Double Entendre.

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When somebody asks me a question I give them the answer – at least I try. So I have never understood why it is hard for people to do same. You know how people can get… they say one thing, but mean your another.

The other day a long time friend came over to visit. I have known her for five years, and in all that time, I have let her know at every turn how much I fancied her.  For a long time I had planned our first night together, but being in school, and then youth service, plus living with my folks didn’t leave much chance of this happening. Finally I got a job, got a place of my own and I was ready to play host! But I had to do a couple of test runs first.

The modus operandi was the same: Invite a girl over, make her dinner, watch a movie, then make ‘The Move’ halfway through the movie. Now ‘The Move’ is tried and tested. For some odd reason, I find the temperature drops if you are ‘engrossed’ in a movie. The litmus test is when she asks for the bathroom because she needs to pee. When she returns, give her 5minutes, then offer her your shoulder to prop her head. The moment she does that, you are so in there!

Now my apartment has only the barest of furnishings: A carpet, a 42 inch plasma tv, a home theatre entertainment system, a PS2 console… finish. I have no seats because in my experience, they hinder more than help. How? When you start making out on a sofa, she’s willing and even urging you on, but the moment you want to move from the cramped sofa to a more comfortable place – the floor for example – she gets all self conscious and that ruins the mood. But seeing as you are starting on the floor, the only place to go is… full stretch.

I digress…

So finally she agreed to visit and I was excited. To impress her I bought all the ingredients but did not start making dinner until she arrived. While making dinner I had a need to get something from my bedroom and was shocked to find the door locked. Each room has its own bathroom and she was taking her bath. Each bathroom has its own door, so forgive me for wondering why she felt a need to lock the bedroom door when she could easily have locked the bathroom door.

Then we had dinner. After dinner we retired to the bedroom where she pulled out her bible and read some verses – maybe even a whole chapter. See, I am not a very religious person, but I believe in the existence of One greater than me and I would not mess with anybody reading the bible. Through the night I made a conscious effort to not stray beyond my half of the bed, and in the morning I woke up early to make breakfast.

She left that afternoon and I went to drop her off at the bus station where she wouldn’t let me pay her fare. Her reason? She said she could not understand coming all the way from Benin to see me and I was acting up!!! That there threw me. It was days later when I was speaking with a friend of mine that he asked if I ‘strafed’ her. When I said no he asked what I was thinking.

So when you see me walking about with a backpack, that is not me making a fashion statement. If you look in the backpack you will find a thesaurus. For how else can you communicate with a woman when she says one thing, but means another?

Franque

Franque

"Franque is in aviation, which by the way is not his job, just a lifestyle. If he ever kept a diary it would read like his articles will. Unfortunately he doesn't. Scratch that. He didn't.AIRtiquette is a walk in his shoes. Since regular isn't in his vocabulary, brace yourself for a bit of airwalking!" Follow @franque_521 on twitter.

13 comments

  1. Once again, thanx guys. I am flattered by your fine words. If readin these give u that much joy, y not invite ur friends too? Let’s build a 360nobs.com followin..
    Again, thanxx guys

  2. Oh my friggin goodness! Okay, this is my favourite thus far. My dear, I don’t blame you. If she locked the bedroom door and pulled out a bible, what were you supposed to think? Perhaps she truly did not want to do anything but the fact that you made no advances embarrassed her. She had probably rehearsed a “no, please, I don’t want” speech and was waiting for you to make a move. LOL! Women, we are indeed interesting beings.

  3. as a woman,,i can confirm…we had some complex….loool!! usually whn we say no..it means yes…hahaha…dnt mind us!! lool u guyz cant guess t tho..so berra start asking!! loool

    Twas funny!!

  4. lol working around with a thesaurus. So Franque,lemme get this straight,d only rsn u dont av chairs in ur house s so conquests can be made easily.nice one tho.n its so nt fair dt u av to be ds gud making me stay up late at nite jst to finish ur articles cos i jst discovered u.

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