MEMOIRS OF A SLU..SHHKID: WK13

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Should we still be introducing this with the rules to read by here?

Wednesday, August 4th 2010

Dear Diary

3.00pm
I got thinking about my life and how I’ve neglected certain people that mean a lot to me.

Biola no longer calls, BBM and not even text. I have a feeling the “Slim/Aunty” thing really got to her. I’ve tried to reach her but she wouldn’t return my calls, text and BBMs.

Biola if you ever get to read this, ‘Please get in touch and let me know that you are okay’.

Slim got involved in some new business and we’ve not been able to see even though we’ve given a new meaning to “late night Blackberry bolding” only once in a while sha.  Slim also studies during the weekend. I miss our Ice cream factory dates.

I’ve been totally unfair to Ada. I’ve not called her and I’m yet to give her an answer as per the Ghana Trip. A part of me loves Ada and I don’t think Mrs. Ada Igwe is a bad surname.  I made up my mind to call her sometime later in the week to ask her about school and things but I guess the devil was out to show me as “bad” As i had just finished a meeting when my phone rang and the screen displayed “Ada”

Nobs: Hey love
Ada: Nkem, kedu?
Nobs: Odimna
Ada: I’m not happy with you ooo
Nobs: I’m sorry
Ada: Why haven’t you called?
Nobs: I’ve been busy, Nne.  I’ve been trying to make money for us.
Ada: I don’t need your money. I just want you to always be there for me.
Nobs: Hmmm…
Ada: Hmmm what?
Nobs: You are just different. That’s all.
Ada: I have told you to stop comparing me with all those your “oku enu” Lagos girls.
Nobs: I wasn’t comparing, Nne
Ada: Obi’m, I hope you’ve been feeding well.
Nobs: Yes, my love.
Ada: I hope you’ve not been eating outside
Nobs: Erm, sometimes I eat at Javenik but that can not be referred to “outside” na.
Ada: If you say so. When was the last time you ate Akpu?
Nobs: Otego. It ‘s been a while sha
Ada: I want to send you Akpu through Chisco on Saturday.
Nobs: Are you serious? You don’t have to stress yourself and I may be going to Port Harcourt too.
Ada: Oh, should I send it Friday or better still send it to Port Harcourt?
Nobs: No, Port won’t work. I’ll be flying and I don’t think I would like to be checking-in Akpu and all that.
Ada: Okay, Nna. I’ll send it next week.
Nobs: Okay that would be better
Ada: Buzor, be calling me oo. You know you work and I don’t.
Nobs: Nne, I’m sorry. I promise to change
Ada: Stop saying “You are sorry”. I’m not that angry.
Nobs: I’m sorry regardless
Ada: Be careful in Port Harcourt ooooo and remember your promise.
Nobs: I’m a changed person.
Ada: I always pray for the two of us.
Nobs: Thank you, Nne.
Ada: Okay, Take care of you for me.
Nobs: Would do. My regards to your family
Ada: Bye, bye
Nobs: Be good.

Ada is really different from all the ‘girls/babes/keles/ladies’ that I’ve known and if she should spend quality time watching E and chilling at the Galleria it won’t be difficult for her to pick up the required fashion know-how.
I’ve been advised by several people to get serious with her and even get married to her, at least she won’t request for some Tiffany engagement/wedding ring or an Adebayo Jones wedding gown but then women change especially after marriage.
I considered inviting her to Port Harcourt for the wedding I may be attending but changed my mind. Nobody takes sand to the beach.

Friday, August 6th 2010

Dear Diary,

5.00pm
30 minutes more and I’ll own my weekend. I love Fridays and I’ve planned to maybe stay in today, as SLU…shhkid has to rest small, abi……scratch that….why else would they say live life to the fullest?…abeg jor….No rest for me except the day the Lord proclaims.  🙂

I was counting down the mins to get out of the  office when this message came in from Shirls-“Nobs, Please call me”

Nobs: Yo, Warrido?
Shirls: I’m good, you?
Nobs: I’m okay.
Shirls: What’s the plan?
Nobs: I’m leaving the office in a bit for ‘lere.
Shirls: What’s happening in ‘lere?
Nobs: My friend’s late father’s service of songs.
Shirls: What time will it be over?
Nobs: Maybe 8ishh…..I don’t know yet.
Shirls: Will you come get me?
Nobs: I’ll buzz you.

6.12pm-Surulere (‘lere)
Stopped over in ‘lere for Maddy’s father’s service of songs .

8.00pm
I got to the Island. Stopped over at the galleria to grab popcorn before heading home. I was walking out when the text came in from Shirls-“I’m on my way to your house” and I replied “Please meet me at the galleria”.
Shirls came but said she was not in the mood to go out and as such would refer to wait for me at home. I tried to convince her otherwise but she wouldn’t change her mind.  She dropped me off at Yellow chili and went home with the car. Few minutes later I got another text message from her-“Save some energy, in your bed with nothing on”. I thought about going home but changed my mind cos I had already promised Mrs. LP that I would be coming through to Marquee for her husband’s birthday celebrations.

11.08pm-Marquee
Headed out to Marquee with Olams. Chilled with Mrs. LP’s vey serious friends. Sexy lawyer came through with her cousin and a friend.  On my way to the gents, I met Ms O who was been entertained by a certain Lady in blue dress. She was dancing like they paid her and because she didn’t want anybody to copy her steps; she was dancing off beat to confuse people and yes, she got me confused.

3.00am
We left Marquee.  Stopped over at “Milo last kid standing” set (Rehab) and believe me, we couldn’t spend up to 3 minutes there. I saw kids way below 18 years old.

3.16am
When I got home, Shirls was burning 13 scented candles and that was the only cue I needed to set things in motion.

I went to the fridge and got some ice cubes.
Came back to the room and went under the sheet..
I started kissing her with the ice cube in my mouth…
Holding the ice cube with my lips, I moved my lips down to her belly button…
With both hands on each b**bs I moved the ice up and down her stomach with her body longing for more…
I drew a line on her thighs with my right finger and I felt her fingers dug into my skin..
I moved my lips below her belly button and it became too graphic for my memoirs (I can continue if you ask for more details).

NOTE: Please don’t judge my memoirs, i’m only trying to LIVE long as reported by Akeem Lasisi in The PUNCH newspaper on Friday.


Saturday, August 7th 2010

Dear Diary,

9.00am
Woke up with Shirls sleeping on my chest.
My flight was for 11.40am so I headed for the bathroom while Shirls headed for the kitchen to prepare breakfast for us.

2.00pm-Port Harcourt
Got to Port Harcourt, got picked up by my brother in-law (Ned), checked into my hotel and headed out to the reception hall.  At the reception three things stood out

(1)    Not many are blessed with an ASS

(2)    Some are blessed with Moderate ASS

(3)    While some will make you say, Choi!!!!

8.00pm
Got picked by a friend and we headed out to Best Bite Bar to bite some bottles of beer and fish pepper soup.

11.00pm
Went to PH Lounge for a friend’s birthday and returned back to my hotel room ALONE.

Sunday 8th August 2010

Dear Diary,

My flight was booked for 5.30pm and as a result I had the whole day to sleep. I was sleeping when the BBM message came in.

Lyn: Hey, Just got your message. Are you still in PH?
Nobs: Yup
Lyn: Send me your hotel address
Nobs: cool
Lyn: Promise you won’t touch me
Nobs: I swear. I won’t touch you with my hands.

Few hours later Lyn showed up and Okafor’s law took over.

5.00pm
Got to the airport for my flight, bribed the lady at the counter to put me in-between two pretty ladies. Just as the flight was about to take off, they brought out their bibles and because of my belief in God I decided to sleep through the flight.

8.00pm-Lagos
Got to Gidi, stopped over at Base Lounge to show my face and support Tari and went home to write.
Just because you’ve been part of my life, here’s something I got from a friend. No disrespect to the tribe mentioned.

  nig_people.mp3 (2.2 MiB, 2,380 hits)

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

44 comments

  1. Wow…wow heard about your blog and read it all through the weekend.. its very engaging, witty and funny.

    I really love Ada i think you should marry her. That’s someone with substance… you dont find that very often.

    LMAO at the sex with shirls.. am really trying to imagine ‘holding the ice cubes with your lips or did you freeze your lips? Am not criticising you am just curious.

    p.s i need more details…

    am really surprised you and shirls would last this long could have sworn that was a one night stand!

    btw slow weekend but nice

  2. Hmmm….I really like Ada but women change..Biola should be very angry for that stunt you pulled last two weeks…newais…seems u like slim…y haven’t u told her yet?
    Newais…nice memoirs..just started reading them last week..had to read from week one…keep it up…
    And easy on d sex…

  3. Lolllllzzzz @ been stuck between two pretty ladies reading bibles. You probably just missed ur single chance to be saved…and seriously only a pretty born-again preacher lady fit save you! Nice one bruv!!

  4. Lol @ d ‘yansh’ pictures! I wonder how u do these without getting caught *smh*

    And Ada is such a sweet, innocent girl…..you’ll do well to think seriously about her oooo, u can ‘tush’ her up na

    You seem to like Shirls too……she has become more regular than just a kele….

    *deep sigh* do & pick one abeg, make we come chop wedding rice 🙂

    Another nice piece, as usual…..cheers

  5. Ok…Noble, i had to comment again. WTF in God’s name was that uploaded phone call about….naija girls no dey cease to amaze mehn. Am speechless!!

  6. Ada is a keeper alright, just as long as her eyes no tear oh.
    I like shirls.. Hehehehehe.
    What about Biola.
    Don’t let karma bitch slap you oh!!
    Nice read as always…

  7. mr igwe is bck with his usual trick…easy on all d loving oo…mrs lp has to be lami phillips..well i enjoyd dis post

  8. “Milo last kid standing” set (Rehab) HAHAHAHA!!
    U are just a clown!!!

    I like Ada, you do too.., I’m scared her eyes will open if she comes to Lagos,
    Like how it is in the 9ja movies..,

    You like shirl too.., SMH

    Noble Igweeeeeee I wanna eat parry rice and wedding cake!

  9. Nobs, pls leave Ada alone. she’s not ur type and you know it. dont take away her innocence just cos u want to get with wat she reps…innocence and ignorance. by the way i think u tell tall tales. half of ur memoir is good fable and just plain juvenile….but all thesame, very entertaining…u should write a book…:)

  10. nice! then u’ve got one hell of a interesting but messed up life. personally, im gunning for slim…i like the girl. about ada, what she’s showing might not be wats inside. but in ur quest to find out, pls leave her intact.

  11. i think ada is d best bet cos all dis lagos girls ehen…and am sure ada does nt v access to dis ur memoir if not i knw sey she for don leave u tey tey!!! its obvious u like ada just b careful…p.s i dont think she’s gonna change when u brush her up she wld just b grateful.

  12. @Mimi,
    thanks oooooooooo
    @Dramaqueen
    Erm i like her but i really don’t like virgins sha.
    I like being “taught”
    N

  13. Nobs….ada wouldn’t work for u in d long run cz u know she alredi has the potentials to spoil! Don’t bother to soil ur luck k?do d right thing for u life. Safe!!!

  14. ROTFLMTBO! Nobs, ba…………d guy(a lovable one all the same)! So this is what you came to Port to do abi? I’v been reading for ages but decided to comment this time. I’m still vexed we didn’t see during your PHC sojourn, but man proposes abi?

  15. Nobs, you’re a mess for that phone call. LMAO. Where they do that at? Haha. I’m rooting for Slim all the way. Sexy, sophisticated and successful. Everything in one package. VOTE FOR SLIM. Haha. #Okbye.

  16. what has being an adult got to do with making up stories…everyone lies at some point. Entertaining but fiction. Nice.

  17. Dude,

    When u eventually get married i hope u know 90% of the attendees will be from this blog!!! I hope 1/2 of them dont jump up when its time for “who doesnt agree”! part. Keep chopping life jare

  18. well, well, u finally get my comment, write a book . it will be nice.As for details hmmmm . A little too unrealistic for me but who am i… lol. Ada and all the other sorry losers i feel so sorry for cause ur type will pick someone out of nowhere to marry. Good article wink!!!

  19. i don’t think its fiction cuz it seems so real and as nobs says why would he lie about stuffs like this wat does he stand to gain??? well mayb alot of readers sha bt really it makes not sense lying….and incase u want to start sayin shit…go read the RULES!!!!

  20. LMAO at that recording! Bad girls give good girls bad name! Jisus!

    Ada is a keeper! But maybe you are too blind to see that. but kindly leave her alone if you have no GOOD plan for her 🙂 My own two cents!

  21. can i have the calabar gals number on a serz thats good entertainment for when i hit calabar….

    I was in ph last week two weeks ago for a job test stuck in ma hotel room went out to buy a cig saw to gals chatted them up invited them to my hotel they blew me off but we chatted for a while…. got back to my room and five minues later a call from reception …. my liver cut but as a randy savage lol i just managed a bj………… any one doubting nobs stories shkd no that everything hes said so far is freaking possible and do happen
    peace

  22. U r such a creative writer,dis is my first tym readin ur memoir..started from week 1 n I jus had to comment here…u v to publish dis ish o! I think shirls is d 1…ada eye go dey chok if she come gidi..btw I nid details 😉

  23. Ok i’ve spent the whole day reading ur memoirs…to say ur life is interesting, is an understatement! You should totally write a novel…but are these stories true? WTH who cares really? jst keep the memoirs coming, loving every bit of it.

    Ermmm this ur recording is pretty funny too…x

  24. I need to come up with new and interesting stories regularly so people will notice me & not forget about my blog. Though some of the stories are made up & pure fiction, there are people who totally believe them which is the important thing cos the aim of this blog is popularity and money….lol.

    I never learnt to respect women so I dont want anyone telling me to respect them cos they are all the same & I can sleep with any one of them; slim, shirls, ada, biola, ivory….anyone i want, anytime……girls, always willing……

    more free women…..more…..more (pls the younger the better, no old keles abeg….16yrs-25yrs only….sweet…)
    you can call me pervert, anything you want….I dont care….

  25. (MARKED AS SPAM… pls ignore)I need to come up with new and interesting stories regularly so people will notice me & not forget about my blog. Though most of the stories are made up & pure fiction, there are people who totally believe them which is the important thing cos the aim of this blog is popularity and money….lol.

    I never learnt to respect women so I dont want anyone telling me to respect them cos they are all the same & I can sleep with any one of them; slim, shirls, ada, biola, ivory….anyone i want, anytime……girls, always willing……

    more free women…..more…..more (pls the younger the better, no old keles abeg….16yrs-25yrs only….sweet…)
    you can call me pervert, anything you want….I dont care….

  26. Hmmmnn..gotta see u’r in contention for 1 of my Role models..love ur Memoirs..tho’ I believe u dey add small salt sometimes but keep up d good work!!!

  27. I wish i could underline where you said “a part of me ‘loves’ Ada”. That came from your heart. Anyway, let me keep reading.

  28. For a short not §☺ hawt guy i tink ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ get 2mch attention,§☺ i guess 9ja gurls ª̳͡Rε̲̣̣̣ now starved,cos dis anytin or any1 will do memtality i cnt understand! Dre is a generality of women who will not touch ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ or let ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ touch dem wit a 10ft pole! Rmemba dat

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