck. I called her and she confirmed she was outside her house looking out for my car.
I called her back to inform her that I was leaving and that was when she said it;

Uloma: Hello

Nobs: Babes, Where are you na?

Uloma: In my house

Nobs: I may have to go

Uloma: Nobs, I gave you a wrong address

Nobs: WHY?????

Uloma: ‘Cos I spoke to my sister about you and she asked me to go read your memoirs and after reading it I don’t think I want to end up like Biola. Sorry, Nobs I gats to go.

Nobs: This is not fair

Uloma: Nobs, I really do like you a lot and I was looking forward to today but I don’t want to ruin my future.

Nobs: I’m mad that you had to give me a wrong address.

Uloma: I’m sorry, Nobs.

Nobs: Be good.

I left her “fake street” and drove straight to S bar to meet with G. I’ve not seen G in while and I was so happy to see her.
Dancing with G put me out of the sad mood and within minutes I was happy once again.

At some point I needed to use the loo and on my way a “Gatangwo” approached me. A Gatangwo is a senior ashewo but unlike the other ashewos that’ll wait for you to approach them, a Gatangwo comes to you to sell her market.

Gatangwo: Hey, brother!

I took a look at her and saw her battle marks. I thought she must have been in a fight with a cat but at a closer look I realized that those were stretch marks.

Gatangwo: Bros, I dey greet

Nobs: Hi, can I quickly pee?

Gatangwo: Okay bros

After peeing

Nobs: How can I help you?

Gatangwo: I come up and they no gree me entre.  Abeg, if you fit carry me entre and after we go follow go.

Nobs: Erm, follow go where?

Gatangwo: Your house na, abi you don marry? I feel carry you go my place.

Nobs: Sister, e go be next time. I no carry condom.

Gatangwo: I get for my bag.

Nobs: Next time, abeg…

Na wah ooo. When I don’t have money, they will not collect cheque and now they are the ones looking for me allover Lagos.

I went upstairs chilled a bit and left with Nnamdi for “Were you out this weekend?” pictures. From Marquee to Auto Lounge taking pics and feeling cool…..hehehehe.

3.04am-Auto Lounge
Sometimes one may think that due to the number of weddings that take place in Lagos that there would be very few single chics but each night I see loads of single chics with different married men- but still Single.

While moving about I bumped into Tope, a very old kele, we danced and one thing let to another before you knew it, she agreed to spend the night at mine.

On our way home, D’banj’s “Tongolo” remix came on some radio station and some lines got me thinking;
“How big is the koko?”
“Is the biggest koko”
“How sweet is the Koko?”
“Is the sweetest Koko”
Now, i’ve head heard rumors that Koko Garri mixed with Power Horse can make you “Endowed” so when I got home with Tope, I quickly dashed to the kitchen to get “Endowed” with Koko garri and Power Horse.

Before I went to bed all I heard Tope shouting was “Easy Nobs, I dey feel am for my womb”.

Please don’t try this mixture while waiting for the girl because if the chic fails to show up, your right hand would be in bandage the following day.



Saturday, 14th August 2010

Dear Diary,

9.00am
I woke with Tope beside me and her first words to me were:

Tope: Nobs, I don’t think I can stand up.

Nobs: Chai, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Tope left a few minutes and I headed to the EME-360nobs.com paintballing do at Elegusi beach.

11.20am
The Paintballing was so MAD and you just have to be on the look out for the pics exclusive to 360nobs.com.  I’ve attached a teaser for ya all.


9.00pm-Lekki
Got a call from Shirls that she was on her way to mine and I was mega excited.
Immediately she came in, I pulled her to give her a kiss but she pushed me off.

Nobs: Ahan, babes, what’s wrong?

Shirls: I went to for confessions and I don’t want you to defile my body before church tomorrow.

Nobs: Does that mean I can’t even touch you at all?

Shirls: Yes, Nobs!!!

Nobs: Hmmm, okay ooo.

Shirls: Nobs, it’s just one night na

We watched Big brother for a bit and at some point the devil in my boxers tried to come alive but the presence of the Lord in my house was too much for it.  We slept on the SAME BED and I did not touch Shirls all through the very long night. Maybe Shirls is the chosen one.

Sunday, 15th August 2010

Dear Diary,

9.00am
Chaa woke me up to drop her in church but instead Shirls suggested to drop her.
I stayed home to write memoirs, Shirls came home and prepared breakfast.

12.30pm
Shirls dropped me off at the salon and went to get my sister from City of David.

They came to get me from the Salon and when we got home, Shirls fixed lunch for everybody.
I don’t know what it was but Shirls totally changed my perception of her.

2.00pm-Galleria
Got to Galleria for 360nobs meeting with Oye and Bims but they were not there yet so I decided to walk around and that was when I saw the babe with the plenty chest hair. I swear her chest hair made her boobs look like two anthills in a lil forest. Talking about hairs. Do you know that if we were meant to “wash and set’ our pubic hair, Paloma of BBA would require a special dryer?

I went back to barcelos to wait and seating beside me was a lady with an image of a man tattooed on her arm but too much bleaching had given the man a green vein across his face. Na wa!! Dis beauty tin sha….

360nobs.com meeting was VERY long as usual (Bims I kid,I kid).

7.20pm-Rehab
Drove to rehab for the Y magazine launch and I was proud to be alive at this time. Met loads of young people but just as I was about to conclude that one can actually come to Rehab and not see the “Milo last kid standing” participants, this one walked past me with the black part of her ass showing.

I drove home with that image on my mind.
Got home, wrote this, forwarded to Bims and went to sleep.
Shout out to Pinky and the lady that stood me up.

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

131 comments

  1. Wow,always entertainin…koko garri nd power horse,hmmmmm…I’m glad dt babe stood u up,lesson of d day:do not go after every new kele…lmao

  2. Good read as usual, I have a feeling Uloma would show up again…not much ‘ginjah’ this episode so cheers to a crazy (good) week and an intense weekend!

  3. …Always a good read! U prolly think u’r falling in love wiv shirls but I think its just a case of the ‘available becoming the desirable’…afterall she’s d only constant one around right now…let’s c ow long dis ‘love’ lasts wiv a lil competition.lol

  4. ‎​L☺l! @ koko garri and power horse,!! Fantastic read!but biko,where is slim?? No luv, I dint stand u up*smiling face*

  5. Nobs yeah,where is slim?? We miss her! I don’t like shirls jor,its like she has realized u don’t have a lot of kele and taking advantage! Ada is 2 good for u! Leave her alone

  6. Ada is starting to sound more and more like someone who has ulterior motives. Whats with the “I’ll give you the whole of me when we go abroad…”?

    Nice one Mr. Hefner…

  7. Nobzzzzzz!!! U’v gotta call Uloma back abeg! She needs to get on ths train jor! This was pretty much a “holy” week 4 u! Must av felt weird! Hehehe!

    PS:
    Uloma, if u’re reading this, trust me, there’s nothin 2 b scared of! Nobz is cool pplez

  8. Shirls might just be the real deal.
    I don’t think the circumstances around your ‘thing’ should matter.
    But then again I just my opinion.
    She may really just like you, you know!

  9. Always a gud read!!! I think shirls is really sweet!! But chibuzor, seems u putting on weight oh!! U should watch it hon… 😉 Ps: da 360nobs Tee is da shiznit!! How and where can i pick up one for moi?? 🙁

  10. Noble igwe I had so much regards for u but ur a fake arsehole, u twit bullshit, always insulting women yet u claim to love them, stupid re those whose will stoop low to have anything wit u, empty barrels they say make the loudest noise, old kele, new kele gosh u piss me off and I thot u wur cool, dis stuff is just u promoting ur gawdamn ibotic low esteemed image, u don’t fucking kiss and tell nigga, don’t ur momma school u well and ladies have u seem dis short idiots tweets, always dising, ugly or fat, wat do u tink u re, tyson beckford or brad pitt, common people but dis dude is just a social climber trying to belong, have u heard him speak gosh so razz, always reaping women off, bloddy gigolo

    1. Erm why so serious?
      You follow (me) my tweets-You had/have a choice.
      You come here to read my memoirs-You also had/have a choice.
      Thank you for stopping by.
      God bless you and your hustle.
      N

  11. @irritated reader,na wa for u o,so u hav dedicated ur whole being to dissing nobs(cant even come up wit a better name)….didnt u read d rules,nobody force come him blog,abi dem put gun for ur face,wich regard u get for nobs,if u cant stand d heat,get out of d kitchen,….u come here dey form holier than thou,u forget say na d same freedom of expression wey allow noble talk as him want,na him give u too d same mouth to yarn,like nobs will always say…..he forgives u…..ignorant mo-fo…

  12. @nobs…i forgot..nice one,great piece of writing,i feel u jare,no be everyweekend person go dey cane now,u got to rest and refill d tank….just like everybody has been asking where is ‘slim?’

  13. @ irritated reader, u just wrote my thots exactly
    but criously nobs, y r u always dissing women on twitter, ur memoirs r fantastic but d things u say on twitter esp abt women r soooo not cool. apparently the girls you sleep must think little of themselves to allow you stick “your thing” which has toured d whole of naija in them.
    at least show some respect for the girls u sleep with all day n nite.
    You know the saying, karma’s a bitch.

  14. @nobs, nice piece,@ irritated reader, u shud learn the works in art, besides u just tipped everyone off that u are either ugly or fat and most of all angry

  15. Uloma giving you a fake address was a ‘wtf moment’ for you..lol i did not see that coming

    koko garri and powerhorse wtf!

  16. @ Lara..u’re right…great fables

    @ Irritated reader…..my thoughts exactly, he’s just wants to climb the social ladder unfortunately he’s TOO SHORT & d weight of his huge head wont let him move up!

    @ D Truth…I agree wit u…i’m sure it’s different prostitutes he stoops low to sleep with then he lies to the world that regular girls actually stoop so low to sleep with him….I’m sure some girls have slapped him but he wont say it here!!

    Dr Kaka & COOP are most definitely LOSERS like Nobs himself…I’m sure there feel better when ever they read the lies Noble writes here…..Losers.

  17. honestly i’m quite surprised u pull so many chicks… from the few pics i’ve seen of you u’re not exactly great-looking, so i’m guessing there’s sth special about you… or your pockets. congrats on your endless conquests though.

  18. @ Lara..u’re right…great fables

    @ Irritated reader…..my thoughts exactly, he’s just wants to climb the social ladder unfortunately he’s TOO SHORT & d weight of his huge head wont let him move up!

    @ D Truth…I agree wit u…i’m sure it’s different prostitutes he stoops low to sleep with then he lies to the world that regular girls actually stoop so low to sleep with him….I’m sure some girls have slapped him but he wont say it here!!

    Dr Kaka & COOP are most definitely LOSERS like Nobs himself…I’m sure there feel better when ever they read the lies Noble writes here…..Losers.

  19. Omo, people are angry o. I’m sure “Irritated reader” just failed a test or got sent out of class by his/her lecturer. Sorry, ehn. Take ur bitterness somewhere else, inugo. Nice read as usual 🙂

  20. Whatever happened to Slim? :/ Shirls seems like a smart (and determined) babe… probably more suited to your tastes. And as sweet as it would be if you ended up with Ada, i don’t think she’s your type. you’re better off with the ‘experienced’ city girls.

    1. Hahaha I was just about to type the same thing!
      “don’t ur momma school u well” #PAUSE
      If you’re gonna say so much crap at least make sure it makes sense..*sigh*

  21. @ Lara..u’re right…great fables

    @ Irritated reader…..my thoughts exactly, he just wants to climb the social ladder & unfortunately he’s TOO SHORT & d weight of his huge head wont let him move up!

    @ D Truth…I agree wit u…i’m sure it’s different prostitutes he stoops low to sleep with then he lies to the world that regular girls actually stoop so low to sleep with him….I’m sure some girls have slapped him but he wont say it here!!

    Dr Kaka & COOP are most definitely LOSERS like Nobs himself…I’m sure they feel better when ever they read the lies Noble writes here…..Losers

  22. @ BOOGIE:

    Biased English teacher,

    you should be talking to noble cos he’s ur worst student!!! Read through everything he wrote again….its sad, really bad English grammer!!!! My little cousins in grade 4 will never make such silly mistakes talkless of a grown man!!

  23. @ BOOGIE:

    Biased English teacher,

    you should be talking to noble cos he’s ur worst student!!! Read through everything he wrote again….its sad, really bad English grammer!!!!
    Even my little cousins in grade 4 will never make such silly mistakes talkless of a grown man!!

    1. @jojo

      i guess your grade 4 (rather than 4th grade) brother or whatever is a 64 year old man…

      if you are looking for a English blog…go to wole soyinka

  24. really i don’t see the need for dissin here oo…y’ll have a choice ooo abeg + this is someone’s e-diary show alil more respect!!!! wat he choses to do with his life is none of ur biz unless u make it yours so pls stop takin things PERSONAL.

  25. @ Boogie lol!! Babes u haff killed me oh, pls leave ’em be joh!! Aint u enjoying the whole drama?? lol!

    @ Nobz U know we luv u like dat!!!! *bbm dancing smiley*

  26. @irritated reader…..where is your sense of humour????you were not forced to read this blogs..if you cant handle it..go F yourself..you cant even construct a proper sentence…(hiss)

    @nobs…just to let you know my cousin from Nigeria introduced me to your site, and i tell you, you make the entire staff at Ritz Calton hotel Miami look forward to Mondays…

    well done

  27. People, no need for all the upset….whether real or fable, these memoirs are bloody entertaining…..and btw he is only expressing himself…..freedom of speech aye! Anyways, for the ladies getting upset, if he’s already had you then don’t go back for more ( if you are not feeling his kiss and tell)and for the potentials, do like Uloma….RUN!!!

  28. OMG!!!… OMG!!! y do these numbskulls keep coming back…. u diss the guy yet every week you are back to read his blog… Read the rules again arse wipes nd free d guy abeg… kmt..

  29. short and long of the story….
    read the rules before reading the memoirs… and if you cant stand the “fables” please dont read again… abi naa by force??? mschewwwww

    Nice read Nobs… but wher is SLIM Oo…..

  30. Nice write-up as usual!!
    P..S I follow Noble on twitter and read his blogs regularly so I know how much he disses women. Some1 showed Noble Igwe to me on Saturday and I almost died of shock,he’s as fugly as ugly can get plus he is very short with a big head shaped like soursop. Do NOT be deceived people!!!
    @ Nobs,may God bless ur hustle

  31. laughing..

    i think i am getting ADDICTED,

    pls nobs where can the garri be bought, so i can get some for my guy…..

    for the ladies let the will of God direct you.

  32. To everyone who understands me thank u, and to the fools ranting and running their mouth, u don’t use ur blog to abuse a race, tribe or sex or wat so ever blogs re supposed to be creative and inspiring or better still to pass on information, noble it is obvious u had a terrible childhood that was probably why u lack manners and talk like midget which u actually re, be creative, not telling us how low ur reasoning is, sex my dear is overatted even my gateman gets it on a regular so wats da fuss about it….and ps noble igwe will keep wanting to sleep wit me which u will neva do even for a billion dollars so u all saying am ugly and fat, get a life…….ur twits suck, u suck and u loosers hailing him u people re pathetic…noble how come u don’t write about the sugar mama s u sleep wit, slimy short bastard

    1. wow…someone is rather upset. kinda sounds like he dumped you or turned you down. well u do have the option of not reading…

    2. hey!!!

      you dont have to read ,if you dont have a sense of humour or cant handle the heat…..get lost!!!!

      you sound half educated in your write up

  33. Na wa o why the insults @ lemberdoo. Hiss, must u insult him like that. As I recall he didn’t force u to read his memoirs or did he? He isn’t claiming to be a saint n he is entitled to whatever he wishes. @ nobs in life u get “haters” and “lovers” its up to u to filter them outta ur system. Dnt even sweat it dude!! “Do u” and let them keep hating.

  34. @ Mimi:don’t get me wrong,I ENJOY reading noble’s blog,he’s a good writer with a wonderful sense of humour. I’m not insulting him,I only described what I saw. If Noble were to describe someone who looks like him,only God knows the kind of words he’ll use

  35. @Irritated reader-> As in i dont get. U run here to read his memoirs and u follow him on twitter. Is it ur father’s blog? If it is paining u, stop following him, stop reading his memoirs and get a fucking life. Na by force? Who even wanted to sleep with u b4 sef? Aproko!

  36. Chibuzor igwe now called Nobs,I like to read ur memoirs and leave my comments.its a pity you do not let ur fans read my comments and hear d true memoirs of a sla…cker.I should start my own weekly blog too..lol,i remember you vividly, who u tryly are bruv..back in the days @ UNEC, wot was it u read again, URP…noble d mumu..dat was ur name.u were sooo much a LOSER..u always hear bout d correct parries but u never get to knw d venue nor get IV.that was ur class.u were soo not qualified.I still remember u trying to identify with da BIG BOIZ CLUB..u begged to sail but d ship was too classy so u opted to help out underneath d ship as long as u get to sail in it. A wish dat was granted after 4years( wen others just dey tire dey comot for d ship, a bruva was happy to just dey arrive thus d era of ur yellow stockings, jeans slacking, yellow tims..lol.to show u have arrived.funny,it stl didn’t get u d popularity u desired.I remember d very timid, scruffy looking, bony(na only ur head we could see)chibuzor(ABA boi.. bred n buttered)always claiming PH boi..now I hear say na island boi u don become,lol…u too mush bruv…didn’t knw u stl desire to be popular,u shoulda known that popularity comes wit hu u are. U re a nobody nobs, so quit trying and stop feeding people wit all these lie. But if u continue wit dis memoirs of a SLU..SHHKID, I wl keep releasing memoirs of SLA….CKER weekly.I pray u post dis comment this time and let ur fans read true and have a good laff, am sure it wl help in ur search for fame.see u nextweek…Shirls

    1. progress??? wait im cobfused!!!! i thought yu were (in yur own words) a ‘…trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body..’

  37. haha!!… nobs!… ahn ahn pple y all the hating?.. its like u ddnt go thru d ‘rules’ of dis blog.. u people shuld take ur bitterness somwhr else… some of us think d memoirs r funny and all dat… so stop being party crashers and go to church!!… nobs u better start thinkin of personal security… some pple wan kill u oo.

  38. hey noble,
    nice read…very entertaining.
    i am just a bit bothered by the twitter thing..
    U know, u don’t really have to bash women ok?
    Maybe they did you wrong during your unec days, i dunno..the thing that matters most is that you have moved past it and you are doing well for yourself..you do not need to validate or pool your self worth by bashing and shagging as many women as they come.
    you need to look inside and find the beautiful things about yourself,not physically or pocketwise..i mean stuff like maybe your sense of humor,maybe kindness,generosity etc.
    The worst thing that can happen to anyone is self loss in the bid to impress or live it up..
    You seem decent enough,i love the way you portray your mom..U may not be all that good looking or tall or mr muscle or any of that thing but i’m pretty sure there’s a beautiful person lurking inside..FIND HIM

    Ada is not for you..won’t fit into your world, you will end up resenting her.
    Shirls knows what she wants..’you’.She’s fixing lunch and driving your car and shagging you..What you feel is only natural..she’s available and seems nice enough.Plus she’s well suited to the island life.
    Slim…very self confident and posh..i love her but i think she’s a bit too much for you..that’s what makes her so attractive to you..she’s almost unattainable.
    Who would want all the drama that would come from dating you?it’s only a girl used to that sort of life..Ada is waaayyyy off mehhnnn.Stay away from her for your peace of mind.

    Have a lovely evening.sorry for the long essay and any typos.

  39. hehehehehehehe!!! ldkmd…this is like the most entertaining comments ever….rotflmsao. peeps that are angry, u r spoiling the whole show for us o!dont like his whole set up but its as entertaining as hell…buhahahaha!!!

  40. @Iemberdoo, i triple love ur first comment. u just described wat u saw with no bitterness….lol. go girl/guy?

  41. Chibuzo noble igwe…now nobs??? Hmm wonders shall never end! I don’t wanna diss or piss,but when my friend sent me dis link from naija,I cldnt help but go down memory lane! Back in da days,u always wanted to belong. Like shirls mentioned earlier,wit ur yellow socks n timbs,trying hard to identify ur lil self wit d fineboys(and dt ws as late as ur 5th year or ws it 6th year considering u spent more dan d required no of yrs in sch). It ws always such fun to watch u carry ur lil low esteemed self all over love garden(d garden in fac of environ). U know what u went thru trying to join dt ship after 5yrs,now that u’ve succeded a bit in building ur confidence and self worth,u start dis whole blog n twit abt ur conquests-women+shag+island life! Don’t u think it reflects ur inner being? We knw u’ve been der so u don’t have to relieve it! Just move on and 4get abt all dose yrs u tried but cldnt hang wit dem hot chics.I believe u could do better dan dis afterall u went thru hell in unec in terms of popularity n class n u still survived n progressed into dis supposed island big boy u potray in ur blogs.if u channelled ur energy n resources into writting good entertaining and educating blogs,u could be amongst d best bloggers I’ve ever seen. You write well n ur construction of fictitiuos events is super! just search ur soul n maybe try n let go of dt troubled teenagehood u had in unec n I believe u’ll be a better writer.

    1. OMG…
      Here’s someone that knew me from back in days.
      It was hell in school.Believe me,I will work hard to make sure that my kids don’t go through the same.
      The extra year was not funny.
      for someone who had to do holiday jobs to pay fees.I used clothes handed over to me by family and friends.
      I’ve always loved parties but never got invited to the ones i would have loved to attend.
      getting girls was a massive issue as massive as my head.No one wanted the big headed ugly boy with no money.
      I lived in the hostel with 8 room mates in a room meant for 4 people in Kenneth Dike hall.
      The Extra year was because i was trying so hard to acquire a social life thereby ignoring my school work.
      I had very few ex girlfriends who were glad enough to pay for my books and things.(God bless their souls).
      I’m still struggling,pushing hard,forcing myself to belong and maybe someday I’ll get there but in all in all,there’s a story and without people like you i may get carried away .
      I need to do a special post on my troubled “teenagehood” tagged “pages from the past”

    2. @ another irritated reader….

      you sound like a low life…stick to facebook, if you dont have a sense of humour, because you sound attributing money to dateing.

      only a thief can tell another thief, as well as a WANNA-BE, can tell another WANNA-BE.

      i guess what am saying is .. you must have been a die hard WANNA-BE back in your days in school.

  42. @All,
    Most nights i wake up to visit 360nobs.com and i must say,
    we are getting there.
    We are here today because of the support that you’ve shown us.
    God bless you all.

    N

  43. @shirls no dey use style dey look for popularity for your own memoirs….mschewwww
    @nobs that is the best answer ever…

  44. C’mon peeps..no one is hating, there’s really nothin to hate for..@ mrs endowed, nobs was too lil a fry in skul,there was NO WAY he could have come close to any correct girl in skul talkless of Fake Shirls..dats y he s tryin so hard right now wit dem old and new keles..Nobs..u knw wot I’m tokin about..ur slush parry is bullshit,if u throw d best parries right nw, y don’t u pull a different crowd.u re still where u are Nobs..find somethin else and quit dissing girls cos u knw u lost out in all da fun growing up.

  45. @This Shirls,
    It’s hard but I’m trying.
    It’s not going to be easy but you won’t understand.
    Life in school with no correct girl was very painful.
    Recently,someone introduced me to this website where one can invite people to parties.(I hope it works)
    Chai,Echeta ram Unec
    Do you still see some of the people we went to school with?
    I’m starting “Pages from the past” a new diary.what do you think?

  46. Na wa ooooo @shirls I really wanna knw wat ur past n present is about cos u seem like u have all going perfect for u which I doubt much, if u have any personal beef wiv nobs I suggest u take it elsewhere n let those who enjoy d blog do so abeg…. Everyone has a past n we strive for better in d future…. Nobs biko keep d memoirs coming we love dem much n ur slush parries rock

  47. How is it paining you? Fake Shirls and both irritated readers. You know all that happened to him while he was in school, u come on his blog to talk smack about him, that just means YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HIS LIFE. Why, if i may ask? U’re just jobless. If u were making real money, u wouldnt have time to come on here and monitor someone else’s life. Go and apply for a job somewhere, biko

  48. @Nobs… I thought i was the only who does his creative thinking in traffic.Brov continue dey do your thing .don’t mind dem haters, who are still talking about school days and ish….Let them start their own blog and stop spoiling the fun for us here.Nuff said

  49. People why now?? Let’s respect ourselves!! We all have ouw flaws! Pls leave noble alone!this blog was created to entertain people..it serves its purpose!! If u have personal issues with him,take it somewhere else!! But let’s leave the work of his hands to God to judge and let’s not spoil it for those who enjoy it!! Pls I beg you all!!

  50. @Nobs, if u can take the criticisms and the history notes, u are getting there man, and have u noticed the positive was way more than the negative, like i said , to DUMMIES, AUTO IGNORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  51. @ boogie-money maker! Jobfull soul,of course u r his aba/obigbo sister! Blog police,u shld have mentioned in d stupid rules dt u wer his private bodyguard.@ noble seems u have a big admirer here,maybe u shld include her in ur nxt blog,she has to feel cool about herself and believe me it takes a loser like u to get her to dt level of “loserness”….get a life for urself boogie,,,supporters club,wonder wer u were wen naija needed supporting in SA. Did I hear u say something again? Didn’t think so

    1. Hahahahahaha, irritated reader. U must enjoy this feeling of getting irritated because YOU KEEP COMING BACK and its not like u get an alert on ur phone when there’s a new comment/post o, u just keep coming back. LOLZ. U better go n get a life and allow me keep supporting on 360nobs. I do it well abi. Hahahahaha. EGBE, how is it paining you?

    2. @another irritated reader

      seriously…..am suprise, Noble attended UNEC because he construct better sentences than you do…

      you sound like a low life….stick to facebook please.

  52. Me I personally don’t hate noble but the dude should stop dissing women and write about better things, because the more he disses women he makes what it obvious he is a cock sucker, now lemme tell u all a little about noble, the dude is a leach and de only reason he is upset wit women is because he is jealous that the gurls get all the sexing while all he is ever good for is sucking the dicks of guys, de likes of dbanj and uti and derenle and jerry just to get fame, chibuzor if u don’t stop ur pictures will be next to hit the internet, the guy is sexually confused so ladies don’t hate him for dissing una, na anger…

  53. Sigh* this is real immaturity! If u dnt like his memoirs, stop readn it! If u dnt like him stop shaggin him n if ur irritated get a job or a hobby! I fink beadmakins becomin a fad! Its nt rite for u to come here and yarn shit! Start ur own blog for chrissakes and stop bein a frustrated old hag! Its obvious ths irritated reader person is a babe he dissd. Ok, pele he’s sori. Pls ths blogs for happy people only! And if u fink he’s dissd u ur sista mother friend etc, do the ryt thing n sue his ass. If ur not doin tht pls kindly hug a transformer n remember to die!… Hey nob *wavin* I’m a huge fan, pls try n relocate, las gidis toooo cliche

  54. seriously now…. irritated reader like d oda person sed its like gettin irritated is fun 4 u cos u keep comin back… think bwt dat…. shirls, ummm nobs life at unec isn’t much of our business… we dont wanna know dat.. maybe if he does starts makin ‘past memoirs of a slu..sh kid’ we’ll care to read… since we dont hav dat now… jus take ur anger bwt nobs progress to anoda place and stop being a spoil-spot…. miami deuces jus stfu and die please..tnk u!… i like d heat ere dis week tho

  55. Don king’s in the building and I’m taking side bets. In the left corner we have Shirls and irritated reader and in the right corner we ave Nobs. So let the fight begin.Popcorn is on the house

  56. Seriously am not a fan of Nobs at all but then I don’t really care about his past. Like yorubas would say isale oro l’egbin! (There’s a story to tell behind everyone’s success). Abiola didn’t start off rich, with all due respect Baba Adeboye didn’t start off rich. What matters is where we are now. And I must say Nobs has done well for himself.

  57. People, no need for hate.

    It’s a great blog; whether na fact or fiction and the truth is, it is a successful blog.

    Nobs, if it is true about the dissing on women, tone it down.

  58. @Nobs
    U obivously re confused as 2 wat u want,
    Beta make up ur mind,,shirls am not so sure she works for u,xcpt dt she’s ur frnd wif benefit….pls look out for Uloma,we all knw d rules of new kele….but nyc read sha.n dnt loose slim,she mite jst b d one…..

  59. Nobs abeg just ignore all this angry response you are getting, i read your blog EVERY MONDAY and i’m in yankee. I am just reading this on a wednesday. Ha i don miss o. I must say this is a great blog and you did a good Job responding to your irritated readers response.The sky is the beginning for you. Keep the memoirs coming. I just wonder why they diss you so much and they keep coming back to your page. NOBODY can tell you how to live your life . PERIOD. Your past is your past, this is the present, I wonder why they can’t get that into their thick skull.

    1. err…

      “i read your blog every monday and IM IN YANKEE”

      didnt get that. what does that have to do with anything?
      Yankee pple cant read blogs too??

  60. Bt I support fake shirls n irritated reader a bit..noble ws a dead guy in sch bt thnk God he has improved.bt nobs is fake he got kicked out frm virgin nigeria ,he drives a car bought by mohits for givin dem free tickets worth millons to mohits..he asks all d babes he meets for cash n neva pays bck..he’s jst a dead dude who wants rto b knwn rollin wiv stars up n down to events..mehn noble u b igbo guy. Fix ur priroties right n gt a life!!n pay up ur debts oh!

  61. @ shirls n co, c’mon,do u peeps still live in ur sch days,the dude went from being a wanna be to actually being.used to wear yellow socks( ewww) to now wearing sneakers and things coupled with the fact that he now drives a civic and stays in lekki..as much as i loathe the sleeping around part of this blog,noble is actually successful in what hes doin.and to remind you that the essence of living is development which he has done and still doin. cut him some slack and look at the fact that hes changed. and @ nobs,this blog is a great read but explore the other realms of women other than the sex part.

  62. same thots exactly wizzy! This person that is posting with multiple usernames u definitely dont have a life. Ur probably in US washing dishes, taking care of old people or jumping from one Uni to another just to remain in the UK.

    Let’s hear your own success story b4 u judge

    cowards …taking cheap shots ..u guys suck and are trying to run down someone else

    Success is whatever measure u put in place …did Ghandi have any wealth ..yet he was successful
    Can Pele ever b as rich as Beckham heck no …so wots success
    its better 2 complain and leave real names than to be so cowardly and take cheap shots that miss the person still
    dumb asses …go change d oldman’s potty

    1. Dumb fuck WALE.. why dnt yu shut the hell up n get off yur stupid ass n go do something with yur life (get laid) instead of living thru this lying MOFO.

  63. @ THE HEATERS……..

    NOBOBY ASK YOU FOR THE HISTORY OF NOBS…..KEEP IT TO YOURSELF PLEASE…IF YOU CANT HANDLE A MEMOIRS DUE TO YOUR LACK OF EXPOSURE, GO “F” YOUSELF.

    YOUR TYPE IS PROBABLY THE ONES THAT CRITISIZE NEPA WHEN TRAFFIC LIGHT WAS FIRST INTRODUCED TO NIGERIA SEEING IT AS A WASTE DUE TO YOUR IGNORANCE.

    THIS IS NOT A HISTORY CHANNEL FOR NOBS..OK.

  64. To all the dumb schmucks who have nothing positive to say. even if nobs was a nobody in school, the truth is whether you like it or not he is somebody now cos in youur not so smart brainless self you just added to raising his PR with all this dust and your comments smack of jealousy and envy.

    Every man/woman has the right to change his/her future and no person should be judged by their past. And yes I guess i was like nobs in school(secondary n uni) too but the truth is that don’t mean sh@~T right now. if you wanna see me like dat then its too your own detriment.

    i do not condone the lifestyle protrayed in the memoirs but for crying out loud appreciate the ability to weave a story and strings words together. you might not like the player but please don’t diss his game okay.

    p.s if you feel you can do better abeg start your own website and blog. Until then STFU and just read the memoirs KAPISH.

    @nobs abeg carry go.

  65. @ miami fan…poor darling,its not ur fault at all.You probably went to ESUT. Not to worry,i’ll DHL u a lil present. Its a book called dictions n spellings.u knw wat to do wit it ryt?

    Ps: try putting ‘d’ and ‘s’ nxt time ok…”suprise-d” & “construct-s”.
    Comprendes?

    1. @another irrtated reader, you are obviously very very lame, isn’t it so obvious to you. You have no points anymore and you decided to diss her spelling and grammar instead. Grow up mehn, you are obviously very immature upstairs regardless of your age. I pity those who associate with you. If you hate nobs’ life style so much then stop reading his memoir. Is he forcing you? you always come back here because you are so jobless and you love what you read and the attention. WHO CARES if he was a looser in school, you thought u were the thing back then, but guess what you are the looser because u never had the time to think of who u are while u were being invited to parties. If you have anymore problem, start you own memoir on “rebuttal to nobs’ memoir”. If not shut the fuck up and kindly kiss my ass.

    2. @ Another irritated reader….

      you are a bigger dummy than i thought…you dont know when to use present tense or past.
      i blame your folks for sending you to a cheap school.

      stick to facebook….i recommend!!!

  66. Nobs please quit posting these losers’ comments, they’re not worthy of any attention they seek from you or other readers of your blog. They’re obviously bitter about not having as great and fun of a life as you do now. They may have been superstars in UNEC (big whoop-de-doo to them), But are bored hasbeens now and have nothing better to do with their lives than to drudge up old classmates’ pasts.
    Irritated Readers and Shirls, like many have advised, please stick to facebook and avoid blogs meant for casual meaningless entertainment.
    Thanks! 🙂

  67. for those posting rather pissing comments, i would say you are still caught up in the past. everyone has a past. every one has the youthful days.
    now i’d tell you what i think. i got to speaking with noble 24-30hrs ago and i will tell the noble i know is an innovative thinker and reading the blog, can wind words together.

    finally i’d tell u abt noble to expect.. keep your ears open. you’d all eat your words. and noble if you are reading this, i stayed 5hrs to go through all the memoirs and decided to comment on the last. good stuff

  68. I don’t particularly like Noble but then, I don’t knw him. Only see him around wen I’m out but truth is, this is completely crazy. Been reading d blog posts but not d comments. Dare I say that most of the comments here r uncalled 4. What we were wen we were younger isn’t what we r now.
    If u live on d island, & hang out on d island, u’ll knw Noble isn’t telling fables. & no, he doesn’t have to hook-up with hookers.
    D blog is interesting & d idea is 4 u 2 come on here, read, smile or laugh then go away till d next wk. If u have a problem with d blog, don’t read it again. If a movie annoys me @ d cinema, I walk out.
    Lighten up people. You’re not d one living his life, he is.

  69. I’ve seen you a couple of times and can authoritatively say you are not all that but I like your dreams. The fact that your present is obviously better than your past is an indicator that it can only get better for you.

    But hey, don’t cramp d style of the likes of Tari on 360nobs with your sexcapades (real or not), that site can go places!

    Good read and pls stop the hating, I just came here to chill…

  70. Simple Questions… Y do u read HIS memoirs if u hate him? Y do u even bother 2 comment on his memoirs? Y do u follow him on twitter when u hv d option not 2? You make him more popular by ur comments and still say he is looking 4 cheap popularity… Y do u do all this if u don’t think he is above u?(Of course he is) Y do u leave ur comments if u 2 are nt looking 4 cheap popularity?(Buh u can’t get it cos popularity ain’t cheap) Y do u CARE? NOTE dat everybody who is somebody 2day started 4rm somewhere, OBAMA didn’t just wake up 2 become d president of America, we all hv our roots… What matters is not were u begin buh were u end… Ponder on dis haters… (NB, if e 2 pain u, start ur own blog)… God bless

  71. Funny as hell! @Nobs, keep it coming, fictional or not, this is a fantastic job ur doin…I always say sumn “Bad publicity, Good publicity, just make sure u spell my name right…fact is ur devoting attention to me :D”

  72. hahaha… i think there should be a poll up…some comments here are unnecessary. Just state if you’re proNobs (i.e, ur a fan and you want him to like you/notice you/do you) or conNobs (you’re a guy and you’re fucking jealous of the attention this used-to-be-nobody-getting-reg-sex is getting.

    Or you could be like me and get a life too. 😀

    Peace!

  73. See see see…I don’t know why ppl r coming here to be the protectors of these women….I am definitely not one to allow men degrade women…but the beauty of it is that…..if they were not cheap or loose or shameless or indifferent, we won’t still be hearing their names now…haba WEEK WS! Shirls has laptop/ internet cafe is not far! If she valued herself she wud have quit things since but no..she likes it..and I’m sure looks forward to the posts….nobs is worth it to her….

    U sha don’t see nobs speaking anyhow about ada so I dnt get what ur problem is….

    Sidepoint: abeg where is slim… (Ur wife that u haven’t proposed to yet)

    Na so shirls wan live her life, not my style but…….is it ur money????

  74. I need to come up with new and interesting stories regularly so people will notice me & not forget about my blog. Though most of the stories are made up & pure fiction, there are people who totally believe them which is the important thing cos the aim of this blog is popularity and money….lol.

    I never learnt to respect women so I dont want anyone telling me to respect them cos they are all the same & I can sleep with any one of them; slim, shirls, ada, biola, ivory….anyone i want, anytime……girls, always willing……

    more free women…..more…..more (pls the younger the better, no old keles abeg….16yrs-25yrs only….sweet…)
    you can call me pervert, anything you want….I dont care….

  75. Now do I think nob’s write ups r embellished? Well yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean its all lies. I read it because it is VERY entertaining. U guys ( d haters) make it sound like sex is a big deal. News flash, it’s not ! Eveybody’s f**king anybody these days. And the dimwits who think nobs writing bout his sexcapades and still getn some more from the same girls doesn’t add up shuld think again a little. I mean if nob’s blog is the closest they’d ever come to being famous, I don’t think they have a problem with the that. And those talking bout how he used to be a loser and all that are just pathetic. What has that got to do with anything now? So he used to be a loser…big deal…now he’s making it…isn’t that the definition of success? Y’all sound like your disappointed he’s moved up. And to nobs… dissing fat chicks…dats just low. Fat girls have crushing egos u know. I think u shuld keep d fat-girl-bashing for when u hanging with ur boys. To cut a long rant short…if u think noble and those of us who find his blog entertaining are shallow…well we agree. R u Ok? Gud. Now crawl back into whatever whole u came out from and GO FUCK YOURSELF!

  76. Well, i find it amazing for pple to come to social networks as this to abuse each other and also do supporters club. Please y’all get a breather.

  77. Like i said b4 all the island / mainland talks mean absolutely nothing! Shikena! If you are a tenant on the island, u aint anything outta d ordinary. nobody ever is, depends on ur outlook on the real essence of life.

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